Tag: mental-health

True to Life

Saturday morning in the Lost Apartment and all is well, at least so far. Yesterday was gorgeous; sunny with some cloud cover, low seventies and no humidity. It’s nice to remember, once again, that going outside isn’t always hellish here in New Orleans. I slept a bit late and feel better physically this morning than I have all week, which is marvelous. Paul had been terribly sick before I went to Baton Rouge last weekend, and this week I had a much milder version of whatever crud he had. DayQuil kept it under control for the most part, but this morning I feel ever so much better and am glad that it’s on the way out. I didn’t do much of anything this week other than tale DayQuil, blow my nose, and joyscroll social media, but reality is beginning to take over for the euphoria again and I have things to get back to work on. There’s a lot of excellent college football today, anchored by LSU-Alabama at 2:30, and there are some other key match-ups today, notably Georgia-Mississippi and Kentucky-Tennessee (among others) so I will probably spend a lot of time in my chair with the games on. I also am going to dip into and out of She Kills by Skip Hollandsworth, while also beginning a revisit of In Cold Blood for Nonfiction November.

Yesterday was pleasant. I got a lot of chores done around here after work, we took Sparky to the vet, and had a nice relaxing, low key day. I watched this week’s reality shows (why is Real Housewives of Orange County still on the air?), and we also started watching the new season of Black Doves, in which Ben Whishaw continues to kill it. Today I am going to just stick around the house and have a low-key kind of day; football games and reading and probably picking up stuff, having stuff delivered, and trying to get the house back under control as well as getting some rest so I can get back to writing tomorrow. I”m going to make a grocery run tomorrow morning, and have some things delivered today so I can make dinner later.

Exciting, am I not?

I also want to work on a newsletter. After the election, I was too caught up in afterglow and possibility that I couldn’t focus on anything else. They’re still counting in both Mississippi and Alaska, and I am really hoping for that wretched Klan bitch Cindy Hyde-Smith to get the karmic bitchslap she so richly deserves. I have several that are close to fruition; one about my short story in Unloaded 3, soon to be released and, I think, only my second publication this year; one about A Streetcar Named Murder; and another in my series about masculinity. I also have some short stories I need to get back to work on, and of course, I need to get back to the book. It is sort of disheartening to know the week was a bust for writing for the most part, but election euphoria and whatever this crud I’ve been fighting off all week had a lot to do with it. At least I didn’t fall behind on my day job duties, thank you Lord and pass the ammunition. I will probably do a lot of scribbling in my journal today, too. I also need to do some other chores around here, too–and honestly don’t feel like doing a fucking thing, which is also an option. It looks to be a gorgeous day outside, so maybe I can take a walk later and get started on building up my stamina again…and I do need to update the to-do diary.

As you can see, all kinds of things for me to get going on today!

There really isn’t much going on to report on, in all honesty. Like I have said repeatedly, I am still in a euphoric state of bliss that started Tuesday night and is only now beginning to wear off. Reading some will help, without question; I am very pleased with how much I read in October; and am looking forward to this nonfiction palate cleanser. I also need to make a grocery list and order some things to be delivered. Getting the apartment cleaned up will help, too. They are dishes to unload, too. One thing I have managed to do lately is get files cleaned up while I am watching things on television.

And on that note, I am going to get cleaned up and get moving on my day. The walk isn’t going to walk itself, and the apartment isn’t going to clean itself, either. Have a great day, Constant Reader, and I will check back in with you again tomorrow morning, okay? GEAUX TIGERS!!

Those legs….

The Space Between

Friday and I have a meeting this morning, so it is not, after all, a work-at-home Friday completely; I am ust going in for the meeting before I come home to do some work. Sparky also has to go to the vet this afternoon, so he can’t eat this morning, which isn’t going very well. (It’ll be worse when I get home from the office. “What do you MEAN no breakfast? What do you mean you left and came back and it’s not dinner time?” Sigh. He’s whimpering under my desk right now, and I get it totally; I hate not being able to eat something when I am hungry and it’s my usual time to eat. Sigh.

I’m still basking in the afterglow from Tuesday, just waiting for the Democrats to officially win Mississippi and Alaska now, and even if the fascists hold those two seats, it won’t matter1. Soon, the Republicans and Fox are going to pretend they were never MAGA and will try to distance themselves from this entire anti-American movement, and this cannot happen this time. We allowed them to move on from January 6th, which should have ended the entire thing. There’s also no doubt that the Democrats, particularly if led by Schumer and Jeffries, can easily fumble this opportunity. But all the right-wingers who might run in 2028 are uncharismatic and not very well-liked across the board; they’d be better off getting a governor from a red state that no one has ever heard of–much like the Democrats brought in an outsider after Watergate, which is how we got Jimmy Carter. But…they never really do the smart thing, do they? Either side? I’ll never forgive the DNC for not helping Louisiana, Florida or Mississippi flip; which all three could have done easily. Both Louisiana and Florida were a point or less from understanding the assignment.

Howard Dean should have never been let go from party leadership after the massive blue shift in 2008. The way the national party has abandoned the South since then has been positively shameful; is it any wonder there’s voter apathy down here when the national party has basically said, “oh, well, you’re on your own, we can’t win there.” Scott Colom’s winning campaign, as well as the close ones Angie Nixon and Jamie Davis ran, beg to differ. This absolute failure of party leadership should end with every leader stepping aside for fresh blood; the people do not want the same-old, same-old. I don’t trust either Schumer or Jeffries, in all honesty. I’d love to be proved wrong, but…I sincerely doubt that will happen.

Bliss.

I am planning on enjoying this through the weekend, for the record; Monday I’ll come down from my cloud and face the world again. But, for now, I’m going to enjoy knowing that Russell Brand is going to jail; the Tate Brothers will never see freedom again, and the country is bouncing back. This is what I’ve been waiting for ever since the golden escalator, and it is beyond time for it to have happened. The cybertruck is also dead, this morning, and and the AI bubble is bursting.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. May your Friday be as marvelous as you are, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back in the morning.

The Byzantine horses, stolen from Constantinople by the Venetians during the 4th Crusade, when they sacked the capital of the last vertige of the Roman Empire.

  1. There are so many delightful karma stories, too–Cindy Hyde-Smith, aka as a Scooby Doo villain, had blocked Scott Colom’s appointment as an appellate court justice, so now he is taking her seat in the Senate. Now she can focus on attending lynchings and cross-burnings while brewing up some ‘shine back in her rancid holler. ↩︎

To Turn You On

Thursday and not my last day in the office for the week; I have a meeting tomorrow morning and I am also going to put some hours in at the office once it is over. Sparky is going to the vet tomorrow afternoon, too–huzzah for trimming his nails–but I plan to spend the weekend getting caught up on overdue chores. I didn’t get much done yesterday, as I was tired from staying up too late watching the glorious election returns on Tuesday night, only to wake up to even better news yesterday morning. So, yesterday I spent the day joy-scrolling and replying to MAGA tears with one of those photos of a lovely MAGA couple in their Fuck Your Feelings shirts. Because yes, I am petty and yes, these people need to be fucking trolled off the Internet. That’s me–my drag name would be Petty Davis.

Apparently the “fuck your feelings” people are *checks notes* having a lot of feelings this morning. Who knew MAGA tears were even more delicious than liberal ones? Me, I did, I knew, it was me.

I was worn out yesterday–not just from staying up later than I should have, but from the emotional release. It’s been ten fucking years of existential dread, like an albatross around my neck, and I feel like a weight has been lifted…this feels like 2006, Obama’s election, and Biden’s win times 100. I am sure they are all frantically pointing fingers at each other and tossing around a lot of blame, particularly at the Heritage Foundation and the Federalist Society (sewer princess Meghan McCain is already backpedaling away from MAGA at light speed, for one example), and it may take awhile before the new obstructionist battle plan is in place for them all to parrot without thinking, so this brief respite has been marvelous–as is their complete meltdown. I always thought Fox and others of that ilk were craven manipulators and liars who didn’t believe anything they said; but in the last couple of days I’m starting to think some of them might have actually drank the Flavor-Ade1, too–to which I can only say good, I hope it’s excruciatingly painful for you.

No more pretending about the majority of Americans being MAGA. No more pretending these hateful and destructive policies either work or are popular. No more crowd size boasts.

Finally, the God-Emperor has no clothes.

And I am glad he is still alive. I want him to go on living, alone, lonely and hated and his ego destroyed, knowing he was a complete and utter failure at his entire life. But he got his wish: he will probably be one of the most famous and studied presidents in US History…just not the way he wanted.

Your grave will be a urinal, sir. I hope I live long enough to use it as such.

I don’t think I am going to get a lot done this week, honestly. While I do feel like I am finally breathing fresh air again, I am emotionally drained and exhausted–yet need to rest to be ready to get back to work on the next Louisiana election cycle–I believe we can kick Klandry out of the governor’s mansion, and I think we can ditch the bitch Attorney General as well. FAFO, Louisiana MAGA. And there are so many great games on Saturday, I have to break my routine and come to the office tomorrow, so that day is already messed up for me anyway. I did make some groceries on the way home last night, and have an errand or two on the way home tonight. I did make some progress on the disaster area that is the apartment, and while I am sure I’ll be too tired to do much of anything once I get home this evening, I am going to try to do some things. Sparky also has to go to the vet for his annual check-up and razor-blade trim, and of course it’s bed linen day. I think I am probably just going to make my own way this weekend, and re-center and recalibrate Sunday morning.

One last thing: COME ON MISSISSIPPI!

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Thursday, Constant Reader, and isn’t it marvelous knowing we aren’t waking up to another new fresher hell every morning? Woo-hoo! And see you tomorrow morning!

  1. One of my biggest factual irritations is “drinking the Kool-Ade.” Jones was too cheap and used Flavor-Ade to save a couple of cents per package. I think that detail is both important and telling. ↩︎

Avalon

Well, well, well, what a morning in the United States this is! All day yesterday I was tense, in spite of the medications, and coudn’t really focus on anything beyond doing my job. I ran an errand on the way home from work–my injection had arrived–and once I was home, I walked over to the school to do my civic duty, and walked home, satisfied that I had participated. By the time I turned the television on, Jon Ossoff’s reelection had already been called–quite decisively–and once again, I became mesmerized by the process of the returns coming in. The Democrats had retaken both houses of Congress before I went to bed, and the landslide the polls had been promising and I didn’t get my hopes up over was coming true. The country decisively beat down fascism at the ballot box, and I am cautiously hopeful this morning that this is indeed the end of MAGA–Democrats winning in Kansas? South Carolina? Iowa? Maybe Mississippi and Maine, too? I’m going to enjoy this for a few days before fretting some more. What a night, right? SO many frights finally gone from Congress–and while the evil and corrupt Julia Letlow did win in Louisiana, it was close enough to throw a scare into Louisiana MAGA–and maybe if THE FUCKING NATIONAL PARTY HAD INVESTED IN LOUISIANA WE COULD HAVE WON HERE, TOO.

They write the South off so completely, every fucking time. Southern Democrats don’t turn out because they don’t have a reason to–and what a fucking smiting this could have been. But again, I am just going to enjoy this for a few days before settling down again. I actually have hopes we can throw Kennedy out the next time around, and Klandry might not get a second term. STAND FAST LOUISIANA.

And somehow, it’s Wednesday-pay-the-bills-day again, and maybe now we can have a respite from elections and campaigns? 2028 is going to be a fucking nightmare, too. Can we block another fucking MAGA president? I don’t see any MAGA with any kind of charisma anywhere, so maybe they’ll nominate another Dole or Romney. Ted Cruz will probably try again–although there’s also a very strong chance he won’t get reelected, either.

It’s nice to be hopeful about the country again, rather than dreading getting on-line every morning.

Whomever decided to get Jude Bellingham to do Calvin Klein underwear ads needs a raise and a promotion. I enjoyed him during the World Cup, thought he was charismatic and attractive, but damn, that man is a work of art. May I also recommend perhaps some gymnasts and divers while we’re at it? Calvin Klein really missed out back in the day not having Greg Louganis model for them.

Data centers also went down to defeat all over the country; even my old county, Lyon, voted against one that was going to be near Emporia. I also can’t get over Kansas electing a Democrat! And yes, I am trying to figure out how to use the data centers and the spaceport and everything crammed into a Scotty novel.

Why are people shocked that Kate Gosselin is a monster? I have never been interested in the lives of the overly fertile, in all honesty, and always look at these parents with a raised eyebrow and a bit of a curled lip. The Gosselins, while not as horrific as the Duggar perverts, were pretty fucking awful. I never watched a single episode of either show, but alas, have been trapped into seeing clips on commercials or on video discussing how fucking weird they all are. My primary takeaway from the Gosselins was that Kate was a hateful, mean-spirited bitch who couldn’t say anything nice unless she was getting a check for it. I kept wondering when her husband would get some self-esteem and walk away from that harpy–and nothing I’ve learned about her in the times since she first forced onto my radar without my consent has changed that original opinion. She’s a monster who should have never had children, never should have married, and most definitely shouldn’t have had a reality show…it always seemed to me like she saw her kids as her meal ticket, which is repugnant.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and pamper yourselves. We deserve it after the hellscape of the last ten years! And I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow morning, okay? See you then!

This image shows the historic old general store and railway stop in Lettsworth, Louisiana, located along Louisiana Highway 1 near the railroad tracks, which also features a historical marker dedicated to blues legend George “Buddy” Guy, who was born in the community on July 30, 1936

While My Heart Is Still Beating

I left work early yesterday because I felt something coming on, and thought it best to come home to try to get ahead of it. Some OTC meds later and I felt much better; so am going to take some of those with me in case, and will mask when I have clients. After work I am going to vote, walking the two blocks to the International School to once again hopefully vote for change in Louisiana. I am cautiously optimistic and not getting my hopes up–this country’s voters have disappointed me too many times in the last twenty-six years to feel confident about anything. The media’s devotion to polling, which has been wrong more than it’s been right this century, really needs to be studied. Somehow everyone has also seemed to have forgotten Nate Silver’s bullshit, and his ass is being treated as reliable again for some reason I don’t know and will probably never understand. And since we have arrived on election day at long last, can we please have a respite from campaigns and money requests for a day or two? I won’t know how this all comes out until tomorrow morning, probably, and depending on what happens will have an impact on my day on Wednesday. I just hope it’s not another hellish J-6 situation…or worse. I will be voting tonight after I get home from work.

I feel much better this morning, thank you for your concern. I brought the DayQuil with me, and yes, I’ll be masking around my clients and co-workers; I don’t want to be Typhoid Greg. I feel fine–no coughing or crud or anything–but better safe than sorry. I’m glad I feel better, and when you have an autoimmune disorder it’s always a bit concerning when you don’t feel well. But I am thinking the heavy rain over the weekend sent my sinuses into overdrive and it all built up until yesterday morning and me feeling like shit. I still have a bit of a tickle in my throat, but I also think that’s from the post-nasal sinus thing.

Sparky doesn’t know the time changed, so he’s trying to wake me up at five every morning, the dear little thing. I don’t get up, of course, but he gets really insistent now when the alarm goes off, so snooze is currently a thing of the past, or at least until his body clock gets reset, and who knows when that will be? He also thought it was dinner time when I got home from work early, so of course, that was a bit of a hassle. He did cuddle in my lap for a while, but when the meds kicked in, he was gone. I did manage to do some chores when I was feeling better, and I made chicken noodle soup for dinner, which also made me feel much better. We started watching a Spanish language show on Netflix, Fate, which is about a cab driver whom a bullfighter decides is his good luck charm, and gets hired on to drive him–but it has to be the cab. It looks interesting, there are only six episodes, and they appear to all be about a half an hour per. Some other shows we like are coming back this week, too, and of course, I have those Friday the 13th the Series DVD’s. There is also a lot of good football this weekend: Missouri-Texas, LSU-Alabama, Ohio State-Oregon, Miami-Notre Dame, Mississippi-Georgia, South Carolina-A&M, and Florida-Oklahoma, so that should make for a tense but fun day. The Saints are also playing on Saturday. I have to come into the office Friday morning for a department meeting, and I’ll probably put a few more hours in while I am here before departing for the day and starting my weekend. I want and need to get back into writing more this week, after not really doing much the last few weeks other than editing, and I also need to find a place to send my story that I wrote for the Bouchercon anthology when I had the deadline incorrect.

A new newsletter went out yesterday; (in which I discuss Tananarive Due’s terrific Mazywood) click on the parenthetical if you’d like to read it.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Hope you have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning…I’m almost afraid to go to bed tonight because of what tomorrow may bring, but it will have to be faced at some point. Sigh. Till then.

A recent Playgirl Man of the Month, but won’t get banned by the censors. I plan to write about Playgirl someday for the newsletter.

More Than This

Monday and back to the office with me today. Lovely lazy day just recuperating and laying around, doing things when I felt like it, and basically just had a marvelous time being lazy and resting without feeling any guilt, and did feel worn out all day, like my batteries needed recharging. We had an early dinner with friends I’d not seen in almost a decade, if not more–which was marvelous. Paul is in the final stages of whatever crud he had last week, which is an enormous relief, of course. Yesterday just thinking about getting up this morning and my end of the month duties at the office and had no concept of having the energy to do everything–but this morning I feel rested, awake and alert, which is a very good thing. Yesterday was also the first day of Nonfiction November; so I read the introduction and forward to She Kills by Skip Hollandsworth (I keep wanting to write Hollingsworth!), which whetted my appetite to dive into it some more. I also need to get back to work on writing. I plan on working on a short story every week as well as a chapter of the book; it’s ambitious, of course, and probably overly so, but that’s fine. I don’t berate myself anymore when I don’t deliver on my own plans. I’m also disappointed with myself for not getting pictures of Halloween decorations around the city again this year, but…the weather has changed now, so I can start taking my walks in the evenings and mornings of the weekend to try to get my stamina built back up again so I can walk to the gym. I did get my headphones synced with my phone over the weekend, so I can either listen to books, podcasts, or music while I am walking and/or lifting weights, which would be absolutely awesome.

I was saddened, as so many others were, by the death of Sir Patrick Stewart, a brilliant actor and a longtime queer ally. One of my favorite Stewart performances will always be his supporting turn in Jeffrey, a rom-com-in-the-time-of-AIDS movie; he literally stole the film right out from under his co-stars effortlessly. After the movie came out, people were asking him, fairly regularly, if he were gay and his response was perfect: Why does nobody ask me if I am really a starship captain? I always enjoyed him in everything he did; oh, those classically trained British actors are so remarkable, aren’t they?

Saturday night I really didn’t pay much attention to the college games that were on and didn’t watch any of them, and am not actually sure who all won and who all lost–or who they actually played. I do know, however, that USC beat Ohio State. Aw, what a shame. I blame Vivek Ramaswamy. The Saints were off for the weekend, but this coming weekend is Alabama-LSU in Baton Rouge, which is always daunting. LSU has only beaten Alabama four times since 2008–twice in Baton Rouge, twice in Tuscaloosa, so home field advantage doesn’t really apply in this instance. There aren’t many teams who play Alabama regularly and have a winning record against them; the few teams that do have winning records against the Tide usually only play them in the post-season, and even amongst those there aren’t many. I am just hoping for a good game, honestly. I need to see who else is playing this weekend, too.

I cannot wait for this election to be over because I am so sick to death of campaigns and elections…will we even get a day respite before the 2028 campaigns start? Please note: elections were never supposed to be a billion dollar plus industry. a lot of people make a lot of money off campaigns, which just adds to the utter corruption of the entire process; US politics has become an embarrassment of bribes, corruption, and dirty back room double-dealing. The system has alwys been a morass od bigotry, slander, and smears masquerading as policy–and our uneducated voters will decide to vote based on emotion rather than careful consideration every single time. Imagine being so racist and ignorant that you will vote for inflation, higher gas and energy prices, and a Nazi-like purge of brown people from this country happily because you’re so arrogant you think none of it will blow back on you?

And man, did Michigan dodge a bullet with that piece of shit Haley Stevens or what? Congratulations, you ignorant bitch, for accomplishing something I didn’t think possible: uniting the Democrats behind a Muslim. When even Chuck Schumer calls you out for Islamophobia–girl, you done fucked up in the worst possible way, and blew up any chance of a political future for yourself. People are speculating she wants to torpedo el-Sayed so she can run again against Mike Rogers when he comes up for reelection; that’s never going to happen now, bitch. You can run against him in the Republican primary if he somehow manages to win this race, but the only vote you’ll ever get, you skank, in a Democratic primary will be your own. Although she can always try to run against el-Sayed in six years as a Republican, I suppose–but when you’ve exposed yourself to the world and ripped off your mask to show the craven opportunist that was always there. Fuck you and your fiance, bitch, and for the sake of the rest of the world do not breed. Your outsides, while ugly as all fuck, isn’t as ugly as your inside.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Monday, everyone, and of course I will be here again in the morning.

The rape of Persephone by Hades. Art, with titles like this, is why I thought “rape” meant kidnapping when I was growing up…

Tough Guys

Work at home Friday seems to have rolled around again somehow; this has been a very weird week. I’ve felt off these last few days, like I’m fighting something mild off which could be worse. Paul hasn’t been well this week–he’s doing better now, I was mildly concerned Wednesday night, and had already decided if he wasn’t better when I got home last night I was taking him to the emergency room. Fortunately, he was indeed better–still not 100%, but much better–so Nurse Sparky is doing his job. Sparky has also been sleeping in the bed with us at night, which I love and have missed (Skittle and Scooter loved sleeping in the bed with us) but I suspect that’s not a behavior pattern shift and more that he could sense we both weren’t feeling the best. I slept very well last night, and feel rested and good this morning. I have a meeting this morning and work to do at home, and I need to pack and drive to Baton Rouge later on. I’ll probably leave here so I get there around three thirty. There’s an author party tonight, too, which I am intending to attend, so wish me luck on that score. A party where I don’t know many people? Ordinarily that is something I would skip, but…anxiety medication, and we’ll see how that works.

Remember the other day, when I mentioned how Kristopher had alerted me to the existence of all three seasons of Friday the 13th–The Series on DVD? Well, Constant Reader, I ordered them and they arrived Wednesday, and I am really looking forward to watching the entire thing in order. Seriously, y’all, it takes very little to make me happy. I also picked up a copy of Skip Hollandsworth latest collection of true crime reporting, She Kills. Hollandsworth is my favorite non-fiction crime writer (behind Sarah Weinman, of course) and is why I subscribe to Texas Monthly, because he writes for them. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe November should be Nonfiction November; it will help me get through some of the nonfiction collecting dust around here–and I can reread some old favorites, too, like The Real Lolita, In Cold Blood, and Blood and Money. I can also read some more horror this month too, before Noirmas Season1 rolls around again in December.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

I’m glad I feel so rested and good this morning. Yesterday was quite a day at the office. The clinic was slow but we were short-handed for walk-in testing, and so I had to pitch in and help our; we were also doing incentivized testing for young Black people, so I saw more people than usual yesterday and was very tired by the time I got home from work, so didn’t get anything much done last night other than bonding with Sparky, watching some news (I am optimistic about Tuesday, but am prepared for disappointment as well as shenanigans), and resting. I made soup for Paul, and we watched something but for the life of me, I cannot recall what it was this morning–that’s how tired I was last night. Obviously, there was no reading, editing, or writing done last night, and no cleaning. I do have to do something about the apartment before I leave today, which means not being lazy. So, I am going to do some quality assurance before and after my meeting, and probably will only put in a few hours for work today so I can clean up this mess.

I think the most disheartening thing I’ve seen lately is the “vote blue even if they are pro-Ice, approve of the mass deportations, thinks Biden was a failure, and thinks the trans community should be thrown away like trash” straightsplanations to people who, I don’t know, think people have the right to privacy, dignity and compassion? I’ve seen this all before–remember Sinema? Fetterman? Someone who will say shit like that in order to get elected but doesn’t mean it is someone we can trust? “Oh, a Democratic controlled Congress would never bring that to a vote? Remind me again how hard the Democrats fought for HIV/AIDS research in the 1980s again? I love how people will explain to other people why it’s okay for your rights to be put on the chopping block when it has no impact on them in the lest…Americans though, always have to have someone to punch down on, and it is absolutely hilarious that they are telling us, yet again, that this country’s founding principles are a fucking joke to them. It’s true–we learned this in the last three presidential elections. Funny how the people who were single issue voters in 2024 who got us into this fucking mess “because they can’t support a genocide” by electing the person who’d make it worse and are now supporting a different genocide and lecturing us on our civic duty. Excuse me, smug fuck-face with the unwashed ass, how fucking dare any of you lecture queer people? About anything?

Need I remind you of the fucking gay male genocide of the 80s and 90s?

Seriously, you’re lucky you don’t pull back a fucking nub.

Clearly I am feeling better because I can feel rage.

Never forget the right’s primary goal is to roll back everything for everybody who isn’t a conservative white man. Always expect the absolute worst from them–and frankly, the Left isn’t much better. I am predicting this now: if the Democrats do take back Congress and leave Schumer and Jeffries in charge, we might as well have not bothered to vote, because those two corporate shills are unworthy of leadership roles and are compromised. Period….which will mean a Republican sweep in 2028, more Heritage Foundation Supreme Court justices, and a Trump dynasty installed in the White House…do we need more Trumps in power? No, we don’t, and I hope I’m wrong, but we don’t need milquetoasts, we need a Ted Kennedy in the Senate and someone similar as Speaker.

Americans never learn.

And on that note, my work is calling to me, so I am going to bring this to a close and get back to it. Have a lovely Friday, and I’ll probably check in with you again in the morning before the panels, but it will also depend, and it may be short. We’ll see!

  1. This year, I intend to revisit Mildred Pierce, both book and movie. ↩︎

Follow My Heart

Thursday and my last day in the office for the week. I didn’t sleep well, so I feel a bit off this morning–I’ve kind of have felt weird all week, but last night I figured it out; I keep forgetting that my meds remove my mental anxiety, but my subconscious continues to send anxiety messaging to my body, which reacts…it’s very disconcerting, but not enough to stop taking them, ever. It’s nice not having my mind going into those horrible spirals anymore. Last night, I was very relaxed and comfortable in bed but never felt like I went into a deep sleep and kept waking up. But I don’t feel tired, just off a bit still–identifying why doesn’t solve the problem. I am hoping for a good day before my work at home day/drive to Baton Rouge for author party tomorrow. I plan on going to the party and probably just having a single glass of white wine (if that) and heading back to the hotel to read in bed–I’d love to finish Mazywood before the 31st, but it’s not a big deal if I don’t. See? That would have stressed me out before medication.

We finished watching Below, which really took a turn in the final two episodes I most definitely didn’t see coming. At the time, I was disappointed with the sharp turn it took, but the more I think about it the more I do appreciate it, even if there was kind of a tonal shift in the story. Josh Hartnett has aged beautifully, and he is good as the male lead, an ice harvester trying to scrape out a living for him and his kids on a rough little island off the Newfoundland coast. I was also pleased to see two familiar faces in Charlie Heaton (Stranger Things) and Rohan Campbell (The Hardy Boys). The episodes average about thirty minutes or so; so it can be taken in little bites or all at once in a binge pretty easily.

I also managed to get a newsletter out for Halloween Horror Month, in which I revisited the book version of The Amityville Horror (click on the blue if you want to read it), which actually offended my intelligence on the second read, approximately fifty years after the first. I don’t know what went before my own awareness of these things (I have started saying “I noticed this first” rather than stating something as a fact; because just because I didn’t experience, or was aware of, something doesn’t mean that that it was new when I discovered it for the first time.) I did notice, because my interest was intrigued, by things that cannot be explained, and that seemed to be very prevalent in my second decade. I did always love Ripley’s Believe It or Not on the comics page, and used to buy the book collections…which naturally led me to curiosity about things like Atlantis (whether it was the first time I’d heard of it or not, Atlantis the Lost Continent on the afternoon movie is a film I never forgot), the Bermuda Triangle, UFOs, Area 51–all those marvelous things that popped up into the culture during the 1970s, were all things I explored as a teenager. (It was also the decade that saw a horror revival with Rosemary’s Baby, The Exorcist and The Other.)

I also spend some time yesterday working on a newsletter essay about the trap of masculinity and rigid definitions of this; I’ve always felt that, since I am a man, anything I do is therefore masculine by definition. Maybe not in the way society likes to define masculinity, at any rate, but who made those rules, why are they so restrictive, and why does raising a son seem to mean breaking his spirit and turning him into an emotionally stunted, distant person? I often wonder–and I don’t have the time to investigate–I can’t research everything I think is interesting, after all–if men are performing masculinity for approval (which means you ain’t no alpha, bitch boi) rather than actually feeling it…it could explain a lot about the so-called “masculinity crisis.” I also wonder if an infant with no socializing as of yet will actually be drawn to toys and colors that are traditionally gendered, rigidly. (No straight man would be caught wearing pink, at least not until the 80s, without suspicion, is another example of this idiocy. (One of the reasons I want to revisit Larry McMurtry’s The Last Picture Show is because a lot of the boys’ behavior is just that, a performance, especially from Sonny. There’s also some queer content in the book which especially needs revisiting (remember, McMurtry co-wrote the screenplay for Brokeback Mountain).

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I will chat with you again tomorrow morning once Sparky gets me out of bed. Till then!

The Sipsey River bottoms on the old family farm in Alabama. It was high because there had been a lot of rain.

Don’t Let Him Go

Here we are on a chilly Tuesday morning (I love our autumn here), and the week is progressing nicely. We weren’t terribly busy in the office, so I was able to get a lot of admin paperwork taken care of, which was very nice, and I am getting geared up for this weekend. I should probably check when my panels are, shouldn’t I?

Fascism is on the run all over the planet–first Hungary, now Brazil and Serbia, and may we as Americans take their lead this time. (It’s wild to think how different of a world we would have now if this administration was in power when Germany invaded Poland in 1939) I’m not getting my hopes up for a blue wave, frankly; I’ve been fooled by polls before, and I’ve learned a hard, if horrible, lesson.

Apparently Harrison Butker can’t even do the one thing he’s good at. It’s almost like God don’t like ugly, you know? The right-wing curse, aka Everything Trump Touches Dies, does seem like a thing, doesn’t it? People seem to forget–Americans aren’t known for their memories–his first term, which, although horrible, seems almost tame in retrospect. (I like to remind people that Baron Harkonnen went to the LSU-Alabama game in 2019; the Tide lost at home for the first time since 2015.) Americans aren’t the good people we fooled ourselves into believing we are; we are the worst people, seriously, collectively. We are extremely self-righteous about our freedom and moral sanctimony, too. No wonder the rest of the world finds us unbearable so much of the time–and we’ve certainly lost what little decent reputation we had in the world. Are we great again yet?

And yet another Democrat running for the Senate in Iowa, one Josh Turek, decided that a week before the election was an excellent opportunity to out himself as a transphobe and a homophobe (they go together hand in glove, sorry not sorry). Was it necessary for him to do so, after Annie Andrews showed what she was made of a few weeks earlier? It’s an easy step from “insurance, including Medicare and Medicaid, shouldn’t cover trans people–make no mistake, that was what he really said–to “fuck marriage equality.” It’s amazing to me how so many people miss the boat with this stuff; has no one actually read and understood the fucking poem “First They Came For”? Saying anything to get elected –which is what his supporters are saying Oh he just had to say that–did he? How many votes did he gain from his anti-trans ad (which I will make sure follows him–and Andrews, too–for as long as I am alive, at the very least) and how many queer people might stay home in Iowa now? They are so quick to slice off a significant part of the base for any reason whatsoever–and then will wonder why there’s no enthusiasm for their campaigns? How can we trust him not to be another Manchin, Sinema, or Fetterman? We can’t.

Health care for all, bitch, includes trans people. Fuck him and the wheelchair he rode in on. Yes, I said it, and I will say it fucking again. A bigot in a wheelchair is still a bigot, right, Madison Cawthorne? Greg Abbott? Need I go on?

I for one am sick to death of having my community’s vote taken for granted by politicians who will gleefully flush us down the toilet for a couple of bigot votes. This has never been a winning Democratic strategy, because who else will you flush for expediency? At least he showed us all who he is, so we can look forward to him, if elected, blocking progressive legislation. Is another Fetterman 2.0 a winning strategy? My years of loyalty and support for\the Party–I’m registered as a Democrat so I can vote in Louisiana primaries, but I am not a centrist and I am tired of timidity and “change is very slow”–are dwindling with every latest betrayal. Seriously, do I honestly believe Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries aren’t going to bend over and lube up their asses for the administration? If they were good at their jobs 2024 would have had a different outcome, and yes, I do believe that. They are both hacks and owned body and soul by their donors. They aren’t going to push back on anything; they may send a few strongly worded emails…what have they done for the last two years? And don’t give me that “they don’t have any power!” when Republicans, when in the minority, have gummed up everything. Obama has a pretty good record, sure–he wasn’t the greatest at everything–but what about the Democratic congressional record of the last twenty years? We haven’t had a liberal lion who could get shit done since Ted Kennedy died.

If there is a Blue Wave, watch people like Durek derail any and every thing progressive that comes over his desk, and then watch the base get dispirited, disappointed, and stay home in 2028. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Heavy sigh.

But state of the world aside, I had a very lovely day yesterday. I did some more writing and editing last night around being a Sparky bed, and worked on the current essays in progress–The Amityville Horror and Mazywood, which I need to finish reading–which was fun. I do enjoy writing, and hope to dip back into the book tonight. I am loving this cooler weather, which is my sweet spot–and my favorite time of year in New Orleans. I am also doing some research and planning of the next Scotty, which I am kind of itching to get back to.

And on that particular note, I am heading into the spice mines. Enjoy your Tuesday, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Till then!

Karnak Temple at night

Let’s Go

I like the nightlife baby!

Sorry, had a The Cars moment. Their music, by the way, still holds up.

So it’s Saturday morning in the Lost Apartment, LSU is playing Auburn at eleven, and most likely will have some things delivered. I’ll probably do chores while the games play; after that I’ll do stuff while switching between Texas A&M-Alabama and Tennessee-South Carolina. This evening, I’ll hate Mississippi even more for making me root for Texas again this season. (Don’t worry, friends who are UT fans, with all the SEC weirdness going on these days I will definitely be rooting for the Longhorns again, more than once, before the season ends. Realignment has changed things for sure; more on that at another time–I know most of y’all couldn’t give less of a fuck about college football, and I appreciate your not minding and bearing with me on it.) I feel good and rested this morning, and once this is posted, I’ll move to my easy chair where I’ll read before the games. I also want to get some of my newsletters worked on, another one sent out, and I definitely want to finish Mazywood, which is superb. I also need to do some research, work on a short story or two, and edit the book so I can move on to writing the next chapter. Bouchercon is going on right now, but I have no FOMO–I’m getting used to not attending things, and I really don’t miss it. Don’t get me wrong, most of my conference experiences in the crime fiction world have been pleasant, at least for the last twelve years or so, at any rate.

Yesterday was a good, if weird, day. I was a bit off yesterday for some reason I can’t quite understand; I took the wrong exit off the interstate for Costco, for one, and construction on the way back meant a detour to the Earhart which…actually wasn’t a bad way to come home from Costco. We spent over four hundred dollars, but didn’t seem to get all that much, either. I forgot to turn the dishwasher on before bed. I forgot about finishing the bed linens , so wasn’t able to go to bed until that was all done–can’t go to bed without sheets on it, can I? We finished The Diplomat last night, which is excellent, and then AHS:13, which is a hot mess but kind of fun; I actually enjoyed last night’s episode–about Madison’s falling in love with Satan’s son–but none of it makes any real sense; it’s like they threw in everything including the kitchen sink. We also watched this week’s Traitors (spoiler: they murdered one of the hot boys, so no more shower shots of him lathering his glistening wet muscles), which was very fun. I did run my errands yesterday morning, so I don’t have any to do today–I have to order things to be delivered, but that’s not a big deal–and I’ll probably run one tomorrow morning, which is fine.

I am loving this chillier weather; it was nice not getting drenched with sweat and overheating yesterday on the Costco trip, which is probably why I was finding it so exhausting to go. I love that I am feeling better and better with every passing day; sixty-five isn’t that bad. I thought how bad i felt was going to be the new normal (“you’re just getting older”–fuck you, quack doctor, if it were up to you I’d be dead now, you miserable homophobic prick), but now that I am healthier and recovering more all the time, this sixties thing isn’t so terrible. I like the lack of fucks I have now, and I am very glad that treating my anxiety has released me from the horrors of everyone has to like me I can’t have anyone dislike me and now? I couldn’t care less if people like me or not. I have very dear friends that I cherish, and I know a lot of people whose company I enjoy being in–but my default is always going to be solitude (Paul doesn’t count) and while I do marvel at how different my life could have been had I gotten it treated before, I don’t want any do-overs or anything. It is amazing how much my anxiety drove me to bad behavior on occasion, but at least now I understand it. Doesn’t excuse me behaving in a manner of which I am not proud, but it’s nice to know why. That dichotomy of not caring whether I am “popular” while having deep-rooted anxiety about not being liked created some intense cognitive dissonance–and I am hoping that isn’t going to be an issue anymore.

And on that note, I am going to get some cereal and another cup of coffee and head into ye olde Mines d’Spice. Have a happy Saturday, and above all else, GEAUX TIGERS!