Tag: mental-health

Since I Held You

Here we are on a chilly Tuesday morning, after reality’s bitch slap yesterday, but I jest, really; it was very pleasant feeling rested mentally and physically, and it was a pretty good day overall, methinks. I felt good most of the day, my breakfast and lunch were marvelous, and I was also able to leave a bit early to beat traffic, which was also lovely. I do not miss the humidity. If we could have the heat with a bit less humidity, that would make an enormous and great improvement on our summers. It’s also nice to be waking up in my bed under a pile of blankets on a chilly morning, with a hungry cat nuzzling me to get up and feed him.

I sent out a newsletter yesterday finally, about the movie Gaslight, which I watched with my dad last week (you can click here to read it, if you like). We also watched Beat the Devil, which didn’t move me to write about it; it’s not one of Humphrey Bogart’s best, despite an excellent cast including Jennifer Jones, Robert Morley, and Gina Lollobrigida. While Gaslight may not technically be a horror film, what else would you call a plot that involves a husband trying to drive his wife insane? I also think the Gothic trope of “is my husband trying to kill me?” pushes them into the horror realm; what is more horrible than marrying someone who wants to kill you? And no one believes you? I remember reading an article a long time ago that said that one of the biggest fears shared by most Americans is wrongful imprisonment, which was taken to mean not just prison, but being locked up in a mental hospital when you don’t belong there or being forced into rehab. The fear also has the corollary of not being believed, and as someone who has been accused of doing something wrong that I didn’t do–and wasn’t believed–is a fucking nightmare.1

I came straight home after work, no stops or errands, and did some more chores once I got home and plopped down into my easy chair. Paul got home later, and we watched another episode of The Diplomat, which is most excellent, and they just added Jodie Whittaker, whom I love, to the cast as the new British Prime Minister. I slept well last night, and feel relaxed still this morning, which is nice. It sucks when you cannot sleep well, and that last week before I left I most definitely was having sleeping issues, and I am not sure why that happened. I also spent some digging out from under the massive emails I’d accumulated while I was gone, and yes, I know I still owe some replies to people, which I am hoping to get to today. I also have text messages to reply to–the bane of coming back from a wireless blackout is having to clean up everything that was let go for the duration–but I managed to get everything caught up at the office that had been let slide during my absence; the least fun part of vacation is catching up on everything that accumulated. I am also enjoying this cool weather, that seems to not be a false autumn but our actual fall–yes, when seventies are the high during the day but sixties at night is fall in New Orleans; colder than that is what we consider winter. I forgot to turn the dishwasher overnight, so will turn it on right as I leave…then I can unload it tonight when I get home. There’s also a load of laundry I need to do tonight, too. I worked on another newsletter (two actually; books I’ve recently read), and tonight when I get home it’s time to get caught up on the Housewives. I also need to make a Costco list, since we are going to go Friday afternoon after work.

The banality of every day life can be a boon sometimes rather than a bane, methinks.

In my random dive through the Internet yesterday I discovered two more interesting things about Louisiana: one, that Decatur Street used to be called “Vendetta Alley” because of all the shootings and knife fights back in the day (and doesn’t that make a great title for a noir?); and Watson Break, another indigenous mound city in Louisiana, to go along with Poverty Point. I am always learning new things about New Orleans and Louisiana’s history, which is fun but a constant reminder of how little I know about both–which begs the lie that I am somehow an expert on all things New Orleans. Trust me, I am not.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a marvelous Tuesday full of tacos, if that’s your jam, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back tomorrow bright and early. Till then!

Back in my bar-slut days, I had a pair of white jean Daisy Dukes much shorter than the ones above.
  1. Not being believed is a key component of Gothic suspense. ↩︎

It’s All I Can Do

Monday and back to the office with me. It was lovely to be away from reality for so long, but alas, it is time to go back to the regular every day humdrum of the normal life. I set the alarm last night, but forgot that I had reset the alarm that last morning before I left to get up at seven; fortunately, Sparky was there to get me up in time this morning. It’s also nice to not wake up to an alarm–but I can’t risk Sparky not getting me up one morning, either, and there’s nothing worse than starting your day off by being late and having to rush…there are few things I enjoy less than having to rush. It’s a crisp fifty-five this morning in New Orleans–no worries, it’ll be in the sixties the rest of the week as the low and the upper seventies for the highs the rest of the week.

I spent yesterday reacclimating to the harsh reality of life some more, by doing chores and ordering groceries to be delivered. I also made potato leek soup, and varied it by adding shallots and sour cream, serving it with chives, cheese and bacon bits, making it into a kind of baked potato leek soup; it was most delicious and I’ll be taking it to work for lunch the rest of the week, too. Yay, me! I also cleaned the kitchen, which was necessary, and I think we’re going to Costco this weekend, too. I also worked on newsletters yesterday; I’ve not sent out one this entire month and it’s definitely overdue; mostly about the horror novels I’ve been reading and some of the horror movies/TV shows I’ve been watching and/or thinking about. We caught up on The Traitors yesterday and AHS: 13; and then dove head first in season four of The Diplomat, which is excellent television. I think we may dive into the new version of Carrie (the original movie is one of my favorites, period, and I also love the book), and I also want to watch the Crystal Lake series; I love Linda Cardellini in everything she’s done, so there’s also that. Tonight I want to spend more time with Mazywood, which is exceptional (Tananarive Due is rapidly becoming a must-read author for me), and I also have my reality housewives shows to catch up on, too.

I am also ridiculously behind on my writing, but the week of rest while feeding my brain by reading was absolutely necessary, and now I can face the things I have to work on with a clear conscience and a rested brain, which is quite marvelous. I also have to check out my bank account and update the spending I did over the week/weekend; tonight I am going to go straight home from work so I can finish the dishes and load the dishwasher, straighten the rugs, and do some reading before I catch up on reality television. I think Paul will be working at home today, so he’ll be home when I get off work, so we can watch more The Diplomat when he’s finished working. Once I’m caught up on my reality shows, that is.

I don’t think reality has really sunk into my head just yet, either.

While I was gone dark, another acquaintance passed away, and I would be remiss in not giving him a mention. Mark Pryor and I volunteered together at a writers’ organization, and we worked very closely together on a crisis situation–and I couldn’t have asked for a better person to work with. I don’t respect many straight men, and he was a rare one, indeed. His support and advice and help were crucial to how well the whole situation was handled–mistakes were made, and he was invaluable in the correction of said mistakes–and he never once ever made me feel like he looked down on me, as so many straight men do, and getting that kind of respect from a straight man right off the bat was such a novel experience that it was startlingly nice, and one that I wish I could say wasn’t the exception that proves the rule. I appreciated him very much, and am terribly sorry I didn’t get to know him better. He was a real one, and a loss not just for his family and friends and readers, but to the community as a whole.

Be a Mark Pryor, guys. It’s not difficult.

And on that note, it’s off to the spice mines with me. Have a lovely Monday, everyone, and I will be back on the daily for a while. I won’t warn you again!

A bayou in the swamp at night–what a gorgeous image, right?

Don’t Cha Stop

What a lovely vacation that was, both terribly needed and completely necessary at the same time. Sometimes, you need to get away from the day-in day-out routine–especially when you can tell you’re starting to burn out a little. It was soul-nurturing to unplug almost completely from my life and my world; no news, no social media, no emails, no blogging, no writing, no editing, no pressures. Just relaxation, lovely sleep and rest, and quality time with my father and sister. One of the big thrills of driving up north is now knowing there’s an In ‘n’ Out Burger in Franklin, Tennessee–and getting to eat at a lovely Southern chain from my childhood, Jack’s1. Is there anything more relatably Alabaman than eating at Jack’s? Well, maybe that and orange/yellow meat watermelons. There was such a lovely chill in the air, too, when I got home Friday night–and the cool continued through yesterday; so much so that I’ve decided to make potato leek soup for the week; the ingredients are being delivered later this morning.

I allowed myself to sleep a little later yesterday morning, as it was still chilly and my blankets were warm. I had to run errands before the LSU game began at the ungodly hour of eleven in the morning–this is why yesterday morning’s blog signaling my return to my reality was shorter than I’d wanted; I got home from said errands barely in time to see the opening kickoff. Despite the excellent sleep, I was still a bit bone-tired, so after I put away the groceries I’d made I decided to have an easy day today, of recalibrating and getting caught up on things while games played all day on the television (more on that later). I managed to launder the bed linens and the rest of the laundry, and the dishes, too. I ordered more things to be delivered this morning, and I plan to start getting caught up on other things this morning. I also want to spend some time reading this morning, with my coffee and something to eat before the groceries are delivered. I may talk a walk at some point, too–the weather is cool enough for it and I now have my headphones to wear; I hope to take several walks per week while listening to something on Audible as I do. It’s an easy way to keep engaging with reading, after all.

College football and SEC madness. I just had a feeling yesterday morning that if I didn’t watch the Auburn-Georgia game, Auburn might win. Weird, right? I put on the Alabama-Tennessee game on instead…but jumped over there to see that it was the first quarter and Georgia was already up, 14-0, so I quickly flipped back to the Alabama game. LSU blew out Mississippi State 31-0; MSU was ranked higher so it was considered technically an upset, and where was this LSU team last week? Kentucky kept its winning ways going by winning at Oklahoma, but it wasn’t just the SEC that was whacked yesterday; the last game we watched was BYU upsetting Notre Dame last night. Miami managed to survive Florida State last night in overtime, so my guess is they will be number one this morning. ALl the big game players last week lost yesterday, with number one Georgia going down to Auburn and Alabama getting beat by Tennessee (Bama hasn’t won in Knoxville since 2020); Texas also got beaten by Florida to pair with the Oklahoma loss. Mississippi blew out Missouri, too, and Arkansas won their first SEC game since 2024 by beating Vanderbilt. Definitely a wild and crazy day in college football–with Ohio State getting incredibly lucky at Indiana, ending their winning streak. Overall, a fun and exciting day of college football. There are no undefeated teams in the SEC anymore; and there aren’t many now with only one loss–Mississippi, Georgia and Kentucky, I believe, are the only ones. Is this a big turnaround season for Kentucky? I think the conference is pretty much solid from top to bottom, and on any given Saturday, any team can beat any other–which makes for an interesting season, methinks.

So yes, it’s a relaxing and chilly Sunday morning here in the Lost Apartment. I had a lovely day overall, despite being a bit achy-tired in the bones and joints. I took care of the laundry and the dishes…not only that, but as I said, I even left the house on a chilly (fifties!) weekend morning to run a couple of errands. I worked on newsletters, made some notes in my journal, and just feel rested and relaxed. My brain feels rejuvenated and creative. and getting back into reading was so fucking lovely; reading is feeding my brain and creativity, which is part of the reason I love reading so much. I don’t think you can be a writer if you’re not also a voracious reader. I know I can’t. You have to feed your brain to keep it active, after all, and what better way to feed your creativity, intellect and emotional wellness than reading a clever, extremely well written book? I ordered groceries to be delivered this morning, and will probably order some more, too, because I need a few more things I didn’t order last night.

I still have some touching up to do around here, and the email inbox is wildly out of control. I am going to spend some more time reading Mazywood this morning, which is fantastic; this Halloween Horror Month has been absolutely marvelous with the books I’ve read; I enjoyed everything I read on my trip, and am looking forward to reading some more. I have endless newsletters to get finished and sent out–I spent some time working on them yesterday–and I also want to take a walk this morning, around the neighborhood, while it’s still cool. I suspect the weather will be back to normal from this chilly spell, but…that’s New Orleans weather for you.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Sunday however you choose to spend it, Constant Reader, and I will be back tomorrow morning before my return to work. Till then, stay safe!

Pro wrestler Ravishing Rick Rude out of character
  1. I still remember the jingle from my childhood: Jack’s hamburgers are good good good, you’ll go back back back to Jack’s Jack’s Jack’s for more more more. ↩︎

You’re All I’ve Got Tonight

Sunday morning and driving north in a few hours. I still haven’t packed, because I was ridiculoualy lethargic and low energy. I had slept well Friday night, so I wasn’t physically tired, but I had little to no motivation to do much of anything other than have some things delivered for Paul. My current plan is to leave here around eleven, which gives me a leisurely morning with no pressure on me so I don’t need to rush, nor do I need to worry about forgetting anything. I also need to check the weather in Kentucky so I am not wearing T-shirts in cold weather.

It was a strange day of college football, with LSU, Alabama, and Texas all losing; I think Georgia may be the only undefeated team left in the SEC. LSU played terribly, and still only lost by one point in overtime, so while the loss was disappointing, they were at least in it until the very end. I was cautiously optimistic, as always, about how they’d do this season, but I wasn’t thinking in terms of championships this year. Yes, that would have been lovely had it been the case, but I’m not one of those people who think after a couple of wins “oh here we go!” Brian Kelly decimated the program rather than rebuilding it, and not many coaches are the kind of miracle worker who can turn a team around in one season. You want to know how lethargic I was yesterday? I got bored during the Red River Rivalry and watched news reports for a bit–and it was another down to the last second thriller of a game. I kept thinking Texas would pull it out, but Oklahoma would not be denied; just as Kentucky would not last night. Missouri also embarrassed Texas A&M and South Carolina exposed Florida’s woes even more; how on earth did they beat Mississippi so bad? It’s a weird year in the Southeastern Conference, I guess.

It looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day–it was very nice and cool yesterday, but sunny and very windy. A good day for a drive north, looks like; no rain or flood warnings or anything along the route, which is a good thing. I wish I’d had the energy and motivation to have packed last night–packing is something I have always hated, the worst part of a trip, usually, if airports aren’t involved–but I don’t mind driving, and again–I have Peter Straub’s Shadowland queued up on my Audible. I am taking The Dead Zone, the paperback of Shadowland in case I don’t finish it in the car, The House That Horror Built, and the new Tananarive Due, Mazywood, with me to read while I am up there; I’m also taking some fiction files with me–for just in case. I generally don’t have much time on these trips to do much besides read, but one never knows and if anything, I am always a firm believer in being prepared…and I always want things to work on that I don’t have with me, which is how that shit always works. I also don’t know if or when I’ll be back here again; probably not till Saturday, but stranger things have happened. I’m also not spending as much time in Alabama this time, either, so I probably won’t get around to seeing much of the county other than tomorrow morning when we go to the graveyard. I have been thinking creatively about the county lately, too…I have an idea for a horror story set there.

SO, I am thinking this will probably be a much need down time week, where my brain can mostly relax and my body rest, and then next weekend I can chill, get over the drive home and clean Saturday, and then figure out what I need to get done that following week. I keep forgetting that after I get back, there are two full weeks of October left–I keep thinking the month will be almost over when I am home again, but it’s not. I have three weeks to revise and rework that story that’s due on Halloween, which is again reminding me how much deadlines are the bane of my existence. But one thing is for sure, I am out of the habit of writing five days a week and that needs to seriously change.

Interesting that I always used to complain about not having time to write…and now that I do, I don’t use it.

And that sounds like the proper sad note to end this on; I need to get cleaned up and pick up around here and make a list of what I need to take with me on this trip., and get moving. Not sure when I’ll be back, but I know you can push through my absence, Constant Reader; I have faith in you!

My Best Friend’s Girl

Saturday morning and I should be waking up in a motel in Alabama instead of sitting at my desk in the Lost Apartment, yet here we are, you know? It’s gray out there this morning, but the sun is behind a few clouds. I just thought it more prudent not to drive up there until this is all over, and I don’t have to worry about flash flooding along 59N. I cannot imagine much worse than being stranded by weather in rural Mississippi, you know? Last night was the best night of sleep I had all week for some reason that I am not questioning but really am embracing. I do have some errands to do this morning, and I need to do some cleaning and get started on packing, too. There are games all day today on television, but looking at the schedule–I thought Georgia-Alabama was a night game, but according to the schedule I just consulted it’s the afternoon game. The morning game is A&M at Missouri, so…I can run errands this morning and have some things delivered. I was lethargic yesterday; I had the day off after my benefits meeting so I could drive north after, but the weather was too iffy and I really didn’t like that flash flood watch on 59N. I did manage to get the laundry done, though, and I did work on some other chores, but the kitchen and living room are still a mess, but that will give me something to occupy my time during games and half-time and so forth.

Oh, and GEAUX TIGERS! LSU plays at Kentucky tonight, and it should be a good game. Oh, the Texas-Oklahoma game is this afternoon, too. Like I said, lots of good games today.

We finished Neagley last night, which we both loved and hope there’s going to be another season on to infinity, it’s really that good. We got caught up on AHS:13, which has lost the plot but, you know, Jessica Lange and Angela Bassett, both of whom elevate their material. We also watched this week’s Traitors, which was fun and ended on an amazing cliff-hanger (as they always do; we won’t know who was murdered until next week), and finished Lanterns, which was also superb and probably the best DC television series–probably ever. Kyle Chandler and the entire cast is fantastic, but Aaron Pierre embodies John Stewart as well as Alan Ritchson does Reacher. Green Lantern was never one of my favorites (though I loved his team-up comic with Green Arrow, aptly titled Green Arrow/Green Lantern), but I did appreciate him–and I missed the time in the comics when Hal Jordan handed off to John Stewart and Guy Gardner, so was never sure how that played out or how we wound up with two of them–but I know John Stewart was around pre-Crisis, so yes, I missed that story.

If you’re also wondering how strong this Isaias storm is, they’ve closed Waffle Houses all over the panhandle and around Mobile, so yes, terrifying. And yes, the cost of gas is about to go up again, if it hasn’t already; storm in the gulf means jump in gas prices. Always.

Heavy sigh.

I do feel good this morning, and better about things in general. Yesterday, I was subjected to the ever-popular “shut up faggot and vote blue no matter who if you know what’s good for you” because I had the temerity to call out Democratic candidates who throw the queer community under the bus to pander to homophobic voters….who will never vote for your ass in the first place…and then not five minutes after the latest Democratic betrayal to have the nerve to send me an email asking for money “because we need to flip” Congress. Silly me, my thought was “you released a homophobic ad and you’re asking ME for money now? Go fuck yourself with a razor blade studded dildo, bitch; ask your TERF voters for money.” Oh, but queer people have to just suck it up and donate and vote blue no matter who but all you fucks who couldn’t bring yourselves for the Black woman because reasons but think we just have to eat a shit sandwich and hope she’s not one of them once elected? Bitch fucking please. How many times already have we seen this play out? Sinema, Fetterman, etc. Well, I don’t live in her state, just as I don’t live in the states where other so-called “progressive Democrats” have already walked back unflinching support; so, not a national candidate. Ask the homophobic voters you’re courting for money, because you’re not getting any of mine. Funny how candidates that are allies always have some other thing that doesn’t pass the “purity tests,” but homophobia is just fucking fine with these same people. Fuck them, fuck you, and if you can get elected, great–but don’t come fucking crying to me when your savior (remember Graham Platner? His homophobia wasn’t enough to derail with progressives, and they fought for him to the death despite all of his baggage…which inevitably blew up his campaign) turns out to be a narcissistic corrupt piece of shit.

And political influencers? They’re in this for clicks, likes, and subscriptions. I don’t trust any of them, and don’t much care for most.

Homophobes, or people who pander to them, are never progressives. You cannot be a progressive if you’re homophobic, racist, or misogynist or some combination of those. And if you think those are progressive values, enjoy Hell when you get there, because you’re a piece of utter shit.

Oh, don’t worry–ultimately, I am not going to be stupid and not vote, or vote Republican. Jamie Davis has a shot at breaking the MAGA stranglehold on Louisiana, and I am not sitting that out by any means. Do I know how Davis feels about queer equality and our community? No, I don’t–but I know I am voting for him anyway, just as I hope people will vote blue no matter who in other states. But I am already preparing myself for the inevitable settling of these progressive candidates into corporate moderates, like they always do, getting money under the table to sell out their constituents and supporters. But I realized that, yet again, I am voting for harm reduction.

Just one more time I’d like to vote for someone I can believe in, you know? I’m sick of voting for the lesser of two evils…and it’s not like the DNC gives two shits about us in Louisiana–where’s the money from the DNC for Jamie Davis and Angie Nixon? Schumer and Jeffries–both of whom need to be removed from leadership–are going to hobble anything if they have a majority these next two years, which is just long enough for them to write strongly worded emails and social media posts and nothing else so the country turns on them again just in time to vote MAGA back into power again in 2028. I haven’t given money to the DNC in years, because the milquetoast approach they’ve taken over the last twenty years has been an utter failure; I just give directly to candidates now.

I also think there’s way too much money in elections now. It’s become an industry. How is that good for we, the people? It’s not, actually.

And on that note, I am off to the spice mines for today. I need to figure out a plan for today, but first I’m going to check in on the news, see what’s happening with the storm, and have some breakfast. I will see you tomorrow morning before I drive north, Constant Reader. Have a great day!

Got a Lot On My Head

Wednesday morning Pay the Bills Day has somehow moved back up onto my calendar and somehow is today again. Seriously? When did this happen? My word, the way time flies. Anyway, yesterday was a pretty good day at work, overall. I got a lot done–with more to do before I leave Friday–and felt pretty good about the day. I was tired after work and was able to go straight home (errands tonight), and was too tired to do much of anything except sit in my chair with Sparky and watch the season finale of Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls’ Trip, and then two more episodes of Neagley before I went up to bed. I woke up several times during the night, but I feel rested–at least for now, at any rate–and tonight I need to start getting ready for the drive on Friday, which I am looking forward to. Peter Straub’s Shadowlands will make an excellent travel companion, methinks.

Well the system that sprang up in the Bay of Campeche started moving north, but the cone of uncertainty this morning has shifted more east, so landfall is moving away from New Orleans, which is a good thing. There will be rain and high winds and flooding from Isaias (named as a storm overnight) and it’s not going to be ashore until around one a.m. in the morning Saturday. I’ll beat the storm driving north, but it will impact us in Alabama and the cone extends all the way to Kentucky, but hopefully all will well and past when we head north on Monday. I was also a little concerned about leaving Paul and Sparky with a storm coming, but with the eastward shift I feel a little more relief.

I’ve seen a lot of chatter on-line since Monday night about how the “Saints let the city down.” First of all, fuck you, and second of all, winning this game wasn’t nearly as important as it was in 2006. It was twenty years ago. The average age of Saints players is 26, so they would have been pretty damned young when that game was played and a year younger when Katrina hit. Unless they experienced Katrina themselves, they probably have very little memory of it, or how important the 2006 Dome-coming game was to everyone in New Orleans; a city still mostly in ruins, and how wonderful it felt to have the Saints playing at home, and then winning in an incredibly exciting game? I remember Paul and I watching at home, screaming and yelling and jumping up and down–I’ll never, ever, forget Steve Gleason’s blocked punt–and how it gave us something besides misery and rebuilding to think about, and how proud and happy everyone was before, during and after. I wondered about it before hand; would the expectations be too heavy on the players? And the day did not have the same feel to it as it did twenty years ago. I noticed it at the start of the game, and owrried that maybe it was drilled into their heads how much this mattered, and they freaked out because of that combined lack of understanding and the pressure to not let us down.

So, yes, it was disappointing–and it’s always disappointing to lose to the dirty birds–but it wasn’t the end of the world and guess what? We’re all still here, aren’t we?

As for the MAGA trash in Nebraska? The next time I see any fucking farmer whining about getting exactly what the fuck they voted for, I am going to post that clip in response with the caption “This isn’t as funny to me as you losing your generational farms, assholes.” I say let it go back to prairie; the buffalo can repopulate it. And don’t come for me about blue dots in a red state–I am a blue dot in a red state. And if that was a Louisiana crowd, we’d deserve every bit of hate we’d get as a state.

And for the record, we are watching in real time as billionaires develop Skynet, because they think somehow it won’t affect them…you know, like farmers in fucking Nebraska. Miss me forever with that bullshit “real America” shit. Maybe real losers’ America, but never real America.

For the record, you inbred imbeciles, San Diego is the primary base for the Pacific Fleet, and there’s also a Marine training camp there. WAY TO SUPPORT THE TROOPS, you piece of shit traitors. Now do the two ports.

It’s the fucking death cult Sarah Palin told us about in 2010, but she said it was the Affordable Care Act that would set up death panels, the lying skank. Why doesn’t she ever get asked about that? Her party is the anti-science, anti-abortion, anti-intelligence, anti-health insurance, anti-vax party, not the Democrats (the corporate ones can lick my asshole clean the next time I have Taco Bell)–I have spent my entire life listening to the stupidest lies told from the right; they love nothing more than to bear false witness against thine neighbors…while warning us that we’re going to hell. “See you there!” is the proper response to that garbage.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Wednesday, Constant Reader, and I will be back bright and early tomorrow morning.

Sexy Robert Kelker-Kelly, who I crushed on during his days as Sam on Another World. You can see why. Sadly, he passed away this past weekend.

I’m In Touch With Your World

Tuesday morning and here I am, about to head into the spice mines again. Whew! Yesterday was a day. We were busier in the clinic than we have been (I saw ten people in just under four hours), and so was very drained and tired by the time my shift ended. I also ran errands on the way home, and finally dragged myself into the apartment tired, and just wanting to collapse into my chair, Sparky was a love bug, which was just what I needed, and I slept deeply and well, too. It was a very weird energy day; cloudy and gray and humid, we were supposed to get thunderstorms but it felt like one was ready to go at any moment, the air was so thick and heavy. We started watching the Saints game, but switched over to Neagley–the game wasn’t worth watching–and got two more episodes in. It is excellent, I have to say; I may even like it more than Reacher, and that’s saying a lot. Neagley is such a bad ass!

I have to be more focused today because I have a lot to get done before I leave on Friday. I didn’t make as much progress on moving forward as I would have liked, but any progress is progress. I also just looked at the calendar and realized there are two full weeks left in October when I get home from Kentucky next weekend, so that’s somewhat better. I’d also like to get a newsletter out before I head up on Friday afternoon, but we’ll see how that works out, won’t we? Behind on everything; losing the weekend to a lack of energy and brain fog from the vaccines didn’t help much; I also think part of the reason I’ve had stronger reactions to these shots these last few years has everything to do with me having an auto-immune disorder. Duh, right? I need to remember to start seeing my health through that lens, don’t you think? That would make the most sense, would it not?

The hilarity with which I am experiencing this “Medicaid ad” Sarah Slanders had run promoting her “you have to work to get Medicaid” rules and the blowback from her supporters for using a young white dude (pushing the whole “gamer in his mother’s basement” trope) instead of someone Black just has me in stitches. Your ad needed to be racist is a stance I didn’t have on my 2026 MAGA Filth Bingo card, but here we are. I suppose these things shouldn’t surprise me any longer, but…I am nothing if not inwardly optimistic, despite my bitter cynicism. Likewise, I am deeply distrustful of all this “blue wave” reporting. Polls aren’t votes, and it never ceases to amaze me how it never occurs to any news broadcaster that people have any number of reasons to answer questions honestly. Some people don’t want to admit to anyone who they’re voting for; etc. etc. etc….and whenever I get a call from a right wing pollster (or they send me a survey in the mail; the RNC has gotten some amazing survey responses from me, heh heh heh) I lie to them….unless I am in a mood to let them have it with both barrels. And now they are back to shoving Nate Silver, a noted piece of shit, as an “expert” down our throats again because they need and want big ratings from the midterms. (24/7 news is not, nor has it ever been, a boon to the American public.) They also prefer election narratives rather than actually reporting what is going on in the world and the country.

Dennis Hastert died recently, and the only sad thing is that it didn’t happen sooner, the pedophilic traitor. Hope they slathered your corpse with butter for basting your pasty ass in hell, Hastert! You are the reason people need to believe in hell, you know.

Maybe I can talk about the Saints game later this week.

And on that sad note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Taco Tuesday, Constant Reader, and I will check in with you again tomorrow morning.

The night the kudzu gets your fields, you sleep like the dead–“Kudzu” by James Dickey

All Mixed Up

Monday and back to the office with me. Friday I am driving up to Alabama to meet Dad to visit Mom for their birthdays, and then I’m following Dad up to Kentucky for a few days. I need the time away from the office, methinks, and it’ll be a nice break. I feel pretty good this morning, all rested and everything–I woke up several times during the night but was able to easily fall back asleep–so we will see how the day goes, won’t we? I was still a bit out of it yesterday, woozy from the shots I suppose, but managed to get some things done despite not having much energy. It was lovely coming downstairs to a clean kitchen this morning, and so hopefully when I get home tonight from work I can empty the dishwasher and reload it. I also didn’t have anything delivered over the weekend–I just couldn’t ask someone to deliver things when I didn’t want to go out in the pouring rain, especially since there was street flooding happening. We’re out of bread, too, so I definitely have to stop tonight. Sigh, it’s always something, isn’t it?

I did manage to get some things done yesterday despite being listless–but I still have a lot to do before I leave on Friday. I added things to the to-do list so I hopefully won’t forget to do anything. I actually felt kind of like I didn’t do much of anything, but…this morning thinking about it, I did do some things. I worked on the book yesterday, which was pleasant and surprisingly fun. Even with the anxiety medication, you see, I still get reluctant to reread work in progress because I’m afraid it will suck and I won’t be able to fix it, and it’s going to mean so much more work…but once I started, it went very well and I actually had fun with it, and made lots of notes and marked it up pretty well. I need to do Chapter 5, and then it will all be caught up and I can move through and fix it all; and then move on the next third of the book. It’s going to be short, and I am getting more and more excited about writing this book and telling this story.

We were in either a flash food warning or watch pretty much the whole day yesterday, and it rained all day, which gave it that lazy feeling I love so much. I did spend some time reading The Dead Zone, and the book is really exceptionally well done. King’s early work is all so amazing, really. He was on a major streak until The Tommyknockers was released, and I really hated that book. I’d have to go through the list of all his books, but I don’t think (off the top of my hand) that any of his post-Tommyknockers work was as good as his pre-Tommyknockers work. I could be wrong, probably am–I did love the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, and especially Holly Gibney.

I still felt low-energy yesterday. My legs and joints ached, and I had a bit of a fever making me uncomfortable. We watched the sixth episode of AHS:13, moved on to The Mandalorian and Grogu, which wasn’t amazing but was entertaining enough; I don’t know why people hated it so much unles people are just really into hating Star Wars nowadays…and then we started Neagley, which is excellent; as good, if not better, than Reacher. Huzzah!

I had to get the ISPN number for Hurricane Season Hustle for the Louisiana Book Festival bookseller, and as always, it’s just easier to get it from Amazon, and I noticed the book has twenty reviews (isn’t that the magic number?) and they average to 4 1/2 stars, which was pleasing to my ego; I don’t ever look because I’d rather not know and I don’t care, really; I don’t need outside validation anymore for my writing. I’m glad people enjoy my work, and i am grateful people do, believe me, but I love Bette Davis’ response: “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.” It’s much better that way, really; we can’t care what other people think or say about us when we aren’t around and I don’t want to know. Everyone talks about everyone, it’s human nature and some people enjoy being snarky and bitchy with their gossip; I know I certainly do (although I am usually just listening these days). So, no, it doesn’t bother me when people talk shit about me. And even if someone shares that shit with me, I don’t get upset or angry. How can I when I do the same? I don’t like every book I read or film/television program I watch. If people don’t like my books, I’m sorry you were disappointed, but…there’s nothing I can do about it now so…shrug?

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines on this gray gloomy possible drizzly morning in New Orleans. Have a great day, and I will see you again tomorrow morning. Ta!

Let’s get soaking wet!

Good Times Roll

Sunday morning and rather gray out there this morning as I swill coffee and battle Sparky for my desk chair (he’s sprawled across my desk playing with things on it, in full attack and knocking things off to the floor mode). My shoulder still aches and I do feel a bit inside-out this morning, but much better than I did yesterday. I slept deeply and well last night, too–a side effect of the shots, perhaps?

It started raining yesterday morning as I headed uptown to get my flu shot and my next COVID vaccination, and it was pouring by the time I got home. I felt a bit underwhelmed after I got inside–the way I’m usually mildly feverish and dramatically lethargic whenever I get the shots. My shoulder was also sore, and as it rained pretty much the entire (our flash flood warning flashed across the screen just before five), it felt chilly and damp inside, which also makes me just want to huddle up under a blanket. I figured since the day of the shots is always a lost day (anything I may get done is a bonus to be proud of), what better day to have such a day as a college football Saturday? That way I’m guaranteed easy entertainment all day with very little effort on my part. I didn’t have anything delivered because it seemed like a shitty thing to do–make people go out in this weather, but then again, they’re out there because they need to be, which makes it even shittier, and around and around the moral question goes–but it was coming down so consistently I didn’t want to walk to the gate to get anything, either. I also decided the trash could wait until I won’t get drenched…but the day wasn’t a total loss: there were good games on all day (more on that later), and I did get the kitchen under control again–the previous few days I’d let it slide a bit.

LSU made mincemeat out of McNeese State (63-14) last night, which was nice to watch leisurely. It was a crazy day in college football, with strange outcomes and so forth, and no way of knowing how good anyone is. Minnesota beat Michigan yesterday for the first time since I was a senior in high school (1977), which was wild as hell, and maybe the most interesting game of the morning. But seriously, what the hell, SEC? Missouri embarrasses Florida a week after losing to Mississippi State and Florida humiliated Ole Miss; Alabama blew out Mississippi State, and Kentucky–two weeks after embarrassing Texas A&M in College Station, looked terrible against the South Carolina team Missouri and Alabama have already destroyed at first, before bouncing back with an overtime one-point win.. How does any of this make sense? So far, it looks like (to me, anyway) that once again Georgia and Alabama are the best teams in the league; Texas is also undefeated but I don’t think they’ll beat either. Auburn lost to Tennessee, but it was a good game at least. Miami also blew out Clemson last night, so….maybe LSU is as good as Miami? Like I said, it’s too early to tell this season who is going to the playoffs and who is not. Northwestern also applied belt to ass to Penn State. Good thing they fired their coach midseason last year, right?

It looks like it’s going to be gloomy with off-and-on rain all day, with the flooding storms coming later this afternoon, so any deliveries have to be here by four, something I will look into once I post this and move over to the easy chair with the laptop. I did start writing some things yesterday, which was nice, considering how discombobulated and off I felt. I dug through my last three journals looking for the start of said short story yesterday, and I guess I didn’t write it down, but I remember it. It’s set in the late 1970s in a small Kansas college town, and starts with a girl witnessing an attack from her dorm window on a Saturday night–it’s for the no-corpse anthology due later this year–but I am not sure how I can end it just yet. My mind, despite my spaciness yesterday (and the tired legs this morning), was being fertile and creative somehow through all of that, and I do have another story I started percolating up there in my head. I have some things I need to do, and some emails to answer, and I really do need to start getting organized as the last quarter of the year is now here.

This whole Cornell thing has women up in arms, and rightly so. I personally think the MEN who did this–and it was clearly not the first nor the last time–should be chemically, if not physically, castrated1. There is no excuse and no way out of this, no way to justify any of it, and the victim-blaming is not flying this time. This societal reckoning is way overdue, and yes, I absolutely one hundred percent believe they did this, thought nothing of it because women are just living sex toys and sperm depositories to so many of them, and yes, it’s definitely a pack mentality.

And on that note, I am going to let this whiny cat have my desk chair and I am moving to my easy chair. May you have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I will see you again tomorrow morning.

An abandoned bridge in the woods in Alabama. Rather evocative, isn’t it?
  1. Including all the professional adults who failed everyone here. ↩︎

Music

Saturday in the Lost Apartment and all is well, or so it seems. Yesterday wasn’t the worst day, just kind of a quiet one where I felt off most of the day and couldn’t quite puzzle it out until later in the afternoon: I wasn’t in my normal routine. I had to go to the office for a meeting yesterday morning, ran an errand on the way home, but they had turned off the water to install a new shower in the carriage house, so I couldn’t do laundry or dishes or anything until it was turned back on. I definitely was out of sorts throughout the day. This morning I have to get get my shots (flu and COVID), and run another couple of errands while I am uptown. We didn’t have any gully-washer thunderstorms, either–when we did get rain, it seemed to be that kind that forms when the humidity gets to 100% and it solidifies as water/rain. I also have a lot of my plate this weekend. As I was lying in bed this morning waiting for Sparky’s “feed me” chirps, I started thinking about all the things I do need to get done and was like, when did I get so busy again? I kind of don’t like it! But naught to do but make a list and check things off as they do get done. We’re also supposed to get a lot of rain between now and Monday night, but it’s sunny right now–the forecast claims a thunderstorm will be here within the next hour, but that’s New Orleans for you; the sun can be shining and not a cloud in the sky one minute, and then twenty minutes later it’s pitch black outside and the streets are flooding.

It’s always an adventure.

We watched more AHS: 13 last night, which isn’t as off-the-rails as I had originally thought, but still not very tightly written, despite the brevity of the episodes. I also answered a question I’d been asking myself for a long time: why do I keep watching Ryan Murphy shows when I know they will inevitably be disappointing? As I watched Jessica Lange last night, I realized I watch for the cast. Murphy always has this interesting mix of really talented performers and not as talented but beautiful boys…and then you have someone like Evan Peters, insanely talented and incredibly beautiful. Murphy is also strong into casting nepo babies, but I remain committed to never watching anything with a Kardashian in it.

There are a lot of good football games on today, but LSU is playing McNeese State tonight in Baton Rouge. We’ll watch, even though better games are on because, well, LSU. I’ll miss the start of Alabama-Mississippi State–both are undefeated–but Alabama hasn’t lost to them since 2007 and maybe has lost to them maybe less than ten times historically? I remember it was Mississippi State that broke Alabama’s winning streak in 1980–they hadn’t lost since the early part of the 1978 season–so it is possible, but I’ll believe MSU can win when I see it happen. I almost always default Alabama to win, because they generally do. I do think this is a make-or-break year for their coach; if Alabama misses the play-offs for the third year in a row, he might be done for. Alabama hasn’t won the natty since 2020–which is a long time now for those spoiled fans, who got used to playing for it almost every year under Nick Saban.

The bar there is set even higher than the one in Baton Rouge.

I did spend some more time with The Dead Zone yesterday, which is a marvelously constructed novel, and reading again after so many years I am appreciating the book so much more than all the previous times I read it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed every page on every read; but this time, I am marveling at the craftmanship and the incredible structuring of it. It really is a masterwork (I had always liked The Shining but never loved it. When I revisited that one again sometime in the last years, I appreciated it more (I don’t really like toddlers-in-danger stories; hence why I never connected with either Pet Sematary or Cujo) than I ever had before. If The Stand wasn’t so damned long, I would love to revisit it as well. That, for the record, has always been my favorite King novel.

I must admit, when I learned Vanity Fair was doing a big profile on Erica Kirk I literally rolled my eyes and thought, not this Nazi bitch again and thought, this is why I didn’t renew my subscription (it wasn’t; I’d just forgotten and hadn’t gotten around to it yet) and didn’t. Silly me, Vanity Fair–I forgot you have game, and what you did to the people around Trump in that “emperor has no clothes” piece and photoshoot you did with them, showing that they are actually more awful and stupid than previously believed. I should have known you’d lure the fame-hungry grifter in with the promise of a profile and photoshoot, setting her up to look as bad as humanly possible. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I will be renewing today. You deserve my money for how you cover the narcissistic grifters to whom any attention is better than no attention. Thank you for your service to the Republic.

I also love that Governor Hochul has appointed bad-ass Leticia James to oversee the new investigation into the Cornell gang-rape situation. If the victim is going to actually get any justice, Leticia James will get it for her. I feel a lot better about this case now, and I also think it’s time to do away with campus police. They can be security, but the campus needs to be under the local police jurisdiction at the very least, if not the state’s. The campus police don’t work for the good of the students they work to protect the university. So parents, don’t think campus police are there to protect your children. They are not, just like the police only protect property, not people (and yes, those priorities are askew).

And on that note, I am going to post this and then do some chores around here before it’s time to head uptown for my shots. Have a lovely Saturday, Constant Reader, and I will see you again tomorrow morning.

Beautiful young Louis Jourdan