Tag: Christianity

Blue Denim

It’s Thursday but it feels like Tuesday. Heavy heaving sigh. But at least tonight there’s a new episode of my current obsession, Traitors, and tomorrow I don’t have to come in to the office, so there’s that. I really shouldn’t complain about the office this week, should I, since I am only in for two days? Next week is going to be a trial, methinks, and next thing you know it’s March. AIEEE!!!

Meh, there are worse things. And when am I not disoriented and confused anymore these days? Seriously.

Yesterday was actually a relatively easy day at work, which made the return to reality much easier. It was quiet, for one, and there was NO traffic on my way into the office. I managed not only to hit all the lights, but no traffic on I-10 meant I was parking the car a little more than five minutes after I drove off from the curb at home. I wasn’t very far behind on my work and was able to get caught up pretty easily. The city was in ruins as I drove in, too–St. Charles was mostly clean (the slalom course was still up) but the side streets were trashed. The good news was a lot of people were out cleaning it up, so that was nice. Back in the olden days they didn’t even get around to cleaning the Avenue at first so it was always nasty out there on Ash Wednesday. I did start to get tired in the afternoon, which is normal for my usual workdays. I ran uptown and did some errands on the way home. There wasn’t any traffic after work either–I got all the way uptown from work in less than fifteen minutes, at rush hour. I made a few groceries and got the mail and came home to a needy kitty who hadn’t been left completely alone at home since I got home Thursday afternoon, so he demanded my lap for cuddles and sleep–and cat parents know that once they’re curled up and sound asleep in a purring ball in your lap, you ain’t going anywhere. Tonight it’s going to be straight home for me after work so I can get some things done around here.

And that’s why I didn’t do anything after getting home last night–I needed to comfort Sparky, and the longer I sat there with him sleeping and purring in my lap, the more relaxed and less likely to do anything I became. I caught up on the news (ugh) and melted into my chair to the point that I went to bed before Paul got home from the office! I also slept really well, didn’t want to get up this morning, and am looking forward to no alarm tomorrow. That’s the thing with mini-vacations when you’re older–they make retirement look so appealing! But retirement isn’t probably going to happen for me for a few more years, at any rate. I felt kind of guilty last night when I climbed the stairs and headed for bed for not getting more things done around here, and I most likely won’t do anything tonight when I get home…but then, I won’t be tired the way I usually am on Thursday nights, either. I ran errands last night so I can come straight home from work this evening.

Tonight, I think I’ll try to do some reading and writing when I get home, and do some chores if I have the energy and mindset. I’ll need to ice my ankles tonight–I didn’t do it yesterday, but the left seems to be okay now, but the right still complains. It’s not nearly as bad as it was originally–and resting Achilles tendons means being stationary for a long time, and I’ve never been able to sit still for very long. But I think we’re already past the hump on those bastards, and hopefully some more icing will patch up the right as well.

I woke up this morning to the news the British police have arrested Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor for his participation with Epstein1, and good for the British and especially good for the royal family for not shielding him from justice with royal privilege. This is how you do it, Americans. The funny thing about European nations investigating all of this is inevitably, they are going to have to issue arrests warrants for the American president, or statements on his involvement. The cult will never turn, of course, those hard core loyalists for whom raping, torturing and killing children isn’t a dealbreaker. He’ll say it’s a hoax like he does with everything despite all the evidence to the contrary, and they’ll soak it up like a biscuit with gravy. They honestly believe he’s in shape and virile and handsome and intelligent–not just intelligent, but smarter than everyone on the planet2. It’s mind boggling to me, and something I may never be able to entirely wrap my brain around–but I do kind of love that he’s exposed the Right for what they are–unAmerican, authoritarian, party before country, demagogues and liars and grifters. The veneer and facade and pretense they are anything else is long gone; the mask has come off completely and they’ve embraced the horror of who they really are…

And of course, go to church regularly and learn nothing. Which just goes to show…church is for those who need moral guidance and clarity, but they never learn from what they hear or read in their holy book. One of the reasons I like James Talarico so much is because he calls out the Christian Nationalism, which will be known to history as the American Heresy.

AH, my coffee is kicking in and it’s almost time to head into the spice mines. Here’s hoping we all have a lovely day, get everything done we need to get done, and get the rest we need. The times are interesting, but we can’t allow the bastards to win. See you in the morning!

Gorgeous Taylor Zahkar Perez, whom I first noticed as the first centerfold in Minx.
  1. Here’s hoping he rats everyone out for a lesser sentence. ↩︎
  2. There’s a significant difference between intelligence and cunning. He isn’t intelligent, but he is very cunning. I’m willing to grant cunning, but never intelligent. ↩︎

Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?

Tonight, Oshun and Cleopatra roll down St. Charles Avenue to kick off the Uptown parade season, and I will be trapped in my neighborhood tonight through Sunday night. Next week is the true insanity, beginning on Wednesday and going for almost a week. Yay for Carnival! I have a shit ton of things to do today, personally and professionally, so it’s going to be an interesting all-over-the-place kind of day. I’m meeting a friend for dinner at five fifteen, and will have to walk about six blocks to get there, but that’s not a big deal so long as my Achilles tendons don’t get out of control. I just need to keep my wits about me today, not get distracted, and keep nose affixed firmly to grindstone or else the day will go completely off the rails–which nobody wants or needs. I also have a meeting this morning and lots of work-at-home duties to get done today. AUGH. A busy busy day for me, and not off to a good start, as I didn’t get up early but lolled in bed late.

It didn’t rain on Wednesday night, so I didn’t feel as deeply rested yesterday morning as I had Wednesday morning. Maybe I should get one of those rain sound machines to sleep with? I don’t know if the noise will be as effective with the chilly wet air, though. I used to have easy listening CD’s a hundred years ago–morning rain, forest, waterfall, etc.–but don’t think I ever used them. It also didn’t rain last night, either–and the sun is very bright this morning. It’s about forty-eight degrees outside, which isn’t terrible. I am not certain if I’ll go out to the corner tonight or not–will depend, actually, on how tired I am when I get home from dinner. But for now, I just had some toast and finished my first cup of coffee and am feeling pretty good–so we’ll see how it all goes, won’t we?

Maybe the saddest thing that happened this week was the death knell of a once-great urban newspaper, the Washington Post. Nowhere in anything I read about this latest butchering of the paper did anyone note that there was a lot of backlash to the Post after Jeff Bezos cancelled the paper’s endorsement of Kamala Harris because his fellow pedophile and favored candidate wouldn’t like it. I recently subscribed to the Post–despite my disapproval of them, it was a good deal and they had book coverage, sports coverage, and recipes–and got a great deal at ninety-nine cents per month for digital access, so I figured a dollar wasn’t much to give them, and would cancel when that rate lapsed and went back to normal. It sure didn’t take long for them to make my dollar a waste of money, did they? I also didn’t see anyone else drawing a line from Watergate to right-wing hatred of the Post and this final vengeance for taking down Nixon. (Likewise, they’ve also managed to neuter the New York Times and CBS; the Times reported on the Pentagon Papers, and CBS opposed Vietnam. Conservatives are nothing if not vengeful and vindictive, and can carry a grudge for a very long time.) I had misgivings when Bezos bought the Post, but it took him ten years to take an Elon Musk-like chainsaw to the Post. He’s a monster. I wonder how many kids he raped on Epstein Island? You know he was there.

I think the funniest thing to be about all of this is that the Chatelaine of Castle TERF is in the files. That’s right, that bigoted old bitch who “wants to protect girls and women” is in the Epstein files and was buddy-buddy with him. I knew her fascination with the genitals of children had a much darker origin. Maybe she hates trans kids because she wants to know what genitals they have without checking before molesting them? Yeah, she wraps her bigotry in piety but when you’re friends with the biggest pedophile and sex-trafficker on the planet? Miss me with your concerns about women and children, bitch. The irony that she happily climbed in bed with the Christofascists who’d tried to get her “satanic” books banned and removed from libraries is equally delicious. She jumped into bed with the actual pedophiles and hung around with Epstein. So much for any moral authority she tries to claim. She hates queer people and loves pedophiles. Quite frankly, she deserves worse.

It’s easy to see why religions like Christianity have taken hold–because its basic message is one of elitism and exclusion: we’re going to heaven. Plus, there is nothing fair in this world and there is rarely any justice, so how do the rich and powerful keep the poor and the working class from revolting and guillotining them all? Give them a religion that promises every gets what they deserve in the next world with no proof! It’s easy to see why faith became so popular in the old days–don’t worry about no justice on earth–they’ll get it after they die is some impressive gaslighting, maybe the greatest example of it in history. There was a reason the French Revolution didn’t target ust the upper class–they also targeted the Catholic Church and abolished religion (which often gets left out of the lesson). The promise of the afterlife enables the rich and the powerful to do whatever they please, no matter how heinous, because well, God will send them to hell.

The Olympics have already started, and some of the team figure skating competition has begun, with a good showing by the US team so far, which is very cool. I don’t know how much of the Olympics I’ll be able to actually watch–there are two parades tonight, six tomorrow, and three or four on Sunday. I have to run errands this afternoon so I can get them out of the way because I won’t be able to do much driving after four tonight until Sunday night/Monday morning.

I actually worked on my dystopian story yesterday and it started flowing easily–probably because it isn’t hard to imagine an American dystopia in the near future. But it also felt good to be writing again, and that’s always a good thing. Hopefully I’ll be able to get it finished this weekend.

And speaking of the Epstein files, someone gathered the Epstein emails as an easily searchable Gmail inbox. Just click and you can see if your favorite oligarch or celebrity is there!

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Friday, and I’ll check in with you again tomorrow.

Seriously, no one does parade floats quite like New Orleans krewes.

Smokin’

Pay the Bills Wednesday has somehow rolled around again, and yes, there are bills to pay and errands to run and all of that fun stuff for me after work this evening. It was cold again yesterday, but this time I was smarter and wore layers. I don’t think it was as cold in the office yesterday as it was Monday…but again, that could have simply been layers. It’s also not as cold this morning as it has been, and I am wondering if I should do the layer thing again today anyway; the office has been horrifically cold this week for some reason. A quick check of the weather app on ye olde phone and no, it isn’t going to be in the forties. I slept well last night, so I feel very rested and awake this morning–a pleasant surprise, actually. I came straight home from work yesterday, and of course, had to play with and cuddle with Sparky, as he won’t be denied. I got caught up on the horrible news before watching another episode of Run Away, a particularly twisty show we are enjoying, despite the annoying male main character’s toxicity, and then it was off to bed for me.

I also managed to get my latest newsletter (which you can read by clicking here if you so desire: America America), which is about my passion for US History and watching the Ken Burns documentary, The American Revolution, which I watched last month and enjoyed. I also found it timely–it reminded me and its viewers of the noble principles of freedom and liberty from oppressive government with which this country was founded–in spite of its legacy of enslavement and genocide, we’ve never really achieved the democratic utopia the founders envisioned (because of the enslavement and genocide)–and whatever this is that we’re living through is about as far from that utopian (for white men) ideal as we ever have been. The so-called “melting pot” theory of the United States has always been kind of bullshit, hasn’t it? The nation of immigrants that slams the door shut on immigration? Just horrific.

Scott Adams, the sad tragic piece of shit who blew up his successful career in comic strips by being very publicly an asshole and turning off the majority of his readers, died this week from prostate cancer. However, as a true MAGA believer he of course distrusted medicine and used quack medicine from quacks to treat it, only for it to not work and to start proper treatment too late: a suicide by stupidity, if you will. The only reason I mention this is his death triggered a post on social media by Kevin M. Kruse, noted US historian, reminding us all of Bill Amend and Foxtrot, a strip I used to absolutely love but had forgotten about, so I subscribed to get his weekly Sunday strip. Huzzah! (Adams, a bottom-feeding scavenging scum piece of shit, also converted–in theory, anyway–to Christianity to save himself from the flames of hell…which is the thing about Christianity that is so bogus to me. You can live your life as the most hateful asshole on the planet, convert on your deathbed and still go to heaven? While someone else, who spends their entire life doing for others and helping people, will go to hell because they didn’t convert? Fuck that shit.)

Which again begs the question: which Christian franchise is the real one? Sigh.

But over all, it’s been a pretty good week overall, as we head into yet another three day weekend.

Erich von Daniken also died recently, which was kind of weird; I was surprised he had only just now passed, to be honest. I have been outlining an essay around the subject of weird takes and lore, beginning with Chariots of the Gods and going on to the Bermuda Triangle and numerous other strange books about strange theories or occurrences that I read a lot about when I was growing up and how those weird books–many of which I didn’t really buy into because of the poor scholarship and lack of actual evidence. But they were interesting ideas and theories that triggered my imagination and anything that does that is worth reading.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Wednesday, and I’ll be back tomorrow!

China

Wednesday Pay the Bills blog, yet again, and I have to remind myself yet again that despite my antipathy towards paying said bills, at least I can pay them and don’t have to worry about it. That’s something in this capitalist hell we all live in, isn’t it? I mean, since all the annoying people didn’t get Raptured yesterday (more’s the pity, seriously), I suppose that’s a good enough reason to keep going, right? There are worse things than just being a cog in the capitalist machine, I suppose, although I generally try not to think in those terms because it’s so incredibly fucking depressing. When I was younger, it very soon became apparent to me that I wasn’t a M-F 9-5 kind of person, no matter how hard I tried or how long I stuck with it…but there was always that moment of is this the rest of my life and all the years stretched out in front of me, with me counting down the days every week until the weekend, I would get a little freaked out, and would shortly after that self-destruct and need to find a new means of employment.

Obviously, the Rapture didn’t happen yesterday–it never does, honestly–followed with the usual rush to explain why by the Believers, and it’s never “we must not have been ready yet in God’s eyes” but something else, always something else. Because the fault could never possibly be with the Believers, could it? Everything is always someone else’s fault with these people, which is an especially egregious lack of responsibility and accountability. I’ve never understood the smug “I’m saved” bragging they always do, too. Um, faith without works is dead? Ever hear that part? You’re supposed to humble yourself before God, and baptism doesn’t free you from the sins you commit after. And the whole “if Charles Manson or Stalin or Hitler asked to be forgiven before they died, they’d go to heaven” thing makes literally no sense. Who would want to go to Heaven if Hitler, Stalin or Manson are there?

Add in the “I have to save YOU and lead YOU to Jesus” bullshit arrogance, and yeah–blasphemy and heresy left and right. It is NOT, per their own Bible, for humans to know when their Lord and Savior is returning. So yeah, blasphemy, heresy and pride/arrogance. Good luck at your pearly gates, apostate. I have a deeply and sincerely held faith that you’re all going to hell. See how that works?

But I had a very nice evening revising the manuscript, and it’s going very well. Hearing Scotty in my head again is a delightful thing, and is making it much easier going. I imagine Paul will be late coming home again tonight (he didn’t get home until after I went to bed, so I don’t even know what time he did come home), so I have the evening free to work some more. I did some of the chores last night, too, and I am going to order groceries to be delivered tonight; I am also treating myself to Door Dash for lunch today. I need to empty the dishwasher and reload it tonight, but I did get the laundry finished, too.

Jimmy Kimmel aired last night, but not here in New Orleans as we have a Nexstar ABC affiliate here in New Orleans. I will be writing to them to let them know I will never watch their station again, and I am going to boycott their advertisers. I don’t even like Jimmy Kimmel all that much and I don’t much care for late night talk shows (Fallon is the worst) anyway…but fuck Nexstar and their censorship. How fucking dare you decide what is acceptable for us to see? Yeah, it’s going to be a very strongly worded letter. I may even share it here, who knows?

And shock! Their offices are in Metairie.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I will be back tomorrow morning for sure. See you then!

You Can’t Hold On Too Long

Saturday and I don’t have to go into the office! Man, I was tired last night when I got home from the office. I came straight home, too. The day at the office wasn’t bad, and I fell asleep pretty early in my easy chair after watching the season premier of Peacemaker. I also did some laundry (I wound up washing the bedding once I got home), and I still have some things to do today. I have to run errands (not many, and not too terrible), I have some cleaning and so forth to do around here today, and want to do some reading and some writing as well. I guess it all depends on how much energy I wind up having today. This past week was ever so much better than Last Infusion Week, but I was still tired by the time I got home from the office. Recovery is taking forever, isn’t it?

And it’s not like I’m the most patient person alive.

I did sleep late in spite of Sparky’s biting and clawing attempts to get me up earlier. It felt good, although I do still feel a bit tired. The coffee tastes delicious this morning, and I feel a little low blood sugar this morning, which means I should eat. I’ve not been eating as much in the mornings as I had been these past two weeks. My weight is still climbing–slowly, around a pound per week–but I’m not going to worry about my weight until after Labor Day and my first self-injection. The next few weeks are going to be busy ones–LSU’s first game of the season is next weekend, and then it’s Labor Day and right after that, Bouchercon. I don’t have a lot of plans made for the week of Bouchercon, and I might just leave the weekend as it is already and not make any more plans…I can use that time to write and clean and read and get my act together going into football season. Sigh. I’m trying to not get overwhelmed with so much to do, but…nothing to do but apply nose to grindstone and focus on one task at a time. I’ve got to be better about my to-do list.

I think this morning I’ll go ahead and read for an hour before getting cleaned up and running my errands. I’m not progressing as quickly as I would like with my three current reads, and so need to desperately pick up the pace on my reading. I will never get through the TBR pile at the rate I’m going, and the way I keep adding books to the stack…my TBR pile is like the Hydra. I read and donate a book and add two more. This is not a winning strategy, methinks. But I think my focus is coming back–it’s rusty and needs to be nurtured and encouraged–and that will help with everything.

I’m also still reveling in the death of James Dobson the hateful homophobic misogynist racist advocate of child abuse in the “name of God.” Lord, how I hated that piece of shit and his so-called “ministry”–how much damage did that prick do in the name of money and power? I was thinking about writing a newsletter about Dobson and his hate–I’ll never forget that time I heard him calling me a pervert and pedophile during the Virginia thing on his radio show…but I’ve been toying with doing a lengthy, multi-part one about Christianity and my tangled, complicated relationship with the faith I was groomed into. I’ve also been reading old entries back from the original days of my blog (2005!!!) to get a sense of Katrina to write about again (I’ve started writing it, and hope to have it finished for posting on the anniversary next Friday) and it really is amazing to see how much not only my writing voice has changed but me personally; that’s what I want the Katrina entry to be about, how both the city and I have changed since Katrina because of Katrina. (Which is also my way back into writing Hurricane Season Hustle).

Last night I got my birthday meal of shrimp lo mein at last, and it was quite marvelous as it always is–you can never go wrong with shrimp, noodles, and a sauce, I find. I’m not sure about what meals to make this weekend, but probably will barbecue burgers either today or tomorrow (most likely tomorrow, since I won’t be leaving the house; today I feel is going to be an easy day for food).

And on that note, I am going to take my coffee and go read for a bit before showering. Have a lovely Saturday, Constant Reader, and I may be back later; one can never be certain how I am going to do things on an easy unplanned day. If not, tomorrow morning for sure.

Double Life

Man, yesterday was rough.

I do not know what was up with that final infusion, but I was very fatigued physically yesterday, and while my mind was alert, it was incredibly foggy. I managed to get through my work day, but in the late afternoon I began to wonder. I was exhausted when I got home (I did stop and make some groceries) and was asleep before Paul got home around nine. I was too tired to do much of anything last night other than watch videos on Youtube. I am physically exhausted this morning already; making today into a definite challenge. We’re not as busy as we were yesterday, so we’ll see how I am doing at the end of the day. Today is also Pay-the-Bills Day, which I’ll try to get taken care of at some point today–and probably during my lunch break.

I really just want to go back to bed.

My birthday is a week from today, but I think I’m not going to take the day off and will just go in; I have to take some time off at the end of the month and I’m supposed to go to the panhandle for a week in October, so I need to be hoarding my vacation time as much as I can until I have a week of it, and right now I am sort of skating the line as to whether I will have enough time accrued for the trip. Heavy heaving sigh. I need to figure all this shit out, don’t I? Heavier heaving sigh. But I don’t want to. Which is always how my tendency to laziness resurfaces and I revert to the spoiled little boy I was (still am) and pout, “I don’t want to.”

I am looking forward to reading The Hunting Wives, but was too fatigued last night to really do anything productive. I hate that for me, really. I did remember to turn the dishwasher on, though, so at least everything in it is clean. I’ll unload it tonight when I get home, and do another load…unless the fatigue is completely out of control by then. My preference would be to run uptown to get the mail, pick up some prescriptions that are ready, and swing by the pet store to get Sparky some treats. I just have to make it through today and tomorrow, because I work at home on Fridays and thus don’t have to be at work before eight am.

I see that Kim Davis has gotten some attention again for trying to get the Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality. She looks exactly the same as she did all those years ago when she put her religion ahead of her job (“render unto Caesar” and all that) despite her multiple divorces, bastard children, and adultery; and clearly has not removed the mote from her own eye. Of course, Christian apologists will claim that she repented and found God so is forgiven her earlier sins, yet that forgiveness certainly didn’t engender any love, compassion, or empathy in her stony heart, so I’d say her “repentance and forgiveness” is clearly on shaky ground; frankly, if people like her have a golden ticket to Heaven isn’t exactly the kind of ringing endorsement that will get people to start going back to church, is it?

She also still dresses like she only shops at the Little House on the Prairie collection for K-Mart, and that hideous hair and eyebrows. She doesn’t really have much standing to get a personal appeal heard by SCOTUS…but this court cannot be trusted. They do not respect precedent, they issue contradictory rulings based on their morning prayers, and are a disgrace to both the country and the legal profession. But what can you expect from cosplay Christians, who are just in it for the judging and superiority, with no basis in Jesus or his actual ministry. That is the kind of shit that drives me insane–and droves of others from the church.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. See you tomorrow morning, and have a lovely rest of your day.

Gods of War

Monday morning and we survived yet another heat advisory weekend. Something tropical is bringing us more rain later this week, but the heat will continue its efforts to bake us all alive every day in the meantime. It was a lovely weekend, and one I was sorry to see end. Perhaps not as productive or effective as I would have preferred, but it was nice to chill and relax and get some things done. But it could have been worse. I can always be lazier. Sparky let me sleep late again yesterday, but I did manage to get most of my chores done. I spent some time with Megan Abbott’s latest (it’s superb), which has me thinking about my own writing (as the best authors always provide inspiration, and a desire to do better work myself) this morning as I peer through the condensation on my windows this morning.

And facing down yet another week of work. Woo-hoo!

We finally watched Wicked Part One yesterday, and it was very well done, but…I also didn’t connect with the material, either. I am probably the only queer person who doesn’t worship at the altar of The Wizard of Oz, so Wicked has never appealed to me as anything other than “oh, what a clever idea!” It moved very quickly and was at the end before I knew it–“is this ‘Defying Gravity’? Doesn’t the first movie end with that song?” (It’s also the only song I know from the show.) Visually it was stunning, the acting was top-tier, and everyone was terrific–and the story never drags or becomes boring or dull. I also adore Jonathan Bailey, so his supporting turn was deeply appreciated. I appreciated the accomplishment that is the film, but it was…okay, I guess. A better way to put it is I didn’t get caught up in the magic at any point while watching. It was very good, though.

This appears to be very good news on the HIV/AIDS epidemic; an injectable twice yearly that is 100% at blocking infection? That will surely have an impact on my job–clients certainly won’t have to come in every three months anymore, if they only need the medication twice yearly–but who knows? I do think it’s important to get every gay man and trans people on this schedule to eradicate the disease at long last in this country. This news also made me miss my friend Victoria deeply again. Every time I see a funny political meme I think I need to send this to Victoria–oh. Sigh. How many conversations have we had about the HIV/AIDS plague and all the people we’ve regrettably already lost? Queers who lived through those horrific early decades of the plague all carry a bit of PTSD with us and a bit of survivor’s guilt: why did I survive? What was so special about me?

And you just have to accept that it’s random and doesn’t mean anything more than that. Just like Katrina, just like almost everything bad that has ever happened to me and those around me throughout my life. There’s no rhyme or reason to this world, no matter how much Christians want to whine and harangue the rest of us about “God’s plan.” The probable truth that there is no God, or divine entity, or sense to our lives, is too much for most people to wrap their minds around–just as the question “where did God come from? Who created the Creator?” unsettles many of them.

Heavy sigh.

And I really do need to start doing some promo for these anthologies I have contributed stories to the table of contents…

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Monday, and I may be back later, perhaps; if not, it will be tomorrow morning.

The colossi of Memnon, Egypt

Love and Affection

Sunday morning, how are you doing this morning? Shockingly, Sparky let me sleep super-late this morning, so I am beginning the day already feeling behind, which…is just anxiety I need to let go of, isn’t it? Yesterday was pleasant. Paul ended up rescheduling his trainer from yesterday to today, so I didn’t have the alone time I thought I’d have. I did spend some time with Megan Abbott’s superb new novel, and I did some chores for sure, but overall I didn’t feel like I managed much. We watched a couple of movies, and then started watching the second season of Shiny Happy People, which focuses on the “Christian” cult of Teen Mania.

Seriously, freedom of religion is important, but sometimes it gets taken too far. Sexual abuse of children under the guise of “religion” should be a dealbreaker, period, regardless of religion. How much money has the Catholic Church paid out in settlements for child rapist priests? Madness. And yet, the raping and covering up continues, unabated….while the Church maintains it has moral authority over its flock.

We rewatched Jaws yesterday; I can’t remember the last time I saw it, but I very much remember the first time I saw it: Mom took us after church shortly after it opened, and the only three seats together in the theater was in the center front row, so the screen was right there in front of us–and it was terrifying. The movie is very well-made, the performances of everyone other than Brody’s wife were terrific, and it very much followed the formula of the classic disaster movie–officials, worried about money, ignore the experts and open the beaches anyway, which leads to more death–only with a very big audience so the existence of said enormous shark is no longer in question. It’s also a monster movie, so when we finished we watched Wolf Man, which wasn’t great but wasn’t as terrible as reviews and commentators made it sound. Julia Garner is always terrific (loved loved loved her in Ozark), and it was entertaining enough. I thought the suspense was good and the story itself was pretty simple; I don’t think the prologue was necessary but other than that, it was a solid B score from me.

I had groceries delivered yesterday, and this new modern-day experience is one that I quite enjoy. It’s much easier to go on an app, order the food, and then wait for it to be delivered, rather than getting cleaned up and dressed and driving around town then having to do the shopping myself once I get to the store. One delivery came around noon, and the other arrived about half an hour later, which was marvelous. There are some other things I forgot to order, but they can all wait until I go to the store (or order again) on Wednesday on the way home from work. I am trying to decide if I want to make Swedish meatballs today, or ravioli, or any of the other options there are in the house today.

And obviously, I have a lot of reading, writing, and editing to get done today. I need to make a fresh to-do list, and one set of cabinets really needs to be better organized. I also need to find a place to store the endless boxes of tissues we got at Costco the last time we went. I also have some filing to do; when I finish this I’ll probably go watch some news and read until I feel like getting to work. Reading is often a risk because Sparky will see me in the chair as an invitation to sleep in my lap, and once the cat starts sleeping it’s all over for me. In my own defense, he’s awfully cute and sweet. I am so happy he’s more comfortable around us and more affectionate–he loves riding on my shoulders–and he’s also, after months, decided his cat bed is a perfect sleeping spot.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines for the morning. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I may be back later; if not, it will be tomorrow morning. Until then, ta!

Anubis

When I Grow Up (To Be a Man)

Thursday! Wasn’t sure I’d make it this far this week, but here I am, wide awake and sipping coffee–the taste for it is coming back; I was rather jittery yesterday morning but am glad the taste is coming back because I’ve really missed my morning coffee. I am also getting stronger every day, which is nice. I walk around the office every hour or so, just to get my legs back under me. Eventually I hope to start walking in the neighborhood, and maybe someday I can get back to the gym to tighten everything back up again–everything just sags now. I was always afraid that I was destined, like all the men in my family, for Southern redneck body; where you look like a potato on tooth picks and have to wear suspenders instead of belts. I was never terribly worried about that outcome, as I have always had big legs and a big ass. NOT ANYMORE. My legs are all scrawny, and my ass is gone. Sigh.

Good thing I’m too old to be vain anymore, right?

I thought we’d finished Andor the other night, but was very delighted that the final three episodes dropped yesterday, so we got to finish it last night. Huzzah! (And yes, there will be more about that at some point.) I loved it–even more than The Mandalorian, which was a very high bar to clear. I think we may rewatch Rogue One tonight–which, outside of the original, is probably my favorite Star Wars movie.

I made a colossal mistake on social media the other day, but I thought it was something that bore making a comment. I read three or four consecutive threads by different “Christians” analyzing and trying to explain why people are atheists, which was kind of amusing because it isn’t that deep: most atheists believe in nothing. You’re born, you live, you die, and that’s it. It’s not about hating God or Jesus or authority. Sure, there are atheists who hate religion…but not the religion itself, but the organized version. So, I just posted It amuses me seeing Christians tie themselves up in knots trying to understand atheists. Why do you care? So, of course, “Christians” came at me with torches and pitchforks, almost every one of them assuming I am an atheist, which isn’t correct. The best description for me is something like agnostic; because I am not arrogant enough to think I know all the answers or what is true or not. It’s not for me to know, right? That’s what always bugs me about the cosplay Christians: the arrogance in their faith and lack of humility–which is kind of what your Lord and Savior was all about? Only two–two!–gave me an actual Christian response: we are taught to worry and try to save lost souls. Everyone else failed. SHOCK, I know. My own relationship with religion is complicated–I was groomed into Christianity since I was a baby by family and society, so I never had a choice until I was older: my ass was parked in a pew twice on Sundays and once on Wednesdays after we moved to the suburbs. I have, as I said, complicated feelings about religion, and I’ve been working on an essay about that very thing for a number of years now, so I may just get back to work on it for my newsletter, which has been dormant since I got sick. (UPDATE: Every day I feel better, but I am still a little on the fatigued side.)

I also realized that I am actually taking a steroid, which has made me a little more on edge than I’ve been since I started taking the anxiety medication. I got really angry in the car on the way home last night, and I was puzzling about it until I remembered, idiot, of course you’re feeling aggressive, you’re taking a steroid, dumbass. I also took some Vitamin b-12 this morning, so I am feeling very good. I still have a bit of a fatigue, but I feel so much better. I also started, of all things, moisturizing. I’ve always had pretty decent skin, but this illness has made it very dry and flaky. I commented on this when I saw my specialist last Monday, and he told me (he’s an older white man, but probably younger than me) that I was “ashy and needed to moisturize”–which took me aback, that he knew what “ashy” meant; I assumed he got it from The Real Housewives of Atlanta–so I asked some of the Black ladies I work with for recommendations (EOS lotion, and original Dove moisturizing soap) and I can’t believe what a difference it has already made! I told Paul I was going to have to come up with a beauty regimen since I’m older and can’t just coast on good skin anymore.

As you can see by the length of this, I am slowly getting better by the day. Huzzah!

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a great day, Constant Reader!

The Pharaoh Akhenaten the Heretic, from the Egyptian Museum

Tragedy

Thursday, and it’s almost the weekend. Not a normal weekend, but one where I have to actually be presentable and lucid periodically…and have to leave the house for extended periods of time. I slept pretty well last night, for my first night as a Festival widow; Sparky actually slept in the bed with me, too. I didn’t get much done when I got home last night, because I was tired after I got off work and the errands didn’t help much. I did start a load of laundry and ran the dishwasher, so tat is something I got done. I also managed to get some writing done, but not very much, so hopefully tonight’s writing journey will be better. We shall see.

I did watch the season finale of a reality show I follow for some reason–habit more than anything else at this point (I’ve almost always been a completist, and I usually will only ditch a show before its series finale if it gets really bad and stupid and I get annoyed with myself for watching)–and I think I might be pulling the plug on it. I had come very close to stopping watching a few seasons back when the show took a turn I didn’t much care for, and it seems like the cast has decided to circle back around to the behaviors that had me almost stop watching in the first place. I may watch the reunion episodes, but most likely not. I’m not really interested in the bullying antics of a failed grifter, failed gold digger, and failed child star who are actually so bad at their jobs that they can’t even give me a meme-worthy moment or line. I do sometimes need a break from Bravo’s reality shows because the lack of consequence for any of these horrible women reminds me that horrible people often never have consequences in reality (cough Tulsi Gabbard cough Pete Hegseth cough), and that’s not messaging I can really get behind.

The immorality of rewarding amorality gets to me sometimes, you know? I guess that’s why so many people embrace religion and the whole “afterlife” thing–bad people go to hell, right, so their punishment is in the next world, but the concept of the “get out of hell free card” methodology and epistemology negates every bit of the punishment/reward structure of modern American Christianity. “Faith without works is dead,” remember that part?

I think the lack of consequences in the real world is why I started writing crime fiction in the first place, so the guilty are actually punished. A definite argument can be made that crime fiction’s roots are in conservative ideology; the restoration of order after disorder, the Apollonic v. Dionysian paradigms that lie at the root of all good crime fiction, whether we want to admit it or not. I first started thinking about this in the wake of the police murders of innocent Black people over the last decade (shameful that it took me that long to open my eyes), which made me reevaluated my own biases about the police (the mythology vs. the reality), while all the time knowing that as a gay man the police are most definitely not looking out for MY best interests in any way. I was conditioned as a child, by the Chicago public school system, to see the cops are protectors and friends. (Did anyone else have an “Officer Friendly” who came to talk to your class about safety? I remember distinctly being conditioned to trust the police…)

And on that note, I am going to head into the spice mines. Have a great day, Constant Reader, and I’ll check in with you again later.

Screenshot