Category: diversity

I Need Your Love Tonight

Monday and back to the office blog this morning, and I didn’t want to get up this morning. But now that I am, I feel fine and ready to get on with this day. I did not have the productive weekend that I wanted to have, but I got rest and that’s really the most important part of the weekend for me now. I did get some reading done–I am loving The Cypress House, more on that later–and I did assemble the new barbecue grill (which took much longer than it needed to and was much more complicated than it needed to be, but it’s done and I most pleased with myself for not only doing it, but redoing it when I had done something wrong, as opposed to just leaving it and making it work); it was cool outside but incredibly muggy, so I got overheated and super sweaty while doing it, with the end result that I was really tired when it was finished…and my appetite was gone. Ah, well, at least it’s done and ready for next weekend, right?

We started watching the final season of Young Royals yesterday, and it’s interesting. What’s even more interesting is seeing how the main characters have grown and changed in real life; the prince is now taller than Simon, which he didn’t used to be. They also look more mature in the face, if that makes sense? But watching them kissing now doesn’t feel as uncomfortable as it did in earlier seasons, so they’ve clearly gotten older in real life. I don’t know the ages of the actors and I don’t know if I care enough to go look and see how old they are, but one of the things that always makes me squirm a bit in shows with age appropriate (or appearing) actors is you feel a bit icky watching them be intimate with each other…which is one of the reasons why most teens in film and television are played by actors in their twenties. This, however, gives us all–especially those of us not around teenagers very often–the wrong idea about how adult teenagers look, especially when they’re sexually active…so it’s shocking when you run into actual teenagers and you see how young they really do look. This is something I’ve been wrapping my mind around since Heartstopper, and trying to write about. Maybe now I can finish those thoughts all the way through? Stranger things have happened…

The eclipse is today, and we won’t get full coverage of the sun here in New Orleans, but about 85%, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t going to be weird. I love that people think the eclipse is going to be the rapture (if only), or an omen/sign from God…because that’s just how the universe and space and time work. One shouldn’t be surprised that Marjorie Taylor Greene, who would have been screaming about witchcraft had she been alive in Salem in the 1690’s, would go all Old-Testament in the face of a celestial event science has explained for centuries now. I’d love to see someone do a deep dive on her life–what are her parents, that raised such an inbred moron, like? Siblings? Where did she go to school, if she did? There really is nothing worse than an idiot who thinks God speaks to them. I wonder if she thinks she’s the second coming of some Biblical character, like the idiot Speaker of the House (Louisiana does NOT elect its best people) thinks he’s Moses? Queen Jezebel would be my best guess as to which Biblical POS harlot she would be–or Herodias, mother of Salome.

In a few weeks I’ll be off to Alabama to meet Dad, after which we will drive up to Kentucky where I’ll stay for a few days. I’ve not seen Dad since October, so it’s well overdue, but of course I also had surgery in the meantime and therapy and so forth. I’ll be packing plenty of books to try to get caught up on my reading–and of course, I’ll be listening to audiobooks in the car while I drive. I’ve downloaded quite a few books to listen to in the car, and I’m really looking forward to the drive and letting my creativity roam as I drive. I am dreading that lengthy drive back to New Orleans, as always, but it could also be a but fun. I always love coming home to Paul and Sparky after being away for a while. The only traveling I’ll be doing for the rest of the year will be going to see Dad, so I am hoping to use the rest of the year to pay down some debt so I can make it to Left Coast Crime next year without a problem or worries.

And on that note, I am going to bring this to a close and head into the spice mines. Have a lovely Monday, Constant Reader, and I will talk at you again probably later.

What a Difference A Day Makes

Sunday morning here in the Lost Apartment, and today’s blog title seems particularly apropos; I do feel more rested and relaxed and ready to go this morning, and certainly more so than I have all weekend. Never fear, I can always derail my day at any time, but for right now I feel rested and able to get it going somehow. I did sleep later than I (and Sparky) wanted to, but I am firmly believe your body knows what it needs more than your conscious self. I was tired yesterday. I had to go make groceries to get the things I wasn’t able to get Friday evening, and when I got back home from that, I was tired. I had intended to cook out yesterday, but I also had the time for the NCAA Regional Gymnastics Finals wrong–it was on at five rather than seven, as I believed–so I didn’t have time to assemble our new grill in time. I wound up just having a turkey sandwich and Paul made scrambled eggs.

LSU did win that regional meet and qualified for the national semi-finals, and scored over 198, which is a benchmark. They also didn’t have a great vault rotation, which means they could score even higher if they hit on every event. The delightful Haleigh Bryant got two 10’s–vault and bars–and they pulled away from everyone by the end of the second rotation. We also finished Ripley, which is marvelous, and started watching Sugar on Apple, with Colin Farrell–which is also pretty good with a powerful neo-noir sensibility; Sugar, the main character, also has an affinity for old noir films, so sometimes the show is in black and white and sometimes in color, which gives that old, slick late 40’s noir feel to the viewer. It’s also set in LA, so there’s all that wonderful Chandler feel to it, too.

And the apartment is a bit of a mess today, too. I’ve done some good work this weekend getting it all under control, but it’s still not completely, which I will have to work on today around writing and doing others things. I also started reading Michael Koryta’s The Cypress House, which is really good (everything he writes is gold; if he weren’t so good we’d be burning with jealousy) and reminds me I need to really work a lot harder on my own stuff. I read quite a bit of it yesterday morning with my coffee; I will probably do the same again today. It felt good to be reading again; I was also paging through Grady Hendrix’s Paperbacks from Hell, which is always a fun ride down memory lane–it’s about the horror boom of the 70s and 80s, which definitely had an impact and influence on me as a writer; I always went back and forth between horror and crime when I was unpublished, and while I mostly write about crime now I always enjoy branching out into horror sometimes–I have two more supernatural/horror type stories in draft form that I would love to get revised and put in my short story collection. I was doing a lot of thinking about works in progress yesterday while I watched the crime shows and the gymnastics; it’s been a while since my mind started roaming creatively like that, and I really liked experiencing that again; my mind has been fallow for so long I was beginning to worry (as always) that it was going to be stuck like that at some point.

I am also looking forward to reading more often and regularly now; I should absolutely 100% read for an hour every day when I get home from work and decompress; what better way than to curl up in my chair with Sparky purring in my lap? And reading a good writer before settling in to do my own word count for the day is a pretty good idea–I’ve always held that one of the best ways to write better is to read works by authors you admire, and there are so many authors I admire…I also came up with the idea for the next Scotty as well as its title, which is always a challenge. I’ll probably write that later this summer, after I get everything else I want to get done this year done. I am feeling better and am feeling good again; today I have to go to the gym and get restarted on my therapy on my own, too.

And on that note, I am heading to the easy chair with my book for the next hour or so before I come back here to dig into the day’s writing. You have a marvelous Sunday, Constant Reader, and I may be back later; one never knows. I have several entries that I need to finish, too.

Tallahassee Lassie

Ah, Saturday morning after another good night’s sleep. I managed to sleep late again–Alarm Sparky hasn’t worked the last two days; he waited until almost eight this morning to demand breakfast and to try eating my Fitbit again; he tries to chew my Fitbit fairly regularly throughout the day. (He has also peeled off my Breath-Rite nose strip both yesterday and this morning–try sleeping through that sometime!) But he’s a sweet boy and I love him. He’s bonded again with Paul over the last couple of weeks and has adjusted to having him around again, which is nice. Settling back into normalcy (or what passes for it) around here now, and trying to get some things done today–preferably this morning, to be honest. I have to get everything done that I need to get done today before seven, which is when the NCAA regional championships for gymnastics airs with LSU trying to make it to national semi-finals. I do have a lot to do today–I really was tired last night when I finished work at home duties, and couldn’t really do much of anything other than finishing the laundry. Paul and I watched more of Ripley, which we are both enjoying and the production values are just so extraordinary; almost every shot is beautiful, and the black-and-white photography is brilliant; I don’t think I’ve seen such stunning visuals in a black-and-white film since Sweet Smell of Success.

I also managed to finish reading Last Summer last night, and there will be more about that later. It’s a very dark and mesmerizing tale; told in a voice that speaks to being a teenager but it gradually becomes very dark. I enjoyed reading it a bit, wondered about its casual homophobia (normal in books when this was punished, yet still startling to encounter; it was so common when I was growing up that I never really noticed the presence of actual queer characters and actual casual homophobia). I did remember the way it ended, and I think I do remember reading the sequel Come Winter. I’ll probably dissect more at some point, and give it a review reflective of the time period in which it was originally published and filmed.

We also watched the first episode of Mary and George, which is so much fun! Julianne Moore is clearly enjoying herself playing Mary, who dragged herself up from the lower classes and has ambitions for not only herself but for her son, the beautiful George, and Lord, is he beautiful. Nicholas Galitzine looks much prettier as a brunette than as a blond; being a blond doesn’t work as well as dark hair. Not sure which is his actually hair color, but those blue eyes certainly pop a lot more with darker hair. It’s way fun, and very very queer; historians are very quick to erase James I’s sexuality and desires for men from the pages of books–you literally need a photo of him buggering someone to convince homophobic historians; history is full of bisexuals, especially among royalty. The seventeenth century has always one of my favorite historical periods, too, and one I’ve always wanted to write about. I guess I should stop being such a coward and try to write something historical since I’ve always wanted to; but Imposter Syndrome always intrudes whenever I start thinking seriously about it. Maybe someday…but the show has the best line about sexuality and gender I’ve ever heard: “A body is just a body.”

Overall, I could easily be upset with myself for not writing last night, but I am not going to do that to myself anymore. I needed the rest, clearly, as I must have been tired. Today I have to run to make groceries, do some writing, and get some other things done. I am going to be cook out today–it’s bright and sunny out there, which is great–and I am hoping to get some cleaning and organizing done around here as well. I do need to empty the dishwasher, and I am a bit hungry this morning. I am going to spend about an hour reading Michael Koryta’s The Cypress House while I drink my coffee and my mind wakes up, and then I have to dig in and get to work for the day.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, I may be back later, and hang in there, okay?

Teen Beat

Ah, being a teenager. A lot of people look back on their teen years through rose-colored glasses, always smiling wistfully about the ‘best times’ of their lives. This always makes me reel back from the screen; it’s unfathomable to me that people miss being in high school. I made the best of high school, as I always try to make the best of every situation I find myself in, willingly or no; but you do eventually reach the point where you are so sick of the bullshit and the bullies and the assholes that it can’t end soon enough. I managed to make the best of high school all the way up until the second semester of my senior year, when I just reached the breaking point and just didn’t fucking care anymore–about my classmates, the other kids, the teachers, everything. I kept making the best of Kansas for another year or so–and when my parents were transferred while I was in college to California, I didn’t even think twice about deciding to leave Kansas in my rear view mirror.(I’ve also never been back since that snowy February night when I boarded Amtrak and headed west, either, other than in my fiction.) So, you’re probably wondering why I write about Kansas; why I dig into all those unpleasant memories and the horrible way I used to feel every day. In some ways, I suppose, it’s therapeutic; dealing with the memories and processing them now that I’m older, more centered and stable, and no longer hate myself. But…those are the important memories for writing about teenagers, which I do fairly regularly.

It’s always important to process your traumas by writing about them, I suppose.

It’s work-at-home Friday and Gregalicious slept a little late this morning. I was very tired last night–even fell asleep in my easy chair around ten, woke up just before eleven, and then proceeded home. I was too tired after work to get much done around here, or to do any writing, so I will definitely have to make up for that today and this weekend, once the work duties are done. I also have to get to the gym this morning to get back to the working out. After the Festivals and Paul got sick, my hands were a bit full and working out after being pronounced healed just wasn’t possible. Now I have to get back into it, adding a couple of back and chest exercises into the mix, and even having an official Leg Day work out, so as I get my strength and stamina back I can start using heavier weights and gradually get myself back to the point where I can workout the way I used to, before all the injuries and depression and so forth all kicked me off the gym wagon; hopefully by the summer I’ll be able to get myself back into some semblance of good physical condition again.

I suspect the tired thing will never go away.

We started watching Ripley last night around the Fayetteville Regional for NCAA Gymnastics, which LSU won while not having their best night, and I have to say I am enjoying it thus far. It’s a slow burn, but it’s incredibly stylish, and the black-and-white cinematography is terrific. The shots are amazing, and Andrew Scott manages to give Tom an air of menace, a kind of emotional flatness Matt Damon couldn’t have pulled off in the Minghella film version. I think part of the reason for the steady slow burn of the plot is because there’s not a lot of material…the book is actually very short (Highsmith was never wordy and rarely wasted time on back story), and my sense is that Scott’s Tom is much more like Highsmith’s ideation than the Minghella film. With all the comparisons made of Saltburn to Ripley, I’ve been thinking about the book and the Minghella film again, and this Netflix version seems like the Ripley Hitchcock would have made, which makes it more interesting to me. At first I was a little bummed not to see the Amalfi Coast in color; Italy is so beautiful, after all, but the black and white gives it a more pristine and polished look that is beautiful in an entirely different way. I’m looking forward to watching the rest of the show to see how it flows and develops–as well as comparing it to the book, the Matt Damon film, and Saltburn. It actually has made me rather happy that I haven’t finished my essay on Saltburn yet.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines for the day. Have a lovely Friday, and I may check in again later.

Tragedy

Thursday morning last day in the office for the week blog post, and I am pretty pleased, overall, with how the week turned out. It was hard to get back on the horse after the drama of the weekend, and recovering from that was a thing. One of the things about being older is you do really have to be more selective about what you spend your energy on…and I wished I’d realized that “saving my energy for things that matter” was probably a lifestyle choice I should have made when I was in my forties, at the latest.

It’s very weird how my body has adjusted now to getting up early. I used to be fine early in the week and gradually grew more tired as the week went on, until Thursday morning when I got up I was so groggy I could barely focus on anything. Now, I am tired and groggy early in the week and as the week goes on, I sleep better and wake up more easily later in the week. I feel a bit stiff this morning, but that’s all right. My coffee is tasting good and hitting the spot, and I just have to get through today before my work-at-home day tomorrow. We have a department meeting tomorrow morning at nine, but I can sleep a bit later and head downtown for that–and then run some errands on the way home. I was a bit fatigued last night, but managed to get almost two thousand words down before my brain fizzled out, after which we finished watching Apples Never Fall (enormously disappointing final episode) and got caught up on Will Trent, which we really are enjoying more than I thought we would. Not sure why I thought we wouldn’t like it, but I was wrong and glad we finally started watching. Tonight LSU competes in the regional gymnastics championships with a very good shot at making it all the way to the national finals. GEAUX TIGERS!

I finished listening to Cowboy Carter in the car on the way home from work yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. There’s not a bad song on the record, really, and some serious jams. And yes, it is a country album no matter what the racists in that genre want to believe. Oh no, a BLACK woman recorded one of the best country albums of the century! Cue white outrage! Seriously, people, if you’re not aware that ALL modern American music comes from jazz and blues (two forms of music created by Black people) then have all the fucking seats, trashbag. Country is more blues than jazz, and the lines definitely get blurred sometime, but face it: every song on Cowboy Carter could be a hit single. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. When was the last time any country artist could say the same? Shania Twain at the turn of the century, maybe? The fragility of white people, and their constant need to be the victims, is so fucking tired already. Get over yourselves, seriously. I can’t imagine living life with braces on my brain, can you?

And this morning when I synced my phone with the car, surprise! Spotify started automatically playing the new Pet Shop Boys album, Dancing Star, and it’s also a banger so far. I love me some Pet Shop Boys, and their music never seems dated, old or tired. Can’t wait to get back in the car to go home tonight so I can listen to some more of it. The Pet Shop Boys always take me back to when I was younger and basically living in gay bars on the weekends; they were kind of the soundtrack of my gay adulthood, really…and listening to their music from any year always puts me into the mindset where I want to work on “Never Kiss a Stranger,” which may actually be a novel and not a novella; that could the reason why I can never finish the story is because it could easily be longer. Maybe what I should do is just work on it and see where it goes and how long it lasts.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines so I can get this last day of work in the office for the week over and done with. I may be back later and I may not; one never knows. But have a lovely Friday Eve, everyone.

My Happiness

Tuesday and feeling a bit better after the wasted weekend (I wasn’t wasted, but rather wasted the weekend; but I need to stop looking at it that way and realize both my body and my brain wanted, and needed, rest). I wrote another chapter last night and am back into the book; here’s hoping it will last and I’ll keep writing as more time passes. The work wasn’t great, but it’s done and it’s fixable. This weekend I am going to have to really dive into things for sure, and I am hoping this week I’ll be able to keep up with the kitchen and everything else so I don’t have to spend a lot of time doing that this weekend and instead can dive headfirst into writing and reading.

I stopped to pick up a few things on the way home from the grocery store last night, and then once I was home I emptied the dishwasher, bonded with Sparky a bit, and then sat down to work. Sparky wasn’t especially fond of this idea–he’s not fond of anything I do that doesn’t involve either providing a lap for him to sleep in, filling his food bowl, or playing with him. I do think we’re going to have to make a Costco run this weekend at some point–we’re running low on some things–and there are some other things I need to order for delivery this weekend, too.

But I am happy I am writing again. I’m sorry I didn’t have the time or energy to edit “Passenger to Franklin,” which I was writing for the Chessies chapter’s next anthology; but it wasn’t ready to be submitted and had I done so, it would have been rejected anyway. The nice thing is this anthology–themed around urban legends–provided two short stories for me–“When I Die” and this one; both of which need editing, and both of which I think are going to be terrific stories and perfect for my collection, too. I have found the voice for “Passenger,” which was missing in the first draft, and “When I Die” needs to be revised so I can make the main character gay; it works better that way, especially with an unrequited crush on his wealthier roommate. I like the idea of them visiting the graveyard at Frenier as kind of a fraternity prank; the rich roommate thinks it might be a fun thing to do to all the pledges, and the one they take out with them into the Manchac Swamp is a pledge who looks up to both of them, in a smarmy way the main character doesn’t necessarily like–and we see a personality change come over him as they cruise through the swamp at night. (I also need to look up boats, and sometime I have to drive out to Laplace so I can take the old highway and see what that’s like so I can write about it some more. The college and town I am writing about on the North Shore is fictional, of course; but Frenier and the swamp are real.

And both legalizing cannabis and protecting abortion are now on the ballot in Florida, which makes me absolutely giddy with joy. This is very good news for the Democratic Party and really bad news for trash like DeSantis and that ghoul Rick Scott; I would hope it means a huge turnout which always is bad news for Republicans–that’s why they are always screaming about “voter fraud” and trying to suppress people’s right to vote; free and open elections generally aren’t good for Fascists.

After I got my word count for the day, Paul and I settled in and started watching Apples Never Fall, which we are really enjoying. It’s based on a book by Liane Moriarty (also the author of Big Little Lies and a few others; I’ve enjoyed everything of hers that I’ve read thus far) and I like how this is playing out so far. It’s so nice having Paul home in the evenings again–I’d forgotten how much I just enjoy our down time together in the evenings.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Tuesday, Constant Reader, and I may be back again later; one never knows.

Don’t You Know

Monday morning and it’s back to the office with me. The weekend was a bit of a bust; I did get some things done but zero writing. I missed the deadline for the anthology I was trying to write a story for, but despite a good start yesterday fatigue set in fairly early and I wound up spending most of the day in my chair, Sparky in my lap, while we continued watching Will Trent, which we are both enjoying. Today is also April Fool’s Day (does the apostrophe go before or after the s? I can never remember if it’s fool or fools), which is a kids’ thing, really. I don’t feel exhausted this morning, but I do feel like I could have certainly slept for longer.

This week I have to get back on track after last week was essentially a big loss for me, alas. I did get some things done last week, but it was derailed and then the weekend was also a complete loss. It was incredibly poor timing, of course, but sometimes life does happen–and it’s been happening to me a lot since January 2023 (really, you can even go back as far as the summer of 2022, when I got COVID), which kind of sucks. But that’s what life is, really; one long series of traumas with pleasant interruptions in between until you die. Well, that sure sounded pessimistic, didn’t it? It’s very easy to get caught up in the negative side of life and focus merely on that while not paying attention to the good things that go on in your life, especially when you keep getting derailed. (The anxiety side of my brain is trying really hard to send me into a depressive spiral here, but I am successfully holding it off this morning…so far.)

So, this is going to have to count as my reentry into my life after the festivals since last week was simply a holding pattern; Paul and I even talked about that last night between episodes of the show. Last week was simply a lost week during which I was able to get some things done on and around everything else that was going on. But it’s also a new month today, so I am going to try to get everything together this week and get my life back together. I’ll be going to visit Dad the first week or so of May, which will also be an interruption, but despite the lengthy drive there and back (I’m meeting him in Alabama first for the First Sunday in May, and then we’re driving north) I am kind of looking forward to it. I’ve got lots of books and stories to listen to on Audible (yay!) and of course, I always get inspired whenever I go to Alabama (or through Alabama). I do think I have my writing for the year figured out as well; I am going to finish the current one, finish everything I have unfinished on hand, and then I am going to write an entirely new project; and I know what the next two new ones are going to be. I do want to revise the story I didn’t finish and turn in for the anthology yesterday; it needs a strong rewrite, and I can also throw it into my short story collection, which will also then be finished and ready to go.

Progress, and getting back into a good headspace, is always a plus.

I did read some more of Last Summer yesterday, and that sense of foreboding just continues to grow with every page. I am enjoying the ride, and I know the book ends with tragedy; I do remember how this one and its sequel end, but I am still not entirely sure whether I am remembering the ending of the book from reading it before or from having seen the movie, which I also don’t remember much about, so can’t swear to having seen it. And also now that I am in the second half of the book closing in on the ending, I also see what Hunter had done with the two parts and it’s masterful yet chilling at the same time. It’s definitely a novel for adults, but it has teen protagonists; so is it young adult fiction? I am hoping to get it finished this week so I can move on to the Michael Koryta.

And on that note, I am bringing this to a close. Happy Monday and April Fool’s Day, Constant Reader, and have a lovely day.

Here Comes Peter Cottontail

Easter, which really should be the highest holy day of Christianity–but it’s not. That would be Christmas, which again–really doesn’t make sense. But at least the date of Jesus’ birth is fixed–as opposed to how the day of his death floats.

I overslept again this morning and I suspect my exhaustion–which carried me through yesterday as well–has everything to do with the situation on Friday. Yes, I know I am being vague, but I also never am sure about crossing a privacy line for someone else. Essentially, I lost the entire day, and let’s just say that I am glad I am on anxiety medication because my mind would have exploded this past week, probably. But it was exhausting and draining, both emotionally and physically, and that all kind of caught up with me yesterday. I did get some things done–laundry and I did run an errand–but was completely worn out yesterday and had excessive fatigue. I feel better this morning than I did yesterday, but I also have a lot to do today and hope that I can manage somehow. I feel motivated today, which I didn’t have the energy for yesterday, and as soon as I finish this I am going to get cleaned up and finish cleaning the kitchen and dive into my day.

Sounds good, anyway.

It’s also a very bright and cheery day out there–it’s been cold since around the festivals–and I am hoping to cook out today, too. We spent most of the day relaxing with the television on. I did read some of Last Summer, too, which I am really getting into, and I think my next read will be an old Michael Koryta, The Cypress House. He really is one of my favorite writers, and I need to read more of his backlist as well as get caught up on recent releases. I pruned the books a very little yesterday, and we did watch some great stuff yesterday. We watched Quiet on Set Friday night, which was grim and creepy and horrifying, and then yesterday we watched Thanksgiving and moved onto Will Trent, which we’d been meaning to get around to but kept forgetting–it’s quite good. Thanksgiving was another holiday slasher movie, kind of clever and didn’t take itself too seriously (always a plus in a slasher movie) and I enjoyed–but it didn’t say anything new or do anything wildly clever or original. Quiet on Set, on the other hand, was deeply disturbing–which brings me to another point about the falsity of the right and it’s anti-queer lies about grooming and pedophilia. Every day I see pieces posted on social media about another male (sometimes with a female accomplice) convicted of raping and/or sexually abusing children…and getting off with thirty days in prison, or three months, or suspended sentences.

Where is all the outrage about THAT? Judges and juries giving light sentences for raping children? That’s how I know the right is all smoke and mirrors when it comes to these issues. They chose to attack a small minority and accuse them of not being safe around children, but where is there concern about all these religious figures, church leaders, your counselors, and COPS who are getting away with destroying children? Watching Quiet on Set made me aware just how hypocritical they are. If they really cared about children and keeping them safe, they’d go after actual people who, you know, commit the crimes and the disgusting sentences they get for said crimes. It’s hard to take any country seriously who doesn’t punish actual perpetrators of crimes against children, but instead accuses innocent parties while looking the other way when the criminals don’t fit their narrative.

I’m tired of liars using children as a bait-and-switch to come for queer people.

Sigh. It’s easy to get frustrated and fearful these days with the world in the state it is currently in; I take no pleasure in seeing my predictions about the rise of modern American fascism, made in the early 1990s, coming true in my twilight years. You see, I recognized the rhetoric of the right, and how they were using queer people as scapegoats for everything, in the decade as the same language and dialogues that Germans used on Jews and queers in the 1930’s, and I also saw, with the rise of Fox News, the further decline of the American system and way of life. We’ve never really achieved, as a country, the democratic utopia the founders strove for–but it seems like a significant portion of the country no longer sees patriotism as country over party anymore. The Divine Right of Republicans to run the country was part of the unholy marriage of conservatives and evangelicals that Reagan fostered as a Machiavellian scheme to retain power. The right has been smearing the left as communists since the fall of the Tsar in 1917–it’s still a slur they sneer today (communist, commies, socialists) while painting themselves, quite offensively, as the real patriotic Americans.

Sometimes I think I am thinking overly optimistic and that more and more Americans are beginning to see the tin god as precisely that; a golden calf they worship despite their Holy Book’s continued warnings about false gods, false witness, and liars.

And for the record, I have always believed that faith in religion should be shown by works, not words. Anyone can say they are a Christian and they love Jesus–it’s their behavior and what they do that truly matters.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a happy Easter, Constant Reader, and I may be back later.

Lavender Blue

Friday morning and I’ve taken the day off. Yes, it was going to be a work-at-home Friday, but a personal crisis has interfered with my daily routine and I ended up having to take the day off. (I also had to leave work early yesterday, but I will save the tale of the personal crisis until it has passed, thank you for your understanding during this trying time; which of course leaves me in a quandary about what to write about this morning–so please bear with me.)

I did read some more of Evan Hunter’s Last Summer, and I am not sure what to make of it thus far. I think I read this book when I was a kid, but I’m not remembering it, and it’s similarities to Summer of ’42 (which would now be banned as a grooming novel/movie) may have confused me into thinking I’d read both. I don’t know that I’m enjoying it as much as I am supposed to as the reader; I do like the sparing style Hunter used to write the book, which reminds me of James M. Cain. I’ve also not read any of his Ed McBain novels, but those are considered classics in the subgenre of police procedurals; one of those holes in my education as a crime writer that I always deplore (the list is appallingly long and would contains authors that would both shock and scandalize you). I’ll keep reading the book, but it’s taking me longer than it should because I can only take bits of it to absorb at a time; there’s this marvelous sense of foreboding in the narrative voice that I am loving, and I am also trying to figure out how he manages to do that. (Every novel I read is an education of some sort, whether I’m enjoying or not. I no longer finish books I’m not enjoying–before I would do it as a puzzle for me–how would I write this better? That may seem arrogant, but it’s not. Just because I don’t enjoy a book doesn’t make it a bad book, it’s always a matter of personal taste.)

I also slept late this morning. I was exhausted when I tumbled into bed last night, and Sparky even slept with me in the bed, which he has started doing more often lately. I do like that; there’s something about a purring cat sleeping pressed up against you. I also woke up this morning to some rather lengthy bloody scratches on my hand. I went to bed just before ten thirty last night and woke up at nine, grateful I didn’t miss PT (which ended last Friday) or got a late start to my work-at-home day. I’ve got a very messy apartment to work on, and hopefully the crisis will pass today and things will return to some semblance of normal around here. I also need to get back on my writing horse, answer a shit ton of emails, and pick up the reins of my life again. I was sort of letting things slide this week while I was writing so much and so well, and now those chickens have come home to roost. Laundry to do and put away, dishes to put away, filing to do and floors to clean; it never ends for one Gregalicious. I was also kind of running on a low internal battery charge all week, which meant tiring early and being exhausted by the time I went to bed. (I always realize these things after the fact, but at least no longer berate myself for not being more productive.)

I’m going to sit here and finish this while enjoying my morning coffee. The coffee tastes really good this morning and I am going to need to eat something; I was so caught up yesterday in the crisis that I never did eat anything after breakfast, which isn’t good for me or anyone, really.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I may be back later; one never can be sure about these things.

Waterloo

Thursday and Work-at-Home Day Eve.

I did have a pretty good day yesterday; although I did start flagging a bit in the afternoon. I paid the bills, always depressing, and then stopped on the way home to make groceries and cleaned things up a bit around the apartment. I wrote last night and made some progress on the book–not enough, but it’s never enough–and also started working on another short story for a submissions call that I think’s deadline is next month sometime? It may even be later, one truly never knows unless one checks–and I really need to be better about putting deadlines for submission calls on my calendar. But that would make sense and be efficient!

You see where this is going, don’t you? Yes, I am starting to come out from under a bit, and yes, I am pretty pleased about it. My email inbox is down to almost nothing, and I’m starting to feel like my old self again–creative, with my mind zapping around in a million directions at all times, but now again able to zone in with extreme focus again when I need to. Whew. That’s quite a relief. I wasn’t terribly stressed; I just figured I’d have to figure out another way to push myself back into the writing somehow. I do wonder sometimes if not having stress and anxiety would become a problem for me in and of itself–but that is a vestige of the stress and anxiety, isn’t it? I’m so unused to this! I feel like I have so much more time than I did before, if that makes sense? My life has pared down in many ways, on every level, and I kind of like it like this. I like not getting worn out by the emotional rollercoaster of anxiety and all of its horrific side effects. I like being relaxed instead of tightly spooled. I like sleeping at night, and not being tired in the morning. I hated that feeling of drowning, not being able to keep up, and always falling further and further behind on everything.

I slept well again last night, which was great. I feel rested today, which is great, and my brain is actually functioning this morning. Let’s hope this is a good omen for the weekend, shall we? After I wrote last night, I did some cleaning around here and watched news clips on Youtube to catch up on what’s going on around the world. The Key Bridge collapse yesterday was a horrible event, and of course the right decided that it was somehow Pete Buttigieg’s fault that a container ship lost power and hit the bridge? Honestly, they are such garbage, and we’re lucky as a nation that we have someone compassionate, driven, and smart as Secretary of Transportation. After all, Maryland is a pretty consistent blue state, so why would they deserve any help from the White House had the coup attempt succeeded? We’d be living in a different country, for one thing, and we need to be sure that different country never happens. I think Dobbs and the Alabama Supreme Court decision on IVF were bridges too far for most Americans, as the special election in Alabama showed us this week. Women and men are PISSED OFF, and just because the media wants to keep shoving the right down our throats while undermining the left doesn’t mean a fucking thing. All the polling in Alabama was distinctly off, and it was a 35 point swing from the 2022 election. The Democrats need to keep hammering them on their discrimination and their contempt for women as anything other than brood mares; incubators for their children.

And how lovely would it be if a blue Congress codified the right to choose, the freedom to marry? The best fuck you ever to Alito and Thomas, the worst and most corrupt justices since Roger P. Taney. Congressional Republicans also exposed themselves by voting down IVF protections. And my guess is there will be another insurrection when Don Poorleone loses in November, count on it. The difference this time will be that the National Guard will be there in no-time, and if they kill more traitors like Ashli Babbitt, so be it.

And for the record, everyone involved in January 6th? We sent the Rosenbergs to the chair. Stop whining and do your time. You’re not patriots, you’re traitors. And for the record, conservatives in 1775 were Tories, i.e. were on the side of the British. Sorry you can’t read and aren’t capable of coherent, logical thought, but if you don’t know any history it’s probably best if you don’t bring it up. That’s why the Tea Party particularly infuriated me; they adopted an “iconic” Revolutionary War event, dressed themselves up that way, and called themselves “patriots”–for opposing the Affordable Care Act. In other words, they were calling themselves the modern-day equivalents of people protesting a massive corporate tax cut. What? That’s right, the tea tax was also a tax break for the East India Company, so they could sell tea in the American colonies more cheaply than American vendors, which also raised the question (again) of “taxation without representation.” The Affordable Care Act was definitely not taxation without representation–and the Tea Party was the root source of the MAGAts, and Sarah Palin was once its queen and shining star. Remember when we thought she was the worst the Republicans could inflict on the country? Ah, for the innocence of 2008 again; when grifting became a major player in American politics.

Heavy heaving sigh.

I have long been tired of the idea that the only real Americans live in the country and small towns, are Christians, and thus are the real patriots. Cities are the economic engines that drive the country, for the record. The point of our system is that we all cooperate together; the entire point of the government is compromise; not demand things all be your way and if you don’t get your way, you throw a tantrum and bring everything crashing down. There’s also no one way to be an American, either. The hijacking of patriotism by the right–by people who don’t understand their country or its government–is something I’ve long deplored. The goal was never perfection–the founders were very aware of human frailties and weaknesses–but to always strive to be better. And are red states better places to live than blue ones? Our new governor here in Louisiana seems determined to out-Desantis Desantis; who knows how much worse things are going to be here once he is finished doing the job of utter destruction of Louisiana that Bobby Jindal started?

I wish I had more time to devote to studying our politics here in Louisiana so I could write about it more.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a great Thursday, Constant Reader, and you never know; I may be back later.