Work-at-home Friday! Yesterday wasn’t a terrible day, to be honest. I was more low energy than I would have preferred, but I did still manage to get things done, which was so lovely! I picked up a prescription on the way home, and a couple of books I’d ordered, and was home by a fairly decent time. I do have some work to do today, of course, and there’s always cleaning and laundry to get done. But I made progress, you know? I didn’t read or write because I wanted to let my mind rest up for the weekend. Paul was worn out from his physical therapy yesterday, and by the time I got home was ready to lay down and elevate his knee. He’s doing great, which is most pleasing to me, and I’m looking forward to a pretty chill but productive weekend.
I’m pretty proud of myself for mostly sticking to my guns and not impulsively buying books all the time. More books have gone out of the house than have come in this year, so that’s a big win, I think. The books I picked up were Down Cemetery Road by Mick Herron; Language as Liberation by Toni Morrison1; and Stephen King’s Never Flinch. I am years behind on King–so far behind that I don’t know that I can ever catch up, but I do love the character of Holly Gibney. I also would like to get deep into reading Rough Pages by Lev AC Rosen (I opened his newest to the front page last night and was utterly charmed; he’s so talented!) and make some headway into a reread of Celebrity.
I also spent some time enjoying watching highlights of the Knicks’ incredible comeback win the other night (I was sound asleep by the time the game ended) and I am really pulling for the Knicks to pull this off, you know? I have always loved New York, and I do love seeing people’s joy being expressed. They booed Baron Harkonnen the other night resoundingly; their mayor is amazing and going to be legendary; and overall, New York just seems to be riding high right now–as opposed to how the country is being run. How can you not root for them if you aren’t a Spurs fan?2
There’s a big blob of tropical mess out in the Gulf right now that is heading for the coastline. I keep seeing its remnants of a named storm (Cristina? BRING ME THE AX!), but I hadn’t been aware there had already been two named ones already. It’s supposed to get here Monday and sending us torrential downpours, thunder and lightning, and street flooding. That means probably excessive heat and humidity for us here in New Orleans until it gets here. Another good reason to leave the house as little as possible and stay inside all weekend. I’ll prune the books some more this weekend, but there’s no need for me to take them to the library sale. Next weekend is the Juneteenth holiday weekend, and of course I will be in Alabama the following weekend, and then its the 4th of July weekend…maybe I won’t prune the books just yet.
And on that note, I think I am going to get cleaned up and head into the spice mines. Have a lovely Friday, Constant Reader, and I will be back here again tomorrow morning. Till then!
I’ve read quite a bit of Dr. Morrison’s fiction, but I really do want to read some of her nonfiction takes on the American literary canon and it’s overwhelming whiteness. ↩︎
And yes, everything he touches does die. He went to the LSU-Alabama game in 2019, only to see Alabama lose at home for the first time in four years. But if there’s even the slightest possibility he can make the sporting event about him…. ↩︎
Wednesday morning and somehow we’re already halfway through this week; how did that happen already? IT didn’t hurt that I left work early yesterday. The taping of Susan’s show went well1; it’s always nice when someone who has chaired the National Book Awards/Pulitzers for fiction multiple times likes your work, you know? It’s always lovely to get affirmation, which isn’t something you get a lot in this business. I suppose royalties are affirmations, but…they’re kind of cold and emotion-less, you know? It also helps that the work is going well for me now, too. My visit to the stomach doctor also went well; he was most pleased with how I am doing and how my labs turned out, which was lovely and marvelous, and now I don’t have to worry about him for another six months. The Skyrizi is working well, and my plaque psoriasis is also gone; thank you, side effect of Skyrizi. I told him in the last month I’ve been feeling much better–not tired, not fatigues, not sore or achy–and he said that was about right; about a year to recover when I was that sick. My next injection is due Monday, and were it not on my calendar I would have completely forgot; I used to be able to tell it was coming because I’d have a little distress two weeks or so ahead of time. This is the first time I couldn’t tell the shot was coming due, which is also very cool. Huzzah!
I’ve also been invited to speak at this year’s Louisiana Book Festival, which is pretty cool. It’s been a long time since I’ve done the LBF; I don’t think I have since we started going to Baton Rouge for LSU games? I really should start checking into other state book festivals in the South; Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas; does Tennessee have one? Anyway, those are much easier to get to and more affordable than the mystery conventions.
We finished The Boroughs last night, which was a nice. self-contained series but was also left open for a second season. The acting was superb, and it was so lovely to see actors of a certain age carrying a show rather than having them shoved into some sort of showy supporting role. We’re also really enjoying Widow’s Bay, which is amazing and fun and funny and incredibly well-written. We’ve never seen the last season of Stranger Things or the most recent Bridgerton, but maybe over the next few weeks we can get that watched and out of the way. We also have to finish The Comeback; maybe this weekend will do for that. There’s also new seasons and new shows dropping next week that look interesting. This weekend I want to get really reading on Lev Rosen’s Rough Pages, and I think I may revisit Celebrity–primarily to talk about Mack Crawford, his sexuality, and gay representation in a book/mini-series in the early 1980s–also the era of Stephen Carrington’s sexuality on Dynasty.
I feel pretty good this morning. The daily rains have taken some time off–rumor has it we’re in for an incredibly horribly hot few days this week–but the rain will make its return next week, while the rest of the country is enjoying a cold front. I feel rested and like I can get a lot done today. I was thinking about running errands tonight after work, but it can wait until tomorrow after work, methinks. Especially if it’s going to be miserably hot outside.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines for the day. Have yourself a lovely little Wednesday, Constant Reader, and I shall return on the morrow. Till then!
Happy? Angry? Nice body, in any case.
I also got to talk about John D. MacDonald and his environmentalism and hurricane books, and wishing that we had that kind of writer going after Louisiana’s politicians and corporations. ↩︎
Monday morning and back to the office with me in a little bit. Haven’t had enough coffee yet, frankly.
I think it was a good weekend for me. I feel rested and good, which is always the point of weekends, isn’t it? Thank you, labor unions. It was a very good weekend for me, creatively, as well. I noticed on Saturday that I was almost finished with my journal (I actually finished it yesterday morning) and I smacked myself metaphorically upside my head for not writing the date I started writing in it on the flyleaf…but then yesterday I realized the notes on the very first page were written down either while I was in Florida last month, or after I got home. (The note was about a sign I saw on the way down to Panama City Beach at a corner where we turned: Betty’s Fireworks–Best Bang in Town! It made me laugh, I took a picture of it, and thought it would make a great story title.) But this note enabled me to write MAY 2026 on the flyleaf and I realized damn, I filled that journal in about a month or less which also means I’ve been writing a lot more than I had realized; I am just now doing it in long hand cursive rather than on a computer (although I did do some of that this weekend, too). I just now need to get back into the habit of writing on a keyboard again. The journal has been scratching my creative itch lately, is all.
Kind of a relief there, you know. The medication helps with the anxiety, but it’s not removed ALL the roadblocks in my head yet. That’s going to require a much longer unpacking than I’ve managed so far. But I am getting there.
I finished my reread of George Baxt’s A Queer Kind of Death, and also decided that I wasn’t going to write an essay about it–mainly because today the book is kind of problematic, despite being groundbreaking when originally published and it deserves (along with its two follow-ups) to be remembered for their importance, no matter how they hold up presently. It was a very big deal for a book where every male character is gay to be published in 1966 by Simon & Schuster, so it wasn’t only important for queer crime but for queer publishing in general. At the time. most queer fiction was published by pulp presses and not carried in most bookstores outside of the chains. The cop in this is not only a gay man but Black, too–which was incredibly subversive in a period where race riots were in the news weekly. But again, as entertaining as the book is, I think a white man writing a Black character wouldn’t fly today, and there’s also some problems with the gay characters. It also paints a picture of what life was like if you were openly gay in 1966, and that also makes the book important. But I couldn’t go in depth about it without critiquing the aspects now problematic, and I don’t want to do that, especially during Pride Month.
Same with my current read; it’s disappointing to me and I am not enjoying it, so I am putting it aside for now and moving on to another–probably the new Lev Rosen, as he is one of my favorites.
Now, I need to pick out my next queer reread. Hmmm. Maybe something not crime? Oooooh, Faggots by Larry Kramer! I’ve been meaning to get back to it again now for years1. There’s also Serenade by James M. Cain, which I’ve been wanting to reread. Oops, sorry, spoiler–but yes, Serenade is Cain’s queer novel.
I have been doing a lot of writing this weekend. I even wrote a synopsis/rough draft of the second chapter of the novel, which is taking shape nicely in my head. I did more short story work, too. I love that I am writing again and I love that I am being creative again. It’s so nice to finally break through that scar tissue in my brain (or whatever that was) to get back to finding joy and pleasure in writing again. It makes me feel alive in a way that nothing else really does, and I am so lucky that I love doing this work, and that I’m able to do it again. I think maybe that’s part of why I am feeling so much better–I’m writing again and enjoying it, which is always a joy.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have yourself a merry little Monday, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning. See you then!
Today’s crop of pro wrestlers have much better bodies than they did when I was growing up. I’d do this dude in a heartbeat.
I used to love talking to Larry on the phone when I worked at Lambda. He was usually angry about something but would always preface with “Greg, it’s not you but I’m mad.” ↩︎
Saturday morning in the Lost Apartment and all is well–at least so far. 🙂 Today, all I have to do is swing by the Latter Library to drop off books to the book sale and stop at the Fresh Market on my way home from the library. It rained last night (I know, surprise) and I slept well,. I also slept a little later this morning because I was very tired last night because I had to get up at six to go to the office for a meeting. After that I had to run some errands (lab work, mail, groceries) before heading home to do my work and clean. I did manage to get some cleaning done–I got the bed linens and a load of laundry done, and did some picking up and organizing while season one of The Traitors played in the background. We also watched Pillion last night, and while I was appreciative of the attempt made by the film to show that kind of a relationship, it didn’t click with me and I kind of found it to be a bit dull–which is not something you want with a movie about sub/dom. I hadn’t wanted to see it, despite its subject matter (something spicy and gay–and yes, much as I hate using the word spicy to describe sex, it kind of works) because a good friend who is more knowledgeable and experienced with dom/sub relationships had hated it; which told me everything I needed to know about whether I should watch or not. They were right, too–I disliked the movie and thought it was kind of dull; I appreciated the attempt, though. Years ago it wouldn’t have been made, so there’s that. Progress? Maybe?
After I finished working yesterday I wrote a lot last night. One of my major problems with self-destructive mental patterns is that I don’t consider anything to be actually “writing” unless I’ve written some fiction. But last night as I sat in my chair, I wrote a lot in my journal, and it wasn’t just free flowing stream of consciousness stuff while my mind wandered. I actually planned out several short stories and novellas (already in progress, but I rarely do a lot of prep work for short stories, which could be the problem), which felt great–I rarely work out the stories and plots and usually just have an idea and start typing and hoping my brain keeps going. Just typing that made me see the absolute failure of logic there and maybe I just rewired my brain. I’ve filled almost an entire journal with my scribblings since I started a new one several weeks ago…which is a lot of fucking writing that I don’t count, as well as the blog and newsletter. Maybe this is why I am called prolific so much? I just scoff when people say that because I always think I can do more.
Learn to accept a compliment, Gregalicious.
I think I will probably take things a bit slow today–at least this morning, at any rate–because I do feel a bit tired. I need to take boxes of books to the library sale, stop by Fresh Market, and pick up the mail. Oh! One of my errands yesterday was also to pick up the new Lev Rosen, The Disaster Gay Detective Agency, which I’m hoping to read after I finish All of Us Murderers. I am also behind on his Andy Mills series; I still have the last two to go. I am going to spend some time reading this morning, and we’ll see how the day goes. I am a little worn down from the week, but I made it through the week without feeling tired or worn out or exhausted or fatigued. This morning feels like I’m on accessory power while my batteries recharge–and the errands aren’t going to help much, I don’t think. I also want to run by the dry cleaners and drop some things off that have been in the living room since the Festivals–it’s funny how you dump things in a chair and think oh, I’ll get to that later only to lose track of days and weeks and suddenly that stuff has been sitting there for months. I hope there’s no afterlife because Mom would be judging the fuck out of me!
And on that note, I am going to bring this to a close, get more coffee, and adjourn to my easy chair where I can check out the news and read for a bit before getting cleaned up to run my errands. I hope you have a fabulous day, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning, bright-eyed and rested and a-rarin’ to go.
Yes, great body and all, but I think he’s got a handsome face and I love that half-smile.
Tuesday morning in the Lost Apartment and I slept through the night–at least I don’t remember waking up or being in that horrible half-sleep thing I used to deal with all the time (and do NOT miss that shit in the least) and this morning I feel more physically rested than I did yesterday. The weather is continuing to get cooler, which is lovely. I ran some errands on my way home from work tonight, and will probably stop and make a little groceries on the way home this evening as well. After a nice day at work yesterday, I came home to a very needy and demanding kitty who demanded lap time from me; Paul and I also started watching the new season of The Diplomat, which is excellent (I still can’t entirely wrap my mind around the fact that it’s FELICITY in the lead; do people remember that show at all?), and you can never go wrong adding Alison Janney to the cast of anything.
I didn’t get anything much done outside of job duties and errands yesterday; probably a delayed hangover from the emotional release of being done with the book at last. I did pick up some books on the way home: the new Andy Mills mystery by Lev Rosen, Mirage City; American Scary: A History of Horror from Salem to Stephen King and Beyond by Jeremy Dauber; ThePink Marine by Greg Cope White (the basis for Boots); and Breathe In Bleed Out by Brian McAuley, all of which look terrific. I mean, I don’t need more books–it’s quite literally the last thing I need–but sometimes I just can’t help myself.
I do want to do some writing this week; I may extend the week through this weekend (I mean, I am extending Halloween Horror Month, and why should I be ruled by the tyranny of the calendar if I don’t have deadlines?) because I am feeling a bit of the post-book malaise, which always happens but I didn’t think was going to happen this time…I always feel a bit drained and like I need to recharge a bit. But you never know; I may be able to get some words down today–never say never, after all, and stranger things have happened.
I have to say that I’ve been a little shocked and surprised by everything that’s come out since Brian Kelly was fired on Sunday. I haven’t seen anything positive posted by any of his former players (but a lot of negative stuff, including from past stars), but I did see the Lacy family posted something positive about how he was with them after Kyren’s death earlier this year (which I am still angry about, but the news cycle has moved on from his being framed by a fucking state trooper), which was nice. I’m not sure how the rest of the season is going to go; probably safe to assume we’re going to lose to both Alabama and Oklahoma with potential wins against Western Kentucky and Arkansas (maybe)–but I would love to know what went on during half-time of the A&M game, given the utter and complete collapse after we took the field again.
Clearly, he wasn’t much of a motivational speaker.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back on the morrow.
Ramesses, Ramesses, Ramesses…
I really should write about The Lost Boys sometime. ↩︎
It was supposed to rain this morning, but the sun is shining and the sky is bright blue. I slept well again last night until Sparky got me up this morning, wanting his breakfast. (He is such a sweet boy.) I had a lovely day yesterday, actually. I ran my errands in the morning, ordered groceries to be delivered last evening, and had a pretty nice day overall. I finished rereading my Jay Bennett and Barbara Michaels novels1, and hope to finish reading the Megan Abbott today. I also watched a lot of television while doing chores and reading before falling asleep in my chair last night after a nice, relaxing day. Here’s to having another today, right?
Netflix has a new show about the 2024 SEC football season called Any Given Saturday, and so I watched about four episodes of that while Paul slept on the couch. It’s very well done, and while I don’t feel it pays enough attention to LSU–and what there is focuses on games they lost (really? No coverage of the amazing upset of Top Ten-ranked Mississippi?)–it is nice to see the stories on the other teams and get a recap of the season. The show, of course, is hype for the upcoming season; the pro pre-season is already under way. I think LSU can be really good this year, but LSU always manages to find a way to LSU. There are only two episodes of the show left–we switched it off to watch Wednesday, which we also didn’t finish last night–that I may have on in the background this morning while I read.
I think I am going to go ahead and spend some time with the news and my coffee this morning before finishing this. I’ll be back momentarily, Constant Reader. (According to the weather, we should be having a thunderstorm in five minutes, which I don’t think is going to happen, given how it currently looks out there.)
It’s now noon, and it never rained here. It does look like the calm before a storm outside my windows at the moment, but I’ve already closed up my wagon and put it away (I’d left it out last night after the delivery) just in case. I got cleaned up–even shaving–and that woke me up and made me feel being productive for a while. I put Any Given Saturday back on to stream, getting through the last two episodes while reading more of El Dorado Drive and marveling at what a fucking MASTER Megan Abbott is; she may be the best writer publishing today, and is definitely in the top tier without question. I also picked out my next reads: the reread will be Life Among the Savages by Shirley Jackson2 and the juvenile/young adult will be The Secret of the Red Scarf, which belongs to a close-to-forgotten girls’ series featuring Nancy Drew rip-off Kay Tracey, and I won’t decide on the new new-to-me read until I finish the Abbott–I’m currently torn between Mia Manansala’s latest or Disco Witches of Fire Island or Lev AC Rosen’s Rough Pages; all queer authors, I might add.
But The Hunting Wives might win the race in a photo-finish.
As I finished off Any Given Saturday, I found myself very curious about the lack of coverage for Texas, Georgia, Oklahoma, and Auburn, among others…and LSU and Alabama were only covered in reference to their games with South Carolina and Vanderbilt, period. Was it about getting some of these lesser-known programs more coverage? And it’s definitely difficult to cover 16 teams with any degree of depth and certainly every team had a story to tell this past year. But it definitely whetted my appetite for the return of college football, which was its intent, so mission accomplished, Netflix.
I’d forgotten we’d watched Towards Zero in between the SEC show and Wednesday; I’d seen bad reviews of it so was curious as to what we would think of it. I remembered the story as soon as I saw the geography of the setting, which is crucial to the crime, and yes, I was proven correct in the third episode. It was fine, if perhaps not really needing a third episode? It did feel like it was dragged out more than it needed to be, which is not a good sign for a murder mystery.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I need to do some picking up and organizing and cleaning, and I am also going to write for a while before probably returning to the Abbott. I doubt I will be back later; I may finish a newsletter today and I may not. If not, I will be here again in the morning before the infusion. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader!
I will write newsletters about both authors at some point. ↩︎
I’ve always wanted to write about this unique Jackson book; I usually reread The Haunting of Hill House every October. ↩︎
Saturday morning and I feel rested after a very good night’s sleep. I got my work done yesterday after which we went to Costco, and groceries were delivered last night. All of this wore me out on top of all the chores I got done yesterday as well. I finally collapsed into my easy chair, Paul and Sparky curled up on the couch, and we binged about three or four episodes of The Hunting Wives, and there’s only two episodes to finish off tonight. I have a lot of errands to run this morning–prescriptions, mail, and two other stops–and then want to spend the afternoon writing and reading. I am having dinner with two friends from high school (!!!) that are in town for the weekend later on this evening, but it’s early enough so when I get home we can finish off the show, which is amazing (although there is no way that kid has a basketball scholarship to Baylor).
We’re supposed to have thunderstorms tonight, which will be fun as it always is (and will help me sleep very well again). Tomorrow I don’t have to leave the house at all other than taking out trash or using the grill (I think I’m going to make beef stroganoff tomorrow rather than burgers), which will be nice. I am going to try to do some more straightening up around here today–and will try not to be horrifically lazy the way I sometimes get on weekends–around writing and reading. I’d like to finish the Abbott today (or this weekend), and I also need to get through my Elizabeth Peters and Jay Bennett rereads as well. I’m not really sure what to read next: Rough Pages by Lev AC Rosen, perhaps, or maybe some horror, I can’t and don’t need to decide right now, either. I think my next Gothic reread might be either a Phyllis Whitney or Victoria Holt. Not sure on the kids/young adult next read or reread, either.
And I think Wednesday comes back next week, which is cool.
I did make some good progress on my workspace yesterday. It’s still a bit messy this morning, but just some straightening and filing is all that is necessary to get it all under control again. I think I’ve been feeling closed in and claustrophobic in the house because we have so much clutter everywhere, which isn’t much fun (the claustrophobic feeling), and that’s also because the heat and humidity of August is almost a sentient thing outside my windows; something oppressive and thick to the point where it feels like we’re in a cave sometimes. I just don’t have the energy to spend an entire day focused on cleaning, you know? Sparky making messes everywhere he goes doesn’t help on the cleaning front, either–always knocking shit off flat surfaces, like all cats do. He’s lucky he’s so sweet and cuddly.
I did actually think about what I need to revise this weekend yesterday, and I kind of know what to write now; it’s going to be an extensive revision, which should be fun to do and I will feel like I accomplished something today when I am done.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines for the day. I’m going to go catch up on the local and national news (depressing and horrifying as the national news inevitably always is) before I go run the errands and kick the day off.
Sunday morning where we’ve sprung forward (I hate Daylight Savings Time) and I feel off, like always when this happens. I’ve never cared for the spring part of it, but must admit I do enjoy the “extra” hour in the fall. I did go to bed early last night, and slept well–it apparently rained overnight, which undoubtedly helped with that. Of course, Sparky’s body clock didn’t change, so he wasn’t hungry enough to bother me until it was actually time for me to go ahead and get up, which was nice. (It’s this fall when he’ll annoy me early, isn’t it?) I have some things I need to get done today, which should be easy enough to do. I finished reading The Bell in the Fog yesterday (my thoughts are posted here) and really enjoyed it; and I am going to revisit an old Ian Fleming James Bond novel, Moonraker1next I think. I may read something new alongside of it, but I haven’t decided which yet. Revisiting the original Fleming Bond novels will also give me something to think and write about on the subject of toxic masculinity and sociopathy. (So many post-war “heroes” defined masculinity so narrowly–and dangerously; Mike Hammer, James Bond…and yes, reading The Bell in the Fog put me in mind of post-war crime fiction.)
I am kind of working on a long essay–I have been since last spring, actually–about gay men and masculinity, and how societal norms and mores about them impact/twist our lives and makes it harder for us to just, I don’t know, be. I just read a great piece on the taboo of the male body that also plays into the paradigm I’m writing about. The societal reticence about the male body, and male nudity, is almost always centered on the groin area; you could depict a male completely nude as long as there was a fig leaf over the genitals. A lot of Renaissance paintings and sculptures at one point had “modesty leaves” placed over make genitals–and why is that? (Don’t even get me started on women…I’d be here for the rest of the year) Because whenever someone sees a limp penis resting on a pair of testicles they go mad with desire and sexual lust? (Although the way websites for gays drool and get “parched” over revealing pictures of influencers, actors, musicians, and other celebrities has always turned my stomach a little bit. I know, I know, but at the same time there’s something a little ‘junior high locker room” about that I find personally distasteful and almost cringe-y. Your mileage might vary and I am only speaking for myself. I enjoy looking at gorgeous men as much as the next gay man or cishet woman; I post one on here with every entry that isn’t about a book, movie or TV show. I like eye candy! There’s nothing wrong with it! I just feel the way the links and emails and so forth are shared, and the language used, is kind of juvenile and pandering and Tiger Beat-esque.)
You see how reading can influence my work? Lev’s got me thinking about writing queer historicals again–not that I was ever not going to write Chlorine, and I am hoping to get that done this summer or fall, finally–but the next book I am writing is Never Kiss a Stranger, which is also kind of a historical, since it is set in New Orleans in the summer of 1994. (An excerpt from it will be published in an upcoming anthology, which is very exciting for me. I also sold an excerpt from Chlorine recently also as a short story, so guess what, Constant Reader? You’ll be able to get a preview of both books soon! How fucking fun is that?) I often think of all the things I want to write–books, essays, short stories–and get overwhelmed because I know I’ll never get to them all before I expire. It doesn’t look like I will ever be able to retire now (fuck you again, MAGA, now and forever and ever, amen), so it really is going to be about managing my energy, being selfish, and being able to continue to write in my free time. It’s also going to make doing research no easier. Sigh. I am starting to resent all the volunteer time I’ve done over the last twenty years or so–not for Saints and Sinners, but pretty much everything else. I used to think I was making a difference, not only in the world but in various writing communities, but the truth is I wasn’t.
I’ve always wanted to make a difference in the world, and the reality is I should have realized that difference I could make would be best served from my writing, not from anything else. I think that comes from a lifetime of never taking myself seriously because no one else ever did. I did learn things about myself, the community, and other people from the volunteering; so that was something gained, and while I hardly consider myself to be a “sage” or even a “community elder” 2, I have been around a long time. I always thought I got started in publishing way too late, but the number of people who published their first novel before forty isn’t that long, actually. But that also means I’ve been doing this now for almost thirty years (I started writing for a queer paper in Minneapolis in 1996, and my how things have changed over the years. I also never really had any desire to be famous; sure, when I was a kid I fantasized about being a movie star or a singer (alas, couldn’t act or sing), but writing was what I always wanted to do, hungered to do, and basically that desire subsumed every other ambition or fantasy. I also never wanted to be a celebrity author, or have the kind of success others have. All I ever wanted was to just write and make a living from that. I don’t need to be rich; I’ve never needed that. I’d prefer to be comfortable, and never have to worry about bills and things.
But the thing with money and success is most people never think they have enough, isn’t it?
Look at Space Nazi, for example. Isn’t he about the right age to be a boy from Brazil?
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I will chat at you again soon, most likely tomorrow morning.
I saw a meme on-line that pointed out how dated Moonraker was–since it’s about a billionaire who moves to England and gets involved in the government with an ulterior motive… ↩︎
I can’t deny I am old, so therefore it stands to reason I am, in fact, an elder. But I don’t think I’m a sage at all. ↩︎
Iris Saturday! And it looks like a beautiful day out there outside my windows. I also don’t feel sick this morning, which is also wonderful. After working yesterday I felt very sick and very tired, so I just decided to shut my brain off and just mindlessly drift through news clips on Youtube, as well as whatever my brain decided for me to look for (the temple destruction scene at the end of Samson and Delilah, for one example) as I finished laundering the sheets and went to bed. I slept great last night, too, and feel pretty good this morning. That’s awesome because it is, after all, IRIS SATURDAY! I probably won’t stay out for Tucks after Iris, but I am not missing my ladies! I also feel like I can get some things done around here today, too. I’ve been slacking on the house (and on, well, everything) for a while now–being sick didn’t help matters much–and so I should be getting it all under control today. I want to get some reading done, catch some beads, do some cleaning and some writing, while I’m at it.
I also watched a couple of 1970s movies last night while Paul worked (I got tired of the news; I can only watch American elected officials embarrass the country in front of the world so many times. What a fucking disgrace) and watched a Gene Hackman hard-boiled private eye movie (Night Moves) and a classic I’ve never seen (that no one ever talks about anymore either–The China Syndrome) and I enjoyed both. There’s really something different about the movies of the late 1960s and 1970s, a kind of gritty realism that showed the world as it was–dirty, graffitied, muted colors–that went away with movies in the 1980s, where everything was prettied up for the movies and departed from realism. It put me in mind of my Cynical 70s Film Festival that I did during the shutdown, and how so many movies were about paranoia and not trusting the government; which, after Vietnam, civil rights, and Watergate was very much a leftist thing. (Weird how that’s shifted–it’s the right that doesn’t trust the government anymore; that would be an interesting study, wouldn’t it? How that changed and shifted over the years? Another thing I hate about the right is that they’ve made the left defend the government rather than critiquing it.) Night Moves was okay–the mystery itself wasn’t terribly interesting but the thing that was interesting was Gene Hackman’s performance. The film was an excellent character study, even though we never really learned much about him. My primary takeaway from the film was that Gene Hackman would have made a great Travis McGee. Talk about missed opportunities. (Although it would also be a great role for Alan Ritchson…)
The China Syndrome was born out of the 1970’s paranoia about using nuclear reactors to create energy. After all the lies before, during and after Vietnam–not to mention Watergate–people weren’t really into trusting government reassurances, and weird things were happening with the nuclear power plants anyway (Karen Silkwood’s story would also be filmed, Silkwood, which was another one of those “paranoia/can’t trust the government or corporations” movies); they were building one fairly close to where we lived in Kansas–Wolf Creek, I think was the name–and there were protests about it (Kansas folks just saw as it as a place to work and no more thought into it than that) and I also remember in the classifieds in the Emporia Gazette some group always ran a little ad that said “NEVER FORGET KAREN SILKWOOD” so I already knew that story before the movie was made. Michael Douglas produced the movie, and of course Jane Fonda was in it–they were both very anti-nuclear energy; so of course it was seen as a “Hollywood liberals trying to scare people” film. But shortly after it was released, Three Mile Island (our almost Chernobyl) happened–and the movie became a huge hit. The movie ended positively–the news about the accidents at the plant in question gets out finally at the end1–which goes to show how hopeful these kinds of movies sometimes ended; when we all know the reporter and her cameraman, as well as the nuclear engineer played by Jack Lemmon, would have all either disappeared or been found dead under mysterious circumstances.
I really should watch an old movie when I’m too tired to write or read, rather than doomscrolling news clips on Youtube.
I’ve also been terribly remiss on my newsletter; I’ve started several that are in progress that I really should finish and share with the world–and should send out one before it’s time to do my review of The Bell in the Fog (Lev AC Rosen). I am trying not to overdo it–I mean, I pretty much write this every day so I don’t need to be sending out newsletters more than once a week; there’s only so much Greg people can take, after all. And I also expect you all to read my books and short stories, too. What can I say? I really enjoy writing.
And on that note, I am going to get cleaned up and get to work around here. Have a lovely Iris Saturday, Constant Reader, and who knows? I may be back later.
Sorry-not sorry for not putting up a spoiler warning for a forty-six year old movie. ↩︎
Tuesday of Jury Duty and parades; Sunday’s parades are rolling tonight, which should make getting home tonight a lot of fun. Jury duty was painless, other than I sat there without being called up to the pool until all juries were seated and they let us go in the early afternoon. I then had to go to work because the slip they gave me was for only five hours, and I wasn’t up for using my paid time off to get to eight for the day, so…there I went. I mostly scrolled through my phone while reading Lev AC Rosen’s marvelous The Bell in the Fog, which I am really enjoying. I do have to report again today, and I hope that’s it for the week. They did say that the city was shutting down at 5 tonight until Ash Wednesday (yes, we do pretty much close the city down for the last week of parades, don’t you wish you lived here, too?), so I don’t think I’ll have to go back after today. But that’s fine. I’ll either go up for voir dire or be let go after the morning, so hopefully I’ll be able to spend time reading my book while waiting to be called or released and that will be the end of it. Sunday’s rained out parades are tonight, so I am going to want to be home well before four. (I did slalom by driving on St. Charles Avenue; they have barricades so no car can get up enough speed to really do a repeat of the New Year’s terrorist attack on Bourbon Street…and it’s kind of fun. Traffic will continue to be a nightmare until after it’s all over. I just need to make it through this week until Friday…
I managed to work on my story last night. I deleted the extra, unusable 900 words, which dropped it down to about a thousand, and am now at a little less than three. Good progress, and I should be able to get it finished tonight. I doubt I’ll go out to the parades tonight–getting up at six every morning certainly puts a damper on that–but I do want to get home before the true madness starts. I’ve been very lucky with parking so far–praise be to the Carnival gods–and I know that’s not going to last through the entire season before the car is permanently parked for about five days Friday morning. I am debating whether to take all of Lundi Gras off, or going in for a few hours and leaving early. The latter makes the most sense, after all; save that time jealously! I don’t want to run out again, and I am actually at the point where I’ve got a nice amount of both (sick and vacation) in my bank now. Woo-hoo! At least I don’t have to worry about the time off I need to use for parade season. That’s a lovely release.
The country continues to swirl around the toilet bowl more with each passing day. Yesterday we betrayed NATO and Ukraine at the United Nations, joining with the true axis of evil on this planet–Russia, North Korea, Iran, etc.–and continue to lose whatever moral leadership and authority we ever had (not that we ever had much of anything on that score to begin with); we are becoming isolated, the way we were before and between the world wars…which turned out so well for the world in the end, didn’t it? What happened in Coeur de Lion, Idaho the other day was appalling and recorded for the entire world to see (another black eye for the country); the violent abuse of a woman simply because she was calling out the bullshit she was hearing, while white people (men and women) cheered and applauded and the moderator of the event taunted her from the stage on his microphone, making jokes? That is some seriously small-dick energy, really. It also resulted in the usual social media nonsense, with people on-line responding (especially white women) with the usual lack of self-awareness: “I would never allow that to happen in front of me without saying or doing something!” Newsflash: white people–both men and women– always turn their heads and look away, “not my problem” or “I am not putting myself at risk to intervene” and so on…until it actually affects them. Where was all this energy on November 5th? Where was it for George Floyd or Breonna Taylor? Where is it for trans people, being stripped of their rights every day? Where it it for queer people, ever? Where, after all, were all the Southern white people who were opposed to racism, Jim Crow, and lynchings that I always hear about now, but actually did nothing while it was actually happening?
Not my problem is always the response, but everyone marginalized (you know, the people so many straight white women like to lord it over) is supposed to immediately DO SOMETHING when it’s a straight white woman–and if you point out their blatant hypocrisy…you’re a misogynist. Straight white women LOVE to pull out their “oppression” card whenever a discussion isn’t going their way and they have no defense for the appalling things they say other than “you have male privilege.” Really? My sex life was a crime until 2003. Was yours for the first forty-two years of your life, ma’am? I couldn’t marry my partner until 2014. Did you have to wait until you were fifty-three before you could legally marry the love of your life? I watched all my friends die (twice over!) in the 1980s while most straight white women smiled dismissively and said “not my problem.” Some of the biggest public homophobes of my adult life were straight white women. I know as a cisgender male I do have privilege; I certainly have more than lesbians and trans people, for example. But I have always lived under the threat of violence as a gay man; and before I owned my identity I did not pass as straight.
And yes, gay men also get sexually assaulted–and usually with objects. Gay men also get beaten and attacked, even killed, by straight white men. Sometimes with straight white women cheering them on. You just don’t hear about it up there in your precious lily-white privilege tower because you don’t care. Often assaults on gay white men–just like assaults of straight white women–don’t get reported because the cops don’t care and blame the victims. You don’t care unless it’s a white woman…when white women made sure the ERA didn’t pass; white women got Black and brown men killed all the time; and the Daughters of the Confederacy weren’t exactly gay white men, were they? A Republican controlled US government laughed about AIDS killing gay men.
But do go on with your homophobia, dear.
We all need to do better. It’s very easy to see something appalling in an online video and be very upset at the failures of witnesses to act, and to say “I would never.” But ask yourself this, white people: have you ever seen a white someone being racist to a Black person and said nothing? Have you watched as homophobes come for queer people, in real life or on-line, and did nothing? Do you challenge racism, homophobia, misogyny, and transphobia when you see it, or do you leave it alone? I know what the answer to that question is, by the way, and keyboard warriors who do nothing but talk big on-line sicken me to my core.
And for the record, I will always go on the offensive when some ignorant bitch of a white woman tells me I’m a misogynist when I am agreeing with her–especially when she tells me she’s done more for queer rights than me, using the condescending straight people “honey.” Literally, go fuck yourself with barbed wire, you homophobic bitch. Misogynist enough for you? (She also trotted out the “gay friends” defense–and when I pointed that out she then claimed “I never said they were friends”–oh, so you don’t have any friends but you’ve been to Pride a few times and even marched in a parade once! My God, let’s put up a statue of you in front of Stonewall! WHERE WOULD QUEER PEOPLE BE WITHOUT THE SACRIFICES OF STRAIGHT WHITE WOMEN? I guess I should be glad you didn’t go with the old pedophile/groomer shit, Miss Zero Followers. I screen capped the entire thing before blocking her flat bony unwashed ass.)
Coeur de Lion is now in the “find out” phase, and if we actually had a real government this would be investigated as a civil rights violation by the Department of Justice…but we don’t have a real government anymore. I always wondered what it felt like to be an abolitionist in the 1950s, when the government was geared to protect slavery in the land of the “free.” The company that employed the thugs that assaulted the woman has lost its business license, and it also looks like the grinning douchebag sheriff has been defrauding the LAPD pension fund–working another LE job while drawing a disability pension from another one–so I hope California throws the book at him.
This is what we are. This is what we have allowed our country to become. Even those of us who voted against this didn’t do enough to stop this—and it should have been stopped when it was the Tea Party. Remember those racists? The ones who didn’t want healthcare and the media dutifully reported on everything they said and pushed it breathlessly without ever calling out ONCE the clear and obvious racism? FOTUS climbed aboard the Tea Party train, remember? He started the birther bullshit and promoted it on every network who would let him because he was a “celebrity.”
But no, white people who patted themselves on the back for voting for Obama were very quick to stay home in the 2010 midterms because cleaning up the Bush mess was taking longer than everyone thought it should.
And God forbid everyone get health insurance. The HORROR!
We all own this, you know. Every last one of us white people. And we’re the ones who need to clean it all up–even though we know the fucking assholes we’re saving will knife us in the back again at the very first opportunity. They might regret their votes now–but they would do it again in a heartbeat. They prefer this to having a biracial woman in charge.
This is exactly what they wanted. And we should never let them forget. Letting them getting away with it was a mistake in 1865.
And on that note I am heading into the spice mines. Have a great day, and remember to do your part–even if it’s something you think small or inconsequential. Water wears away stone and the effects may not be immediate.
Queer and Loathing in America 