Category: Uncategorized

A Very Special Love Song

Sunday morning and the Gregalicious slept late. I also went to bed early last night, so my body must have needed the rest. I did feel tired yesterday and even fell asleep a few times while I was watching football games yesterday. LSU played terribly but did win in the end, and Tulane played fantastic but had the game stolen from them by shitty officiating from SURPRISE! officials from their opponent’s conference and an insane, completely stupid offensive pass interference penalty that wasn’t even interference or holding to steal the tying touchdown from them in the final moments. There were some other interesting results yesterday, too, but I didn’t feel particularly into any of the games, in all honesty. I was kind of unemotional during the LSU game–the only time I actually felt any actual emotion was when that bad call was made during the Tulane-Kansas State game. Which is odd–there was one upset loss that made me laugh laugh laugh yesterday–but we’ll see how it goes next weekend, when the Tigers play at South Carolina.

I did break through the reading glass ceiling yesterday morning and tore through the ARC of Alison Gaylin’s January release, We Are Watching, and my god, that thing moves at the speed of a bullet train! I also realized that my problem with finding time to read is because my mind is still in the headspace of having to limit time doing anything because there’s so much else to do! I did my daily German lesson, too, while I was watching the Tulane game, so my Duolingo streak continues. But I’m so used to having to limit my reading time because I am a binge reader–once I get into the book I’m going to probably want to read it all the way through, and doing so usually costs me some writing time or cleaning time or something, with a million things hanging over my head. I realized yesterday morning that I can read for as long as I want whenever I want because I don’t have all those responsibilities any more. So, probably when I finis this, I can make some time to read after doing some things. I don’t know what time the Saints game is on today, and should probably check. It’s also not raining and sunny outside, for the first time in nearly a week. I do have to run an errand at some point today–I need charcoal, which I forgot to pick up the other night at the store–but I can probably get that at Walgreens and not have to get in the car.

I am probably going to work on the book today around some chores in the kitchen and finishing the dishes. I am starting to get into the swing of the weekends with very little to do and am starting to acclimate to it. It’s nice seeing how everyone else does these things, and I am also starting to realize that a lot of my tendency to being reclusive and not wanting to leave the house for anything other than work has everything to do with exhaustion, and now that I am not exhausted from everything and knowing that there was no end in sight for tasks and things, I’m thinking this may not be so bad. I just haven’t had the opportunity to really sit down and recognize that my life is different now than it was before Mom died, and the year I’d planned to spend transitioning into a normal life again was spent grieving and having surgeries of my own. It’s very weird, and I know it’s not my first time bringing it up, but I’m not used to having free time this way, and realizing if I hadn’t split up my energies the way I mostly have for the last decade or so, I could have gotten a lot more done. I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done, for any number of good reasons, but it’s still kind of odd and I do find myself wondering how did you manage to do all that, write a shit ton of books and short stories, and edit two to three manuscripts per month?

It’s a mystery to me.

But we’re supposed to have some cooler weather now that the storms from that tropical system have passed, but there’s another depression out in the Gulf just off the Yucatan with a good (70%) chance of forming into something stronger, and there are two out in the Atlantic currently. Hurricane season theoretically peaks in mid-to-late September, so we’re almost out of the woods–unless there’s a surprise in store for November. That’ll be nice and will bring the power bill down a bit (it’s been brutal this summer), which is always a plus.

And on that note, I think I am going to get cleaned up, run my little errand, and plop my ass back into my chair to get some writing work done. Have a great Sunday, Constant Reader, and I’ll see you perhaps later on.

Mr. Tambourine Man

I was actually cruised yesterday!

I was more startled than anything else, to be completely honest. I had an appointment at 11:30 at the CVS on the corner of Magazine and Louisiana (where the Blockbuster was when we used to rent movies and TV shows on video or DVD) to get my new COVID booster. I made another stop on the way there, to pick up a prescription, and then headed over to Louisiana Avenue for my shot. I had actually never been inside that particular CVS (the one on Prytania is only a few blocks from the mail service and thus more convenient for me to go to), and it’s actually a nice place. So, I checked in for my appointment, and when I was directed to the privacy screen for my shot, this incredibly lovely young man in his early twenties got in the Pharmacy line. Our eyes met, and tilted his head to one side as he smiled, and I thought, as I sat down and the pharmacist closed the screen, I thought, was he cruising me? As I sat there, I thought nah, way too young and besides, I look like shit. I got the shot, which I didn’t feel (shoulder was sore later on in the evening, though; still is a bit this morning), and as I rose to go, the guy was still in line and gave me the same look, only along with the eyes up and down first, and he was indeed cruising me. I kind of laughed to myself as I walked out to my car–I would have definitely pursued this when I was younger–and remembered again how oblivious I am to that sort of thing outside of gay bars. I always was. It never occurred to me that people might cruise me in public spaces that weren’t exclusively queer; friends had to tell me all the time, “That guy was cruising you!” It certainly isn’t anything I’ve even thought about for years, so it was definitely a compliment and I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I shook my head and started the car, “you know, some younger men like older men, dumbass.”

So, if anyone is ageist, it’s me!

Yesterday, outside of the shot and some other errands I ran, was a lazy day for me. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything; I scribbled in my journal some but the book is beginning to take shape, which is lovely. I pretty much spent the entire day cuddling or playing with Sparky while watching college football games. It was delightful seeing Georgia humiliate Clemson and Miami annihilate Florida, and Texas A&M gave Notre Dame a scare last night. Tonight LSU plays USC in Las Vegas (GEAUX TIGERS!) and we’ll get a better sense of how good this year’s edition of the Tigers are. And Tulane won big, too! We haven’t won a season opener since Joe Burrow graduated (2019 season), so hopefully that will change this year. I think I am going to do a lot of nothing today, too–I’m going to clean the house and write for a while since the game isn’t until tonight–which feels good. I slept super late again this morning and have to think my body needed the rest. I feel good this morning, the coffee is hitting and I don’t feel tired or sore physically (other than the aching shoulder from the booster yesterday), and that way if I can get everything cleaned up, organized and filed today gives me tomorrow to run to the grocery store and write.

I did bite the bullet and renewed the digital version of the Times-Picayune, despite the paper’s descent into a MAGA propaganda machine. I need to be able to read the state and local news, and much as I love local independent reporting, they don’t have the capability to cover Louisiana/New Orleans like Louisiana Sedition can. And I am leaning, more and more, into the concept of writing environmental crime stories so outsides can see what is going on here in Project 2025 Land. I am absolutely fascinated now by the Devil’s Swamp Lake superfund site just north of Baton Rouge, and I’m also researching a short story called “The Haunted Bridge”1, which is over Bayou Tortue (sometimes referred to as “Bayou Torture” on some websites I’ve seen; which is also a good title), and has a ghost story about a young woman whose prom date raped and murdered her on the bridge and threw the body into the bayou; that could be fun to write. God, it’s so nice to be excited about writing again and being creatively engaged.

Oh, and congratulations to everyone who won awards for their crime writing this weekend at Bouchercon–Barrys, Anthonys, and Macavitys all! We didn’t win for School of Hard Knox, but the nomination in and of itself was a lovely thing. It was my eighth (!!!!) Anthony nomination, which is pretty amazing, I think. I’m definitely the most nominated queer at the Anthonys! And we did have a queer winner last night; Kristopher Zgorski shared the Best Short Story Anthony with co-writer Dru Ann Love, which is awesome. Yay for Dru and Kris! They do so much for crime writers, and it’s fun to see them getting started as crime writers themselves, and getting recognition of their own.

It does look like it’s going to rain today–we didn’t get hardly any yesterday, or maybe I’m confusing yesterday and Friday; it’s entirely possible. And this kitchen is an absolute disaster area this morning, so I’d best get going on getting things cleaned up around here so I can do some writing. Have a great Sunday, Constant Reader, and I may be back later.

Screenshot
  1. Yes, that’s a Nancy Drew title, and it fits two stories I want to write about–the one mentioned here and the Murder Bridge outside Emporia, Kansas. ↩︎

Don’t Stop Believin’

Thursday morning and last day in the office this week. I think I have a prescription to pick up; I neede to call and see if it’s ready or not during the day today. I was tired yesterday–I’ve been mentally weary all week for some reason–and was very happy to come straight home from work. I resisted Sparky and finished the dishes, which need to be put away tonight. It was very nice to come down to a clean kitchen with nothing on the counters and the sink empty. This kind of also puts me ahead on the weekend, too. Huzzah! I still have some filing and straightening and organizing to do around the house. The Olympics end this weekend, which means technically I can start writing again this weekend–I mean, ending a few days early on the embargo isn’t going to be the end of the world or anything, and I am kind of itching to get back to writing again. That, by the way, feels good.

I feel decent this morning, too. I’ll probably get tired at some point during the morning, and I am sure my butt will be dragging come this afternoon. I also need to get the mail today–maybe tomorrow; it depends on timing–and I do have some errands to run tomorrow. Maybe the mail can wait? Who knows? I do have a meeting tomorrow in the morning, and I made an appointment to get my labs drawn next Friday (fasting labs, and no way am I fasting all morning and not having coffee; there was nothing available for tomorrow until the time of my meeting). I feel very good about getting back on top of my health stuff, and my insurance issues are all ironed out. I have one more leftover issue from the surgery, and I hope to get that taken care of this weekend. Thank God.

In other big news, I deleted my Twitter account yesterday. I just bit the bullet, went in, and deactivated my account. I don’t care if someone else uses it because I don’t think I will ever go back there. I know, I know, I should have done it a long time ago. Being there only helps as another user to count towards advertising revenue, and I don’t want any part of that on my soul and conscience anymore. I went back and forth over the morality of being there still (friends who are only there, etc. v. being complicit with that vile company) and pondered the hypocrisy of that, while keeping my newsletter on Substack1 and actively working to build an audience there. It wound up not being that difficult of a decision, really; I realized that the only times this week I’ve been tense or irritated has been because of Twitter and morally bankrupt people there, so it’s clearly not good for my mental health. I deleted it for my own well-being in the end, but making it about ‘taking an ethical stand’ is verifiably false. I don’t like getting credit for something I don’t deserve, and there was nothing noble about deleting my account other than self-preservation. I don’t even know why I went there in the first place, to be honest. I’ve never really gotten much joy out of being there, and what joy I managed to find there didn’t make up for the absolute horror of being there. I was never targeted or swarmed, it was never anything like that…but what is allowed there under the guise of “free speech” (and they decide what is protected and what is not, with a heavy thumb down on the scale on the side of being fascist or enabling it) is horrific and shameful and disgusting.

I did enjoy removing the app from my phone, though. It was almost as satisfying as slamming down the phone receiver used to be.

We’re also still in a boil water advisory, and today’s “feels like” is going to be 110. Woo-hoo! But it’s August, what can I expect or what more can I want? This weekend is also the Red Dress Run (which is how Garden District Gothic opens, or was it a different Scotty? Sigh), and there are some other things going on around town as always–Dirty Linen in the Quarter (it’s the Quarter’s version of White Linen Night, and I really should write about both) and there’s a Drew Brees pickleball tournament (I’m not really sure what pickleball is, to be honest, and not sure that I want to, either), too. Sounds like a good weekend to stay home to me, doesn’t it? It’s going to also be horrifically and horribly hot, too.

And on that note, I am heading down into the spice mines. Have a lovely Thursday, Constant Reader, and I’ll most likely be back at some point later.

Greg Louganis, seen here in his Olympic debut in Montreal as a teenager, winning the silver medal. I was enchanted by his incredible physical beauty.
  1. Two people I really respect in this business are still at Substack, and since they have better ethics than me and are, in general, much better humans than I am, I will defer to their judgment in this case. ↩︎

Take a Giant Step

Seriously, what the actual fuck, George Clooney? I was never really a fan, but you’re a fucking asshole. For one thing, you’re a rich straight white man who lives in Italy with a wife who’s half your age. Trump wins and you’re going to be just fine, so miss me with your “macro” concern for the country. Gays, women, and minorities NEED for the Democrats to win this election; Project 2025 quite literally spells out what they are going to do to us. And once they start mass deportations and have all those internment camps just sitting there waiting for people…well, deportation is hard and messy and complicated, why not add some Nazi showers and ovens and be done with the whole problem right there? And if you think queer people aren’t on the list, what color is the sky in your fucking world? It really upsets me when narcissistic trash like George Clooney suddenly decide that their opinion is so smart and so important and matters so much that he has to spew bullshit in the New York fucking Treason Times.

You’re dead to me, George. Take an acting class sometime. It couldn’t hurt. And maybe learn some fucking humility, you arrogant piece of smug shit. So you’re worried and millions of votes should not matter anymore because George is uncomfortable and “concerned”. We threw out King George III 250 years ago; and you sir, are NO George III. Fuck you, shut up, and keep your skanky ass in Italy. I guarantee you any project you appear in I will review bomb with one-stars. You deserve to lose everything, you arrogant piece of shit. Will you wrinkle your brow and feel shame?

Or are you just that fucking fond of your tax cuts, Richie Rich?

It has not been missed by me that the only people calling for Biden to step aside are all rich, white and straight. Coincidence? I think not. Which is why you can never trust rich liberals–right, Susan Sarandon? Their narcissism and smug sense of superiority will always pick their money over vulnerable populations.

Nothing makes me sicker to my stomach than a limousine liberal. I’ll never forget that witch Susan Sarandon manhandling Dolores Huerta, who has shit out more progressive acts than Sarandon has ever done in her entire cosplay liberal acting life, for not supporting Bernie in 2016 and then claiming DOLORES FUCKING HUERTA is a part of the “establishment.” Does she even realize she’s mouthing the language of 60s anti-war protestors that no one else has used in over fifty years?

Then again, she’s old and should probably step aside for someone younger who can do the job better.

What’s amazing to me is how straight white people always get so defensive when their allyship is questioned. Is there anything worse that a mediocre straight white man who is so convinced of his own importance that he just has to express his opinion, which is so much more important than anyone else’s because he had relatives in the business and some desperately sad women thought he was hot? Where’s that Jim Jordan exposé documentary you promised us years ago? Yeah, that’s what I thought: sell out. Straight white people cannot ever be trusted to not throw everyone else under the bus, and the richer they are the more likely it is.

As a gay man, I’ve watched the Democratic Party throw us under the bus “because it wasn’t time” so many times that I understand the impatience of other minority groups when progress doesn’t move fast enough. I’m so inured and immune to it that it’s really hard for me to not expect disappointment from my fellow progressives. But this? This isn’t the party heirarchy. It’s not the rank and file voters. It’s CNN, MSNBC, New York Times, and The Washington Post, and it’s definitely coastal elites driving all of this. Go fuck yourselves. You jettisoned Hillary’s candidacy in 2016, which put us into the situation we are in now. We should be ending the last year of her second term, and we’d still have Roe, regulations, and a President who is not above the law.

But you just wouldn’t listen, would you?

And even now, as they undermine the President and his reelection campaign, when he doesn’t step down and if he does en up losing, they won’t take any responsibility for the fascism they’ve loosed on all of us, and will smugly assert “well, that’s what they deserve for not dropping the President,” you know, the Susan Sarandon playbook.

And for the record, a thousand curses on all of you. History will not be kind to you for abetting the fall of the United States. But you’ll be long dead by then–along with the mound of graves for anyone who isn’t a straight white cisgender Christian.

Seriously, such beautiful eyes….

Born This Way

I was a voracious reader from the moment I learned how to read–all things considered, my favorite waking activity was reading. I loved nothing more than those enormous doorstops of books that used to get published (apparently when the cost of ink and paper was considerably less), and during the Bicentennial madness, James A Michener released a book called Centennial, the history of a small town on the Platte River in Colorado that was renamed Centennial in honor of Colorado becoming a state in 1876–the nation’s centennial year. (I’ve always thought it odd that we trace our nation’s birth back to the Declaration of Independence, rather than the ratification of the Constitution, which created the United States government.) I really loved the book, even the several hundred pages about dinosaurs and how the ancient swamps gave way to the Rocky Mountains and the plateaus. Another thing that was big in the 1970’s was the “mini-series”–although at first they were all adaptations of novels and sometimes were called “books for television.” NBC, I believe, filmed Centennial, and I watched and enjoyed it thoroughly.

But the standout for me was Gregory Harrison, a young new-to-me actor who played the pivotal character of Levi Zendt, who actually founded the town (it was called Zendt’s Farm before the renaming in 1876) and I could not get over how good looking he was. There was also a shirtless scene, and I became a big fan. He was, looking back, absolutely one hundred percent my type; how many characters have I written about a hot lean muscular man with blue eyes and curly dark hair? Okay, his eyes were gray but that’s close enough for atom bombs and hand grenades, is it not? He then was on Trapper John, MD, which I didn’t watch (outside of General Hospital, I’ve never really watched many medical shows, and not sure why that is), and then he made a made for TV movie in which he played an actor who becomes a successful Chippendales-type dancer, For Ladies Only. It wasn’t a great movie, but he danced in thongs and bikinis and quite lustily, I might add, and that was really all I was watching for–but Marc Singer, player an older, mentor type, kind of stole the movie out from under him (more on Marc Singer another time)

I mean, what’s not to like?

For Ladies Only was an attempt to cash in on the Chippendales craze, and they were everywhere in the early to mid 1980’s–Donahue, Oprah, every talk show during daytime you could imagine–the entire concept of women appreciating men as sex objects, the way they’ve always been seen by men historically–and even The Young and the Restless had a regular cast member who was a male stripper (who mentored Nikki when she became a stripper; yes, Nikki had a rather sordid past on that show). It was the time period when what I call “the gay gayze” really kicked into gear.

The movie For Ladies Only wasn’t the greatest movie ever made, but Harrison was one of the few actors at the time who could pull off playing a male stripper and actually not need a body stand-in or anything (neither did Marc Singer–and if you need to know anything else about Singer, google image search “Marc Singer the Beastmaster”; he was also a big crush of mine after I saw this film). It was one of those sad morality plays that always wins big in the end. Harrison’s character was a struggling actor who gets recruited to join a Chippendales type show, his popularity begins to grow but now when he goes on auditions, no one will cast him because he was a stripper (how did that work out for Channing Tatum, you ask? Three smash hit films about Magic Mike, that’s how). I recorded For Ladies Only, and kept that videocassette for many years, finally discarding it in a purge before leaving California.

Thank you again, Mr. Harrison, for helping to define my taste in men–especially fictional one; how many characters have I written with curly dark hair and blue eyes?–as well as realizing for sure just how not straight I was at heart.

The Jellicle Ball

Macavity Award Nominees 2024

For works published in 2023

Best Mystery

Dark Ride by Lou Berney (William Morrow)

Hide by Tracy Clark (Thomas & Mercer)

All the Sinners Bleed by S.A. Cosby (Flatiron)

Happiness Falls by Angie Kim (Hogarth)

Murder Book by Thomas Perry (Mysterious)

Crook Manifesto by Colson Whitehead (Doubleday) 

Best First Mystery

The Peacock and the Sparrow by I.S. Berry (Atria)

The Golden Gate by Amy Chua (Minotaur)

Scorched Grace by Margot Douaihy (Zando/Gillian Flynn Books)

Murder by Degrees by Ritu Mukerji (Simon & Schuster) 

Dutch Threat by Josh Pachter (Genius Book Publishing) 

Mother-Daughter Murder Night by Nina Simon (William. Morrow)

Best Mystery Short Story

“Real Courage” by Barb Goffman (Black Cat Mystery Magazine #14, Oct. 2023)

“Green and California Bound” by Curtis Ippolito (Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, Sept/Oct 2023)

“Ticket to Ride” by Dru Ann Love and Kristopher Zgorski, (Happiness is a Warm Gun: Crime Fiction Inspired by the Songs of The Beatles, ed. Josh Pachter, Down & Out Books)

“Pigeon Tony’s Last Stand” by Lisa Scottoline (Amazon Original Stories) 

“One Night in 1965” by Stacy Woodson (More Groovy Gumshoes: Private Eyes in the Psychedelic Sixties, ed. Michael Bracken, Down & Out Books)

Sue Feder Memorial Award for Best Historical Mystery

Time’s Undoing by Cheryl Head (Dutton)

Evergreen by Naomi Hirahara (Soho Crime)

The River We Remember by William Kent Krueger (Atria) 

Our Lying Kin by Claudia Hagadus Long (Kasva Press)

The Mistress of Bhatia House by Sujata Massey (Soho Crime)

The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride (Riverhead Books)

Best Mystery-Related Nonfiction 

Finders: Justice, Faith, and Identity in Irish Crime Fiction by Anjili Babbar (Syracuse University Press)

Spillane: King of Pulp Fiction by Max Allan Collins & James L. Traylor (Mysterious Press/Penzler Publishers) 

A Mystery of Mysteries: The Death and Life of Edgar Allan Poe by Mark Dawidziak (St. Martin’s Press) 

Number Go Up: Inside Crypto’s Wild Rise and Staggering Fall by Zeke Faux (Crown Currency) 

Fallen Angel: The Life of Edgar Allan Poe, by Robert Morgan (LSU Press)

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

I’ve always thought that my favorite two literary genres–crime and horror–were flip sides of the same coin. I sometimes reduce my theory to the barest of bones–both are about death but in crime the monsters are human. Horror novels always have elements of mystery and suspense woven into the story–there are always characters trying to figure out what is actually going on, and usually suspecting humans, only to find out it is not–and there’s also a lot of death. You have to figure out what is causing those deaths, and the best horror novels seem like straight-up mysteries until you find out otherwise. I didn’t really start reading horror until Stephen King and Peter Straub, and much as I love the genre, my first love will always be mysteries…but reading the kids’ series, with all their phony ghosts and hauntings and phantoms and spirits, got me really interested in the concept of ghosts–something that stays with me to this very day. (I mostly write about ghosts when I try horror; because Gothic is my absolute favorite and that runs across both genres.)

This is one of the reasons I fell in love with Michael Koryta’s novels. The first I read was So Cold the River, which was more of a ghost story/mystery about a haunted and cursed resort hotel in Indiana, which was a wild ride and great fun to read. He’s also written some other crime novels that crossed over into the supernatural; The Ridge was another favorite. I also wondered how he was writing both straight up crime fiction and sometimes supernatural styled mysteries; I was always told you couldn’t write in two genres like that under the same name.

And then he started releasing those types of novels under the name Scott Carson, so maybe there is something to that old publishing truism? I don’t know why he rebranded those books under a different name and it’s none of my business other than to satisfy idle curiosity. But I did recently finish one of his Scott Carson novels, and Where They Wait is an excellent illustration of the blurred line between horror and crime.

I was never a dreamer.

I mean that in the most literal sense. Figuratively speaking, I absolutely consider myself a dreamer. Aspirational, at least. Optimistic? To a point, although my profession–journalism–mandates a certain cynicism. When I say I was never a dreamer, I mean at night, in the depths of sleep.

No dreams. Just didn’t have ’em. Not good, bad, happy, or sad.

Slept well, though. I slept well. That’s hard to believe these days, but I know that it was true once.

People talk about their dreams all the time. I dated a woman for a few years who would wake up and recite the bizarre and vivid stories that had accompanied her through the night. Sometimes, I’d be tempted to pretend that I could share the experience. Dreaming sounds normal, right? Seems like something that should happen to all of us. And yet we don’t know much about the mechanisms of dreams, for all of our scientific research and psychological theorizing. We believe dreaming is tied to memory, that REM sleep is an archival process. We believe dreams are indicative of repressed emotions, or perhaps harbingers of maladies that haven’t yet offered physical symptoms. Warnings. Messages from the dead. From God. We believe all of these things and more, but what we know is this: dreams are still not fully understood after all these years. They come and they go.

For most people, at least.

I have always been interested in dreams, and what they say about our psyches and consciences. I’ve never studied the psychology of dreams–what little I did read was all supposition and theory, as there is no real answer to what dreams mean–is it just our brains doing freestyle, like a jazz singer bopping up and down the scales using their voice as an instrument, or are they the key to who we are, our hopes and dreams and traumas? I like to play around with dreams a lot in my work, since there is no real consensus on why some people do and some people don’t, why some remember their dreams and why others don’t; do people not remember their dreams because there’s nothing to remember, and on and on from there.

But dreams are at the heart of this chilling and masterful suspense novel, which is really more about tech horror than anything else. Our main character is a journalist who reported on the Afghanistan war, has recently been laid off from his job, and gets a call from an old buddy from the area where he grew up to write a puff piece on a local tech company and it’s newest development; a wellness relaxation app which sounds like every other relaxation app–other than it’s not. Given the latest version of the app to experiment with and write about, it starts affecting him in dreams–scary nightmares about an a shipwreck, and ghosts coming to visit him ,and the dreams are so incredibly vivid that he’s not entirely sure whether they were dreams or not. And as he discovers more, he finds that everything to do with the app is connected to him in some way, as his dreams become more vivid and sometimes waking; to the point he’s not sure if things are actually happening or he’s losing his mind.

This book was fantastic: the story is great, the pacing fantastic, the characters absolutely real–and the horror is terrifying, absolutely terrifying. Carson knows how to build suspense and suck the reader in along for the ride.

Highly recommended.

We Will Rock You

While I was in Kentucky, the Anthony Award finalists were announced, and as always, a friend-studded list. So many great books (and people) listed here. Congrats to all!

BEST HARDCOVER NOVEL

  • All the Sinners Bleed by S.A. Cosby
  • Everybody Knows by Jordan Harper
  • Time’s Undoing by Cheryl A. Head
  • Face of Greed by James L’Etoile
  • The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman

BEST PAPERBACK NOVEL

  • No Home for Killers by E.A. Aymar
  • Hide by Tracy Clark
  • Because the Night by James D.F. Hannah
  • The Taken Ones by Jess Lourey
  • Magic City Blues by Bobby Matthews
  • Lowdown Road by Scott Von Doviak

BEST FIRST NOVEL

  • The Peacock and the Sparrow by I.S. Berry
  • Play the Fool by Lina Chern
  • Scorched Grace by Margot Douaihy
  • Mother-Daughter Murder Night by Nina Simon
  • City Under One Roof by Iris Yamashita

BEST CHILDREN’S/YA

  • Finney and the Secret Tunnel by Jamie Lane Barber
  • Myrtle, Means, and Opportunity by Elizabeth C. Bunch
  • The Sasquatch of Hawthorne Elementary by K.B. Jackson
  • The Mystery of the Radcliffe Riddle by Taryn Souders
  • Enola Holmes and the Mark of the Mongoose by Nancy Springer

BEST CRITICAL/NONFICTION

  • Finders: Justice, Faith, and Identity in Irish Crime Fiction by Anjili Babbar
  • Spillane: King of Pulp Fiction by Max Allan Collins and James L. Traylor
  • A Mystery of Mysteries: The Death and Life of Edgar Allan Poe by Mark Dawidziak
  • A Fever in the Heartland: The Ku Klux Klan’s Plot to Take Over America, and the Woman Who Stopped Them by Timothy Egan
  • Fallen Angel: The Life of Edgar Allan Poe by Robert Morgan
  • Agatha Christie, She Watched: One Woman’s Plot to Watch 201 Christie Adaptations Without Murdering the Director, Screenwriter, Cast, or Her Husband by Teresa Peschel
  • Love Me Fierce In Danger – The Life of James Ellroy by Steven Powell

BEST ANTHOLOGY/COLLECTION

  • School of Hard Knox, edited by Donna Andrews, Greg Herren, and Art Taylor
  • Here in the Dark: Stories by Meagan Luca
  • Happiness Is a Warm Gun: Crime Fiction Inspired by the Songs of The Beatles, edited by Josh Pachter
  • The Adventure of the Castle Thief and Other Expeditions and Indiscretions by Art Taylor
  • Killin’ Time in San Diego: Bouchercon Anthology 2023, edited by Holly West

BEST SHORT STORY

  • “Real Courage” by Barb Goffman
  • “Knock” by James D.F. Hannah
  • “Green and California Bound” by Curtis Ippolito
  • “Ticket to Ride” by Dru Ann Love and Kristopher Zgorski
  • “Tell Me No Lies” by Holly West

Let’s Kill Tonight

I had never read Jim Thompson before this past week.

I knew of him, of course; it’s very difficult to be a crime writer/reader and not to have. He probably isn’t as revered as authors like James M. Cain or Patricia Highsmith, but he also wrote dark stories about outsiders from society living on the fringes who tend to do whatever they need to in order to go on surviving, and that’s the kind of fiction I’ve always enjoyed reading for the most part. I kind of avoided him because…well, because straight white male writers of his era tend to be misogynistic, racist, and homophobic; those things tend to make me recoil as well as take me out of the story. I bought my copy of The Killer Inside Me a number of years ago, primarily out of curiosity and feeling like I should at least give him a go, and for some reason it jumped out of me when I was selecting books to take on the trip this past week…although thinking about it more, I think I bought it (and took it on this trip) because I was thinking about Chlorine, and wanted to read some noir. This was the one everyone seemed to think I should read, and so…into my backpack it went. I read it at night in the motel in Alabama last weekend, and it did not disappoint.

I’d finished my pie and was having a second cup of coffee when I saw him. The midnight freight had come in a few minutes before; and he was peering in one end of the restaurant window, the end nearest the depot, shading his eyes with his hand and blinking against the light. He saw me watching him, and his face faded back into the shadows. But I knew he was still there. I knew he was waiting. The bums always size me up for an easy mark.

I lit a cigar and slid off my stool. The waitress, a new girl from Dallas, watched as I buttoned my coat. “Why, you don’t even carry a gun!” she said, as though she was giving me a piece of news.

“No,” I smiled. “No gun, no blackjack, nothing like that. Why should I?”

“But you’re a cop–a deputy sheriff, I mean. What if some crook should try to shoot you?”

“We don’t have many crooks here in Central City, ma’am,” I said. “Anyway, people are people, even when they’re a little misguided. You don’t hurt them, they won’t hurt you. They’ll listen to reason.”

As simply written as this book is in terms of language–you’re not going to find complicated sentences in Thompson’s work–it’s actually a very smart and clever novel that kind of sneaks up on you, and also pulls the trick Patricia Highsmith/Daphne du Maurier were so good at: making you root for a horrible person to get away with committing crimes. Thompson has captured Lou Ford’s point-of-view and voice so brilliantly that you can’t help admiring him as he goes on his spree of torture, illegality and murder, fooling almost everyone in “Central City” (I loved the comic-book simplicity of the city name) into thinking he’s not only a good guy, but a decent one and a friend to everyone who is just going around doing his job. He also is very quick on his feet, often confounding people asking him questions about the strange crimes on his periphery by the intelligence and honest-to-God-seeming confusion by the questions in the first place. It’s a great act, and he pulls it off time and again over the course of the book, and Thompson/Lou do such a great job with said act that you start to root for him to get away with things. All the interior happenings and crimes also tend to distract the reader from what is actually going on in the book–which is that all of Lou’s crimes circle a local businessman/power broker whom he blames for murdering his half-brother…who took the blame for a crime involving a little girl when they were young that Lou committed. Lou also is a very unreliable narrator, who doesn’t give us anything beyond his own point of view and train of thought, which disguises from the reader brilliantly his own pathology.

I can imagine this book alarmed and disturbed people with its stark and realistic view of what can go wrong when a sociopath is given a gun and a badge, and how an exceptionally smart killer, which Lou is, can use the system to cover up his own crimes and pin blame on others. And it does seem, all the through the book, like Lou is going to be able to explain it all away and get away with all of his crimes…

I really enjoyed this book, and it made me realize I’ve been a little unfair to the straight white male writers of the past by avoiding their work. I’m definitely going to read more Thompson; this was exceptional and I do recommend you read it.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Lonesome is a great word that doesn’t get as much use as it used to; it was a very popular emotion/feeling for songwriters (especially those in the genre then known as “country and western”) to write about back in the 50’s and 60’s. It’s a very evocative word, and I am not sure why I don’t hear it as often as I used to. I love the word, and one of my ideas is to write a book called Kansas Lonesome at some point. The premise would be that there’s a podcast called that, which covers Kansas true crime stories throughout the state’s history; I am not sure how that podcast will play into the story I want to write, but that’s the foundation of that book, whatever it turns out to be. I am currently in the process of writing a short story (one of many, by the way) with a college student investigating a crime site out in the countryside to sus out background information for a podcast episode for the producer/star of the podcast. I do think the book may be inspired (Kansas Lonesome) on a homophobic incident that occurred in my old school district in Kansas; a young lesbian was put off the bus and banned from riding for saying she was a lesbian. The school district tried to cover up everything, but it turned out the girl was the only one telling the truth, the bus driver was fired, and the superintendent lost out on a big career move…and a few months later, she disappeared. Her name was Izzy Dieker, and as best as I can tell, she’s not turned up yet and it’s been over two years since she went missing. There are just some articles noting her disappearance, and then….nothing.

That is a great premise for a crime novel, isn’t it? Kansas Lonesome is becoming what I will soon probably be referring to now as “the Kansas book,” now that the other one was finally finished and published. But I think I will probably write The Crooked Y first; there is so much material in Kansas for prairie noir, isn’t there?

It really is amazing how much crime–specifically brutal murders–have happened in such a sparsely populated, deeply Christian red state. (“But crime only happens in those scary big cities!” Fuck off, trash. And by the way, immigrants aren’t coming for your women or your jobs.) The Benders are another grisly story from Kansas’ blood-drenched past, and I’ve always wanted to write about them, too; and hope to do so before I run out of time on this mortal coil.

And last week I stumbled across another fascinating tale of corruption and illegality involving a district attorney, a judge, and a police chief…a truly horrifying tale about how justice can be (and is all too frequently) twisted to fit the agendas of people who are evil but so convinced of their own righteousness that bending rules and not turning over evidence to defense attorneys, suborning perjury and coercing confessions from people?

Sidebar: Yes, Sarah Palin, that’s the real America, you charlatan snake-oil salesperson. Hope you’re enjoying being completely forgotten, grifter and Grandmother of Bastards.

Anyway, that’s a lot of words to talk about how Kansas is actually a horrific true crime state, with lots of examples of horrible murders and desperate people. I sometimes wonder if has anything to do with how flat the state is, and how sparsely populated. I know sometimes those winter winds off the prairies are brutal, whistling around the house and rattling the windows, trying to find a way into the warm cozy inside. Sometimes that wind can whistle, too–and I can imagine in a time without electricity or much entertainment, listening to that wind and being so lonesome out on the prairie could easily drive you mad1. I could write a book of short stories and simply call it Kansas Lonesome, with the premise that the podcast host and researchers are doing the background research into these old crimes or something. That could be an interesting way of bringing those stories together…but I also think Kansas Lonesome is too good of a book title to not use it for the novel I was thinking about earlier in this entry–the one about Izzy Dieker.

Loneliness, though, while sad and depressing, is a writer’s friend. When you’re lonely, you have to entertain yourself, and I always drag out the journal at those times, or warm up my computer and start writing away. I think a lot of my creativity came from being lonely as a child, the recognition I clocked early that I wasn’t like other kids in many ways so I stayed away from them because I didn’t know if they were going to make fun of me or bully me. and so I retreated very often into my own mind. I read a lot, obviously, and watched a lot of television and movies (while reading), and I just kind of lived in my imagination for lengthy periods of time. I preferred my own world, frankly, and still do; I hate leaving my own world for the real one.

I do wonder sometimes if I would have still wanted to be a writer if I had felt like I belonged, if I was like every other little boy. But even when I was a kid, I looked at the future that was expected of me and found it wanting. A Lot. I hated the very idea of fitting into one of the ticky-tacky houses in the suburbs and the day job that was all-consuming and the wife and the kids and the lawn work and upkeep on the house and…yeah, that sounded always terrible to me, and the older I got the more I resisted that future. Had I followed the path laid out for me by society and family I would have been absolutely miserable by now. Would I have been so attached to books if I had friends, kids in the neighborhood and the comfort of knowing people did actually like me? It was the love of books and wanting to give other people the feeling I got when I read one I enjoyed that made me want to be a writer in the first place, and the more I read the more I wanted to write. I used to write all the time when I was a kid–things I didn’t take seriously at the time, and would completely dismiss…but I was always writing. I made up a world once, with its own countries and lineages and so forth, kind of a fantasy alternate kind of history. I wrote my own versions of the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. I wrote short stories in high school. I started writing a novel when I was seventeen, and while I might have gone months without writing at times, I always was writing, always coming up with titles and ideas, and I was always happiest when I was creating.

And now, here I am hurtling toward my sixty-third birthday with a lot of publishing credits to my name and boxes and boxes of ideas…that I want to digitize and throw away the paper files in an attempt to cut back on clutter. I have my next two years’ writing schedule pretty much figured out already. I’m happy. That’s the bottom line of everything, isn’t it? Being happy? I love my life. I love writing. I love connecting with readers and other writers. And I think I am continuing to grow and develop as a writer. I don’t ever want my best work to be behind me, and I don’t think it is. I’m feeling good and optimistic again, and that’s always a good thing.

  1. There was a really great chapter in James Michener’s Centennial that talked about this very thing; how on the prairies in the winter the wind could drive one mad. After I read that book I could never listen to the wind again without remembering that. ↩︎