Monday morning and I am back at home, getting ready to face another day at the office. I am very tired this morning. I drove home yesterday and was exhausted once I did get home. I managed to unpack and get some things done, but not a lot. One thing that was rather blissful while I was gone was being almost completely out of the loop as far as the country and world are concerned–and it was kind of nice, actually. I started writing an entry while I was up there that I never finished and posted, either; I will try to get that finished at some point today. I have to leave early to see my GI specialist, and then I need to run some errands before I get to come home. Gah, I am tired. It’s going to not be an easy week, methinks. I also committed to going to Kentucky for Thanksgiving, which seriously won’t kill me, will mean a lot to my sister and father, and probably will get me over the Mom’s holiday thing. It’ll be three years on Valentine’s Day next year. Sigh.
I listened to Adam Cesare’s Clown in a Cornfield 2: Frendo Lives! on the ride to and from this past weekend, which I really enjoyed; a perfect choice for Halloween Horror Month. I don’t know that I’ll do a review of it or not; I haven’t decided and I have a lot that I need to get done over the next few days–we’re having a site visit this week, so I definitely am behind on getting things ready for that and I have all kinds of catching up to do. Daunting, yes, but nothing I cannot handle once I’ve made a to-do list, which I’ll have to do later on this morning–one for the office, one for me personally–so I can make sure I am not forgetting anything that I need to get done. My coffee tastes good this morning (must put ‘clean coffee machine’ on said to-do list) and I am taking that as a good sign that, despite feeling a bit run down and tired this morning, I will have a terrific day.
I am SURE of it!
Last night, after getting sort of caught up on the news a bit (I still feel very out of touch this morning), we started getting caught up on shows, and we also started watching Boots, the new Netflix show about a gay kid who somehow joins the Marines before “don’t ask don’t tell”; when being gay was an automatic dishonorable discharge and perhaps even some time in a military prison. (IT WASN’T THAT LONG AGO KIDS!) We’re really enjoying it thus far, and the actors are all pretty to look at. I didn’t think I’d enjoy a show about marine boot camp (at least not after seeing Full Metal Jacket), but I actually did. I also got caught up on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, which was fun, and really the only one I pay attention to anymore. I also read Chris Grabenstein’s The Hanging Hill, which I enjoyed as some light reading. It’s a middle-grade book, I’d say, and the kind of thing I would have loved when I was the right age for it. I can see why he’s so popular with kids–and he’s a lovely person to boot; I’d bought two of his books when we met and were on a panel together at Sleuthfest about ten years ago. (I do recommend Sleuthfest, writer friends and aspiring writers; it’s a marvelous crime conference put on by the Florida chapter of MWA.)
And now I get to settle back into the real world and my real life again. After my doctor’s appointment I am going to run pick up the mail and stop to get some fresh berries for my breakfasts at the Fresh Mart before coming home and doing some chores before cat-bonding and getting caught up on the news (sigh) and what’s going on in the world. I very deliberately disconnected from my phone and didn’t use it for anything other than deleting spam email for five days. I highly recommend this process for everyone from time to time; we do need to remain informed about what’s going on in this horrifyingly enflamed world. It helped my mental state dramatically.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I’ll try to get that trip blog post finished this week, and I even started a newsletter essay I would like to get done. Have a great Monday, and I will be back at some point soon.
Tuesday morning, and did you miss me yesterday? LOL, I”m sure no one noticed my blog absence for a single day, especially since the world and country are burning to the ground, with a new, fresh dictatorial outrage on the hourly. I decided when I got up that I was going to ignore everything and work on getting the book finished; I had to have to it to my editor by 4 pm CST and…I got it to her by three. It still needs an epilogue and some fine tuning, but I am choosing to focus on the fact that I turned the fucking book in at long last. I wrote about twenty-five thousand new words since Friday, too–something I wasn’t so sure I could manage anymore, but there you have it: Greg can still binge write. Once that was done, I repaired to my easy chair, read more of The Haunting of Hill House, and watched television with Paul for the rest of the evening before I went to bed. Sparky let me sleep in a bit this morning before turning into a manic, frantic alarm–SPARKY NEEDED FOOD–but it was a relief to get the book turned in, not in the least because that horrible little voice in my head that I hate was taunting me that my book-writing days were behind me. Not the case, hallelujah and pass the ammunition, after all. I am a bit worn down this morning, worn out from the binge-writing, no doubt, but…I am very very happy and content this morning.
It has rained every day since Friday and we are due for more today. My windows are covered in condensation this morning, and while it is light outside, it’s also gray and gloomy. This is excellent weather for reading and binge-writing, apparently; it also helped me since I was writing about a hurricane. Today is going to be an easy day for me. I am on vacation, but not leaving to meet Dad in Alabama until tomorrow in the late afternoon. I am going to get up early to drive the car to the dealership for an oil change and to see if they can do something about that thing dragging under the car (long story, but it doesn’t affect the car’s operation, but I just can’t get to it myself to take it off) before I drive up to Alabama in the afternoon. I am also going to run some errands today, and I need to get the house cleaned up and picked up today, so I am going to try to do that around my reading.
I also wrote a lot yesterday on the laptop. Don’t get excited; I was fighting with Sparky over my desk chair (he sleeps in it while I am not home; but it’s napping in my chair is part of his daily routine, and the only choice is between being distracted and clawed to death, or let him have the chair), and finally said fuck this and settled into my chair, put the keyboard and mouse on my lap desk, and mirrored the screen with the television. I have tried doing this before, but it’s never really worked well for me but desperation and deadlines apparently can make me adapt. Good to know for the future, right? And that also removes the danger of television distraction.
I can’t remember the last time I had a day off with nothing hanging over my head to write. It’s actually kind of lovely, to be honest.
After I hit send on the manuscript yesterday, I did think about what I want to do now that Scotty X is practically finished (edits and copy edits and proofing yet to come), and it’s kind of nice having a vacation and a short trip to follow turning in a manuscript. I don’t know if I am going to have the usual post-book malaise, but it’s probably likely. The malaise has been pretty consistent for the last year or so, I’d say. It’s been a rough decade for one Gregalicious, but…be grateful it wasn’t worse, because it could have been quite easily.
And on that note, I am going to head into the spice mines, such as they are, for the day. I’ll be back tomorrow, but probably won’t be around much again until Monday, when I go back to the office.
Sunday morning in the Lost Apartment, and its rainy and gloomy. It started raining yesterday afternoon, and all through the night, which helped me sleep really well, even if my hips are a bit achy this morning I feel pretty good, which is a good thing as I have more work to do on the book today. Obviously, I would rather get my blanket, and curl up in my easy chair with a book and my coffee and be blissfully happy, but there’s work to be done and I must make some serious progress so there’s not as much stress on me tomorrow. I also need to pay some bills this morning, and am actually feeling kind of good. Probably because of the rain. I do love rain.
I spent most of yesterday writing or reading or editing until I was bleary-eyed and needed to quit for the day, which was pleasant. Last night we started watching Monster: The Ed Gein Story, which was incredibly disturbing to watch; so much so that we didn’t watch the second episode. We moved on to Abbott Elementary and Alien: Earth, both of which were rather interesting. I’m not really sure where this show falls in the Alien timeline–I’m not even sure I’ve seen all the movies, to be honest–but it’s interesting enough on its own, and maybe we don’t need to know any of that stuff to be entertained by the show. I did have games on during the day in the living room–but wasn’t watching, really. I do know Georgia beat Kentucky, Alabama beat Vanderbilt, Florida beat Texas (LOL), and Miami beat Florida State. Oh yes, UCLA beat Penn State1 (another LOL). But it just goes to show how little anyone knows before the season begins and any games have been played, which again demonstrates how useless polls are this early in the season–but have to have rankings to drive ratings, right?
Now remind yourself that polls used to determine the national champion at the end of the year and you can see how fucked up college football used to be, when smaller schools without the brand names of USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Alabama or Texas had little to no chance of landing in the top five until after the halfway point of the season. It’s called bias, and everyone is biased when things are determined by observation and personal opinion. Now those biases come out when the play-off selections are made. Sad, but true. I can’t complain too much, because LSU is now one of those brands (only Alabama has won more national titles this century), but I said all along after the Clemson brand that LSU was overrated, and I was right. I wanted to be wrong, but…
I also started my reread of The Haunting of Hill House and Shirley Jackson truly was a witch. How did she think of those sentences, these characters, this story? I always find myself in awe every time I reread this book, or whenever I read something new of hers. I’ve not read all the short stories or the novels, but I do want to at some point. I have the Hangsaman audiobook downloaded into my phone; maybe I should listen to that on my drive than what I already downloaded? Something to think over by Wednesday, for sure.
I am still boiling angry at the Kyren Lacy situation–as well as Trey Reed’s murder. When will southern white cops stop brushing aside inconvenient facts and truths when it comes to young Black men? The state cop who framed Lacy should get the death penalty as far as I am concerned, and the Lacy family should sue the state of Louisiana and bankrupt it. It’s the lack of consequence which leads to more incidents of this kind, and I for one have little to no desire to go back to the so-called halcyon past all white supremacists fantasize about.
What is even more sickening to me is wondering whether I would be as angry about this case had the young man not been a former LSU star or not, and I do have to wonder. But I can comfort myself with thinking that I watched him play for three years and was a fan, hence the outrage. I am outraged about Trey Reed, too–but perhaps its my familiarity with Lacy that makes it more visceral to me?
Both young men should be ALIVE.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I have a lot to get done today and I need to get started. No worries, though; I will be back in the morning with another update!
This is the building where the first American born Princess of Monaco, Alice Heine, was born and raised. She was fascinating, and I don’t understand why she isn’t better known. I’ve always wanted to write about her.
I believe, in my football superstitious mindset, that Penn State’s program was cursed once we all found out how craven and revolting Joe Paterno was in covering up years of sexual abuse of boys there–so they’ll never quite make it to the top of the heap, but will get their hopes up every year only to be cruelly dashed. I also think they wouldn’t have been cursed if their fans hadn’t opposed and rioted over the firing of a pedophile accomplice. Priorities. ↩︎
Thursday morning and my last day in the office for the week–and until a week from Monday, at that! Huzzah! The dark is pressing up against my windows this morning, which means the time change is coming. I still get to come home from work in the daylight, though. I slept pretty decently last night, and my legs are tired this morning but they don’t ache, which is much, much better than earlier this week. The bed also felt warm and comfortable this morning. Sparky was a cuddle puddle, too, which wasn’t exactly motivating me to get up, you know? Ah, well.
I was very tired when I got home from work last night, but did my chores so the house isn’t a disaster area this morning. I worked on the book first, caught up on the news (which is truly grim every day), and then cleaned out the sink and ran the dishwasher. I also finished two loads of laundry and folded everything before I started dozing off in my chair. I started my reread of The Haunting of Hill House, and it always, on every reread, just blows me away. Shirley Jackson was such a master.
What a bizarre week this has been, and it’s only Thursday. It hasn’t been bizarre for me, per se, but more along the lines of “I’m not enjoying this final season of United States.” We have Senator Rafael Cruz insisting that we need to “stop attacking pedophiles” (for which I have rechristened him Tedophile), to the government shutting down, to the cowardice of the House Speaker in not swearing in a duly elected congressperson to protect the Epstein files from coming out, to whatever the fuck that was with the top military brass the other day. (Someone posted on social media that the generals were calling them “Fat Man and Little Boy” because they bombed so hard, which made me howl with laughter.)
I do love how President Canks1 seems to think destroying the major cities in this country–which also are the primary economic engines of the country–won’t bankrupt the nation, not to mention a president threatening US cities with military reprisals because they don’t like him is a kind of a terrifying new wrinkle (gee, if only someone could have said something about this before the election…), but not a surprise. MAGA has been running this country as a fascist state since at least 1/20/25, and anyone who doesn’t see that is too stupid to engage with other than a simple “hello” in passing. Is it any wonder everything is fraying and decaying, including everyone’s emotional and mental states? Prices certainly are out of control and getting worse every time I go to the grocery store or order groceries for delivery; how’s that cost of eggs no one on the Right seems to care about anymore? Fortunately I only use eggs for cooking (rarely), and while Paul loves them, he doesn’t eat them very often–thank the Lord. And who would have ever thought the so-called “answer” to illegal immigration was to make the country such a hellhole that no one would want to come here for opportunity anymore? I always thought illegal immigration was the ultimate compliment to our country–that whole “land of opportunity” thing I was brainwashed into believing when I was a kid. My generation was completely gaslighted into the dual mythology of American exceptionalism and white supremacy; talk about a miseducation! I’ve spent most of my adulthood unlearning those lessons.
But I do feel good this morning–I know I’ll be tired tonight, but the only chore left is folding that last load of laundry, so I can probably do a spot of writing before collapsing into my easy chair for the evening. I do hope Paul gets home early enough before I fall asleep/go to bed, so we can watch some shows and get caught up with each other. I think they’re finished moving the office to their new, temporary space.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and don’t let the news get to you too much; I need to follow my own advice, don’t I? See you tomorrow morning!
And here it is Wednesday again; halfway through the week, but this time I am heading into vacation time and not just the weekend. Huzzah! I feel pretty good this morning; no fatigue or aches detected, so let’s hope that lasts through the day. I was pretty fucking exhausted last night when I got home from the clinic; we weren’t super-super busy, but I was the only person counseling, so it was draining on top of being tired. I did hit a wall in the afternoon after my last patient, so came home and crashed out in my easy chair, intermittently dozing off and waking up again for a couple of hours before Paul got home. We watched the season finale of Platonic (which really is a lot of fun) and the latest Peacemaker, which had some big twists and a special guest star, too. I then went to bed early and slept deeply and well, or so it feels as I sit here swilling coffee and scarfing down coffee cake.
But that feels like a major win at this point.
I did get some work done on the book, but I was so damned tired I didn’t get very far with it before my brain shut down. And it’s October already! Where the hell did September go? This is what comes from wishing it were the weekend already and counting down the days; time goes by much faster, doesn’t it? I guess that’s what Mom meant by “wishing your life away,” wasn’t it? But I didn’t finish The Hunting Wives and it’s already Halloween Horror Month, so I am going to begin my reread of The Haunting of Hill House tonight. I also downloaded Clown in a Cornfield 2: Frendo Lives to listen to in the car while driving this weekend, and am taking a couple of books with me to read before bed every night in Alabama next weekend. I should read horror more throughout the year, of course, but the inability to focus and read something as quickly as I used to really bugs me. I also want to watch some new-to-me horror films, and probably rewatch some, like Halloween (always seasonally appropriate for October) and The Haunting–I may even rewatch Sinners so I can pick up on more things I missed the first time through.
I also need to finish writing this book so I can write some newsletters. It’s been a very hot minute; the last one was my Katrina anniversary essay, and that was now over a month ago. But Bouchercon exhausted me, and it took me a while to get over that issue, only to have the reaction to my vaccine from this past weekend. It feels almost like I spent all of September fatigued and tired. But I also learned how to give myself my bi-monthly injection this month, so that’s a win, and I also reconnected with my writing brain, which was a HUGE win. That has also improved my mood and outlook dramatically; I hate when I fear that the writing part of my brain has dried up or atrophied. I doubt that I will ever get to be as prolific as I used to be, and not certain that I would even want that, to be honest–at least not while I still am working full time. I just don’t have the energy or the bandwidth to produce between three and five books in a year anymore…or the desire. I know I have a lot of book and story ideas I may never get around to writing, but whereas that thought used to fill me with panic…I’ve resigned myself to that reality and no longer get anxious about that inevitable truth.
Of course, that could be a side effect of the anxiety medication, too. I did also worry that the medication had sapped my will to write…but that is clearly not the case.
I have lots of things to get done around the office this morning, too…but I don’t think the clinic is very busy today, and it’s not just me this morning. I need to do some chores tonight in addition to writing–I was too tired last night and the kitchen is a disaster area, literally, again–but am feeling good about things and getting back on top of everything.
And on that note, I am going to get cleaned up and head into the spice mines. Have a great Wednesday, Constant Reader, and I’ll say hello again tomorrow morning.
Jacob Elordi in Saltburn, looking like a snack despite the poor choice in reading materials.
Thursday last day in the office for me for the week blog, and I am glad it’s nearing the end of this week. I got tired yesterday afternoon at work–the big tired; not fatigue but just super-tired from getting up and working so much already. The book continues to go well, and I got more work done on it last night, too. Huzzah! I am also having dinner tonight in the Marigny with a good friend, which I am also looking forward to. We’re having a bit of a thunderstorm this morning–thunder woke me up before either the alarm or the alarm kitty–but I remained snug in my bed under my pile of blankets and wishing I didn’t have to get up at all. I love rain so much. I am also a little bit on the tired side this morning, par for the course for a rainy Thursday morning. I hope the fatigue doesn’t set in, else I’ll be a drag at dinner.
And that won’t be much fun, will it?
Probably not.
Gloom and rain all day, though, should pick me right up, right? LOL. I do hope, though, that it rains through the night.
I did come straight home from work yesterday, and the groceries were delivered shortly after I got home. We caught up on the news (Paul worked at home, so was here when I got home), and watched this week’s episode of The Morning Show before we went to bed early. Exciting, isn’t it? I also worked on the book last night and I am very pleased with how it is all coming together. It’s been so long, you know, since I’ve finished a book. Did I just go two years without a book being released? Yep, it looks that way, and so much has happened since the last time I finished a book that I don’t really remember much of writing or finishing it, and frankly, I’m not even sure what my last book published was, in all honesty. My memory issues are becoming a little bit on the scary side…but it’s probably all related to trauma and surgeries and getting older. It also started getting worse when I changed medications…but trading my memory for no anxiety was well worth it, frankly. I sleep better, I don’t freak out, my moods don’t swing…it’s really lovely.
Although the frequent memory lapses get concerning occasionally.
I’m also very glad I am back into the right writing headspace. I am enjoying doing the work again–memory lapses mean I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed the work and didn’t view it as drudgery, in all honesty. The book is becoming much better as I work through it, and yes, I do have some chapters to write still, of course; but I am confident I can get all of it done by the revised deadline, which is next week. I will be watching football games on Saturday, but will most likely work on the book in the morning before the games start. I can also copy edit with the manuscript in my lap, too. I also need to finish reading The Hunting Wives so I can officially move into Halloween Horror Month, kicking it off with the annual reread and discussion of The Haunting of Hill House, which I consider a perfect novel. I may reread The Dead Zone by Stephen King as well; it has seemed very timely since 2015 to me, and I’ve wanted to reread it again ever since the bloated monster’s escalator ride. (Et tu, UN escalator?) I am also going to work on short stories during October, methinks, because I don’t want to immerse myself in another book while working with my editor on making this new Scotty an excellent read. Huzzah! I’m kind of excited about it, to be honest.
I can’t wait to get my box o’books.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines on this gloomy and rainy day. Hope you have a lovely Thursday, Constant Reader, and I will commune with you again tomorrow morning!
Sunday morning in the Lost Apartment and I feel good. Rested, at any rate; we’ll see how long it lasts, won’t we? But the coffee tastes marvelous this morning, the apartment looks better than it has in weeks, and I’m going to have most of the day here at home by myself as Paul is getting some tattoos–he said plural–and so will have a nice writing day, with some touching up around here to begin with. Yesterday was pretty lovely. I did run my errands in the morning, making some groceries and picking up the mail, and it was stunningly gorgeous outside–the way it looks to be this morning, as well. We didn’t really have the hideous September that we usually do, so this unseasonal cool weather has been absolutely lovely. (And by cool, I mean “not humid”) The aches in my hip and ankle joints aren’t present this morning, either. Anyway, he is going to bring home a pizza from Midway on Freret for dinner, and may I just say huzzah? I’ve been wanting one for quite some time, and was even thinking about maybe having one Door Dashed next weekend. Turns out, no need! Yay!
I did have college football on for most of the day, and while some games were good and close and exciting (Auburn-Oklahoma, for one–although Auburn should have won) and of course, the LSU game resulted in a massive blowout of Southeastern Louisiana, 56-7, I think the final score was? After one quarter the Tigers were up only 7-0, but scored four times in the second quarter to go in at halftime leading 35-0 and looking better than they have all year so far…again, it’s not like it was an SEC opponent, but this is the kind of score LSU expects playing an overmatched foe like SLU. We then watched the end of Miami-Florida (I am an SEC homer, but never root for Florida unless they are playing another non-SEC team I despise), which Miami won, dropping Florida to 1-3 for the year. Clemson also lost yet again, dropping to 1-3 as well–so how is LSU ranked Number 3 when their best opponents are a combined 2-6? As I always say, the rankings this early in the season are incredibly stupid and meaningless. Tulane also got blown out by Mississippi in Oxford, where LSU has to play next week for the 2:30 time slot. We’ll see how that goes; we’ve not won in Oxford in a while. 2019 season, perhaps? I know we lost the last time we went up there, with Jayden Daniels and that insanely high scoring game. We shall see, shall we not?
As September is all too rapidly rushing to a close, I picked out my TBR pile for October and my annual Halloween Horror Month, where I try to consume as much horror media as I can. I picked out too many books, of course, especially given the glacial pace I’ve been reading at for the last few months. I also spent some time reading yesterday, dipping in and out of Shirley Jackson’s delightful Life Among the Savages, and being amazed at her incredibly unique and magical voice. I am looking forward to my annual reread of The Haunting of Hill House, too. It’ll be nice to dip into another genre after focusing on crime for so long, to be honest. I’d like to write more horror, I have an idea for a repurposing of a horror novel I started back in the 1990s and never finished, But I need to finish this Scotty, and then there are a couple of other novels I want to get done first.
I also realized yesterday that one of the reasons I always feel lazy, and like I will never catch up, is because I have so many story and novel ideas that I will never get to, so when I don’t spend every waking moment writing…I feel like a lazy slug wasting his talents.
I also read deeper into The Hunting Wives yesterday, which I am really enjoying–it’s dramatically different from the show and I really like that–and hope to get some more reading done this morning before cleaning up and getting back into the writing saddle.
And on that note, I am going to make another cup of coffee and head into the spice mines. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I will be back here in the morning.
It was supposed to rain this morning, but the sun is shining and the sky is bright blue. I slept well again last night until Sparky got me up this morning, wanting his breakfast. (He is such a sweet boy.) I had a lovely day yesterday, actually. I ran my errands in the morning, ordered groceries to be delivered last evening, and had a pretty nice day overall. I finished rereading my Jay Bennett and Barbara Michaels novels1, and hope to finish reading the Megan Abbott today. I also watched a lot of television while doing chores and reading before falling asleep in my chair last night after a nice, relaxing day. Here’s to having another today, right?
Netflix has a new show about the 2024 SEC football season called Any Given Saturday, and so I watched about four episodes of that while Paul slept on the couch. It’s very well done, and while I don’t feel it pays enough attention to LSU–and what there is focuses on games they lost (really? No coverage of the amazing upset of Top Ten-ranked Mississippi?)–it is nice to see the stories on the other teams and get a recap of the season. The show, of course, is hype for the upcoming season; the pro pre-season is already under way. I think LSU can be really good this year, but LSU always manages to find a way to LSU. There are only two episodes of the show left–we switched it off to watch Wednesday, which we also didn’t finish last night–that I may have on in the background this morning while I read.
I think I am going to go ahead and spend some time with the news and my coffee this morning before finishing this. I’ll be back momentarily, Constant Reader. (According to the weather, we should be having a thunderstorm in five minutes, which I don’t think is going to happen, given how it currently looks out there.)
It’s now noon, and it never rained here. It does look like the calm before a storm outside my windows at the moment, but I’ve already closed up my wagon and put it away (I’d left it out last night after the delivery) just in case. I got cleaned up–even shaving–and that woke me up and made me feel being productive for a while. I put Any Given Saturday back on to stream, getting through the last two episodes while reading more of El Dorado Drive and marveling at what a fucking MASTER Megan Abbott is; she may be the best writer publishing today, and is definitely in the top tier without question. I also picked out my next reads: the reread will be Life Among the Savages by Shirley Jackson2 and the juvenile/young adult will be The Secret of the Red Scarf, which belongs to a close-to-forgotten girls’ series featuring Nancy Drew rip-off Kay Tracey, and I won’t decide on the new new-to-me read until I finish the Abbott–I’m currently torn between Mia Manansala’s latest or Disco Witches of Fire Island or Lev AC Rosen’s Rough Pages; all queer authors, I might add.
But The Hunting Wives might win the race in a photo-finish.
As I finished off Any Given Saturday, I found myself very curious about the lack of coverage for Texas, Georgia, Oklahoma, and Auburn, among others…and LSU and Alabama were only covered in reference to their games with South Carolina and Vanderbilt, period. Was it about getting some of these lesser-known programs more coverage? And it’s definitely difficult to cover 16 teams with any degree of depth and certainly every team had a story to tell this past year. But it definitely whetted my appetite for the return of college football, which was its intent, so mission accomplished, Netflix.
I’d forgotten we’d watched Towards Zero in between the SEC show and Wednesday; I’d seen bad reviews of it so was curious as to what we would think of it. I remembered the story as soon as I saw the geography of the setting, which is crucial to the crime, and yes, I was proven correct in the third episode. It was fine, if perhaps not really needing a third episode? It did feel like it was dragged out more than it needed to be, which is not a good sign for a murder mystery.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I need to do some picking up and organizing and cleaning, and I am also going to write for a while before probably returning to the Abbott. I doubt I will be back later; I may finish a newsletter today and I may not. If not, I will be here again in the morning before the infusion. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader!
I will write newsletters about both authors at some point. ↩︎
I’ve always wanted to write about this unique Jackson book; I usually reread The Haunting of Hill House every October. ↩︎
Being Southern hasn’t been as difficult for me as it is for most Southern people, when it comes to forgetting the past and not taking pride in a heritage that includes racism and bigotry and enslavement. Some of the earliest lessons I learned about life in these United States was that I was one of the few people who started recognizing something that I wouldn’t know the name for until I was much older: cognitive dissonance. What I was being told at home was different from what I was being taught in school, and even that, while better balanced, was “patriotism good rah rah rah U!S!A! U!S!A!” all the time, nonstop. I began wondering about how much of an American “hero” Christopher Columbus really was, as all he brought to the New World was genocide, slavery, disease, centuries of oppression and looting the resources of the Americas. I started dealing with more cognitive dissonance as I got older and began seeing the flaws in white American supremacy, the contradictions and conflicts, and I had to think and reconcile all of these differing opinions. As I got older, resolving those cognitive dissonances required abandoning the education I got as a child about our country and its history because it was drenched in white supremacy and American exceptionalism and, well, lies to make white people feel better about themselves1. Reading and studying history made me look at modern Christianity askance–your religion has always been bloody, intolerant and cruel; but I’m supposed to believe the faith that slaughtered non-believers gleefully has changed and learned the errors of its ways?
Likewise, the Civil Rights Movement was in full swing when I was a child, and saw I watched the marches and the horror of the violence on the news. I didn’t understand nor believe the so-called religious justification for bigotry–my view of Christianity was markedly different from what I was learning in Sunday school for sure–but as someone blessed with white privilege I was also oblivious to a lot of what the Black community has dealt with throughout our bloody and horrific national history. My beliefs and values have never stagnated or been chiseled into stone; I appreciate gaining new perspective and examining my own internal biases and prejudices, and changing my mind predicated on the new perspective.
There are some things, however, I will never change my mind about: bigotry and prejudice are evil and have no basis in anything except vile ignorance and emotion.
The “we need diverse books” movement on-line was absolutely wonderful, because it gave me an easy opportunity to find books by diverse authors that either didn’t exist before or did and weren’t given much of a push. I loved the expansion of the crime and horror genres to include these characters and themes and stories; I love their fresh perspectives on society and culture and yes, the genres themselves. Books by S. A. Cosby, Kellye Garrett, Rachel Howzell Hall, Tracy Clark, Cheryl Head, and other racialized authors have not only been revelatory, but so strongly written and brilliant that it’s pushing other authors to better their own work to keep up. I’ve also been reading a lot of non-fiction about the civil rights movement and the history of prejudice and racism in this country, informing not only myself but with my own work, as well.
And in a class almost by itself is Tananarive Due’s The Reformatory.
Robert Stephens held his breath and counted to three, hoping to see Mama.
Some mornings his nose tickled with a trace of talcum powder or Madam C. J. Walker’s Glossine hair grease, and he felt…something hovering over him, watching him sleep. His groggy brain would think…Mama? If he gasped or sat up too quickly, or even wiped the sleep from his eyes, it was gone like a dream. But sometimes, when the June daylight charged early through the thin curtain and broke the darkness, movement glided across the red glow of his closed eyelids like someone walking past his bed. He felt no gentle kisses or fingertips brushing his forehead. No whispers of assurances and motherly love. Nothing like what people said ghosts were supposed to be, much less your dead mama. That morning he was patient, counting the way he’d practiced–one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand–and slitted his eyes open.
A woman’s shadow passed outside of the window above him, features appearing in the gaps between the sheets of tinfoil taped across the glass. In a white dress, maybe. Maybe. Moving fast, in a hurry.
“Mama?”
This book is a revelation. It is without question one of the most powerful books I’ve read in I don’t know how long.
I knew it was going to be a hard read, because I knew what the book was based on. I also don’t remember when I first became aware of the horrors of the notorious Dozier School for Boys in Florida, but it was a horror to be sure. I’ve read some novels based on that story (I loved Lori Roy’s The Disappearing) already, and so was familiar. Reading about enslavement and the Jim Crow South2 is inevitably a hard slog for me, and not just because of the white guilt it deservedly triggers; it just staggers me that in a country that supposedly is about equality and freedom such things could happen, be taken as normal, and changing the system is so violently opposed…a lot of racist Southerners see nothing wrong with that history and would like it to return, so these kinds of stories of American atrocities against its own citizens are incredibly important. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword, which is why repressive governments always go after journalists and writers; a well-told story that illustrates the injustice for the reader and humanizes it can change minds.
The Reformatory is about the Gracetown School for Boys and a young twelve year old Black boy who is sent there for absolutely nothing; an older white boy was sexualizing his older sister Gloria, and when young Robert stands up for her he gets a brutal shove, and he retaliates with a kick. Alas, the white boy’s father is wealthy and therefore powerful, and he wants this “uppity” behavior punished. In a joke trial that’s not even a trial, the corrupt racist judge sends Robert to the hell of the reformatory. Robert’s story doesn’t become about a search for his own justice, but the hell of surviving a place where boys die regularly but never of natural causes. Young Robbie has a gift, too–he can see ghosts–and there are a lot of ghosts there for him to navigate. Gloria’s story becomes about her desperate drive to get her brother out of there and correct the injustice. Their father was also a union organizer, and was falsely accused of raping and beating a white woman, so he fled north to Chicago. So, the boy in custody is also a pawn for the white power structure who really wants to get their hands on Robert Senior.
The warden, Haddock, is a sadistic predator who enjoys torturing and raping and murdering his charges. He also has a special need for young Robbie’s ghost seeing abilities, wanting to rid the campus of the ghosts of his victims. Due manages to make the horrors of that place absolutely real, with some of the most vivid and powerful images I’ve come across in a novel in years.
But the true horror of the book isn’t the ghosts at the school. The true horror is its horrific and realistic depiction of the Jim Crow south, and the lack of hope for change in the Black characters. It was about halfway through the book that I realized, as much as I was loving this book, that there was no happily ever after for Black people under Jim Crow, before civil rights. They might be able to escape a predicament, but there was no escape ever from the system.
Which is absolutely terrifying.
Definitely check this book out, and I am going to look for my next read from Due.
Manifest destiny? I could write an entire book about that bullshit. ↩︎
Someday I will dismantle To Kill a Mockingbird for the racist lie it is. ↩︎
Monday morning and back to the office today. I had a really nice lovely weekend, to be honest. The weather has changed here in New Orleans and has become what would pass for early fall everywhere else, but here? The lack of humidity and the bright sunshine, along with cool breezes, make all the difference. It’s nice being able to wear sleeves and pants outside of the house or work, you know? And I do sleep better. I just don’t like that it gets dark so early. That’s always felt kind of oppressive to me for some reason. but while I am certain it makes no sense in any logical or rational way, it does. I also can’t believe Thanksgiving is next week. Paul is going to visit his family this year, so I’ll be by myself–well I’ll have Sparky, and he will be needy. But it’s fine, don’t worry about me. Last Thanksgiving was the week of my biceps surgery, so this year will definitely be better than last. Thanksgiving was always Mom’s holiday, you know, which is why I scheduled the surgery when I did last year. This year will be the first time I really have to deal with that, but I’ll do fine. I can get things done around here that I usually can’t, and four lovely days off in a row? I have no excuse.
We watched Caddo Lake this weekend (we watched after LSU lost yet again), which was really well done and very interesting. Shot in location at actual Caddo Lake in western Louisiana, it’s staggeringly beautiful (Louisiana is so beautiful) and it was an interesting movie focusing on following two people while some strange things are going on around the lake. Dylan O’Brien (of TV’s Teen Wolf, aka the gayest show ever on television) is terrific as the male lead. It reminded me of the German television show Dark, which was one of the smartest shows I’ve ever streamed. To talk about anything else would be a spoiler, but I recommend it. It’s a slow burn, but it’s absolutely worth watching.
I also was able to spend some more time with The Reformatory, which brought a huge surprise twist over halfway through the book–always a pleasure when something unexpected happens–and the writing continues to enthrall. Tananarive Due is the real deal, y’all, and I need to read more of her work. I have no idea where this story is going, either, which is always fantastic. Yay! I should be able to finish the book this week, which is very cool. I’ve not picked out my next read, but I think it’s going to be potentially either Angie Kim, Amina Akhtar, Lori Roy, or Kellye Garrett. I also have the latest Celeste Ng and Ann Hood books on my shelves. I did do some more pruning this weekend, pulling out books for the library pile–hey, the authors have my money, even if I didn’t read the book–and I am also sending it out into the world to find a new reader, and a potential new fan for that author, so there is that. I need to get back to writing. I did do some yesterday, a very small bit, but I am taking that as I swing back into author mode. Continuing to put off writing is going to bite me in the ass one of these days, and so, reluctant as I am to get back on it, I am going to have to. This week I am going to edit what I have written on Scotty and work on some of the short stories on hand, and then I am going to dive into writing the book again. But I do feel like I’ve reset myself. I am continuing to limit social media and the news–which I am not getting from any legacy media company, may they all burn to the ground–for my own mental health. I feel pretty good this morning, but I also didn’t check the news except to see if the Saints won (they did), and I don’t think I am going to be doing that hardly at all anymore. The sad reality that we have to depend on Republicans (!!!) in the Senate to protect our democracy when they’ve spent the last thirty years trying to dismantle it is a bit much for me, and I’m no longer enjoying the vote-regrets as I used to–and even that was a grim smirk more than anything else. Sorry, folks, I know we’re all going to suffer, but my concerns are for the marginalized. The ability to imagine the worst possible outcomes isn’t a gift, it’s more of a curse…I always thought the most tragic figure in the Trojan War was Cassandra, driven mad by being able to see the future only to not be believed. I’ve always wanted to read that story from her perspective, as she was the most interesting character in the whole tragedy.
That’s me, always wanting the woman’s perspective–and willing to believe it, too1.
I also am not sure I completely believe the “vote regret” videos, either–although I think the lesson that should have been learned this time out is that voting matters and is too important to not be informed. I don’t think anyone really learned that lesson, and many will simply find a way to blame Democrats for their problems (it is their default) and keep voting (if we can vote) against their own interests. I don’t think I can trust any election results going forward, either–I’m not certain about this last one, and wasn’t that the entire point of 2020, to make us all not believe election results aren’t to be trusted. The entire plan behind all of this, I believe, came from Moscow; what better way to undermine a democracy than making the citizens not trust or believe our institutions? The legacy media is already tainted and cannot be trusted. I worry that people can’t see how dire things actually are right now in this country, and this is just the prelude; we’re not even to the opening credits of this horror show yet.
I’ve also not taken the time to talk about the grievous loss of Dorothy Allison after the election. It’s been lovely seeing everyone’s tributes to her, and how much she mattered to queer people. Paul and I knew Dorothy long before anyone knew who either one of us were; we met her the first spring we lived in New Orleans and volunteered for the Tennessee Williams Literary Festival, which was almost thirty years ago. Dorothy was many things to many people, but we just thought of her as a supportive friend who was always there for us whenever we needed her to be. She adored Paul, and the feeling was mutual. Dorothy called us the morning we evacuated for Katrina, told us to come stay with her for as long as we needed to, and was kind of bummed when we decided not to drive across the country. She checked in on Paul when he was hospitalized. We tried not to make any demands on her, because she was a bottomless well of kindness and consideration, and a lot of people leaned on her. I’ll miss her, terribly, and I know Paul will. I’m not going to write a lengthy tribute to her because I’ll leave that to the people who were closer and her family, but she will be missed. Part of her charm was her ability to flirt with anyone and everyone; I’ve not seen that mentioned yet. She even flirted with me and I’d flirt back, even though obviously it was just in good fun. I think her first words to me were “who is this tall, dark and handsome gay man? I might just have to take you home with me.”
I’ll miss you, Dorothy.
I also get to have some glamour this week. I’m going to the Tennessee Williams Festival gala this Thursday night, and it’s at the home of John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame. (He was also terrific in The Sandman) I’ll have to go home and get cleaned up after work, and put on fancier clothes first, but how cool is that? I do sometimes have a glamorous life, don’t I? I never really think about that very much–it’s one of the many reasons I try not to complain about anything, ever; I kind of take that sort of thing for granted. This will also be my first experience going to an event of any sort since I started taking anxiety medication, so maybe I’ll be able to enjoy it more? I will report back on Friday morning, and perhaps I’ll even remember to take some pictures.
I also have decided to try harder to separate the blog from the Substack. The Substack posts are things I’ve spent more time on, thinking about and revising and editing; this stuff is always going to be what’s on my mind when I write it, unvarnished and unpolished; exactly as it comes to me, forgotten words and typos and incomplete sentences and all. Yesterday morning’s post actually gave me the opening to an essay I’ve been struggling to write since last summer, about masculinity and my outsider’s point of view from what society considers traditional–and the masculinity that I was raised to believe in was actually a perpetuation of toxic masculinity. I may mention something on here briefly, or a paragraph about it, but the crux of the conversation will eventually be posted on Substack. I’ve also been thinking about posting essays I’ve written for other places there, so people can access them if they so choose. I’d wanted to collect them into a book, but…I’m not a big enough name to sell copies of an essay collection when none of them were ever in places like the New York Times or The Atlantic or McSweeney’s–not good enough for those markets, alas. The “Words” entry on Substack, about some of the homophobia I’ve faced in the crime fiction community at conferences and within writers’ organizations, bled over into some entries here last week, as I burned some bridges (that were never there in the first place) and came back more into myself. Fasten your seatbelts, as someone else can be Mr. Nice Gay from now on.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I have some errands to run after work and a delivery is coming tonight; and I have some chores to complete once I am home. Have a lovely Monday, Constant Reader, and stay tuned for more spicy content.
I can’t be the only person who has noticed that all underwear/bikini style models now have enormous bulges–all of them looking relatively the same–in every photo?
Despite the fact that some homophobic white women, who have no other reason than my sexuality and politics to not like me, claimed “Greg doesn’t listen to women.” Yeah. that’s me, dismissive of, and always talking over, women. Then why do I have more woman friends than you do, bitch? ↩︎
