Category: Alabama

Good for the Soul

Work-at-home Friday! Huzzah! I was a bit on the tired side yesterday, which was to be expected. I had to go to work in person every day last week, and I always am a little tired come Thursdays. It was surprisingly pleasant outside when I went to work yesterday morning–in the low eighties–and everything was glistening and wet from the previous night’s rains. The city was also low-key and kind of mellow, too. It was a slow day at the office, and I decided not to head uptown after work to run my few errands, I was a bit tired and I forgot my list, too. I want to get a lot of cleaning and organizing done this weekend, and I also have a lot of quality assurance to get caught up on today. We’re going to go to Costco later , which is also going to be incredibly expensive, especially since it’s been so long since we’ve gone. Over a month, I’d say–or at least since Paul’s surgery, and that was definitely a while back. (I have ordered some things to be delivered from them–not much of anything, really–but supplies are low.) But…the tired wasn’t too bad, I did some chores when I got home, we watched an episode of Cross, and I caught up on the news, which was either not horribly depressing or I’m becoming deadened and desensitized; I’m not sure which. And I came down to a picked-up apartment, and a clean kitchen, so am already off to a good start this morning. The first load of blankets are in the washer, and I need to unload the dishwasher.

I also have chores to do today around the work and the errands, and I would also like to get some writing time in, too. It will, of course, entirely depend on how long everything takes and how tired I het doing everything. It was cool when I left the office yesterday–for this time of year, mind you–and there was a lovely breeze. The car was an oven, though. I did sleep in a bit this morning before Sparky became insistent on being fed. I feel pretty good so far this morning and my coffee is excellent, so no complaints here.

I am missing the World Cup, honestly; what a delightful few weeks that was. I’m very glad that Spain beat Argentina; what a pathetic group of sore losers and dirty players. That great player of theirs (I won’t mention his poor sport ass name) is also a piece of shit, apparently; decades of being ‘the greatest’ etc, only to throw it all away as a poor sport. Always remember the Nazi to Argentina pipeline, and I will always wonder why they made a musical glorifying that fascist grifter Eva Peron. I’ve never gotten a good answer to the question. Some gays don’t like having their theater standards questioned, but why not do one on Imelda Marcos? She actually fancied herself a singer, at least. I am missing the world cup, though. There’s any number of monstrous fascist women in history; did Eva stand out because she started out as a prostitute and actress?

Oh, well, college football will be here before we know it, and then my weekends will be built around college football and the Saints–errands on Fridays and Sundays only, etc. I’m cautiously optimistic about both LSU and the Saints this year, but LSU’s schedule is brutal. Auburn, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Texas A&M, Florida and Tennessee, and the opener is Clemson. That’s eight games they could lose, right there. Oh, well. Fingers crossed! Hope always springs eternal down here on the bayou.

I am also hoping that having a “normal” weekend will set me back to normality. I feel good and rested already this morning, which is delightful, and of course my coffee is starting to hit me with its best shot…I should get out the espresso machine this weekend and make myself some cappuccinos, because it’s been a hot hot minute. We’re apparently in a heat advisory all weekend, too, and into next week again. And yes, it would be nice to stay inside all weekend, but I will run those other errands tomorrow, because I don’t think we’ll be out of this heat any time soon.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and wherever you are, stay hydrated! I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow morning, so until then, be safe!

Heracles battling the Hydra. It’s always bugged me that people use his Roman name when talking about Greek mythology; in Greek, his name was HERACLES. In other words, if you’re talking about Zeus and Hera, his nam is Heracles. If you say Hercules, you need to use Jupiter and Juno. (I blame Disney for a lot of this, but it happened before their movie, too.) I’ve also kind of always wanted to write about him, too.

Read My Lips

Thursday, and my last day in the office this week; huzzah! I am kind of looking forward to a work-at-home Friday; I’ve not had one in quite a while. I went to Alabama one Friday, followed by the 4th, followed by a mandatory in person staff meeting, and of course last week was Staff Development Day. I don’t have to get up to the alarm tomorrow, nor do I have to rush around getting ready for the day. Instead I can have my coffee and breakfast, catch up on news, and post a new entry here before checking in for the day. I have a lot of quality assurance to get done for our site visit next week, but I pretty much have my day job under control now; I’ve finally come up with an efficient system that will always have me caught up on some part of the job, which is lovely. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t come up with this system before, frankly.

The weather wasn’t much of anything yesterday, really. The heat advisory was called off in the morning around eleven, and sure, there was some wind of mild concern (but not consequence) and the rain was more of a misty thing once that started in the afternoon; not the kind of insane flooding downpours we usually get; there was no thunder or lightning, which was very strange; we rarely get that kind of a rain. I was a bit on the tired side when I gor home, but I did some chores before being Sparky’s cuddle cushion for a few hours. We watched another episode of Cross, which is definitely holding our interest, but I am really looking forward to the Hannah Waddingham/Octavia Butler action/adventure show that just dropped. And we still haven’t watched the latest seasons of Bridgerton or Stranger Things.

And yet we’re always trying to find something to watch. Sigh. For All Mankind looks interesting, too.

Apparently, George Zimmermann is homeless and has all kinds of mental issues–including PTSD. All these years later, and he still wants to play victim. Aw, maybe you shouldn’t have murdered a teenager that you also stalked first, you racist piece of shit. You got your MAGA fifteen minutes, and now they have abandoned you, like they always do. Kyle Rittenhouse, this is your future, and I love that for you. (The fact that every single one of them thinks they’ll be the exception whose life won’t be destroyed in the end really needs to be studied.)

Our anniversary was Monday and we both forgot! I blame the world’s madness and all the national media terror reporting on tropical storm Bertha (if you want good and not “the world is ending!” hurricane news, your best bet are the local news in New Orleans, Mobile, and Pensacola; Houston also does an excellent job). I told Paul last night and we had a good chuckle. I remembered because I realized yesterday that I’ll be turning sixty-five in less than a month, followed by fuck, our anniversary is a month before my birthday and WE BOTH FORGOT. But as I have said about birthdays and Christmas numerous times before, neither one of us care very much about things like that–and now that both our mothers are dead, both of those holidays mean even less than they did when they were alive, so it’s no surprise that once we reached the thirty-first anniversary we’d not care and completely forget about it. I mean, every day with Paul is marvelous, and I appreciate what we have every day, so we don’t really need to commemorate when it started. I know people think it’s weird, but we are both so alike when it comes to most things that it’s hard for me to ever argue against the whole soul mate relationship theories.

I did feel a bit drained when I got home from work yesterday, probably the subconscious reacting to all the doom watching yesterday. I feel good this morning, but will probably feel tired this afternoon. I am going to run uptown after work to get the mail and do a minor grocery stop (or have it delivered, hmmm) so I can just stay home all weekend. I am hoping to get back on my writing horse tonight and this weekend, too, so we’ll see how it all goes.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines for the day. Have a great Thursday, Constant Reader, and I will be back in the morning. Till then!

7 Rooms of Gloom

It’s actually quite easy to succumb to gloom, actually; the gloom affects our moods and can make us feel either blue or down or depressed from the lack of sunlight. The sun is out there this morning, but the rain from last night and the humidity have covered my windows in condensation so I can’t see out them that well. It rained yesterday while I was at work, and I came home in a break in the storm. Raindrops started hitting my windshield as I turned off St. Charles, and I managed to make it into the house before the big bold of lightning lit up the sky and the thunder that followed shook the house. And then came the gully-washing rain. I did some chores when I got home–laundry and dishes–and came down to a relatively picked up and not-messy (I won’t say clean) kitchen this morning, which is a nice feeling. Sparky certainly likes being able to get up on the counters when they’re clear. It’s nice not being completely exhausted when I get home from work, and as long as I don’t succumb to Sparky’s need for a lap (he definitely needed one last night. Paul went to the office so he was alone at home all afternoon for the first time in about four days, so he was experiencing some abandonment issues) I can get things done so I don’t have to spend an entire day cleaning the kitchen. If I don’t have a sink full of dirty dishes and cluttered counter space by the weekend, I can do a quick touch up and then work on something else that needs cleaning and organizing….and maybe I can finally get this apartment back into the kind of shape it needs to be in for me to be okay with.

I also have worked out a new system at work to be more efficient with my time and easier to stay caught up on things, which is very pleasing since we are now working the clinic short-handed for the foreseeable future. Very cool! I love making my job more efficient. I am feeling good again this week; last week felt like my batteries were on accessory, but feel like I got full recharged up over the weekend. Getting up in the morning is no longer an ordeal, and my mind is clearer when I leave the house so I am not kind of half sleep-walking through the mornings anymore. I do think a lot of this has to do with me writing again, even if the fiction just comes in dribs and drabs these days…the important thing is that I am making progress and I am very pleased with the work. I’m not going to have much of anything published this year–I have a short story in an anthology coming out this fall, but other than that I ain’t got a thing….and at the rate I am going I may have nothing again next year. Nose, attach thyself to grindstone.

Paul got home in time last night for us to finish season one of Sugar and start season two. This show is such a unique take on the hardboiled private eye trope that I enjoy every twist and turn and surprise that comes along. I went to bed fairly early and slept well–the rain, the rain–and had no trouble getting up this morning. I am not as energetic as I was on Monday, for sure, but I am not groggy-tired and wishing I didn’t have to go into the office…and now that the caffeine is hitting my bloodstream that little grogginess is clearing and I can feel my body beginning to wake up. We’re not going to be terribly busy today, so I should be able to get some more administrative stuff done around the clients.

The predictable implosion of the Graham Platner senatorial campaign over the last weekend and past few days has been pretty impressive, frankly. I never said anything publicly about Platner (or James Tallarico, either, for that matter) because I don’t trust them. For me, the homophobia put all my antennae on alert but…I also knew the “progressives” would swarm me and call me everything under the sun for not being on board with our latest iteration of the “working class blue collar straight man” savior they always try to foist on us, because no one is really interested in what we queers (if that bothers you—my use of queer, that has some crusty white gay male asses twisted–go the fuck away) or any of the “minorities” welcomed into the big tent–unless we want to run for office or actually rise to an actual position of power, in which case we “don’t have a chance” and we need to “step aside for someone (white straight cisgender male) who can win.” You see, I decided to listen to those wonderful gay commentators Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers earlier this year and not donate to campaigns with candidates I don’t think are “electable”–Platner was at the top of my list once the Nazi tattoo came out–and the usual “no responsibility white man” response of “I didn’t know what it was!” Um, in which case, you are too fucking stupid to serve in the Senate. But hey, it’s also interesting to me when the blue bros go all in on a straight white man with serious issues because…straight white man. They also never acknowledge their mistakes. I get the same spidey-sense tingle with Tallarico, too, sorry/not sorry…the same nagging instinct I had with Sinema and Fetterman…and I didn’t listen, to my bitter and everlasting disappointment.

I’m not ignoring that instinct anymore. I hope I’m wrong about Tallarico, but I’m not giving him a cent. Any money I donate this midterm cycle is here in Louisiana. We have a chance to beat MAGA Julia Letlow, the homophobic racist piece of shit Incompetent and Incontinent Baron Harkonnen endorsed (he calls her Yulia every now and again, but hey, Jake Tapper, write a book about Biden, quisling), and that’s what I want to focus on. Interesting how this race is on no one’s radar in the progressive world…oh, yes, that’s right. Jamie Davis is Black and thus unelectable.

Funny how that works.

And can someone take Stephen King’s phone away from him before he does even more irreparable harm to his reputation and legacy? Bad enough he’s a friend and supporter of the Chatelaine of Castle TERF–which was when my opinion began turning from admiration and fandom to I beg your pardon? Um, “they’re all rapists” isn’t the selling point you seem to think it is, sir.

The Boy With the Nazi Tattoo is doing no favors to anyone. Typical. And now he’s making demands before he drops out? Sounds about straight white man.

I’m not going to comment about the mysterious death on Horn Island over the weekend. Yes, I am very interested in the case and yes, I have theories, and yes, I don’t trust any of those other kids and especially not their parents who didn’t raise them right (you never leave someone you brought behind without making sure they have a way home, my mother drilled that inti my head as a child and she would always ask when picking me up if we’d taken someone with us). Period. But I want to be respectful to the young man’s family; it’s hard enough dealing with this kind of sudden and unexpected loss that shouldn’t have happened and then having to deal with speculation all over the internet? And the horrible things the racists are spewing? I am a crime fiction writer, not a journalist or a true crime writer, and I don’t know anything about what happened other than it stinks like three day old fish baking in the hot Louisiana sun. I also don’t trust the local law enforcement or the state of Mississippi to investigate thoroughly–this is the kind of thing that happens all too often. (Can’t imagine why that Black kid they sent to prison for life for stabbing that white kid at that track meet felt endangered.) I will follow the case, but I won’t speculate about outcomes or what happened. (I cannot say enough how much I do not trust those white kids or believe their story, at least what’s been reported.)

Sigh. We will never beat the allegations, white people.

And on that note I am heading into the spice mines for the day. Have a lovely Wednesday, Constant Reader.

Hot male bodies that haven’t removed all their body hair are unusual to see and thus sexy as fuck.

One Love

Tuesday and we somehow managed to survive Monday, did we not? It was weird for me, because I now have to go into the office later now that I am the only person working in the clinic (don’t ask), because I have to stay until five now; my other person would have taken the last client so I could get out earlier. I now have to rearrange my life to comply with the ability to stay later, but it’s not the end of the world and there are always worse things; there are always worse things possible.

I finally sent out my newsletter on Jordan Harper’s A Violent Masterpiece, which you can read by clicking the title there. It’s a most excellent book, written brilliantly and the story etches itself into your brain with acid as you read…it’s about terrible people doing terrible things and the people who help them get away with it. You know, like Hollywood itself and well, the rest of the world, too…which is a nice segue into the next paragraph.

I saw a news report Sunday about a missing eighteen-year-old Black community college football player named Nolan Wells. He’d gone on a boat trip with friends from Ocean Springs to Horn Island, one of the Alabama-Mississippi barrier islands along the coast. The picture that was shown of young Nolan showed him with three white kids about his age…and as soon as I saw that picture, my right eyebrow arched upward, my eyes narrowed and my head tilted. My initial reaction was to be very skeptical of the story being told by “his friends”–they couldn’t find him, thought he’d left with someone else (but didn’t take his cell phone…sure, Klan) and it wasn’t until later that his parents began worrying about him when he didn’t come home. I hoped I was wrong, that he had gotten off the island with someone else and forgot his phone, which happens, and he’d turn up.

Well, they found Nolan Wells’ body yesterday out there on Horn Island, which opens up a whole lot of questions and his so-called friends are looking mighty suspicious, if you ask me. Horn Island is, at best, a barrier island and at worst, a sandbar slightly above sea level with few trees, no houses or anything, really, besides sea oats, grass and white sand. I will be following this story–just as I still am following the Noah Presgrove case over in Oklahoma. Both stories involve mysterious deaths of athletic young men, and a group of people that weren’t their friends. Of course, there’s a racial component as well in Nolan’s case–and his “friends” have all lawyered up. I’ve not checked the story again yet this morning, but it saddens me that a bright young life has been silenced, and because it’s Ocean Springs, Mississippi, nothing will be done about his death. Apparently, one of his “friends” has a mom who is a local judge and another is connected to local law enforcement, so there’s no telling what these young sociopaths have already gotten away with.

And no, I am not giving spoiled young white boys the benefit of the doubt. They are very dangerous in groups.

And the World Cup dream has died for the USMNT, in what was an apparently horribly embarrassing loss to Belgium last night. I knew that once the Baron Harkonnen smeared himself all over it, they were going to lose; everything the Harkonnens touch dies. I do think it’s hilarious that evangelicals–who would be reading the augurs against Biden or Harris or Obama had they the same track record of destroying everything–aren’t seeing God’s hand in any of this–especially the horror that was Saturday on the national mall.

Sigh. But good for Belgium, and now I can pull for Norway and Erling Haalang completely guilt-free, at least. I love the big Viking!

We finished watching Sugar last night, highly recommend, and we’re going to start season 2 tonight. We also watched an episode of a documentary series The American Experiment, which again is about the lead up to the Revolutionary War and the war itself. I did do some work on the book yesterday, but I also worked on a newsletter to send out later this week, if I’ve not already overdone it with the newsletters over the holiday weekend. Three was probably a bit excessive…although I am writing a counterpoint to that disgusting homophobic op-ed from a self-loathing Christian queen; bitch, you don’t speak for any of us, quisling, and how very fucking dare you? I think that’s a theme I can work with in my Julia Sugarbaker mode.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Taco Tuesday, Constant Reader, and I will be back on mid-week Wednesday morning. Till then!

The image displays the magnificent Grand Staircase of the Palais Garnier (Opéra Garnier) in Paris, France. Designed by architect Charles Garnier, this opulent 19th-century Beaux-Arts masterpiece features a sweeping marble double staircase, gilded balconies, and grand chandeliers.

Red Vision

Thursday, last day of work this week and I get to leave at two thirty. Huzzah! Holiday Weekend Eve, I suppose this is. I slept well and feel rested this morning, which is good. We’re slow in the clinic today and the way my hours worked out, I get to leave around three this afternoon, too–which is also pretty cool and a lovely way to segue into the holiday weekend. Huzzah! I was able to come home directly from the office yesterday, too, and managed to empty the dishwasher to get a leg up on the chores I’ll need to do this weekend. I did manage to get a newsletter out yesterday, which you can read by clicking here. It’s about my reread of Margot Douaihy’s Blessed Water (relisten?) on my trip last weekend, and I really need to finish reading Lev Rosen’s Rough Pages, which I started listening to on the drive back and got to Chapter Eight before getting home and turning off the car. I feel pretty good this morning, which is nice. I know we’re slow today in the clinic, and I definitely need to do a lot of paperwork today–I’m behind again, and our site visit will be coming up soon, either next week or the one after–so I have plenty to keep me occupied at the office today, which is fine with me. I get to leave around two, so the day is going to fly past. I don’t think we’re in a heat advisory today (I’ve not seen anything on line or on my phone so far1) and according to the “forecast,” we’re getting some thunderstorms this afternoon right around when I will be leaving, so that’s great. Since I am leaving so early today, I am thinking about running some errands so I won’t have to do anything tomorrow–but on the other hand, I could just have some things delivered, which is easier still.

Something to think about, at any rate.

Last night we watched this week’s Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, which I don’t see anyone talking much about, which is a shame. It’s really good and I am enjoying it. After that, we caught up on the news but I was falling asleep in my chair so I went to bed shortly after nine and slept deeply and well, only getting up once in the middle of the night before going back to a very sound sleep. I’ve not been very productive this week, but that was because last weekend’s truncation was mentally fatiguing, I guess. I’ve not had much creative thought this week, and I need to get back into the saddle again, I think. Reading tonight and possibly trying to write too should be helpful, and tomorrow I think I will try to be as productive as I can be so I can use Saturday as a holiday and just rest and watch movies and read. I have another newsletter I need to get out tomorrow, and another one to write this weekend (or when I finish Rough Pages). I also want to write one for the holiday, and talk about the difference between the Bicentennial and this 250th disgrace we are witnessing as taxpayer money disappears into a massive grift, like everything MAGA touches. If you can’t capitalize on the stupidity of your cult, why bother having one?

I also need to be even kinder to myself. Of course I am going to be drained emotionally and mentally when I come back from visiting my mother’s grave!

Oy. The depth and totality of my utter and complete obliviousness is really astounding at times.

I saw a debut author had apparently lost their mind on social media and starting doxxing–and encouraging her followers to go after some book club that didn’t like her book. Way to end your career as it’s just getting started. Yes, when you’re new that sort of thing absolutely stings and hurts, and it makes you worry if people will read the review and not read your book. It doesn’t matter in the long run–how many one-stars has James Patterson or Dan Brown gotten? And how has it slowed them down? The answer is not at all. You can’t embrace good reviews while being upset by bad ones, and nothing is a faster trip down the lane of complete and utter insanity than letting reviews get under your skin. I know I used to when I was new, and maybe one will sting when I come across it, but I don’t comment, I don’t bring attention to it, and I dismiss it and don’t even think about it again. I remember one bad review for my first book., and I use it as an example because the end result of that review was me making Scotty being even gayer than I had originally planned…you think Chanse is a stereotype? I”ll show you a fucking stereotype!

And interestingly enough, Scotty–the biggest gay stereotyped character ever written by a gay crime writer–has never been called one by a reviewer.

This is why I no longer read reviews, and have never ventured into the shark-infested waters of Goodreads.

The on-going war between New Orleans and Baton Rouge continues. It’s interesting living under the state’s version of racist homophobic MAGA fascism. I also believe our pos shit Attorney General (who may appear under a slightly different name in the next Scotty book) should be stripped of her law degree because she refuses to abide by either the state or federal constitution and consistently thinks she somehow has the right to tell New Orleans what it can or cannot do; our state Supreme Court all has their head up the Governor’s flat crusty unwashed ass, too and SCOTUS? Not much better.

Sigh. Happy upcoming 4th of July weekend to you, too. And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader and hang in there; resist resist resist. I’ll be here again tomorrow morning, without fail.

I love this drone shot of canoers on a bayou in the Atchafalaya Swamp. Ben Pierce is a great Louisiana landscape photographer; check out his website. I always get his calendars. I would love to write about the Atchafalaya swamp someday and its Cajun history.
  1. I stand corrected; we are in a heat advisory until (or if) the rains come. ↩︎

Walking in the Underground

Tuesday morning and all is well in the Lost Apartment. I slept deeply and well last night, and as such, feel pretty good so far, at least. I’m alone in the clinic today and I have an almost entirely full schedule, and after work I need to run an errand or two on the way home. Summer is definitely here now–the kind of heat and humidity that just sucks the life right out of you, and even getting cool by going inside isn’t restorative. But I did my chores last night, cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes. Picked up a prescription, and had some groceries made and delivered. It was lovely coming downstairs to a cleaned up kitchen this morning after a restful night’s sleep. Yay!

I did spend some time (more than I would have thought) cleaning out the email inboxes, which got very much out of control while I was gone, and I didn’t even look at it on Sunday–well, I did but recoiled away from it in horror and pushed dealing with it back a day. I was tired when I got home a bit, but got the groceries put away and got the dishes taken care of, at long last. Again, it’s nice to come downstairs to bare counters and an empty sink. I won’t have any chores tonight, but I do have some errands to run on my way home. I still have not adjusted completely to being home, but am getting there. It wasn’t terribly oppressive outside when I get off work (my car did feel like a preheated oven, however) because it had been cloudy all day and so no direct sunlight, which is always brutal. We’re in another heat advisory today–can’t wait to see my next Entergy bill, seriously.

And as Louisiana moves into yet another horrific summer, apparently our European cousins have also been having an insane heat wave which is killing people. One of the more amusing things to come out of the European heat wave is Europeans europe-splaining heat to Americans like we’ve never experienced excessive heat before–particularly the nearly-always condescending British. There was one particularly stupid one I saw trying to explain why the heat is “so much worse over there than in America” because they have humidity. She then used the Southwest climate as proof. Oh, honey, don’t you know in our desert climates it can get into the 110’s and 120’s? Trust me, you condescending superior bitch, you couldn’t handle the dry heat of 117 in Fresno in the summer. And are you seriously telling people who live in the American south, Midwest, eastern seaboard, and New England don’t have humidity? Babe, come try to live in Louisiana without air conditioning sometime. We have this weather every fucking year, and as such, we have things like central heat and air conditioning–which you also mock us for using…then whine when you have to experience what we do every year once in a blue moon?

I also can’t comprehend 80 degrees being a heat wave. That’s our spring.

I was low energy yesterday but I also think a lot of that was food-related; me not eating enough, as I tend to do when I travel. I woke up super-hungry this morning, which leads me to think that I certainly didn’t have enough fuel to get me moving. But I am having a nice breakfast this morning, and I am very hungry. I am trying not to gain any more weight–I need to start doing some exercise at some point–but I also need to fuel my body at the same time. Sigh, I know, I know, I need to eat healthier than I do, or start burning more calories. I no longer burn as much energy when I am not exercising anymore–yay for being older–but some more exercise (even a morning walk around the neighborhood) is better than nothing.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Tuesday, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back tomorrow on (gulp) pay-the-bills Wednesday. How is that even possible already?

Where the sidewalk ends in the lower Garden District….

The Victim

Monday morning, you sure feel fine!1 I actually feel decent this morning, if a bit on the groggy side. I was very low energy yesterday, too, sadly; I did get the laundry done but didn’t do much of anything else. We watched more Citadel, but I didn’t have much bandwidth to read or write or do a whole lot. That’s okay, though; I must have needed the down time doing nothing so I’m not beating myself up about it anymore. The heat is going to be miserable for the summer, so I need to just strap myself in and deal with it. Hopefully, I won’t feel as drug out the rest of the week as I do this morning. Friday is a holiday again, too. I just have to get through this week, don’t I? I think we’re busy all week in the clinic too, and I also think I am working by myself most days…and I am likely to end up working by myself in the clinic permanently. Ah, well, it’s only for five more years, right? Then again, I may not survive the next round of budget cuts, either. Always lovely at my age to consider…

Sigh.

My energy is getting better the longer I am awake and the more coffee I consume, which is about par for the course, methinks. I think as I am home longer and get acclimated back to my real life more, I’ll probably start recovering more and feeling more awake and rested and productive. I still have a dishwasher to unload and a sink full of dirty dishes to take care of, “tis life, I suppose. I probably could have (or should have) taken today off, but I also don’t know why I was so worn out when I got home. I didn’t drive that much, and I got very good sleep while I was there. Who knows? Maybe I didn’t eat enough–always a possibility when I travel–and that’s what caused this lethargy. Probably just the disruption to my normal existence, more like.

We also watched Southern Gothic, a documentary series about horrific murders in the south2, getting through the entire season before we knew it. We actually also finished Citadel last night, which is a shame, but that last episode definitely set up the next season. I did have my journal in hand, but didn’t write more than just free associating scribbles. I need to get back on my writing horse and get some of these things I am working on either finished (short story drafts) or serious progress (the book) has been made. I did think about the book while I was driving–those books were amazing–and now just have to get reoriented at work and get my feet down on the ground in the normality of my life again. I need to make groceries–I don’t have anything to bring for lunch tomorrow–and at some point I need to get the mail.

Today’s title, while a song from Pat Benatar’s Seven the Hard Way album (which I need to listen to again at some point; I’ve been revisiting her classic albums in the car lately and enjoying them), has also been used, repeatedly, as a title for books, stories and films. I remember one, a made-for-TV movie with Elizabeth Montgomery in the early 1970s, that I particularly enjoyed, and I’ve always wanted to write a book or story using either “the Victim” or “Victim” as a title. Just using it again here has made me start thinking about a story that would fit said title; but it would have to be complicated and twisty. I’ll probably freestyle some scribbling in my journal this week about it, which could be a lot of fun, methinks.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Sorry to be a bit dull, I promise I’ll be more interesting in the future, okay? Have a great Monday, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

I’ll be your victim!
  1. From “Monday Morning,” written by Lindsey Buckingham for Fleetwood Mac, 1976. ↩︎
  2. It is amazing how many preachers sleep with married women and then murder their husbands. ↩︎

Little Too Late

Home again, home again. It’s hot as Satan’s taint here in New Orleans–Alabama was cool and lovely in comparison and it was hot as fuck up there–I was drenched in sweat getting the car unloaded; something was going on in the ‘hood yesterday because I had to park at Coliseum Square and walk back, which exhausted me and so I just collapsed into my chair and sat there for a bit before showering and relaxing for the evening. We got caught up on Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, which is absolutely delightful (Tatiana Maslany never disappoints; how she didn’t win an Emmy for every season of Orphan Black is yet another example of how wrong they often are) and then a few episodes of Citadel. I slept in this morning a bit, which was also nice, but I feel a bit worn out this morning. I slept very well last night, too. I did sleep well in Alabama, and I am glad I got to spend time with Dad; even if it was so brief. I didn’t do much of anything up there other than hang out with Dad and sleep, but it was nice.

I was very lucky with my parents for the most part.

The drives up and back were lovely and uneventful. I listened to Margot Douaihy’s marvelous Blessed Water in the car, and got to chapter eight listening to Lev AC Rosen’s Rough Pages, which is also excellent–for the record, queer crime writers are consistently knocking it out of the park, people, what are you doing? READ them. On the way up I stopped in Ellisville to get gas an they had a Jack’s (their hamburgers are good good good so you’ll go back back back for more more more) so I ate there. New development on the drive up–my legs stiffened on both drives, making walking when I got out more difficult than it needed to be, but that can also be chalked up to Greg is now so fucking out of shape it’s like he never worked out in his life ever. I stopped at the Love’s at Mile 24 in Mississippi and brought Arbys home for dinner. Paul very kindly washed the bed linens yesterday so I came home to fresh and clean bedding, which was so marvelous. I slept for almost eleven hours last night, and I cannot remember the last time I did that. I feel a bit rung out this morning, but that’s the sleep hangover and some muscle tightness in my legs. Gee, Greg, why don’t you just stretch?

I am oft times oblivious and clueless.

I’m not sure if I am going to do any writing today; like I said, I feel a bit worn today, so I don’t know how that is going to play out. I do need to do some work on the kitchen and living room, too, and some laundry. A rest day to do absolutely nothing would have been lovely, but if I get it all done quickly–and focus–I can get it all under control in a couple of hours…but I really want to get back to reading Rough Pages. I’d like to do my essay on Blessed Water today, but that’s going to depend on my energy levels and how much I can get done around the house, too. I am going to at least finish the chapter I started in the car yesterday and possibly another.

One of the nice things about these trips is they enable me to disconnect from the world’s insanity and get some perspective on things. (The “State Fair” is another humiliation for him and the country; the Lyon County Fair back in Kansas had higher attendance (and better rides and activities)…a county fair. State fairs are a bigger deal than this “national” one. I can’t seem to remember Gerald Ford making the Bicentennial about him, or him coming up with an “alternative” Bicentennial he could make money from…but Republicans in the 1970s put country before party nor were they a insurrectionist movement looking to install fascism back then….these Republicans would have let Nixon serve out his second term. All of where we are now is a result of Reagan, whose money and power above all else mentality began the tribalism, and brought us Newt Gingrich and the divine right of Republicans to rule.

Sigh. And catching up on the news after three glorious days makes it all the more surreal, you know?

And on that note, I am heading for the spice mines. Have a great day, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back in the morning. Stay cool!

Bayou sunsets are so gorgeous! I highly recommend they use this color next as the Reflecting Pool cycles through the Pride flag.

I Want Out

I slept in a bit this morning because I don’t have to leave until this afternoon for Alabama. It’s a short trip; I’ll drive home on Saturday morning, hopefully feeling refreshed and reinvigorated and inspired. Spending time in the home place always inspires me somehow, makes me itch to get back to my keyboard or scribble in my journal. I’m going to listen to Margot Douaihy’s Blessed Water in the car as a reread so I’ll be primed for the third Sister Holiday novel. I am also taking Lev Rosen’s Rough Pages to read before bed both nights.

This has been an interesting week. I wasn’t terribly tired much after work, and I really didn’t have any trouble getting up all week, either–other than not wanting to get out of the bed’s warmth and comfort–but I even got up before the alarm all three days I had to get up. I stayed in bed longer this morning, but not to sleep–Sparky was being a sweet little purring cuddlebug, and who wants to leave that? Not I, said the deliriously happy cat dad. Sparky purrs a lot more than we think he does, because his purr motor is quiet; you can only hear it if he is sitting on you, or you can feel him purring when you pet/snuggle him. He really is a sweetheart, and very loving. He’s not fully a lap cat, like Scooter was. Sparky is more like Skittle, our first cat. Loving and sweet, but only on his terms.

I ran errands after work yesterday on my way home, picking up the mail and making groceries, but not much (it was still insanely expensive), came home and chilled out for a bit with Sparky while I caught up on the news. Paul came home and we watched more Citadel, which is very interesting and complicated and moves very fast, before retiring to bed for the evening. I feel pretty good this morning, too, rested and relaxed and centered, and it feels terrific, you know? I think I am finally recovered from everything, and I’d forgotten that it was possible to feel this good ever again.

It doesn’t help when medical professionals smile awkwardly and say, you’re just getting older and every time I heard that, all I could think was if this is how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life, I don’t want this.

Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Although it hit me yesterday, as I spoke with a co-worker about my retirement plans, that I am casually talking about turning SEVENTY in a little over five years. It was kind of unsettling (freaks me out that Dad’s in his eighties, really) for a moment, but then I was like and so fucking what? Sure, it’s daunting; I don’t know what sixty-four is supposed to feel like, but now that I am back to (or almost at) 100% again, it actually doesn’t feel that bad. I don’t feel like I’ve wasted time–although I have, months if not years’ worth of wasted time–because I’ve also learned to know the rhythms of my body and my mind over the years, and when I do waste time it’s because of being tired in some way, either mental, emotional, or physical, and the down time is necessary for recharging.

Making peace with myself, and finally finding my own peace of mind, was actually kind of worth this entire miserable decade so far, actually. As awful as it was to lose Mom, I may not have known I had generalized anxiety disorder and sought help for it had she not passed. (I’d take the anxiety back though, for her to still be with Dad.)

So, some Kpop artist (Mark Lee) whom I’d never heard of decided to wear a Confederate flag shirt–definitely trying to break into the white American racist market, and when all hell broke loose, his record company tried to run some cover claiming it was a “vintage” shirt and no one involved with the photo shoot “knew”? Oh, fuck right off. That’ll play with the racists who would see it as a symbolic dog whistle–“hey, look, Cletus, I know he’s ASIAN but he hates the n-words too!” I don’t know if they actually knew how many flies were buzzing around this horseshit they dropped, but their “apology” was actually he’s just a cute young dumb boy, he didn’t know any better! He’s not from the US! He’s Canadian, he sure as fuck has seen that flag and knew exactly what it meant. It was a deliberate choice, and no one is going to convince me to infantilize a twenty-six year old man. Fuck him, fuck his record company, fuck his fans, and fuck anyone who supports the racist piece of shit. And if any of those excuses are true? Then he’s too fucking stupid to live a public life and deserves everything coming to him still.

Don’t even get me started on so-called “girl dad” Jimmy Fallon for platforming a rapist. He is also trash, and always has been, and he is worse than Jay Leno, which I didn’t think possible.

As for the San Francisco Bitchboys, they continue to pour gasoline on the flames. Hope you don’t need a new taxpayer funded stadium anytime soon! I always have tried to root for the San Francisco major league teams because it’s our community’s capital, but no more. I will buy a black candle, carve GIANTS into it, and light it every baseball season–just doing my small part to curse their future. May their streak of no World Series wins last as long as the Cubs’ streak. I hate to break it to you bitches, but the queers never forgive or forget. So fucking disgusting, and even more disgusting is their fucking cowardice and backtracking and whining about being called bigots. Well the truth fucking hurts, and you know, adultery made the top ten. Were they all virgins when they married? Have they been faithful to wives? If you want to talk sin, bitches, let’s fucking talk sin. How about taking the Lord’s name in vain? (Also a top ten sin.) What did Jesus say about performative faith? You’re not only shitty people but you are shitty Christians. Do you go to church every Sunday, despite games? Do you find churches when you’re on the road? Don’t fucking stand up there and judge sin unless you want your own counted. Judgment is God’s and God’s alone, you heretical blasphemers. Your faith is weak and performative, and I don’t have to accept or respect your hypocrisy. Have fun doing the backstroke when you get to hell, pigs, and I hope your careers all circle the toilet, and may the team always be more mediocre than it is now.

You’re losing because you have issues in your lockerroom, and these fucks are doing the dividing. Enjoy your new status as the MAGA Giants…which were abominations in your precious Bible, the children of angels mating with human women, the accursed nephilim. But then, I doubt any of these slack-jawed inbreds have read the Bible because it’s not written for children.

And on that note, I am really looking forward for this brief interlude this weekend. And on that note, I should probably start getting my shit together to head out today. I doubt I’ll be back here until Sunday, sorry! Til then!

I will never understand why some people don’t find gingers attractive. Look at this wrestler!

Looking for a Stranger

Today’s title sounds like one of my old erotica stories from back in the day, and I am really disappointed that I never used it (makes note in journal).1 Yesterday was pleasant, overall. I was pretty busy at the office during the day, but was able to come straight home from work, which was lovely. I really don’t want to come home to a messy house on Saturday, but we’ll see how motivated I am when I get home tonight. I am leaving tomorrow morning (when I feel like it), and so I think I’ll wait to pack until then, too. I am only going to be gone two nights, so I don’t need to take everything under the sun with me, because I never end up being able to do much of anything other than read before going to sleep at night. I think I’ll just pack the iPad and the book I am reading, and we’ll see how it all goes. I doubt that I’ll be back here until Saturday night or Sunday morning; stranger things, however, have been known to happen, you know. Although I am not sure now if I’m going. A relative (one of his upteen cousins) passed and the funeral was Monday; Dad drove down for that and apparently drove back to Kentucky yesterday. It seems a bit weird for him to do that only to drive seven hours back, so he probably already went to Mom’s grave and I will have a four-day at home unexpected staycation. See the difference not having anxiety any more makes? I would be stressed and tense, wondering about tomorrow and risking obsessively texting. So, either I drive up there and see Dad in Alabama, or I stay here in New Orleans with a glorious four day weekend, and I have to confess, the more I think about it and the more coffee I swill down this morning, the more I like the idea of being home. I could get some rest and get thoroughly caught up on everything and could maybe even do a deep clean on the house. So, either option is roses. I also am not sure how busy we are today, but I do know that I’m in the clinic by myself.

I was a bit tired when I got home from work yesterday and didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. I did scribble in my journal some, but we started watching the new season of House of the Dragon, which…continues to be boring and slow? I mean, a lot happened, but at the same time, it didn’t seem like anything was happening. I am also not vested in any of the characters, and don’t care who ends up on the Iron Throne, and the only characters I feel anything for? That feeling is loathing. I guess we’re hate watching for the dragons and the production values? It is visually stunning, though. The show just feels very drawn out for some reason. I don’t know why we aren’t more engaged, and it does feel like we’re watching because we watched Game of Thrones and are used to it? (It was an amazing show until it went completely off the rails.) Even the battles are kind of dull, and considering how epic the ones in Game of Thrones were…

Apparently eleven people in Louisiana have been hospitalized for drinking raw milk. How can we convince these people that if they take arsenic or strychnine, they’d really own the libs? (Arsenic, after all, is very good for your skin in small doses; Victorian women used to take it for that purpose…so it wouldn’t be a hard sell to anyone with Mar-a-Lago face, would it? Now, I will say I’ve had raw milk before–family of farmers, remember? And I did like it–but not so much that I would risk getting hospitalized for it. It was very rich and thick and creamy–but nowadays most people think whole milk is too thick…I grew up drinking whole milk and switching to skimmed was like going from heavy cream to milk-flavored water–but now I even find whole milk unappetizing.

I have heard from Dad; the trip is still on. He is definitely driving back down tomorrow, but I won’t have to leave until the afternoon so I can get some stuff done around the house and I don’t have to get up early. It should be a nice day for a drive, too. I’ll stop on the way up to eat, and I’ll take my time as there is no rush; the drives all the way to Kentucky are so long they do require an early departure time or else I’ll get there so late I’ll be sleepy in the car–which I do get anyway because twelve hours is a lot, but I think the last time I drove to Kentucky it didn’t bother me at all? But the later I get there the sleepier I am, and of course if I take any kind of stimulant–coffee, energy drink, etc.–I won’t sleep at all that night.

And I may finally be used to my schedule. FINALLY, right? I woke up this morning again before the alarm, and got to cuddle with Sparky for a bit before getting up. I kind of just took my time this morning getting ready to go with no semblance of urgency; which was also very nice. I love this lack of anxiety! Hurray for better living through chemistry!

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Wednesday, Constant Reader, and I will be back tomorrow morning before I head north!

A lot of people like Tucks because it’s literally all toilet humor, but I am no longer in junior high so I usually skip it.
  1. It occurs to me that I could actually republish old short stories on my newsletter. Hmmm. Something to ponder for sure. ↩︎