Born Naked

RuPaul likes to say we’re all born naked–everything else is just drag, and she isn’t wrong here.

Everything we wear is a form of drag. We always try to dress properly for whatever occasion, but yes–there’s work drag and formal drag and casual drag and gym drag and sports drag and around-the-house drag and pretty much any way you want to look at clothing…it’s all kind of a costume, really. And those costumes also depend on the time period.

I used to always think that I had no fashion sense–straight women and other gay men have often been astounded at how little I care about clothes or fashion or style. I have slight color-blindness, too–it’s hard for me to differentiate between darker shades; the darkest shades of blue and purple and brown and gray and green all look black to me. I also have some difficulty determining whether colors actually go together or not–which is why when it comes to formal/dressier clothing I tend to stick to black, white and red; I have so many red dress shirts, Constant Reader, you have no idea–so as I got older, I tend to go with what is easiest and less anxiety-inducing for me.

Of course, I also worked at an airport and had to wear a uniform for over two years: airline work drag. And after years of being a personal trainer, where all I wore was workout clothes or sweats, so yeah–my fashion sense has always been untrained and severely lacking for the most part.

Louis XIV, the Sun King–but those tights! That wig! Those shoes! More like La Reine Soleil, am I right?

I also always used to deplore the fact that men’s clothes gradually became so incredibly boring from the heydays of Beau Brummel-type male fashion icons. Look at the above painting of Louis XIV. Now imagine a man wearing that outfit to an awards show or a film premiere. Even our own Founding Fathers wore tights, powder, wigs, and heeled shoes.

But somehow, those clothing items became feminized and gender swapped–of course, women in the past also wore heeled shoes, wigs, powder and tights beneath their skirts and bustles and hoops. But even in the 1930’s and 1940’s, men’s clothes were far more stylish–trench-coats and linen pants, fedoras and other hats, spats and Oxford shoes, argyle socks. I hated the “traditional” styles of dress for men that developed in the post-war period. and the utter rejection of those same styles in the 60s and 70s. Men’s clothing began to evolve a bit more during this period–and some serious fashion faux-pas were prevalent during the last decades of the century.

As I said the other day (and as so many others have pointed out), men have always dressed as women for one reason or another that had nothing to do with gender expression or identity for years. The Sun King’s gay younger brother (he also had a gay bastard son by Louise de la Valliere; homosexuality was rampant at the Sun King’s court) Philippe duc d’Orleans (whose son was the namesake for New Orleans) had many male lovers and often dressed as a woman for appearances at court. I’ve always wanted to write about Philippe, who has always fascinated me–the young gay bastard son of Louis XIV, who died young, was Louis duc de Valentinois; I’ve also had some minor interest in writing about him as well, or just gay life at Versailles in general.

There is a long-standing drag tradition in New Orleans as well. The Red Dress Run, for example, may not be full drag as we know it, but it’s essentially all about men in red dresses for charity.

One of the things I really enjoy about the modern young generation is they don’t subscribe to the antiquated rules of fashion for men and women. I love seeing young actors and celebrities showing up at red carpet events in daring outfits instead of that tired old tux look. Yes, men look dashing in tuxedos; I’ve always wanted to go full tuxedo with hat, cane, tails and gloves–but again, not the ordinary or expected.

I wore a kilt twice when I went to the Edgars, and wore it again at Bouchercon in Albany for our Real Housewives of Bouchercon panel. I loved wearing it–skirts are sooooo much more comfortable than pants–and it was definitely a fashion risk; people who didn’t know me but saw me wearing it undoubtedly thought ah, that one must be gay. I love the way the Musketeers dressed in The Three Musketeers–I think the seventeenth century was probably my favorite era for men’s clothes; I also love a pirate look from the early eighteenth as well.

One thing I definitely need to explore more with Jem is not only his sense of fashion for his clients, but for himself–both in and out of drag. Those are critical decisions for a queen–because while a particular look or style for a queen can evolve over the years, it’s very unusual for them to do something radically different than their usual; again, it probably has to do with ease more than anything else; it’s much easier to fall back on a regular look and color palette than to reinvent yourself every time or to come up with something new every time. I do think I am going to have Jem do the Madonna constant reinvention thing–mainly because it’s more interesting that way for me–because it is part of who he is as a person; Jem thinks he’s boring but he’s actually quite adventurous. Jem has very little confidence in Death Drop, which is easy for me to write because I know how that feels. One of the goals of the series is to show him develop self-confidence and self-assurance and becoming more comfortable with himself, and part of that is going to come from performing in drag and another part from actually solving crimes…which makes him start believing in himself more.

And that is always fun to write–character growth and development.

Pressure

Tuesday and we survived Monday, did we not? Huzzah for everyone for making it through Monday.

I slept really well Sunday night and felt rested and good yesterday. I am all caught up now on day-job activities, and also started the process to take my medical leave of absence from work. Two weeks from today is the surgery, and I am already so ready to be over it and through the rehabilitative process, you have no idea, Constant Reader. Anticipation is the worst for someone with anxiety–are you tired of me bringing that up yet? I guess it’s going to take me a little while to get used to knowing precisely what is the issue in my head, after thinking I was normal (or as close to it as I could be) for most of my life and thinking that everyone’s brains functioned this way. I wasn’t terribly exhausted after work, but I ran two errands on my way home–one in Midcity, the other in Uptown–and it was pitch dark when I got home. I never get used to that, no matter how long the time change is for; it always feels later than it is and like the entire day has been wasted. Tug wanted attention so I went to my chair so he could be a kitty donut, and I watched Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, before Paul came down and we started watching Karen Pirie, the BBC series based on a Val McDermid novel–and it’s a two time-line story! I do love a dual time-line story, and this one is rather well done, too. I was dead in my chair by nine, but did my best to stay up until at least nine-thirty before going to bed. (I sound positively tragic, don’t I?) I don’t remember having this much difficulty in adjusting to the time shift, but then I have a lot more going on this year than I usually do at this time.

It is nice that it’s light out when I go to work in the mornings, though–and this morning, with it already bright outside as the sun rises over the West Bank (yes, only in New Orleans does the sun rise over the west bank–is it any wonder that we are so off-balance and not like the rest of the country here?) makes me feel a bit more awake and alert than I usually do. It does seem like all I am doing these days is waiting–waiting for the dentist to call to let me know I can pick up my teeth; waiting for the surgery; waiting for pretty much any and everything you can think of, really. I have never been known for my patience, either. I just have to get used to the idea that things are out of my control (something that never sits well with me) and I need to simply ride it out for a bit.

I did get sort of caught up on my emails yesterday–I still have a little way to go before I have an empty inbox, but the possibility is there at last, hallelujah–so progress was made, and considering how much I was avoiding answering emails for over a week, that’s definitely a positive sign and takeaway. I do have a phone appointment with my primary care physician this morning, which is cool–it seems like all I’ve been doing since I got back from Bouchercon is go to medical or dental appointments–I really do like my new primary care physician and am looking forward to working with her more in the future. It really makes a difference when you feel connected to your doctor, rather than always feeling like a bother when you go in to see them. (It also just occurred to me that those feelings may entirely be due to my anxiety; I didn’t really know my previous doctor and never really felt like I got much of a chance to get to know him, despite seeing him for nearly three years at least, if not more) I also feel a lot better this morning than I have in a long time, like the depression and anxiety and worry has finally lifted and my brain feels like its wired properly this morning. I also don’t feel tired the way I usually do on Tuesday mornings. We’ll see how long this lasts, anyway, won’t we?

I am highly amused that, feeling like I should be more handy and adventurous, I went to Lowe’s to get a wagon and blinds for my primary kitchen window–and also thought about buying either a six or eight feet ladder that I could keep outside and only bring in when I need to reach up to clean the ceiling fans. I even looked at the ladders while I was there, thinking oh I can just have it delivered so I don’t have to worry about getting it into the car and went about making my other purchases. Of course, I couldn’t get the wagon assembled and I grabbed the wrong size blinds…which means I have to go back at some point and exchange it for the right ones. (I brought the wagon to the office to see if someone –a straight guy–could figure out what I am doing wrong with attaching the wheels; I don’t trust myself that it’s defective and needs to be returned along with the blinds.) I also started laughing at myself last night–I won’t be able to use such a ladder, or move it, until after I’ve recovered from the surgery, so what’s the point of getting one now? I will make a note to get one once I am all recovered–and leaving it outside will make it easier to access for cleaning the windows, which I have also slacked off on doing lately (I don’t think I’ve done the windows at all since last year, which is disgraceful).

I also feel more focused this morning than I have in a very long time, too, which is terrific. I am going to ride this wave as long as it lasts today, and hopefully, it’s not just a one-day thing. But having had a lot of experience with my brain’s faulty wiring, I am also very well aware that this could easily just be a one-day bounce-back and tomorrow I will be down in the pit of despair again. Ah, the delightful rollercoaster of faulty brain wiring.

And on that note I am heading into the spice mines. Be warned, there’s more blatant self-promotion coming your way relatively soon.

Queen of New Orleans

I am always delighted when people think I capture New Orleans perfectly in my work.

I love New Orleans, and while I, along with everyone else who lives here, reserve the right to be irritated, exasperated, and annoyed with the city–God help you if you talk shit about the city if you don’t live here (“bitch, you live in Metairie”) in front of people who do.

Trust me, it won’t end well.

I fell in love with New Orleans officially when I came here to visit for my thirty-third birthday, which was a lot of fun and probably one of the best birthday weekends of my life, if not the best one pre-Paul (we had yet to meet at that time). I do sometimes wonder when I think back to visiting, and then living, in New Orleans in the 1990’s, if there’s nostalgia involved in my memories. That New Orleans no longer exists; the flood waters from the levee failure after Hurricane Katrina ended that time with a very firm line of demarcation so that everything was thus defined ever after as before and after. There were also the post-flood years in which the city was being rebuilt and rescaled and rethought and repopulated, but it’s never been the same as it was before the flood and it never will go back to that. There was a definite sense before that New Orleans was stuck in time and nothing was going to change anything–something drastic was needed to solve all the problems. It was thought at the time that the one positive was that maybe New Orleans would rise from the ashes like the mythological phoenix; a hard reboot that could fix everything.

It didn’t. Some of the old problems remained, some of them were eliminated, and new ones arose. The streets still collapse into potholes and constantly need repair; the sidewalks still tilt and get broken up by ground subsidence and live oak tree roots. There’s always something for the locals to complain about when it comes to life and living here in New Orleans. When Paul and I first moved here all those years ago, we had no idea what we were in for–but the nice thing was it was the first place I’d ever lived where I felt like I chose it; Mom and Dad chose where I lived for most of my life. I chose Tampa over Houston, but it wasn’t from an overwhelming decision that I desperately wanted to live in Florida (I didn’t; I moved for my job). But New Orleans–New Orleans was the first place I ever visited that I wanted to live. It’s really the only place I’ve ever wanted to live, or had an opinion about, or actually felt anything for; I am a New Orleanian, and a Louisianan by extension.

It’s really beautiful here, and I thought so when we moved into this crumbling neighborhood in a decaying city whose best days looked to be past already. In the daylight the city’s scars and wounds and damage is clear; but in the night, with shadows dancing and the light limited, it was still so gorgeous it can steal your breath away–and great apartments were enormous, high-ceilinged, hardwood floored, and cheap.

1996 was a whole different world; Bill Clinton was about to be reelected, gay sex was still a crime, and “don’t ask don’t tell” didn’t solve anything; it just made the realities of being a queer in military service even more difficult. There was still the remains of the Camp Street on-ramp to the Crescent City Connection on the neutral ground on the other side of Martin Luther King Drive; the Coliseum Theater was still there–closed and shuttered, but still existing, and there was this incredibly beautiful old house that was a ruined, crumbling wreck that looked haunted and absolutely fascinated me; I wish I’d taken pictures of it. (It has obviously been renovated.) Paul and I moved into the Lower Garden District right before it’s renaissance and gentrification. We lived on the Square; the park was just outside our front door and down the walk and across the street. Coliseum Square was dark at night then; all the streetlights in the park were either shot out or burned out, and the fountains were dry and rusted. The beautiful, graceful live oaks were there, of course, resting some of their heavy branches on the grass. All the big gorgeous houses around the park were derelict and run down, gorgeous ruins waiting for a buyer with money and a love for old houses. A gay couple bought one of them and spent the next year renovating it; it’s still a stunningly beautiful house. One by one those old houses were bought up and remade–and now Jennifer Coolidge lives in a house fronting the park (she sometimes comes to our corner at St. Charles for parades during Carnival).

I always think of Scotty as kind of a gay personification of New Orleans; the two are always entwined in my brain. Uninhibited, unashamed, unabashed, and always up for a good time–you could say that easily about them both. It’s really funny that back when I created him I didn’t think there was enough story in him to be a series–and here we are, on the eve of the ninth being released. Obviously, people responded to him in the way that I wanted them to; they’ve embraced his weirdness and eccentricity, and that of New Orleans as well. I couldn’t create a character like Scotty who lived anywhere else; anywhere else he wouldn’t work, would be judged harshly and looked down on by people for his hedonistic attempts to suck all the juice out of life as he can.

And I’ll probably still be writing him when I die–which, hopefully, won’t be for a long time yet.

Jealous of My Boogie

Research is always important for a writer, always.

I will generally spend years doing research for books before I start writing them; my scattershot approach to research usually goes something like hey this sounds interesting I should look it up which then takes me down wormholes and I’ll become obsessed with something, I’ll come up with a story idea that I can use the research for, and then it may sit in the files for years, occasionally striking my fancy sometime when I come across something else that might fit in with that, and so on. A lot of my research never makes it onto the pages of my books, either–I could have written chapters on glass-making and the Murano style of Venetian glass in The Orion Mask, but finally decided that, while I thought it was all interesting–Phyllis A. Whitney used to use her books to educate her readers about the area she was writing about, which I loved–but it definitely bogged down the story because there was no way I could figure out to tie the glassmaking to the modern day story.

That was very disappointing, I don’t mind saying.

Likewise, I didn’t have as much time to research drag the way I should have before I started writing Death Drop. Ordinarily, I would have wanted to actually talk to the local who runs the drag school; I would have talked to any number of queens about performing, how they got into it in the first place; and there are so many aspects of drag culture and so many levels and layers to it that it was impossible for me to get the research done and write the book at the same time. Ideally, I would have liked to have actually paid someone–preferably my former supervisor, who went to the drag school and now works full-time in drag as Debbie with a D (check out her Instagram, seriously)–to do the full drag on me–wig, make-up, pads, dress and shoes. (I kind of still need to do this, so I know how it feels; I relied on memories of high school plays for the make-up and wearing a Minuteman costume with real buckled and heeled shoes for walking in heels; I didn’t care for that one bit and have nothing but the deepest sympathies for women or anyone who has to wear any kind of heel on a daily basis. I can still feel how sore my calves were the next day.)

Me with my supervisor’s pageant crown

That was part of the reason I made the book an origin story for Jem and “Joan Crawfish,” the drag name he is christened with at the last minute as he sent down the runway at the Designs by Marigny fashion show. I don’t know drag lingo or slang–outside of whatever I’ve picked up from watching RuPaul‘s Drag Race and having co-workers who do drag and the occasional drag show I’ve caught over the years–and so neither does Jem/Joan. And the second book–set in Florida at the Miss Queer America pageant–will include some of that, as it will have to as he’s already finished the drag school he was considering entering at the end of Death Drop.

It doesn’t hurt that my current supervisor does pageants and was even Miss Gay Mississippi USofA; so I have a good source of information that I see at the office every day, which is….kind of cool, actually.

I do feel pressure to drag it up a bit more in this second book (You Gone, Girl) than I did in the first, but the pageant itself makes for a lot of drama and comedy, and that’s not even taking into consideration all the protests and bomb threats and things and other shenanigans that the evil witches from Moms4Freedom are throwing at the pageant.

And I am going to have some serious fucking fun with those Moms4Freedom bitches, believe you me.

Southern Cross

Monday and back to the office.

The time change is always so weird to me, really. I always understood it had something to do with kids and not catching the bus in the dark in the mornings or something like that, but if they’re all walking home after school in the dark, how does that make sense? I always appreciate the extra hour, but always resent giving it back (or having it taken away?) in the spring. I kept finding clocks I hadn’t reset in the apartment (after thinking, wow, time has flown–wait a minute), and I did do some things. I did manage to make it to the West Bank, but it was really a wasted trip; Sundays are clearly not the day to do shopping over there as almost every place was out of almost everything. I got my wagon but couldn’t get the wheels to lock in place (I am so not handy) and I also got the wrong size blinds–so I get to go back. Hurray. But I did get some things for lunch this week, and I made ravioli last night for dinner for something different (I even managed to eat some bread softened with red gravy), which was nice. I watched the end of the Saints game–which they tried very hard to lose–and then another episode of Moonlighting. I found a much later and much more revised version of one of the novellas, “Fireflies”–which needs a lot of work, but is a very good idea and the kernel of a terrific novellas is there, if I can stick the landing–and also was put in mind of Chlorine yet again by coming across Matt Baume’s Tab Hunter1 documentary on Youtube (another great job, Matt!)–and I had a germ of an idea for how a part of the plot would work–another piece fell into place, as it were, and so I scribbled it down in my journal (huzzah for journals!) to wait for the day and time I can get back to work on it and give it my full attention.

I realized yesterday–once again astonishing myself with my own obtuseness–that part of what’s going on with me lately–the moodiness, the surliness, the self-destructive inability to get anything done, and the anxiety that comes with all of the above–has everything to do with my coming surgery. The compartmentalization doesn’t always work, you see, when something is creating a lot of anxiety for me. I have very little idea of what to expect and what it’s going to be like–or how restricted I am going to be as far as movement and so forth or for how long. I know I shouldn’t consult Dr. Google, but in lieu of any other information that I can recall, what else is there to do? And Dr. Google was right when I looked up the information on the injury when it was finally correctly diagnosed, after all. So I can look at about three weeks out of the office on medical leave, and then possibly some limited mobility after that. It sounds like if I am going to be able to type at all it will be one-handed, which is limiting, so I am hoping that if I am not drugged out to the gills I can spend time getting caught up on my reading as well as doing a lot of editing work on my own stuff. I am not going to be able to lift or carry things, which is going to make the whole grocery situation interesting for a couple of weeks, but I guess I can have things delivered. Probably the best way to compartmentalize all of the concern and anxiety about the surgery would be to start planning and preparing so I can be as ready as I can, right? It’s been a year, really. I suppose my end of the year round-up blog post on New Year’s Day will be a bit morose and melancholy.

I think one tends to be a bit more morose and melancholy as one gets older.

I also started watching A Haunting in Venice and while it was shot beautifully and had a great cast–it didn’t really hold my interest. The Agatha Christie novel it’s loosely based on–and I do mean loosely–is not one of the more better known ones; Halloween Party was a perfectly adequate Christie novel but it wasn’t anything spectacular. I do remember it, and I do have a hardcover book club edition of it, too. It probably belonged to my grandmother, or else I picked it up at a second hand store or a flea market or somewhere like that. I took a break about halfway through and then went back…and kind of dozed a bit through the second half. It’s a shame; I watched because I had Venice on the brain after rereading “Festival of the Redeemer” Saturday afternoon, and rethinking how to rewrite and revise and improve it. But it was beautifully shot, and made me wish I could live, even if for a brief month or so, in Venice for a while. I did go back and finish it–but I found it disappointing. Beautifully shot, yes, and Venice is always beautiful on film, but such a waste of so much remarkable talent.

I went to bed early–it was a struggle staying up until ten, which felt like eleven, and slept really well. I feel rested enough to actually face the day and potentially be productive–crazy, I know–but I generally feel well rested on Monday; it’s the rest of the week when my ass starts dragging. I also have to keep pushing forward on some things, too–progress must always be made, even when I don’t feel like making progress on anything. (Watching Tug get used to having his nails trimmed and not being able to use thing to climb–me, in particular–has been rather cute, but then again he is world’s most adorable kitten.) I didn’t read very much this weekend, either, more’s the pity; but I am thinking I’ll be doing a lot of reading once the surgery has taken place and I am no longer living on pain medications–maybe I can even read while on painkillers; I know they are going to give me oxycontin or some version or derivative of it, which makes watching all those movies and documentaries and mini-series based on the crimes of the Sackler family against the American public perhaps not as smart as it seemed at the time; I am terrified of becoming addicted to a pain medication–but that’s also an excellent time to wean myself off the Xanax, too.2

And on that note I am heading into the spice mines for the morning. Have a great Monday, Constant Reader, and I’ll be back to check in on you again later with undoubtedly more blatant self-promotion.

  1. I actually met Tab Hunter, which is something that amazes me to this very day; I actually met him and his husband several times. How cool is my life, really? ↩︎
  2. While I’ve been taking it to control mood swings all these years, it’s really not something you’re supposed to take on a daily basis but rather as needed; now that I know it’s anxiety I can treat it appropriately. Most of my medications are now wrong, and need to be changed. ↩︎

Cover Girl

Drag is a part of queer culture I’ve always known about but has also been something primarily on the periphery of my gay life and world; I’ve only occasionally ever thought about perhaps doing it–as a gag or as a costume at some point; a very dear friend has always wanted to dress me up as Joan Crawford (narrow waist, big shoulders, enormous eyebrows), which is something I would consider doing if it wasn’t so much work–I am way too lazy to ever do drag properly and respectfully. I did a very poor attempt at drag many years ago, for a Showgirls themed birthday party for a friend; the result was far from pretty. I did sometimes used to use mascara and eye liner when I would go out; it emphasized my enormous and expressive eyes which most people have always considered my best feature (although aging has deprived me of my eyelashes). Drag was just another part of the community and culture, like leathermen, bears, and gym queens–another patch on the quilt that makes up our queer world.

My primary interest in drag has always been historical and cultural; drag culture has always been a part of the gay bar scene, since time immemorial, it seems. I have always been interested in every aspect of gay culture since coming to terms with my own sexuality and recognizing that not coming to terms with it meant a lifetime of guaranteed misery, and shouldn’t I really take a chance on being happy? There was always a lot, for me, of misunderstanding about drag culture and its place in the gay community; but that also primarily came from people outside of the community and therefore didn’t have the slightest grasp of it–i.e. ignorant slurs that all gay men dressed like women whenever they had the chance, you know–not “real men.”

But seriously, who wants to buy into the cult of toxic masculinity? No fucking thanks.

I don’t know the history of drag, but I did know–from the very beginning–that there was a significant difference between drag and the trans experience; there’s definitely crossover, but the Venn diagram of drag and trans is not a complete circle. I understood this always, even when I knew very little of either. This was always the issue I had with To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar–the queens in the movie didn’t just do drag for performance or pageants, but dressed as women in their everyday life…which made them transwomen who also did drag. The failure of that film to define the difference between the two, I think and believe, has a lot to do with the current-day conflation by the Right of drag queens with transwomen. Likewise, was the Nathan Lane character from The Birdcage (and the French original) a transwoman or a drag queen?

And the fact that I, knowing as little about gay life and culture as I did in 1994, knew that the Wong Foo movie was conflating two completely different things as the same certainly means that other, better-educated people should have, as well.

But it’s also important to remember that the movie wasn’t made for the queer community–no Hollywood studio film with queer characters is intended for a queer audience, and thus there’s a falseness to them that rings hollow to me (don’t even get me started on Philadelphia); what Sarah Schulman once (paraphrasing) described as “the creation of a fake public homosexuality that will play in Peoria.”

There’s an essay in that, methinks.

The first time I went to a gay bar in Houston is my first true memory of seeing someone in drag performing on the bar in person. She was doing Liza as Sally Bowles from Cabaret, and as I walked in the door with some co-workers from That Airline, the first thing I saw was her up on the bar, with a musclebound dancer on either side of her in bikinis or thongs, and I can remember thinking wow this is decadent like Isherwood’s Berlin–but I liked it. I felt at home there, in a way I never did in gay bars in Fresno (or anywhere else I was able to sneak away and visit one), and felt like that night was when my gay life actually began: I was with co-workers, I was going to a gay bar openly, and the co-workers knew I was gay but had never really experienced being gay as anything but misery and depression and a curse. I don’t remember the name of the queen, but ever since then, “Mein Herr” always brings a nostalgic smile to my face.

But again, I didn’t go out much or do much during those two years in Houston as I still wasn’t completely comfortable being totally out. I moved to Tampa in 1991 and started living as an out gay man…and started spending more time in gay bars. A popular night for airline employees as Tuesday Nights at Tracks, where cocktails were only fifty cents and no cover before ten. There was also a drag show at midnight, with an actual stage in a show room, and that was my first real experience watching drag queens perform. There was a gay paper there–I cannot remember what it was called to save my life; I know the one in Texas was This Week in Texas, called TWIT by everyone–but it often had information about performances and other night life ads and so forth. I began to get a better understanding of drag, its place in the community, and its importance to gay culture, period.

And of course, once I moved to New Orleans, there was Bianca del Rio.

The mainstreaming of drag actually began in the early 1990’s, with RuPaul having a surprise hit record out of nowhere, “Supermodel (You Better Work)”, which started exposing more people to drag who ordinarily would have never seen one. RuPaul was everywhere in the early 1990’s, and even had her own talk show on MTV for a while. The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert and its homogenized American version To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar were both incredibly popular. (I enjoyed Priscilla, and I’ve already touched on my issues with Julie Newmar–which will probably become an essay at another time.)

There were, of course, other successful queens out there before RuPaul’s big breakthrough and later, comeback with Drag Race, but few had as large a profile in the culture as RuPaul. Lady Bunny, Miss Coco Peru, Miss Richfield 1998, and Varla Jean Merman were all making a pretty decent living as performers before the drag explosion that followed the launch of Drag Race.

I’ve met numerous drag queens on the local scene both in and out of drag–I’ve always been fond of Princess Stephaney and Blanche Debris (who is retired now), and the drag community of New Orleans was always incredibly supportive of the NO/AIDS Task Force. I met Bianca out of drag a couple of times, but I doubt he remembers me…but Drag Bingo at Oz on Sundays with Bianca and Blanche (I just realized their first names both translate into English as white) was always a blast–and I made a point of never trying to get Bianca’s attention because she was always quick and that tongue was sharp as a scalpel always.

I also work with several co-workers who either did drag or have started doing it while I’ve known them, which indirectly helped me with the writing of Death Drop and my original story for a drag queen. Jem is sort of patterned in some ways on one of my former co-workers who actually went to a drag school here in New Orleans–and eventually quit his full-time job to do drag full-time. He’s been in Queer as Folk and numerous other shows filmed here, and has been booking gigs all over the country–check out his Instagram, isn’t he fucking gorgeous? So that gave me the idea to make the first book with Jem his drag origin story.

Learning about drag to write this book–and its sequel–has been an enjoyable learning experience for me. At some point I know I am going to have to do a transformation; I need to know how it feels to have the make-up and the padding and the wig and the dress and shoes on. I can imagine it all from doing theater in high school, but it’s not the same.

And yes, I will share the pictures when and if it does happen.

Born on the Bayou

Whenever I am writing or creating a character, the first step I need to accomplish in order to keep going with them is that I need to know what they look like in my head before I can start. The first step is for me to know what they look like. I generally use real people are models for a starting point for my characters–but they do evolve from that initial “how they look” base and extrapolate the rest of their appearance from there. I also don’t base characters on real people, for the record–because you can’t. You can never base a character completely on someone else because you can’t get inside their head or know all of their life experiences and the things that shaped who they are and why they do the things they do.

This is the base-line physical model for Scotty I used when creating him. Scotty’s evolved since then.

This wasn’t the base model for Frank, but you get the idea; he’s pretty close to what I pictured.
And this is where I started from with Colin.

I don’t base characters on real people because it’s impossible to do–you can only base a character on your perceptions of who that person is; you cannot know every experience they’ve had, every trauma, every event that occurred that shaped and changed and evolved them into who they are. This is why people–even ones you think you know really well–will always surprise you at some point. I’ve lived with Paul for twenty-seven years and he still surprises me. I didn’t know any of these men–all models for BGEast.com–at the time and of the three of them, the one I actually know is the one whom I didn’t actually use as the physical model for one of the three, and I didn’t meet him until the first three books were already in print and available.

But when I was creating Scotty, I wanted the readers to have fun with the books. I didn’t want to write anything dark or tragic or heavy; I already had the Chanse series to do that with. Chanse was a six foot four two hundred and twenty pound mass of neuroses, insecurities, cynicism, and bitterness; I really didn’t want to do that again because what would be the point of doing two series that were exactly the same? I wanted them both to capture the feel and spirit of New Orleans, but from very different perspectives. Chanse wasn’t happy about being a gay man; he was still struggling with it in the first book and slowly became resigned to it, rather than embracing it. Once Scotty told his parents and came out to them, he never looked back and started looking for his joy. Scotty’s family loved and embraced him as he was, and other than both sets of grandparents cutting off his access to his trust funds when he flunked out of college–which has nothing to do with him being gay; that was an attempt to get him to go back to school. The trusts were originally set up to become his when he turned thirty anyway, so he never really had to worry about the future–which is an incredible privilege. Even working as a personal trainer and some-time go-go boy for the money wasn’t that big of a deal; his landladies were family friends who’d never evict him in the first place and his parents would always come through for him anyway.

I also made his siblings the same as Chanse’s–I don’t know if that was intentional or not, but while Scotty is the youngest with an older brother and sister, Chanse was the eldest with a younger brother and sister he isn’t close to. Scotty’s family was tight, while Chanse’s was not. Chanse’s sister is married to an accountant for an oil company and lives in Houston; his brother still lives in their hellhole of a small city, Cottonwood Wells (small city, large town; I am never sure which is the right one) and I broached their relationship in the short story “My Brother’s Keeper.”

And I had Scotty live in the French Quarter as opposed to Chanse’s apartment on Coliseum Square; Scotty is that rarity in New Orleans–someone born and raised in the Quarter. Chanse was an import from Texas who moved to New Orleans after graduating from LSU; Scotty has always been here other than the two failed years in Nashville at Vanderbilt.

I wanted him to have absolutely no hang-ups or issues about being a gay man. I wanted him to embrace his sexuality and enjoy his sex life and have that Auntie Mame mentality of “life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death”; Scotty wants to have fun and enjoy his life. He doesn’t think he’s ever destined to find a boyfriend or life partner in the first book–he’s too unabashed a slut1 who loves getting laid and doesn’t want to tie himself down, plus most men he meets tend to be too serious for him. Scotty has no hang-ups or issues about his body, either. As a wrestler in junior high and high school his body became strong, muscular and lean; he never says whether he thinks he’s attractive or not–he says other people seem to find him irresistible in the first book, and he admits he doesn’t see what others see but they see it so okay. He’s become more serious as he’s gotten older and as he’s dealt with bad things–but he doesn’t go into a depressive state or withdraw from the world when bad things happen; he faces them head-on, and his motto (life doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle–it’s how you handle it that matters) is one we could all aspire to, really.

While taping Susan’s show last week I did say that Scotty was the idealized version of myself and the life I would love to have–sans the murders and kidnappings and shootings, of course–and naturally a lot of his traits have come from within my own mind; but while I find his mentality and life view aspirational, I often fall short. Scotty has a genuine kindness to him as his inner core that I don’t always default to, much as I wish I could and did. I am a lot more like Chanse than Scotty, even if they are kind of different aspects of my personality and who I am.

It’s sometimes hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I’ve been writing Scotty now for twenty years. Bourbon Street Blues came out on May 1, 2003. Twenty years of Scotty books, but only nine–like one every other year rather than every year.

And I also sometimes wonder if my subconscious somehow keeps track of Scotty, because I keep discovering things about him that I wrote years ago that were just kind of throwaways that now I can circle back to and create story arcs for these character traits and personal histories for the newer books.

  1. There’s also a scene in Bourbon Street Blues where he proudly states he doesn’t have sex for money because he “prefers to keep (my) amateur status.” ↩︎

You Can Do Magic

Today already feels off. That’s the time change, no doubt; it’s hard to believe I slept as well as I did last night–I went to bed early so I could get up earlier by the clock than by the body, figuring that was the easiest way to transition into getting up early for work this week. The weekend, which held such promise, was derailed by having to deal with getting my delivery items that were supposed to come Friday night delivered yesterday; they finally did come and it was taken care of–but the delivery window was 1-3, which fucked up the rest of the day for me to run the other errands I wanted to get done, which now have to be done this morning. It’s fine, but any change to routine triggers the anxiety so I am trying to not let it defeat me this morning. But the change in plans did kind of end up wasting my Saturday; the delivery came around two-thirty, and it was already too late for me to go out running errands. Of course this morning I am thinking no it wasn’t too late for you to start your errands but my mind works a certain way and usually I can’t see these things except in highsight.

I did read some of the novellas I have partially finished that have been lying around for years, which begs the question I could have sworn I’ve worked on these things more recently than the files I am finding, so have I lost track of all time completely? But for the one I am thinking of, it absolutely makes the most sense, as I now remember I’d actually submitted it to an anthology, which meant trimming it down from the length that it originally was. I have found a call for submissions which includes novellas–which was why I was looking at them again yesterday–which has me thinking about revisions and rewrites and what can be done with these manuscripts. One is slightly longer than forty thousand, and only needs a minimum of twenty-five thousand more to become an actual novel. I reread it yesterday, and it does center a bad trope that would have to be super-creatively pulled off to work, but I also think recentering the main character from a straight cisgender white high school girl to a gay teenager could easily help with that. (It also needs a name change, “Spellcaster” doesn’t really work and was also a drawback to what I had done.) The one I was looking for was “Fireflies,” which is another Corinth County story (I feel like I should always explain that the locals pronounce it “carnth”) and is one of the more disturbing county stories I’ve done, but I also think it’s one that works for the submission call. Or not; we shall see.

The other one I was able to read was “Festival of the Redeemer,” which is another attempt at a du Maurier-like story set in Venice. Rereading “Don’t Look Now” recently, of course, put me in mind of this story, which is one of the few novellas that has an actual full draft done. (Several of the others are incomplete–“The Scent of Lilacs in the Rain,” “A Holler Full of Kudzu,” and “Once a Tiger”.) Rereading it yesterday reminded me of what I was doing with it–or trying to, at any rate–and I could see where I lost the thread and the voice, which was the most important thing about the novella. I also need to get organized on the next book project I am going to work on, but I need to write a proposal first. That’s the big goal for today; get better organized, run those errands, get the proposal organized, and start pulling the next book together. One step to getting things better organized is to complete a thorough to-do list and actually pay attention to it; these lists do no good if you don’t consult them at least once a day. I had gotten a great start on one this past week, so I think I am going to work on pulling that together.

I also need to measure the workstation windows before I head to Lowe’s.

The Saints are playing today at noon, but I think that’s the best time for me to be running errands and potentially hanging window blinds, so I think that’s enough stress and anxiety for me today–I can follow the Saints game on social media. A Haunting in Venice is streaming now, so we may go ahead and watch some movies later on, as we are all caught up on the shows we are watching (I am episodes behind on Foundation, but the beauty of streaming is you can always catch up at some point), and there’s another movie streaming now I am interested in seeing even if I can’t think of its name at the moment. I’ve already made a grocery list for today–I am making ravioli for dinner tonight and need to pick up some bread to go with it–and am hopeful that sometime either this week or next I will get my teeth at last and I can bid adieu to the soft diet…just in time for my surgery. I’ve done some research–which I’d been avoiding–on the recovery time from this type of surgery and mine is more complicated than the basic one I am finding out about on-line, so this is bare-minimums I am looking at–probably at least three weeks on medical leave from the office, which I will need to go talk to Admin and HR about at some point this week so I can get it taken care of, or at least get the process started. I will also need physical therapy for three to four months. Yay. Ah, well, at least I have the resources that this won’t bankrupt me, which is a good thing.

And on that note, I am going to get to work on things this morning and take advantage of this extra hour I have this morning rather than wasting it. So, have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, but be warned–there’s more blatant self-promotion coming along at some point.

Louisiana Moon

As if you weren’t sick of my self-promotion already, now I get to start promoting Mississippi River Mischief!

It’s hard to believe that this is Scotty’s ninth adventure. Not bad for someone who was just supposed to be a one-off, a stand-alone comic madcap adventure that took place during Southern Decadence. The idea for it came to me at Southern Decadence in 1999; on Saturday afternoon I somehow managed to get a prime spot on the balcony at the Parade to watch the massive crowd of sweating shirtless men partying down below at the intersection of Bourbon and St. Ann. I noticed a really hot guy wearing sweats and carrying a gym bag fighting his way through the crowd to get to the Pub downstairs, and I recognized him as one of the dancers for the weekend. In that instant, I had a mental flash of a dancer being chased through a crowd of shirtless sweating men at the corner by bad guys with guns and the dancer only wearing a lime-green thong. I held that idea in my head, and sometime later that weekend Paul said to me, “you know, you should write a book set during Decadence,” and I grinned and replied, “I already have the idea.” I had started writing a short story called “Bourbon Street Blues” a year or so before this; but realized that would make a better title for the stripper crime caper during Southern Decadence, so I made a folder for it and kept it in my files and in the back of my mind. Several years later, when talking with an editor about something else when I worked at Lambda Book Report, I asked if that might be something he’d be interested in. He said send him a proposal, which I did–having no clue what I was doing–and they offered me a two book deal, turning my stand-alone into a series. Having no idea how to write the second book in such a series, the money was too good for me to say no or to quibble, figuring I’ll figure it out when I need to–which is really the motto of my career.

The Scotty series has always had a bit of a “pantser” feel to it for me because I’ve always pantsed it. I knew that the first adventure–Bourbon Street Blues–was going to be that Southern Decadence story, and I also knew I was going to fictionalize a governor race, basing it on a senate race that occurred when we first moved here and we couldn’t believe that one of the candidates was actually a serious candidate (sadly, he was just a harbinger of what was to come in Louisiana; now he’d seem like one of the fucking sane ones), and I kind of borrowed, a bit unconsciously, from the Stephen King character of Greg Stillson from The Dead Zone. Bourbon Street Blues was a prescient novel in so many ways–and I had no idea of that at the time, seriously. There’s a scene where the Goddess shows Scotty the potential flooding of New Orleans after a levee failure (in the book it was deliberate though) and of course I predicted the Right’s move into full-bore hardcore neo-Nazism as well in that book…never dreaming it would become a reality.

Scotty has always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants series; I’ve never really outlined or planned the books or the series in any way, other than an amorphous idea that the love triangle situation I created in the first book would take three books to resolve. During the course of the third book I realized I needed at least one more book to resolve that story, and so it went from stand-alone to trilogy to quartet…and then Katrina happened. Katrina created an unplanned gap in the series, and I never really knew how to do Katrina from a Scotty perspective. It struck me that they wouldn’t have evacuated, but Scotty wouldn’t have ridden the storm out in his apartment, nor would his parents have done so at their place; they would have all gone to the Garden District where Papa and Maman Diderot have a generator. I just didn’t see how I could write a funny Scotty book about the levee failure and the city’s destruction. Also, we learned something about Scotty in the second book (Jackson Square Jazz) that I meant to deal with in the fourth book. By the time I was ready and able and willing to write that fourth book in the series…well, I forgot that I’d planned on dealing with that issue from Scotty’s past in it, and never did ever circle back around to that resolution of something from his youth.

I did remember when I decided to write Mississippi River Mischief, though. I kind of wrote myself into a corner with Royal Street Reveillon, in which something happened in Scotty’s personal life that was tied into the case, but I couldn’t write another book and pretend that never happened, even though it would be hard to deal with in the text of the book and story. But then, as I was trying to work it out in my head, I realized now you can circle around back to that issue from Scotty’s teen years because this is the right place and time for him to be reminded of it because of what happened to Taylor.

And you know what? I think it made for a better story now than it would have almost fourteen years ago.

Scotty has grown a lot over the twenty or so years (!!!) I’ve been writing him, but who he is at his core has never changed. Scotty is a good person, with a genuine sense of kindness, and is pretty level-headed and never really lets things get to him the way I let things get to me–and God knows, he’s dealt with a lot more shit than I have in life. I like his sense of humor, I like his spirituality, and I like his untrained, he-doesn’t-know-how-it-works psychic abilities, and of course, I love his family. His parents are amazing, his older brother and sister are also pretty cool characters, and of course Frank and Colin are also fun to write. I also never knew how subversive I was being by creating a throuple long before anyone ever talked about these kinds of relationships within the queer community–and it’s lasted all these years. There have been ups and downs, of course, but they always wind up coming back together again no matter what happens–and a lot has happened. Both Scotty and Frank have been shot a few times, not to mention all those car accidents–and he’s also helped cover up a crime (no spoilers here, no worries!).

You can order it here, if you were so inclined…

Jack and Diane

Ah, the joys of a work-at-home Friday. I do sincerely hope they never take this away, because I will surely miss it. I was able to take Paul and Tug to meet the Cat Practice so he can get to know them, get his nails trimmed (he was quite shocked to try to climb my leg and not be able to hook into the fabric with those talons) and get a cat leukemia vaccination. They fell madly in love with him as he definitely turned the “I’m so adorable aren’t I?” kitten magic on for them, and they also confirmed our suspicions: he’s going to be a big cat; he’s already gotten much longer in the short time we’ve had him, and his legs are long and his paws are pretty big. He had no problem with the nail trim as it was occurring, making me think we might even be able to do it ourselves (Skittle would have never stood for it, and Scooter wasn’t a fan, either, and I was always worried that we’d hurt them by accident), and then it was back home and back to data entry and quality assurance and condom packing, woo-hoo! But while I was doing all of these things I had music on and was able to get chores done while taking breaks to get up and away from the work every now and again. We also went to Costco after my work was completed for the day–or the working hours ended, at any rate–which was nice. I don’t know why Costco is such a pleasant experience for me almost every time we go there, but it is–I also love how they organize the stuff in your carts for maximum efficiency and space usage; I try to load the cart in the same way. I also realized that there’s no need for me to have the back seat set up; why not put the seats down all the time and just have that big space in the back for loading groceries and so forth? It certainly doesn’t affect me driving in any way, and why not? Usually loading everything into the back doesn’t work and is an unsuccessful game of Jenga; but with the seats down it was not a problem at all.

It only took me six years to figure this out, of course.

Tonight is the LSU-Alabama game, which is generally an enormous anxiety trigger for me. The weird wiring of my brain makes me commit fully as a fan to the point sometimes where the games are emotionally exhausting and draining for me, and since even before the pandemic I’ve been trying to dial that back. There’s such a thing as too vested, and I don’t enjoy those emotional rollercoasters. I do enjoy the thrills and excitement of watching games, and I do take pleasure in being a sports fan–but I don’t want to be a sore loser or go to a dark place if the game doesn’t go well. It’s a game. I love my LSU Tigers and it’s always delightful and a lot of fun when they win–but if they have a bad year or don’t win or whatever, it doesn’t impact my life in any way, shape or form. That seems to be working for the most part–I’ve had a few moments this season that were setbacks to the healthy mental progress I’ve made, but it certainly made a huge difference in how I watched and enjoyed the game last year…which LSU actually won. It was a great game, and even if LSU doesn’t win, I don’t mind as long as it’s a good game and they play well. I have no idea how good any team is this year; even invincible Georgia has had a few shaky moments of vulnerability this year. As the second half of the season rolls on, conference races and play-off berths will be earned as well as trophies and awards.

I was going to run some errands today, but I had a delivery scheduled last night and the lazy incompetent delivery driver (for the record, I always overtip) couldn’t be bothered to contact me by text, as instructed, so my order was returned. I found out this morning it will go out again for delivery today, with no idea or concept or when or what kind of window we were looking at. Their on-line customer service was completely useless, I might add, so now I get to hang around the house all day waiting, which is incredibly frustrating.

I need to make groceries, I wanted to swing by Petco to get some more toys for Tug (and also price kitten foods and special treats), and I also need to go to Lowe’s. I need air filters for the apartment, I need to get a wagon to help bring groceries in when I am recovering from surgery, and I also want to get an easy to assemble set of blinds for the center window here in the workspace. Facebook Memories reminded me yesterday of how long ago it was when my beloved shade crepe myrtles trees were brutalized and destroyed, forcing me to put up an LSU blanket over the window to block the sun. I am too embarrassed to admit how long this blanket has been in my window instead of blinds, but that’s going to finally come to an end this weekend. We’ll see how it goes, and if it’s not a horrible disaster I’ll go ahead and get blinds for the other two windows so they all match. Look at me, taking charge of a situation for once instead of being engulfed in ennui and just letting it continue to slide!

Progress indeed!

We told the Cat Practice Tug’s name is Sparky, even though I keep calling him Tug (and sometimes Boot, like he’s Scooter), and so I decided yesterday that since there’s really no point in continuing the pretense that I am anything other than a Crazy Cat Lady, he’s getting a Crazy Cat Lady Name: Touglas MacSparquer, hence both Tug and Sparky are his names. It also pays tribute to my maternal Scottish line, so it also kind of honors my mom and no, I won’t be telling Dad that.

Since my plans for the day were altered irrevocably by the shitty delivery service, I hope to spend the rest of the day doing things while the games are playing in the living room, and thinking about the next book I am going to write. I have some emails to answer and yes, it’s fine, I can keep my phone handy and check it periodically to see the status of the delivery. This, by the way, is what boomers mean when they talk about how service in the country has declined. But it’s fine, really–I prefer to go to the West Bank on Sundays anyway, and this way I can actually take inventory and make a proper list. My frustrations over the change in plans for the day is fine; I can get stuff done around here and maybe even do some cleaning and writing.

And I can spend some time this morning with Lou Berney’s Dark Ride, which I started reading the other day at my appointment. Huzzah for that, and we’ll just get shit done around here today. That’s a good plan, and one I can live with….and truth be told I didn’t really want to go to the West Bank this morning, so here we are.

Have a great Saturday, Constant Reader, and I will no doubt be back later with some more blatant self-promotional posts.