Category: health

I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)

Monday, and back to the office with me this morning! I didn’t want to get up, of course–I never do when I have to go back to be woken up by an alarm, but my brain is waking up and my body’s little aches and pains are starting to fade as my heart rate increases. I feel rested this morning, which is nice, and always a good way to start the week. The Olympics ended yesterday, which means I can get back to writing again now and so we’ll see how that goes tonight, won’t we? I have an errand to run after work tonight, and a to-do list to make, and dishes to take care of. I made pepper steak for dinner last night, and it turned out pretty well; with lots left over for lunches this week. We are also not, apparently, in a heat advisory for the day; the high will be 95, and there will be rain this afternoon. How heavenly! It hasn’t rained in several days. The storm that may become Tropical Depression (and worse) Ernesto is out there in the middle of the Atlantic heading this way. Eight days from tomorrow is my birthday, so I have a long weekend in store for me coming up. (I am taking my birthday and Monday off next week, for a four day holiday for me. Huzzah!) Soon enough it will be football season–my first one with medications to handle anxiety–so I am curious to see how that will go, too. School will also be starting soon, so there will be more traffic in the morning and in the evening, and more busses to deal with. Yay.

I am kind of excited to be able to write again, and I think letting my batteries recharge on the creative front during the Olympics (as well as giving myself permission to not write) had helped me somewhat. I’ve noticed my brain going off in creative tangents over the course of the weekend, and scribbling a lot of notes in my journal. We did manage yesterday to watch American Fiction (superb) and Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, which was interesting. I used to be, a long time ago, a Planet of the Apes fan; I watched the original series and enjoyed it very much. I had read the (very) short novel by Pierre Boulle that the original film was loosely based on; it was very different from the movie as they basically took everything out except the conceit of American astronauts landing on a planet where apes were the dominant species and humans animals who couldn’t speak or think. It did occur to me that I could write an essay on Planet of the Apes, but I’ve also not seen many of this new series. I saw the original film remake, with Mark Wahlberg and Helena Bonham Carter, and I think I may have seen one or more of the sequels1, but am not entirely sure. I did find it interesting–I am always interested in dystopian futures for Earth and humanity–and it was quite visually stunning. We also finished streaming the new season of the Rob Lowe show (Unstable), which was enjoyable, and started the Lou Pearlman documentary.

Obviously, we did very little yesterday. I did make the pepper steak and did a load of dishes (the dishwasher needs emptying this morning), and I did head over to Midcity for a minor making groceries run. I feel good this morning, and capable of getting things done today, which is always a rather nice feeling. It’s been lovely not feeling any self-imposed pressure on myself to write; plus I’ve been sleeping really well, which is great. I’ve also got some medical things to get taken care of–a dermatologist and an arthritis specialist (I don’t remember what kind of doctor that is) to see if there’s anything that can be done about this wretched eczema/psoriasis, which is, granted, better than it used to be; I had those dry flaky patches all over my body while now it is limited to right elbow patch and a few very small flaky parts in places like toe and finger joints.

I also like Monday mornings because it’s not a clinic morning so I don’t have to get there as early as I do the rest of the week, so I can take my time and not rush, which is always nice. I have a lot of Admin duties to get done today, and so I need to really plan my day so I can be as productive as possible. I think I have a training to go to this morning to plan around as well–a long overdue training, I might add–but that shouldn’t be an issue. I also have to get my desk at work figured out; I changed desks on Friday (well, I had IT move my computer stuff to a different desk) so I have that to get used to; all these years I’ve sat on the right side of a two cubicle space, so the wall is right there to my immediate right…and being right-handed, that’s always bothered me, as does sitting right in front of the printer. Being moved to the desk beside puts the edge of the desk to my left while the space spreads out to the right. We’ll see how that adjustment goes today, won’t we?

I have finally decided how to use this blog as well as the Substack. I am going to continue to cross-post my longer, single issue essays/posts here for a while, as well as there, until I grow the audience there more. After that happens, I will make this the blog still while the other stuff–reviews, essays, etc.–will go there. That’s the plan, at any rate. It’s growing nicely, I think; “I’m the Only One” has been seen by more people than the previous entry, and my subscribers doubled since July 15th (well, from five to ten). I’m going to give it until next summer to decide whether or not to start making it paid or not; any income is income, after all. I also need to start focusing more on raising my profile and getting my name out there more, and selling/moving more books. I also have to get the ebook for Jackson Square Jazz going, and possibly both it and Bourbon Street Blues to print-on-demand. It’ll be nice having the entire series available again, won’t it?

And maybe, I don’t know, start taking myself more seriously, as a writer and (dare I say it?) an artist.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a great Monday; I may be back later, and if not, I’ll be here again in the morning.

  1. Although I am not sure if they are, indeed, sequels to the remake. ↩︎

Crying in the Chapel

And here we are on a glorious Saturday morning, feeling rested and relaxed and pretty good this morning. My coffee is tasting most excellent, and my kitchen is already clean this morning. I had a good day yesterday. I did my at-home work and then ran some errands before coming home to do some cleaning around here. This morning I am up relatively early and feeling good. I got all the laundry done, and am about to clear out the kitchen sink again before going to work on the floors. I do have to leave the house today later; I have to get charcoal and some other things, and might as well pick up the mail while I am out. Next weekend I am taking Monday and Tuesday off for my birthday, which will be very lovely and cool. And now that my deductible is paid off for my insurance, I can get all this other health stuff (dermatologist, arthritis doctor, bone density test) taken care of before the end of the year. I also need to see an eye doctor and get new glasses.

Obviously, I need a to-do list.

And it was super-great to see Algerian boxer Imane Khelif win the gold medal after all the incorrect and disgusting hate directed at her because the Chatelaine of Castle TERF decided that Imane wasn’t woman enough for her to compete in women’s sports, and so the evil Sith Lady decided to humiliate and embarrass an athlete on the world stage just because she could and she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention. How…Trumpian of Joanne/Robert! And refusing to admit she was wrong because of course she can never be. After all, she is a wealthy woman, and as we all know, billionaires are never wrong. It really is amazing how much people think making a lot of money somehow gives you some kind of moral authority to comment on things that do not affect or impact you at all. At least more people around the world can now see just how awful she actually has become–or has hidden her true horrible self successfully for so long and has become so narcissistic that she believes her own beliefs should be adapted without challenge. It’s also Elon Musk-like, as well.

At least the Olympics accomplished two things: they gave me a lot of trash to block on social media, and also got me to finally delete my Twitter account. I do not miss it in the least.

Today is the Red Dress Run, so the city (especially the Quarter) will be filled with people in red dresses, day drinking. I don’t do the Red Dress Run, obviously–it started up after I stopped going out every weekend and stopped drinking fo the most part–because it’s simply too hot and if I was out drinking in the heat in the morning and early afternoon it would take me about a week to recover from it all. Not cute.

It’s really amazing what a good mood I woke up to this morning. It would be awesome to wake up feeling like this every Saturday morning, believe me. I’m definitely going to work on the kitchen this morning, and I am going to spend some time reading this morning as well. I started reading a short story at my doctor’s office last week, and I need to finish reading that as well as get back into the book I’m reading (I’m not mentioning the title because I don’t want it to sound like the book isn’t good; it’s entirely on my malfunctioning brain that I’ve not finished it yet; I need to prime the reading pump a bit today to get it going again). I also no longer have this sense of impending doom that’s been hanging over my head since the rude awakening I got about my country and fellow citizens in 2016; thank you, Harris-Walz presidential ticket! And not having that dark cloud in my brain–the sense of hopelessness and mistrust of the heterosexual majority in this country–has been marvelous. It’s not over, and we’re going to have to work really hard to make sure that darkness doesn’t win here. The UK and France are doing a great job of taking down their fascist movements; may we follow the world trend towards freedom and equality. It’s nice to feel hope again, you know?

And on that note, I am going to head into the spice mines for a while today. I am hoping that today will continue on this high note, and I hope that it does for you as well, Constant Reader. I may be back later; I am working on several other entries that will go up on Substack and possibly here, too. I guess we’ll just have to see how the day goes, and how much cuddle time Sparky will demand.

Wooly Bully

Friday and working at home. I have a team meeting at ten on-line this morning along with other various work-at-home duties; I also have errands to run later on when everything is finished. I feel rested this morning, despite getting up so damned early (Sparky was very insistent this morning), and so while I swill my coffee and wake up, I can hopefully do some things around here, too, before I get to work. The kitchen isn’t nearly as bad as it usually is on Friday mornings, so I don’t have to start there this weekend to straighten up the house, which is very exciting. I’m going to try very hard this weekend not to succumb to the temptations of doing little to nothing. The boil water advisory was lifted yesterday, and today’s heat index will max out at 109. I was able to come straight home after work yesterday, which was really nice, and I spent the evening getting caught up on the day’s news before switching over to the Olympics. I always hate when they come to an end, and they really are uplifting and fun to watch; inspiring. (I bet there will be a lot of Olympic romances published next year.)

I do have that figure skating short story…it’s kind of noirish. Maybe I should revisit it?

The next Olympics will be in Los Angeles, just like in 1984. I lived in California then, and to this day I regret not applying to work at the games. But…it was a different time and a different world, too.

I came to the conclusion last night that part of the problem I am/was having with writing Never Kiss a Stranger was that old one-two punch of writer’s brain: fear that I’d fuck up telling the story, and fear that it won’t be the book that I want it to be. Which is absurd on its face; and haven’t I felt that way about every book I’ve written more than once during the process of creating the story? Maybe it’s different for the big names, but I am never fearless when I am writing something. I’ve never heard any of my friends who are writers I deeply admire and respect ever feel a lack of confidence in their work, or in their ability to tell the story they want to tell. I think that is definitely something I need to work on, and I don’t feel afraid about writing the book now, so hopefully that is progress. I think taking this Olympic break from writing was perhaps one of the smartest things I’ve done as an adult. I am itching to get back to it, I let my mind rest and heal, and my body had settled into my routine at long last. Likewise, I have to get back to reading every day, so I can get caught up on my reading, at least from this year. I am so far behind on so many of my friends’ and favorite authors’ books; but at least I know that I have some great books to read through the end of the year. And yes, I think I am going to do some reading this weekend.

I kind of feel good about things. I like that I am establishing boundaries, and enforcing them. I like that I am digging out of the hole and rut and everything else of the last few years. I like my life now that I have time to kick back and enjoy it, and relax without guilt. I like my job, I love writing, I am finally getting the apartment into a nice, comfortable living space by clearing out the clutter so no one will have to after I depart this world. I am back learning how to cook new recipes, and having quite a good time doing so. The heat is tiring, of course, and that also affects how I get things done after I get home, but the summer will be ending fairly soon and then I can get back into the swing of some other things, like regular workouts and things of that nature. I am making progress on my debt, which is also pretty great.

So, on that cheerful and hopeful note, I am going to head into the spice mines. You go on and have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I’ll probably be back later on.

Don’t Stop Believin’

Thursday morning and last day in the office this week. I think I have a prescription to pick up; I neede to call and see if it’s ready or not during the day today. I was tired yesterday–I’ve been mentally weary all week for some reason–and was very happy to come straight home from work. I resisted Sparky and finished the dishes, which need to be put away tonight. It was very nice to come down to a clean kitchen with nothing on the counters and the sink empty. This kind of also puts me ahead on the weekend, too. Huzzah! I still have some filing and straightening and organizing to do around the house. The Olympics end this weekend, which means technically I can start writing again this weekend–I mean, ending a few days early on the embargo isn’t going to be the end of the world or anything, and I am kind of itching to get back to writing again. That, by the way, feels good.

I feel decent this morning, too. I’ll probably get tired at some point during the morning, and I am sure my butt will be dragging come this afternoon. I also need to get the mail today–maybe tomorrow; it depends on timing–and I do have some errands to run tomorrow. Maybe the mail can wait? Who knows? I do have a meeting tomorrow in the morning, and I made an appointment to get my labs drawn next Friday (fasting labs, and no way am I fasting all morning and not having coffee; there was nothing available for tomorrow until the time of my meeting). I feel very good about getting back on top of my health stuff, and my insurance issues are all ironed out. I have one more leftover issue from the surgery, and I hope to get that taken care of this weekend. Thank God.

In other big news, I deleted my Twitter account yesterday. I just bit the bullet, went in, and deactivated my account. I don’t care if someone else uses it because I don’t think I will ever go back there. I know, I know, I should have done it a long time ago. Being there only helps as another user to count towards advertising revenue, and I don’t want any part of that on my soul and conscience anymore. I went back and forth over the morality of being there still (friends who are only there, etc. v. being complicit with that vile company) and pondered the hypocrisy of that, while keeping my newsletter on Substack1 and actively working to build an audience there. It wound up not being that difficult of a decision, really; I realized that the only times this week I’ve been tense or irritated has been because of Twitter and morally bankrupt people there, so it’s clearly not good for my mental health. I deleted it for my own well-being in the end, but making it about ‘taking an ethical stand’ is verifiably false. I don’t like getting credit for something I don’t deserve, and there was nothing noble about deleting my account other than self-preservation. I don’t even know why I went there in the first place, to be honest. I’ve never really gotten much joy out of being there, and what joy I managed to find there didn’t make up for the absolute horror of being there. I was never targeted or swarmed, it was never anything like that…but what is allowed there under the guise of “free speech” (and they decide what is protected and what is not, with a heavy thumb down on the scale on the side of being fascist or enabling it) is horrific and shameful and disgusting.

I did enjoy removing the app from my phone, though. It was almost as satisfying as slamming down the phone receiver used to be.

We’re also still in a boil water advisory, and today’s “feels like” is going to be 110. Woo-hoo! But it’s August, what can I expect or what more can I want? This weekend is also the Red Dress Run (which is how Garden District Gothic opens, or was it a different Scotty? Sigh), and there are some other things going on around town as always–Dirty Linen in the Quarter (it’s the Quarter’s version of White Linen Night, and I really should write about both) and there’s a Drew Brees pickleball tournament (I’m not really sure what pickleball is, to be honest, and not sure that I want to, either), too. Sounds like a good weekend to stay home to me, doesn’t it? It’s going to also be horrifically and horribly hot, too.

And on that note, I am heading down into the spice mines. Have a lovely Thursday, Constant Reader, and I’ll most likely be back at some point later.

Greg Louganis, seen here in his Olympic debut in Montreal as a teenager, winning the silver medal. I was enchanted by his incredible physical beauty.
  1. Two people I really respect in this business are still at Substack, and since they have better ethics than me and are, in general, much better humans than I am, I will defer to their judgment in this case. ↩︎

Paths of Victory

Wednesday morning and we’ve made it to the middle of the week. Yesterday was somewhat better than the day before–I felt rested, but my brain was still off-track a bit, and a little scattered. That may be because I forgot to take my medications before I left for work yesterday, and that always makes my brain chemistry a bit more foggy than it needed to be. But in other great news, yesterday I was able to get a prescription fight I’ve been having with my insurance company won yesterday; they finally authorized a daily med I’ve not taken since January, and this time the approval from my insurance is good through 2029–and who knows if I will live that long? But that hassle is finally over, and I am very pleased to say that now I know how to deal with my insurance, it’s not going to be a problem anymore. There are a couple of more things I need to take care of with my insurance, and then I can just settle in with it and everything should be smooth sailing from now on.

We’re in a boil water advisory here in New Orleans today; almost the entire east bank is in this. Yay. Will make showering interesting this morning, and I had already rinsed my mouth out this morning and cleaned my teeth, etc. So…if the water is unsafe I’ve already ingested some. Hopefully I will make it through to the weekend. The heat index will be about 110, so that’s not quite as bad as it has been. Yay? I get to come home straight from work tonight, which is lovely; I have a ZOOM meeting at six and I need to seriously clean up my kitchen; it’s an absolute disaster area and since it’s the only place I can do it…sigh. Maybe I can hide everything out of camera range? This is what happens when you get lazy once you get home from work. But just walking from the car to the apartment door is draining; the hazy lazy heat and humidity just sucks energy right out of you, and I hate that feeling of sweat about to breakthrough my scalp and try to get in before it starts and soaks me completely. I took a shower when I got home last night because I felt so miserable, but the rest of the evening was pretty nice as I caught up on the news and let Sparky sleep in my lap (he’s a very bad influence that way; just like Scooter, and I can never resist their feline wiles).

I did swing by the post office, and my preordered books had arrived, which was lovely. Again, too many good books piling up in my TBR pile, and I really need to stop bringing more books into the house before I get rid of some more, or at least read more of the ones on hand. The new Donna Andrews looks delightful, and I know Gabino’s new one is going to be very well written and very dark in tone and theme and style; he’s really very original and a one of a kind, which isn’t easy to do (trust me, I know all too well how hard it is to be original and a one of a kind, and I have not even remotely succeeded on the level he has with his work), and that’s probably one I will sit down with and read all the way through in one sitting–which means taking it on my next trip. If I can wait that long…

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my book and my writing lately; the enforced “no writing during the Olympics” is kind of making me want the Olympics to end! Given how much I love the Olympics, that is saying a lot. Football season is also on its way, which is always a fun time of the year for me. But ever since I started looking back, I’m starting to understand things more, things about myself and lessons I missed along the way because I was so busy moving forward. It isn’t painful to look back, really; my childhood and my teens were a long time ago, and I am trying to stop telling myself lies and/or gaslighting myself. I always say I won’t write a memoir because I don’t trust my memory and would be an unreliable narrator (which I have considered as a title for said memoir)…but the truth is no two people remember anything in the same way. Our memories of events and situations and things are all colored by our own experiences, confirmation biases, and values. I suppose, though, that those kinds of mistakes and remembering things through my perspective is always going to be different from other people’s…and let’s face it, nobody from back then is going to read anything I write anyway.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely middle of the week, Constant Reader, and I may be back later. You never know with me–I’m tricky that way.

That Was Then This Is Now

Sunday morning after a completely wasted day, in which I just really relaxed and didn’t do much of anything. It was unusual, and I didn’t feel bad for just sitting around and just, you know, having a day off from everything and just wasting it. I still don’t feel bad about it, either. I had a very rough year last year, and while my body is getting healed from everything my brain still feels a little bit off. Taking care of my mental health really is, and has to be, a priority for me. And let’s face it, life keeps coming at me (everyone, really) so fast and there’s so much to worry about and be concerned about and it sucks that every morning I have to wake up worried about what went on yesterday that I’ll find out about that I wasn’t aware of when I went to bed the night before.

I do have to do some things today, and once I am finished with this I’ll have to figure some things out for the week, make a grocery list and all of those fun things, and run that errand during yet another heat advisory (will only feel like 114 today, so woo-hoo!) before coming home for more Olympics. One of the coolest things that happened this year so far was the election turnaround happened just as the Olympics (another patriotic high) started–and the right’s divisive and borderline hateful reactions to the Olympics–has only served to make them look even more weird. Imagine your “patriotism” requires you to hate on our Olympic athletes, or not be supportive of them. That’s how deep the rot and sickness on the Right in this country goes; they aren’t patriotic, and they never have been. (Pro tip: if you have to constantly call yourself a patriot while you’re shitting on other Americans or boycotting the Olympics because of some weirdo freaks on Twitter, you’re not a patriot no matter how much flag paraphernalia you are wearing to bolster your claim, which will always be weird to me.)

I don’t have to advertise my patriotism because I know I love my country despite its flaws, and why I have always held it to a much higher standard–the same one the Founders did–critique and fix, never think everything’s just fine when there are still things to fix, in order to live up to the original principles the country was founded upon. The Founders didn’t think they were gods, and that the Constitution couldn’t be changed. They made it hard to do deliberately–not because they didn’t want the document amended or changed in any way, but to ensure that such a thing was necessary and needed.

And you know, life is hard enough without trying to make it harder for others, which is something I’ll never understand–why do some people insist on trying to make others as miserable as they are? Misery loves company, I guess, which is the really sad thing about humanity. I’m not perfect and I never claim to be, but I like to think I don’t spread misery around–unless it’s deserved. I’m not a turn the other cheek kind of person, I’m afraid. I try not to ever start drama–but if you try to create some I will end that very quickly and you will not try it again. People who cause and create unnecessary drama are people I cut out of my life, because I ain’t got time for your shit, and the older I get the less fucks I have; the field in which I grow my fucks has been barren for quite some time, and shall remain fallow for as long as I live.

My brain has always been a mess; I was talking to Dad about that the last time I saw him, as we talked about my childhood and when he and Mom were married and struggling, and I tried to make him understand how fuzzy my brain had been when I was a child. I had generalized anxiety disorder and ADD as a kid, plus the genetic legacy of the wild mood swings, going from happy to over-the-top hysteria on the turn of a dime. I knew the hysteria was not good, so I started trying to control it when I was young. I also always had a buzzing sound in my head when I was a kid; I really can’t describe it better than that. I also was very stubborn (a family trait on both sides) and willful. I wanted to please my parents, who adored me (I always knew this, even though I always was certain they were disappointed in me–anxiety again), and spoiled me as much as they could afford. I can remember talking to my mom a few years ago–it was probably longer ago than I remember, because she was herself in this memory and not the fading woman she’d been since her first stroke, and I said something about not being an easy kid to raise and she scoffed dismissively. “You were no trouble at all,” she replied, which gave me another insight into my family–they remember things differently. I was always certain I was a disappointment to my parents and failed them all the time growing up; I remember making Mom cry and Dad being disappointed or angry with me.

Probably the most insightful thing I’ve ever said to my parents–not realizing how true this was–that it was a “good thing I didn’t have children, because you two would have spoiled them rotten”–and they would have. They would have spared no expense with my kids, but I never trusted myself enough to be a parent or to want kids. I don’t think I’m up to having them or being a parent, as I second-guess myself with my cat all the time, but knowing how I am…I would have spoiled them myself.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a great Sunday, and I may be back later; one never really knows, does one?

I just love these guys.

Listen to the Band

Good morning and happy Saturday everywhere and to everyone! I slept really great last night, and had a pretty decent day overall for a work-at-home Friday. I got my work done, and then went to the doctor. I’m healthy; good blood pressure, heart rate, all of the vitals were perfectly fine. I was also proud of myself; I had done some of my own research into my insurance, found the answers we both needed to get a prescription of mine potentially approved, and had a nice visit with him. I really like him; he seems to be genuinely concerned about my health and welfare–always a plus to not feel like another person to check off the list for the day–and he’s very personable. I highly encourage those of you not happy with your medical care to find a new one. It makes all the difference in the world.

I need to remember to always advocate for myself, and doing all that research also made me feel like I was vested in my health. I highly recommend it. Ask questions. Get second opinions. And remember you might have other options. There’s no rule that says you can’t fire your doctor if you don’t think they are listening to you or taking you seriously; maybe if enough patients dump them they might wonder what they are doing wrong?

Things you realize when you’re in your sixties. Oy.

Sigh.

But today is going to be a lazy one around here. I have some chores to do, and I’d like to get some reading done. Maybe I’ll try writing, or editing, or something this afternoon. I don’t know, I guess we can see how everything goes. I did end up making a to-do list yesterday for the weekend, and I can slowly make my way down that list today (nothing on it requires writing or editing or revising) before making a new one for next week after the weekend is finished. I did write in my journal last night while we were watching the Olympics, and I can also do some more of that this weekend, too. I think I am going to read some more of Mary Oliver’s poetry; I ordered Jericho Brown’s Pulitzer Prize winning collection yesterday, too. I was thinking last night about how I’ve been marveling about my free time and how I should be making more of an attempt to utilize the free time; I think I may start trying to learn Italian again through Duolingo–but maybe instead I’ll try to get my German back? I mean, hidden deep within the recesses of my mind lies my memories of taking and learning it when I was a teenager. Paul and I have also talked about a German vacation; so being able to fumble my way through German interactions is better than not even trying.

I think the locals enjoy it when I try rather than not–in Mexico the phrase I speak all the time is “No hablo español soy un estúpido americano”. They always smile and laugh and are very kind and helpful.

I do feel good this morning.

I think I’m starting to get a handle back on my life again after dog-paddling for about eight years. I do worry sometimes, when that occurs to me, that it’s like post-Katrina, where I’d have a good couple of days and think it was all over, only to discover that it wasn’t. But I do think I am more clear-headed now than I have been, and I don’t feel like I have that gauze over my brain that makes me not see everything as clearly as I should. Sometimes I get into my head too much, and overthink things. That’s from the anxiety–and despite the change in medications, I still will do that from time to time before recognizing what is causing it–depression, PTSD, anxiety, whatever–but it’s also not as frequent as before and it’s so much milder than it used to be that I’ll happily take it and deal with it now. I am sure you are tired of me saying this, but this medication change has so dramatically improved my quality of life that I will say it again: you have to advocate for yourself with your doctor. Had I done this ten or twelve years ago–no regrets, Greg, no regrets. I am grateful we figured this out, and that’s the name of that tune.

And on that note, I am going to head into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I will check in with you again later, no doubt.

The adorable British diving team, with out multi-Olympic medalist Tom Daley

Someday Man

Work at home Friday!

I slept really well last night, and even slept a little later this morning than I was expecting to, but I am not going to berate myself over sleeping later than I want/”should”; the new Greg mentality is you slept late because your body needed the sleep and let myself off the hook. Being kinder to myself, along with the new medications, seems to be working. I am not anxious anymore, I don’t get angry–even when I’m driving–and I feel more centered than I have in a very long time. I’m sleeping soundly every night, and while I do tend to get tired in the afternoons at the office, I’m not groggy in the mornings anymore.

A quick look around the news this morning has let me know that the current system being watched by the Hurricane Center will most likely become a tropical depression in the Gulf this weekend, with the cone covering most of the northern Gulf Coast. It will feel like 115 today outside–the dog days of summer are truly upon us now. Football season is rapidly approaching (huzzah!), and soon after the weather will finally start to ease up here. Sha’carri Richardson competes today, and of course, last night the Women’s Gymnastics All Around was quite marvelous, with Simone Biles capturing gold and Suni Lee getting bronze; Rebeca Andrade of Brazil got silver, and the entire competition was exciting down to the last routine. I was also amazed by Andrade’s skills and abilities, and what a beautiful smile she has! Seeing the top three supporting each other and cheering each other one was also fantastic to see; the change in mentality in women’s gymnastics was long overdue. I was so happy and thrilled for them–and I also enjoyed Snoop’s private tour of the Louvre1.

Sigh. I love the Olympics, and become obsessed with them every four years.

I was also, oddly enough, thinking about how cool an Olympic gay rom-com would be last night as I watched, and it occurred to me that maybe I should try writing one? Because, of course, I don’t have a million other things to write when I get the chance, but it’s a fun idea. I really need to work on the book some more, or writing of some kind, any kind, really. I’m getting ideas again– my brain producing characters and stories and scenes and things without, apparently, any rhyme or reason to them. But it feels good to have creative thoughts again, and I need to start turning things into words on the page again. (Hilariously, now that I’ve relieved myself of pressure to write during the Olympics, all I want to do is write. Oy.)

I also need to start reading again. I think I’ll dip my way in again by reading short stories, and since I have some I want to write, perhaps that will inspire me to get back to work on the short stories again. I also need to get better organized (still have NOT made that to-do list). I have a doctor’s appointment after work today, and I might stop at the Fresh Market since I will be right there on the way back. Since it’s going to be so hot outside today, most likely I will not be doing a lot out of the house today. It’s also supposed to rain this afternoon (it’s literally rained every day for weeks), so hopefully I’m not going to get caught up in that, either. Lots of our regular shows have dropped new seasons, also, and we still haven’t finished Evil, and we’re behind on any number of shows airing currently, so once the Olympics are over our entertainment needs will be contained…although we’ll probably watch the games during the day this weekend and watch other stuff at night. We need to finish Evil, too.

Well, sorry for being so tedious this morning! But I am enjoying my coffee, I feel good and awake, and look forward to a productive day. Have a great Friday, I may be back later, and if not, till the morrow, Constant Reader!

Have been a fan of Rafa since he was a teenager. It’s going to be weird not seeing him on the tour anymore. Thanks and best wishes to you for the future, Rafa!
  1. It occurred to me this morning that of course the Right is trying to ruin the Olympics; every single sport shows that white supremacy is a fucking myth. How much do they hate that we have so many racialized athletes that are amongst the best in the world, if not the best? How much do they hate that Snoop and Flavor Flav have become not only national treasures but are winning hearts every time they appear on the television screen? Where are the right wing “celebrities” who are sponsoring athletes or teams? The Olympics rub their faces in their own mediocrity, so of course they have to politicize everything. ↩︎

What Am I Doing Hanging Around

Thursday morning and I slept really well last night. I feel good this morning, not bad for Thursday and my last day in the office. I was kind of loopy and tired all day yesterday, which was weird, and so I didn’t run any errands after work. I just came home and got caught up on the news, and then once again got sucked into the Olympics and did nothing around the house, which is a mess. Tonight I have to do those errands, and the chores when I get home because I’m a bad lazy person who will always put off anything he can until the next day. Ah, well. I never learn, do I? Isn’t that the definition of insanity: doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different outcome?

Guess we all know what that means.

But the weekend looms, and I have all kinds of things I need to do to get caught up for the week. Sigh, I always promised myself every weekend that I am going to be better about chores and things every night, but between the excessive heat (“feels like 112 today”), being tired, and the Olympics…well, yes, you can see how I let everything slide. Sparky isn’t any help, either; he always wants me to play with him and go to sleep in my lap and just like with Scooter, I always think okay I’ll sit for a while but then I have to do some things and then I started getting caught up on the news (and yesterday was quite the news day, wasn’t it?), but I don’t think I am going to keep talking about politics on here, even though this perhaps final season of United States is full of surprises, twists and turns, isn’t it?

One of the great ironies of these times struck me last night–the timing of the Democratic July surprise right before we head into the Olympics provides us a lovely contrast, does it not? The entire point of the Olympics is to be welcoming and inclusive for all countries of the world, to bring us all together in an appreciation of sport and young athletes. Our own athletes train hard for years, giving up any sense of normal life and pretty much their childhoods and their teens for the honor of representing their country in a celebration. Making the Olympics is a herculean task; winning a medal is so rare in the world of sport that those who do definitely should be celebrated–but everyone there should be, and should be having a wonderful experience, like all the people who are in attendance. People who walked through an airport anonymously just a week ago are now international stars and celebrities, recognized everywhere they go, and I love that for them. Watching the Olympics always makes me burst with pride for these athletes, and while I always root for every US athlete (because it’s my team), I also am happy for the other athletes too and want to see them have their moment. So, look at what is going on with our political parties re: the Olympics. The entire country is coming together in the spirit of sport…and the Christo-fascists misunderstood something, decided to get offended (and the French do not give two shits what Debbie from Salina, Kansas thinks, and laugh at the notion they’d even care), and BOYCOTT the games and not support our athletes.

Interesting. You admit your country comes second to your faith. So if you’re going to put your faith first ahead of the Constitution, why should we vote for you? That isn’t patriotism. That isn’t supporting and defending the Constitution. Historically, Christians have been responsible for some of the worst genocides in history. I was actually thinking this morning that the Paris Olympic committee should have replied to the evangelical hysteria by saying, “We are Catholics in France and do not care if we offend heretics. Be happy we didn’t reenact the St. Bartholomew’s Day massacre, or the Albigensian Crusade, weirdos.”

I will also say that those who want to integrate religion into government are not patriots. A true patriot always puts country first, you know, like President Biden refusing to accept the party’s nomination. Your reward is not of this earth.

And doesn’t Matthew 6:5 read “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward“. 

Sounds to me like Jesus was saying performative religion is unholy and gets you nothing in the afterlife.

But why listen to the words of your Lord and Savior? That’s not what modern American Christianity is–and miss me with the #notallChristians bullshit. If you’re not calling out the false prophets in your midst whose only God is Mammon, well…you’re complicit. Miss me with the hurt feelings, too. I’ve never seen such a profound lack of faith as I see in hypocrites like the evangelicals and apostates like Candace Cameron Bure, whose faith isn’t about acceptance and love but judgment. God doesn’t need you to defend him or speak out on his behalf, ravening wolf in sheep’s clothing. He’d prefer you be taking care of the poor and the sick rather than living it up in your mansion while children starve.

What was that Jesus quote about rich people, camels, and the eye of the needle? Maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself and your toxic beliefs and values–and she has also never distanced herself from her nutjob weirdo brother, either…so it stands to reason the hateful bitch who starred in two shows set in San Francisco is just as big a freaky weirdo as her weird brother. Have fun in hell, Candace–I’m sure God will be thrilled you got rich making shows telling other people how to live and did nothing for charity and no good works.

Bitch.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Thursday, and remember, the women’s all around gymnastics is today!1

  1. And how much do I love that Simone Biles dragged MacKeighlah (or however her stupid parents thought you spell Michaela) Skinner for the fucking racist abuse condoning filth she is. Simone ended your tired ass, bitch–welcome to being a cancelled pariah in your sport. ↩︎

Words

I am off today, as I have a lot of appointments to get me and Paul too (we always try to schedule our appointments on the same day to get them out of the way) and we are going to go to Costco later. I need to pick up prescriptions and go to the mail, too, and I also need to get some writing done, some cleaning and organizing, and reading done this weekend. Sparky got me up early this morning, but I’ll take the extra hour or so of sleep he afforded me this morning. Now that he’s been fed, he is nowhere to be seen. This morning before we start off on our long day out in the heat, I am going to finally make that damned to-do list I never got around to this weekend as well as figure out what I need to get from the grocery store this weekend and plan our meals. I think we’ll skip cooking out this weekend and I’ll try some new recipes that I’m interested in. I also need to clean out the refrigerator and get things out of there that need to be trashed. What a big, exciting day I have in front of me, don’t I? But it could be a lot worse.

We had a flooding storm again yesterday afternoon, which had me nervous for my drive home. Traffic in the evenings has been particularly horrible this week, and I’m not sure what that is all about, either, but it’s been highly annoying. It took me almost forty minutes to get home Wednesday night, and last night wasn’t much better–and I left early! But I got home, played with Sparky for a while, and then went down some Youtube video wormholes as I did so more research on 1994. It was only thirty years ago (!) but it was such a different world, and of course my memory is only so good, you know? It was actually a lovely, relaxing, and informative evening that I almost had lost track of time until Paul got home (late, grants again). I also have some electronic files to sort, too (always).

And it’s Friday, so the bed linens need laundering.

Such an exciting life I lead, right?

But it’s kind of nice to be in a period where everything in my life has kind of slowed down and settled. The first half of this year has sped by–at the start of the year I was still going to Physical Therapy twice a week for my arm, and I was tired all the time–and it’s almost August. Our anniversary is tomorrow–twenty-nine long years–and that just kind of snuck up on me. Twenty-nine years! Had someone told me thirty years ago that I was a year away from finding my life partner I would have laughed in their face. I do need to get back into the gym regularly–I’ll do that later on today–and maybe I’ll take tomorrow off from things? My birthday is also a month from tomorrow, too–I’ll be sixty-three, yikes–but I don’t feel sixty-three, but I suppose no one does. My sixties are certainly not what I thought they would be; with all the cruelty of youth I assumed that was Old Age, and it’s kind of not? My body isn’t breaking down at all. The biceps thing was an accident and could have happened at any age, really. My lower back was starting to bother me, and so were my hips, which was worrisome…and then I changed out my everyday shoes for a new pair and voilà! My lower back and hips no longer hurt. Sigh. I really can be stupid sometimes. No, that’s not fair to me, the word I should use is oblivious. I’ve always been oblivious, and when I was younger, I had serious trouble reading a room.

Not that I am much better now, but without the anxiety (thank you meds!) I am not terrified of that happening now.

That, I think, is the greatest life change I made this year: the new meds and getting rid of anxiety. I still have some, to be sure, but I don’t spiral the way I used to and it doesn’t affect me physically anymore, and what more can I ask for? I had no idea how much of my life was controlled by anxiety, and how much of my behavior was either a reaction to the anxiety or a workaround to try to get past anxiety. It’s also nice to not waste time on it anymore, too. (Had I been a medieval king, they would have called me Gregory the Anxious.)

And so, on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. I’ll be back later, of course, as there are a few blog drafts I want to finish and get out of the drafts folder, but I hope you have a day that is as marvelous as you are, Constant Reader, and see you soon!