I feel good this morning, like I slept well and recharged, which is always a nice feeling. My coffee tastes great, and so does the coffee cake we got at Costco yesterday. It was a pretty good day, despite some missteps (is every Walgreens in New Orleans a portal to hell?) and I had a strange experience getting gas, which I’ll have to sort out once the charge hits, but other than that and the horrible accident at Jackson and Prytania I saw the aftermath of (someone ran a red light and totaled their car hitting another one, thoughts and prayers) as the cops and tow trucks cleared the intersection. After finishing my work, we picked up my copy of the new Lou Berney and went to Costco. It wasn’t that expensive, comparatively speaking, compared to other shopping trips there. We came home, settled in after putting everything away, and watched this week’s Peacemaker before finishing Wednesday, which was a lot of fun before going to bed (I fell asleep in my chair catching up on news). Today I am going to order groceries, read (and edit), and work on the house during the football games today. Great games today, too–capping off with Florida at LSU (Geaux Tigers!) tonight!
Turns out Charlie Kirk’s murder was MAGA-on-MAGA crime, and not someone on the left at all. With their usual hypocrisy, MAGA was all in on “civil war” and “killing Democrats” before the truth was revealed and they immediately went in to “oh, no mental health that poor troubled young man” with no acknowledgement of their most recent blunder (they really are tiresome). And they wonder why we fucking hate them? I also didn’t have “Broadway icon whose entire career is due to gays being MAGA” on my 2025 Bingo card, either, the disgusting piece of shit. I never cared much for her–her voice, both speaking and singing, always sounded like a castrated chipmunk to me–but seriously, bitch? And you’re opening a new show on Broadway soon? I do wonder if the shrunken-headed leather-skinned flotilla of sewer shit will walk it back, but we really aren’t the ones…as she is about to fucking find out. Thoughts and prayers, trash. How’d that work out for Donna Summer? Do you think anyone is going to be booking Gloria Gaynor anywhere for the rest of her life? Gays have long memories, and we never forget being betrayed by someone who pretended to be an ally for money and fame.
I also loved the “free speech” advocates screaming about the communities he targeted not feeling bad enough about his murder. Remind me of the memorial day Jews have annually to mourn Hitler? If you weren’t targeted by this money-grubbing grifter and merchant of hate you don’t get to lecture or scold those who were. I blocked a lot of people over the last couple of days. Being reminded of how much trash is in the crime writing community is never a bad thing…another reminder of why I will never go to another crime writers’ conference ever again.
And for the record, that’s to protect these pieces of shit from me, because I am done being Mr. Nice Gay.
Sigh.
And on that note, I need to get my day going before the morning slips through my fingers. Have a great Saturday, Constant Reader, and GEAUX TIGERS!
The blues in this image are exceptional, making him look better, too.
Sunday morning! And LSU Gymnastics won the national championship yesterday! Woo-hoo! That accomplishment is worthy of its own post, so tune in later for that, okay? It was very exciting, I have to say, and the Lost Apartment was filled with excited cheers even as we held our breath as LSU clinched it all with a fantastic final rotation on balance beam. We kind of celebrated this throughout the night by watching replays and highlights before episode two of Sugar, which I am loving. Colin Ferrell, yum.
I was very tired Friday from running all those errands, and so was Paul. I was still fatigued yesterday, the physical and mental kind that I’ve not felt in a while–but sadly more evidence that my stamina is not back and needs to be worked on. The heat is also back; yesterday was pleasant, but Friday was eighty-eight degrees…in April. That doesn’t bode well for the summer, especially for one that’s going to be a more active hurricane season. But while I was so tired yesterday I managed to use what little nervous energy I had to clean and organize, and the apartment actually looks better this morning. It’s still not up to par–I need to do the floors to get there–but it’s nice to walk down to a neater first floor. I do need to run the dishwasher this morning, and finish filing before I read and write for the day. I do feel a little dragged out this morning, but hopefully getting caffeinated and cleaned up will take care of that problem.
I did do some things writing-related yesterday. I found the epigraphs for the next Scotty book, for one, and also wrote the opening of The Crooked Y in my head yesterday as I cleaned and organized. I created some working folders for projects that are forming in my head, and I did write notes down in my journal occasionally. I also did some electronic file cleaning up, which is proving to be an endless, endless process that may never be finished. But as long as I can still search for everything in a finder window, it should be okay. I also thought of how to open The Summer of Lost Boys, too. I’ve been listening to the Billboard Top 100’s for the years I am considering setting the book in, and I think I am settling into 1974, which was when I originally wanted it set in the first place, the summer (in my life) between junior high and high school. It’s kind of fun, if a little painful, to go back to that time and remember it for myself, but I think it’s going to be a really strong book once it’s underway. I also started getting the current book a bit better organized. I feel better about things, if that makes any sense? Hopefully I’ll be able to get a lot of writing done. I want to finish the rewrite of “Passenger to Franklin” and start the revision of “When I Die,” before diving into the book headfirst and trying to get the rest of it plotted.
I think I’ve been a bit overwhelmed lately, in all honesty, and I need to get calmed down and focused again. I need to remember how to harness my brain ADHD-driven creativity and focus on one thing the way I used to be able to do so. I have been very pleased with the (sparse) writing I’ve been doing, but I also think that might be partly due to the stamina issues I’ve been having since the surgery. I am trying to rush to get back to “normal” (or what passes for it around here) and getting ahead of myself, and I need to reign in my impatience and take things slower. It’s okay because it’s temporary, and this too shall pass. Take a breath, remember you had a rough go of things last year, and you have to build everything back to the point it was before the injury.
I’ve also been remiss in not congratulating award winners lately in my field; I am very pleased to report that J. M. Redmann won the Hansen Prize for queer crime fiction for Transitory, which is now also a Lambda finalist AND a two category Goldie finalist. Yay Jean! I’ve known Jean for almost twenty-five years now, she was my boss’s boss for about eighteen years, we’ve co-edited anthologies together, and now I am her book editor. Transitory is a terrific book, and being Jean’s editor is pretty easy, actually. Ivy Pochoda recently won the Los Angeles Times Book Award for Best Crime Novel for Sing Her Down, and Ivy is pretty awesome, too. I am behind on her books (I’m behind on everyone’s books, really) but her Wonder Valley was fan-fucking-tastic. Way to go, Ivy! (That was a loaded category, too–other nominees were S. A. Cosby, Cheryl Head, Jordan Harper, and Lou Berney.)
And on that note, I am going to head into the spice mines, eat something and get cleaned up and ready to go for this glorious morning. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I will chat at you again later.
One of the fun things for me about going to mystery conferences (literary conferences in general, but I much prefer the mystery ones) is discovering new-to-me writers. Sometimes I meet them through writers I already know, sometimes they are on panels with friends, and sometimes they’re on a panel with me.
I was asked, very late, if I would fill in on a panel about humor and mysteries as moderator because the original moderator had dropped out. This was pretty late; I don’t think the program even listed me as the moderator, even. I didn’t have time to read any of the books, which I felt absolutely horrible about, and my free time was very tight–I’m not sure I remember precisely why, or what was going on in July/August this year (and am not entirely sure I want to remember because it might have been something bad) but I reached out to all of them and asked them if there were any questions they wanted to be asked (whenever I moderate, I always ask this–there are questions I would love to answer but never get asked; and if you ask a writer a question they really want to answer–they’re going to be very animated and passionate in their response, which will engage the audience). It was also an incredibly hot and miserable summer here in New Orleans, and just surviving it in general was asking a lot of all of us. I knew I would have a lot of anxiety about the panel, but it was an afternoon panel and I knew I could do some good research that morning…which was when, to my absolute delight, I discovered that three of my panelists were debut authors…and I love nothing more than being on a panel with new writers.
Imagine my delight and surprise in doing my research that J. D. O’Brien’s debut novel, Zig Zag, was about a marijuana dispensary heist. I made sure to get a copy (I bought a book from each of my panelists–my God, what a dream panel they were! It was easily one of the best experiences I’ve ever had moderating.) and after finishing Lou Berney’s stoner noir Dark Ride, I thought Zig Zag would be an excellent pairing,
And I was correct.
When Harry checks in at Reduced Rent-A-Car, Ken from the desk escorts him to the lot anf unfurls a rinkydink red carpet leading to the driver’s side door of a Ford Fiesta. An added feature of the white-glove service package. The dingy carpet is matted flat and Harry sees the rest of his life laying there in front of him. Thirteen steps to the gallows.
He removes his Stetson Sundowner like it’s made out of lead and hunches in behind the wheel. “I think the last guy must have smoked in here,” he says.
Ken looks over the inventory sheet.
“Let’s see if we have something else for you.”
“Don’t bother,” Harry says. “I just don’t want to get bit for it.”
And so we meet Harry Robatore, a burned out Texan who now runs a bail bonds business, dresses like a cowboy, and drinks a lot of liquor and smokes a lot of weed. Harry is the primary antagonist of this tightly-plotted genre-bending novel–it’s about crime, and criminals, but it’s definitely not a mystery; if pressed to classify it, I’d call it a heist caper novel, like those of Westlake and Block. (It reminded me a lot of The Hot Rock, and this is not a bad thing.) On the other side of the equation of the book is our femme fatale (I could so totally picture Barbara Stanwyck in this role) Capri, a hard-luck girl who wants to pull herself out of poverty however she can doing whatever she needs to with the amorality of Phyllis from Double Indemnity–she is a schemer with dreams, and whatever she has to do to get those dreams is justified by the dream itself. She’s been a stripper and a shot girl and now is clerking at a weed dispensary in Van Nuys called Big Smoke–and Big Smoke isn’t exactly about following the law, either. A huge delivery of Acapulco Gold is coming into the dispensary, and she sees stealing the weed and selling it as her way out of the hole she is currently in. She convinces her boyfriend–a not-so-smart dude name Teddy, to help her, and that’s when everything starts going haywire. Teddy is the son of a friend of Harry’s, who owns a rundown tacky bar Harry frequents, and when Ted is caught–because he’s not very bright; he successfully steals the weed but leaves his bag with his wallet in it behind, goes back for it and then is caught–he bonds the bail. Ted and Capri decide to hit the road and try to sell the weed to dispensaries or weed edible manufacturers, and thus begins an epic road trip with mayhem and insanity at every turn–with any number of people chasing after them, and Harry coming along behind to try to get his money back from the court.
I really enjoyed this book. As someone (I don’t remember who) once said, in rebuttal to the claim that criminals generally aren’t very smart, “the smart ones don’t get caught.” No one in this book is particularly smart; and while I hesitate to call them losers per se–societal misfits is more accurate; they cannot function successfully in society the way others can–this entire book is about bad choices and bad timing and bad decisions. But it’s incredibly clever, ironically funny, and even though he’s really not the best person in the world, you can’t but root for Harry; his character and who he is really reminded me of James Crumley’s The Last Good Kiss–the style of the writing, the characters, the world-weary cynicism–which isn’t easy to do.
I really enjoyed this, and look forward for more from O’Brien.
Monday before the surgery and all is peaceful in the Lost Apartment this morning. I still don’t know what time the surgery is going to be–they’ll be calling me later today with the time to be at the hospital (in METAIRIE)–and I am trying to have an easy day of staying calm and centered as I prepare mentally and emotionally for tomorrow. Last night I had a complete anxiety attack about everything, and even as I spiraled I knew what was happening, what was causing it and why–but that only made it a bit easier. I was concerned I might not be able to shut my mind off and sleep, but that wasn’t a problem. I fell asleep in a matter of moments after going to bed. I also slept deeply and well, feeling great and rested this morning. I have to check up on a few things to make sure things that needed to be done were done and taken care of–the anxiety from last night spiraled out of worry that the form my surgeon needed to fax to HR at the day job wasn’t sent–but even if it wasn’t, I can stay calm and probably get it all taken care of either today or tomorrow before the surgery; I can bring the form with me and Paul can FAX it to HR for me in a worst case scenario if I am too drugged out to deal with it when we get home. I am completely calm and rational about it all this morning–maybe sometimes I need to spiral and work through it to be calm the next day, I don’t know. But I am calm this morning, and rested, and relaxed. Once I finish this, I’ll check with HR to see if the form was received and if not, I’ll work on getting it filled out and returned. I don’t have to go into the office today–today is prep for surgery day, and I didn’t really see how that would work with me going in.
Why does everything have to be difficult? I suppose because otherwise life would be too easy to navigate.
We watched more Happy Valley last night, and this show is exceptionally good. British crime dramas are somehow always better than American ones–even Paul pointed out last night that “British actors look like real people and are super talented. Why do Americans focus on appearance so much?”–which is the source material for an entire other essay; you don’t see Helen Mirren and Maggie Smith and Judi Densch getting their faces shot up with poison and fillers and having everything nipped and tucked and made more generic with a scalpel to the point where their faces don’t move and they’ve become basically voice actors. Paul stayed up super late Saturday night writing a grant, so he slept most of the day and I was left to my own devices. I finished reading Lou Berney’s superb Dark Ride and started J. D. O’Brien’s Zig Zag, which I am also really enjoying. I also did some cleaning and organizing around here to try to make my workspace more functional and more Big Kitten Energy proof–it gets old having to pick up papers and re-sort them every morning because he went bounding around over everything while having the middle of the night Zoomies. It does look better organized this morning and more functional, even if it’s not complete, so we will see how it goes. I also watched another episode of Moonlighting–some are kind of hit and miss, which I didn’t remember from my original watch as it aired back in the 1980’s. Moonlighting had become a hit by then, and was starting to draw big name guest stars. Yesterday’s was Lisa Blount, who enjoyed some success in the 1980’s, but probably is best known for her supporting role in An Officer and a Gentleman–a movie I am relatively certain did not age well. It wasn’t a great episode–it was merely okay, with a clever enough plot and some good banter between David and Maddie; the chemistry was clearly there for them, but it’s another one of those “opposites attract” kind of things, which was only just then turning into a thing for television shows, primarily triggered by the popularity of the Sam and Diane pairing on Cheers that dominated the ratings and the Emmys for the entire decade of the 1980s. Now we’re so used to it that it’s tired, but back in the 1980’s the question of when David and Maddie would get together was something everyone was talking about every week.
I’m trying not to worry about the recovery for the surgery too much–thinking about the physical therapy and so forth was what sent my brain into the spiral last night–how can I be trusted to do things correctly when I’m such a fuck-up? I had one of those moments when Paul came home after his original eye surgery–I am not a trained caregiver! What if I do something wrong?–because I had to, among other things, clean the socket for him every day and apply antibiotic drops and things, and once he was home I was fucking terrified. And it was fine. His socket healed, I didn’t kill him or cause an infection, and we both survived the entire thing. I am a little anxious about Paul as caregiver, but that’s terribly unfair. On the rare occasions when I am actually sick he’s taken very good care of me, and so what if he doesn’t have a lot of experience with caregiving? Neither did I, and I’ve become very good at it over the years.
It’s kind of easy when you don’t have a choice.
And on that note, I am going to do some cleaning and organizing before reaching out to HR to see if there is anything I need to follow up on today. I’ll probably be around again later–I keep meaning to do more blatant self-promotional posts, but as the surgery date draws closer my mind just hasn’t been in that place. So have a lovely Monday, Constant Reader, and I’ll probably be back later.
Lou Berney is not only one of my favorite writers, but he’s also one of my favorite people in this business.
I met Lou for the first time many years ago, because we shared a panel together at Bouchercon in Raleigh (the moderator was Katrina Niidas Holm, and the other panelists were Lori Roy and Liz Milliron; none of whom I knew before and have been grateful ever since that I not only got to meet them and become friendly but also because–even better–I discovered incredible new-to-me writers whose work I’ve been enjoying ever since). Shortly after this I read his novel The Long and Faraway Gone and was completely blown away by it; it won every conceivable award for crime writing the next year, and he followed it up with the completely different but just as fascinating and brilliant November Road several years later. I’ve yet to go back and read his earlier work, but plan to eventually–but I also like having them in reserve; Lou’s not nearly as prolific as I would like. I kind of think of him as a male version of Megan Abbott: brilliant, insightful, and exceptionally gifted writers with piercing perceptions into the kinks and flaws of character that make people human.
And Dark Ride is exactly what is promised in that title–a dark ride.
I’m lost, wandering, and somewhat stoned. This parking lot, when you’re in the middle of it, deems much vastr and more expansive than it does from the street. Or do I just seem much less consequential? That’s the question. One for the ages.
It’s July, hot as balls. I stare up. The sky, pale and papery, looks like it’s about to burst into flame.
How would you describe the sky to someone who’s never seen a sky? You’d have to explain how it’s different every day. So many shades of blue, of grat. And we’re not even talking about sunrise or sunset. Plus the clouds! How would you describe clouds?1
“You need some help?”
“What?” I say.
Some dude in a suit is about to climb in his car. He’s about my age, probably a couple of years out of college. With the suit and haircut, though, he’s all business. Me, I’m wearing board shorts, flip-flops, and a vintage faded Van Halen T-shirt I found for five bucks at Goodwill. I haven’t cut my hair in almost forever and I’m a minimum-wage scarer at an amusement park fright zone.
Jesus, what a fucking great opening. (Although I did wonder if any T-shirt costs $5 at Goodwill.)
Dark Ride has about the most unlikely main character you’ll ever meet in a crime novel–Hardy “Hardly” Reed–and that above paragraph is a master-class in character. In fifty-two words and two sentences, Lou Berney created a character that I absolutely, 100% know and believe is real. I’ve known any number of Hardlys over the years, and I can also certainly identify with being in your twenties and kind of drifting aimlessly, with no plan for the future other than you’re afraid of it and you don’t want the path everyone else seems to wnt for you that you know isn’t right.
The story opens with Hardly going to the city building of some unnamed city in the Midwest (since it’s Lou Berney, I’m going out on a limb and saying it’s probably Oklahoma City or Tulsa) to get a thirty-day continuation on paying a parking ticket. A tedious, horrible, day-disrupting chore that most of us have had to deal with at some point in our lives. Personally, I despise having to go to any city or state office for any kind of business, and feel pretty confident in stating that’s probably pretty much how everyone feels about that sort of thing. (Even worse is getting the camera fucking ticket in the mail.) Hardly is, by every definition of the word, a loser–despite being very likable and relatable; the kind of man whose relatives just sigh and say, “well, that’s Hardly” when they talk about him. But Hardly doesn’t have relatives. His mother died when he was a child and he would up in foster care–and even admits he and his foster brother, a successful rising architect, got very lucky with their foster family. But he came out out of it with no purpose, no sense of direction, and no goals or desires for life. He just does his minimum-wage job, lives in his shitty rented room, and smokes a lot of weed. So do most of his friends.
And the opening paragraph and that meditation on the sky and clouds? Such a stoner thing to do. (I’ve had some experience with cannabis–especially in my twenties, but that’s a story for another time.) So, why is this amiable, stoner loser the main character of this book? we soon find out. As he waits in line to get his continuance, he sees a woman with two very young children–and notices on both a pattern of cigarette burns on each child. Horrified, he looks for someone in authority to report this to–but no one seems to care. The woman and her children leave, and he manages to meet someone who works there who pointedly won’t tell him their names but that he needs to sign in, which makes him realize he can her name that way–Tracy Shaw. He finally calls CPS and makes a report over the phone. Relieved that he’s done his duty, he goes on with the rest of the day, which includes going to work at the crappy amusement park where he works (a fair played a major role in The Long and Faraway Gone, which makes me think at some point in his life Berney must have worked for an amusement park or a fair) where we meet his co-worker and friend, a mentally challenged 16 year old named Salvadore, who is one of my favorite characters in the book.
It begins, though, to bother him that CPS never calls him back with questions or for more information–he’s sadly still young enough to believe in the efficacy and efficiency of Authority–and it begins festering in his head. He’s worried about Tracy, but he’s even more worried about the kids, seven and six by his estimate, and how their lives are being shaped and ruined by the abuse. It keeps bothering him until he decides to do something about it, and what follows is a delightfully entertaining, beautifully written saga of someone who has been completely written off by society as a loser and a wastrel yet still manages to find the strength of character and moral purpose to try to save those kids, however foolhardy–and dangerous–it may turn out to be for him.
I’m not really sure how to describe the book, to be honest. I feel like “stoner noir” is the best fit, even though the cover calls it a thriller, I don’t know if that’s actually correct or not. Hardly’s sense of purpose, his sense that he’s the only person who cares about saving those kids, reminded me of a knight’s quest from classic literature; another time he reminded me a bit of Don Quixote tilting at windmills. I loved this book. I loved the main character, I loved the voice, I loved everything about this book–except the fact I didn’t write it.
Buy it, read it, cherish and love it–and thank me later.
“Bow and flows of angel’s hair, and ice cream castles in the air” per Joni Mitchell. You’re welcome. ↩︎
Sunday morning after a relaxing Saturday in the Lost Apartment. I went by to get the mail and stopped at the Fresh Market, then went back later to CVS to get my booster vaccine for COVID-19 and pick up my post-operative medications (my BASTARD insurance refused to cover the oxycodone, of all things. I hope this surgery costs them a fucking fortune). The games on television weren’t very interesting, frankly, and the only one that had any potential at all turned into a blow-out (Georgia-Tennessee). It was kind of a laid-back bland boring kind of day, which was kind of necessary. The prescription issue–I stopped by CVS on my first trip uptown, but one of my prescriptions wasn’t ready (the one I had already called to approve over the phone) but it turned out the reason they kept not filling it was because the insurance wasn’t paying for it and I had to say, “yes, I will pay out of pocket for it, thank you” which was why I had to go back later in the afternoon–so I figured I may as well make a vaccination appointment for when I do go back. You know me, always trying to be as efficient as possible and to utilize my time more effectively; seriously, I know now it’s an anxiety thing. I never quite understand my anxiety and what triggers it or causes it, or how many coping systems I have engineered over the course of my life to work around it–which turns into compulsive behavior.
I’ve yet to figure out how the obsessive part of me comes from the anxiety, but I am sure I will at some point.
My arm–the one I am having the surgery on–is sore this morning because I figured I might as well get used to that arm hurting and had the booster shot in that arm. I slept deeply and well last night; I went to bed shortly after the LSU game concluded with a 56-14 score with Jayden Daniels tying the school record for most touchdowns in a game (the other was Joe Burrow’s eight against Oklahoma in the 2019 play-offs…but Burrow scored seven in the first half and the eighth on the first drive of the second half before sitting out the rest of the game (LSU could have scored a hundred that day had they been so inclined; that game still boggles my mind that it actually happened–as well as how). If there’s any justice in the world Daniels will win the Heisman Trophy (he is clearly the best player in the country), but welcome to 2023 and college football. An impressive showing against Texas A&M won’t hurt his chances, for sure–but the fact LSU has a terrible defense this year shouldn’t overshadow what he’s accomplished with our offense. As an LSU fan, it boggles my mind that we have one of the best offenses of all-time, and yet our defense–always a point of pride in Tigerland–is one of the worst when our defense has historically always been vastly superior to our offense. We used to lose because the offense couldn’t score; now we lose because our defense is terrible. Even last night at first it looked like “same-old same-old,” with Georgia State scoring on their first two possessions before the defense clicked into gear and they never scored again.
Tulane also won again yesterday. Well done, Green Wave!
I spent some time reading Lou Berney’s Dark Ride yesterday and I am loving this book so much. Hardly, the stoner burnout loser main character, is probably one of my favorite characters I’ve read in quite some time; he resonates with me, especially with his newly awakened sense of right and wrong–which does not, I might add, change anything for his normal circumstances–he’s still a stoner burnout, still gets high as he puzzles his way into figuring out what to do next, and whether he should keep carrying about these random two kids he saw one day that might be victims of physical abuse. He reminds me in some way of a modern day American Don Quixote; I don’t know if that was what Berney was going for, but I can tell you this–he has nailed the voice of this character, and the story itself is quite good–and of course the writing, as always with Berney’s work, is spectacular…and it’s quite inspiring.
It also feels weird knowing I don’t have to go into the office tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day I have to get everything ready in the apartment before the surgery–laying in supplies and getting everything ready to go for Tuesday. I suspect that I am going to be in some kind of drugged stupor for the first two days at least, and maybe by next weekend I’ll be lucid enough to be able to write a blog post; I don’t know. I suspect yesterday’s low energy was in some ways triggered by the knowledge of the surgery coming along with slight irritation over the prescription issue. But I made my meatballs last night (Paul astutely pointing out that I really make meatball stew rather than meatballs in gravy, and that is a very thin line) and they were very good. I also did some straightening up around here–I was expecting Paul to go work with his trainer and then go to the office for the afternoon, but his trainer canceled on him and he stayed home–moving down to lay on the couch and (hopefully) make a bed for Tug/Sparky; unlike Scooter, Tug’s a little more restless and he’s kind of gotten used to using my lap in the easy chair as his bed–and sure enough, he spent most of the day sleeping in my lap as I lazily scrolled through social media, looked things up on Google, and basically did nothing productive while watching yesterday’s (mostly boring) games. I probably should have watched Kansas-Kansas State, which the Wildcats won in a shoot out 31-24 (when was the last time both teams in the rivalry game had winning records? The futility of the college football teams in the state of Kansas is astonishing, even with KSU turning things around in the last thirty years–they’ve beaten KU fifteen straight times now). I’ll go look at what happened around the country in the sport once I finish writing this and move on to the easy chair to finish Lou’s book so I can write about it later. And I need to do some more blatant self-promotional posts before I wind up not being able to post anything at all for who knows how long?
Heavy sigh.
And on that note, I am taking my coffee and Dark Ride to my easy chair, only to emerge from it to get more coffee until I am finished reading it, and have started my next read, Zig Zag, by J. D. O’Brien. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I’ll probably be back later on today at some point as well….and I just remembered there is no Saints game today, so I have no excuses.
It truly is incredible what a shithole of a site The Site Formerly Known as Twitter has become under the tenure of that brilliant modern thinker Elon Musk (Narrator voice: those adjectives were meant as sarcasm). Every time I go there to cross-post the blog or something, it only takes a moment or two before I am getting the fuck out of that hellish place. I know I should probably just deactivate and be done with it as it fades away into memory like MySpace did once upon a time, but something keeps me there–despite knowing its immoral to even scroll a little bit, and definitely against my own personal ethics–but I think it’s more along the lines of watching a slow-motion disaster movie, frame by frame.
If only it would bankrupt him financially, to go along with his moral and ethical bankruptcies.
Yesterday wasn’t a very good day around the ranch. I was low energy all day, and while i did get all of my work-at-home duties taken care of and handled, after running errands and having a ZOOM call with three very dear friends (who undoubtedly are sick of me talking too much on ZOOM calls), I was just flat out exhausted and simply collapsed into my easy chair with my purr kitty for the evening. I did watch a lengthy documentary about the Eastern Roman Empire, and how the Holy Roman Empire was western Europe’s attempt to recapture and regrasp the legacy of Imperial Rome, to the point of rebranding the real Roman Empire as the Byzantine, or Greek, Empire. (The history of “western” civilization is full of these sorts of reclaimings and rebrandings, as the West sought to basically claim the history of civilization in general.) It just goes to show you–the history we all learned in public school was biased and written to enhance and create a foundation for white supremacy to rest upon. There’s a rather lengthy personal essay to be written about having to relearn everything I learned as a child as an adult because it was all wrong–or people could just read Howard Zinn’s work.
Today I do have some errands to run and vaccines to get injected into my arms; I also have things around the house I need to get done. I am going to make Swedish meatballs today in the slow cooker, I think; that’ll be a nice treat to go along with the LSU game tonight against Georgia State. There really aren’t many great games today–everyone has an “easy” game scheduled for the weekend before the Thanksgiving rivalry games, many of which this is the last go-around for. It’s weird to think LSU won’t be playing their most hated rival, Florida, every year any more (but how delightful to go out with a five game winning streak over them, ha ha ha ha and fuck off, Gators), or that other classic games won’t occur anymore. I don’t know why or when LSU’s Thanksgiving rivalry weekend opponent changed from Arkansas to Texas A&M; that was a fun rivalry with the Razorbacks pulling off some upsets over the years–why is it that everyone plays lights-out when they play LSU?–but that was also a manufactured rivalry that didn’t exist before Arkansas joined the SEC.
I also want to spend some time reading this morning; Lou Berney’s Dark Ride is calling my name and I am really enjoying it. The fun thing about Lou’s work is everything is always different; no two books are ever the same, or even the same kind of voice or style. Every book is an original in every way, and I will go to my grave with The Long and Faraway Gone as one of my favorite crime novels of all time. The one thing I am looking forward to after this surgery is more time to read, and if need be, I can read on my iPad–it’s not like I haven’t downloaded hundreds of books over the years. I’m still enjoying The Rival Queens–man, I love that period of French history–and I think my next read after Lou’s will be Zig Zag, by J. D. O’Brien; since it’s about a weed dispensary heist, coming after Lou’s stoner noir seems like the proper pairing, and then after that I am moving on to the new Angie Kim.
I was exhausted last night so I slept incredibly well. I even slept in this morning, not getting out of bed before eight-thirty like a slag. I feel much more rested and emotionally even this morning, which is a very good thing. I want to get a lot done today–I really need to move furniture and figure out how to make my work station more Big Kitten Energy proof, which is possible but will take some figuring out, and I won’t be able to move anything after Tuesday’s surgery, after all, so I have to get all this stuff done before hand. I don’t feel like I’ve had the chance to think everything through the way it needs to be thought through, nor do I feel like I am prepared for the aftermath and recovery period–which I think was the explanation for yesterday’s low energy; created and maintained completely by my anxiety.
I also want to read this original text version of The Mark on the Door, a Hardy Boys mystery.
We watched Blue Beetle last night, and I really enjoyed it. First, it was lovely seeing a Latinx family centered in a super-hero movie, and to have a super-hero of Mexican ancestry. It had some really funny moments (as well as some that made me go huh?), and as far as DC/Marvel movies go, it was one of the more solid plots and origin stories, but I’m also not terribly familiar with the Blue Beetle character. I primarily remember/knew him from the Justice League comic books of the late 1980’s/early 1990’s, and he was often teamed up with Booster Gold for comedy. I don’t know what has happened to the character with all the reboots since then, but I appreciated seeing something different from a comic book movie. The lead actor, young Xolo Maridueña, was handsome and appealing and charismatic, and the rest of the cast is fine other than the old witch who gave us Presidents Nader and Sanders because she doesn’t vote with her vagina (maybe you should have, you fucking piece of trash, since your mouth and going everywhere all over 24 hour news to trash Hillary helped give us the current Supreme Court, and you should be shunned and forced to take a Game of Thrones walk of shame down Pennsylvania you fucking hateful bitch–I will carry that grudge to the grave, skank). Seeing that fucking trash was in the cast made me seriously reconsider watching, frankly, and her “acting” was a joke and so horrific that Paul and I spent a good hour recasting with actresses who wouldn’t have just cashed the check and phoned it in the way she did.) The movie is actually strongest when it focuses on the Reyes family and their dynamic (Nana is the absolute best), and while it didn’t pull down the kind of financial numbers a movie like this is intended to (and odds that it’ll be blamed by Hollywood on centering a Latinx family are pretty strong), I do think this is one of the movies that in the future will be reclaimed as a classic and one of the best in the field. I hope there will be a sequel, as was teased at the end.
But I think they’re rebooting the movie universe for DC, so who knows.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a marvelous, marvelous Saturday, Constant Reader, and may whatever teams you’re rooting for today have a nice win–unless you’re a Georgia State fan, of course.
Work at home Friday and a good night’s sleep. I did have to get up just before six to feed Tug, but went back to bed for a very cozy hour or so of additional napping on top of the sleep. It felt marvelous, and I feel actually very rested and good this morning, which is always a lovely surprise. I have work-at-home duties to get taken care of and errands to run later when I am finished with them, and then I am going to just rest and relax and read and try to write and edit and clean and organize all weekend. Monday is pre-surgery prep day, and then of course I go under the scalpel on Tuesday (don’t know what time yet). As of today I have to stop taking some of my medications and vitamins to get them out of my system by Tuesday–so really, prep work is beginning today, really. I am also still adjusting to my new teeth. I kind of laughed as I got ready for bed last night–as I took out my teeth, my hearing aids, and removed my glasses; when I am bed I can’t see, hear or talk; I definitely have mush-mouth when I take the teeth out.
I came directly home after work last night; I had to stay later than I usually do because I had to take a longer lunch on Wednesday to drive out to Jefferson Highway to get the teeth. It was already dark when I got home, and Tug of course had wreaked destruction on the workspace during the day–which is yet another reminder of how I have to a) not let the filing pile up anymore and b) might need to reorganize the workspace to limit Big Kitten Energy destruction and/or mess. That could be a very good project for this weekend. LSU is playing Georgia State Saturday night (big deal, right?) and I am not even sure the game is going to even be televised, frankly, or if it is, it’s probably one of those minor SEC network “plus” channels I always have to figure out how to get every single time (it’s an on-going thing with the LSU gymnastics meets), and even glancing over the schedule this weekend there’s really not much of anything, other than Georgia-Tennessee and Kansas-Kansas State; all the big rivalry games are next weekend, so this is kind of a lull weekend before the Thanksgiving weekend extravaganza, which hopefully I won’t be too zonked out on medications to enjoy. I was thinking I might try to make pulled turkey in the slow cooker for Thanksgiving, but I wouldn’t be able to pull it apart. I’m not really sure what our food situation is going to be, in all honesty, until after I am off the painkillers. I’ll have to put some thought into that and make groceries at some point before Tuesday. I know we have things in the freezer that can be thawed out and/or cooked; but it also wouldn’t hurt to have other options available, either.
I got caught up on my reality television shows last night–Real Housewives continue to have this weird hold on my interest and imagination which I can’t really explain; particularly because these women generally are examples of everything I think is wrong with American culture and society–and then got sucked into some more Youtube documentaries about the fall of Rome, the war between Rome and the Gauls, and more about the schism between the Catholic and Orthodox churches–the original split of Christianity and dogma. My fascination with the Eastern Roman Empire continues unabated, as well as my interest in the Hapsburgs and the sixteenth century (I am loving The Rival Queens, my current non-fiction read, and need to read more Nancy Goldstone histories). I also want to finish reading Lou Berney’s Dark Ride this weekend, and get started on my next read before the surgery. I also need to remember to keep hitting save as Tug keeps waltzing over my keyboard and wreaking havoc on my screen. I do feel hopeful that the time out from the office will give me time to do more reading and writing and start working my way out from under everything; one can always hope. It can get overwhelming sometimes just thinking about everything I need to do and get done.
I was also thinking the other day about how I always say I “compartmentalize” my life and my personal history..and wondering if the word I should be using when I say that is “repress”; because isn’t that what you’re doing when you are deliberately trying not to think about your past and things you’ve experienced? Especially when those events can be traumatic? Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with things, but I also think setting personal boundaries for behavior you will and will not accept from friends and acquaintances is healthy. I am pretty easy-going, or at least deceive myself into believing that, because I have this insane and unhealthy need to be liked. As a general rule I tend to not get angry when people cross my boundaries. It takes a while for it to start to get to me, but when I am angry it’s because I care and the behavior has offended my sensibilities in some way. When you get to the point where the reaction you get is for me to go completely cold and stop caring? You’ll never come back from that with me. Once I stop caring, I stop caring–and if that hurts you, it isn’t my problem–because by that point you’ve crossed my boundaries so many times despite multiple warnings (narcissists never listen to warnings because no one would ever give up the AMAZING gift of their friendship–ha ha ha ha ha, Keep dreaming.), yet you continue to throw additional chances given back in my face.
Bye, Felicia.
And on that note, I am going to start getting some things done around here before I start my work for the day. Have a great Friday–and be warned there will probably be Blatant Self-Promotion to come.
So it’s Monday morning and I took the day off from work, as I have to head out to Metairie for my pre-operation meetings and clearances and so forth. Woo-hoo. But at least today I expect to know what my recovery is going to look like, and how much time I will actually need to be out of the office. I didn’t sleep great on Saturday night, despite LSU’s big win over Florida, and was up before seven yesterday morning and not really feeling like doing much of anything. I did spend some time with Lou Berney’s delightful Dark Ride, which is like nothing he’s done before–something I always deeply admire with authors–and I really love the voice of his main character. There’s a reason Lou’s won every conceivable award from crime fiction writing; his work is exceptional and I only wish he were more prolific. Hardly is memorable, for many reasons that I cannot wait to get into when I’ve finished reading the book.
The Saints played abysmally yesterday, so I was glad I decided I was too drained already to expand any more emotional energy on watching the game. I was very low energy all weekend, which isn’t surprising, given that I’m kind of dreading the information I am going to be getting today even as I know it’s information that I need to have in order to make decisions that need to be made. Heavy sigh, yes, small wonder I was low energy all weekend. But that’s okay; I did actually think about writing this weekend, and did some of the mental groundwork and even wrote a scene in longhand in my journal, of all things. I also started coming up with names for characters for the next book, which is always fun, and started thinking about which direction to take the story. This is progress, and I will accept that gratefully without flagellating myself or wishing I had produced more and had written something on the computer.
I’m not going to lie, my anxiety is spiking this morning and so I am going to need to struggle a bit with it this morning. I know I’m just borrowing trouble, and being anxious or nervous about the appointments this morning will not change and/or affect what I am going to be told today, which is knowledge I am going to try to use as I sit here to calm my nerves and keep my adrenaline from spiking. I’m going to take Lou’s book with me this morning to read while I wait at the surgeon’s office, and thank God for good books with great writing from talented friends, right? It’s weird to think I’m having surgery next week and it’s also Thanksgiving week, too. I am not sure what we’re going to do for the holiday, since it’s two days after my surgery, but I can get some things over the weekend for it and hopefully it won’t be too big of a deal to make pulled turkey in the crockpot, but then how will I shred the meat with just one hand? A conundrum, for sure. I am going to probably be learning all kinds of lessons in these coming weeks about how imperative it is to have two hands–which is ableist thinking, I know; some people make do their entire lives with merely one hand.
The big news in college football is that Texas A&M went ahead and fired their head coach, Jimbo Fisher, triggering the biggest payout ever for a fired football coach. I thought, at the time, that the contract extension was insane; all he’d managed to do was take A&M to a one-loss season during a pandemic and a limited schedule. They finished in the top ten that year, if I am remembering correctly, but they still didn’t win their division or make it to Atlanta, so I thought it was presumptuous. Of course, this was also right around the time that it was becoming apparent that LSU was going to fire Ed Orgeron, and Fisher had been a target before Orgeron was hired….so A&M was preemptively moving to keep their coach from leaving for Baton Rouge. But A&M underperformed other than that one season, and it was a very bad deal–it’s costing them almost eighty million dollars to fire Fisher, which is also going to create a massive mess for hiring a replacement and for the replacement as well. Fisher was terminated immediately and not being allowed to finish out the season, so when A&M rolls into Tiger Stadium Thanksgiving weekend, they’ll be led by an interim coach. It’s not the first time the LSU-A&M game has had an interim head coach calling the game, either, nor will it be the last, most likely. I mean, seriously–how much money do the Aggie Exes have, for Christ’s sake?
Apparently, a lot. I would imagine the Longhorns are even richer, and they’ll be in the SEC next year.
We finished watching Karen Pirie last night, and it was on the third episode that I realized I’d read the book on which it was based–The Distant Echo, which I had greatly enjoyed. We also are watching the second season of the Jane Seymour crime series, Harry Wild, which is enjoyable–and applause for Ms. Seymour for allowing herself to age gracefully. There you see the primary difference between British and American actresses; Maggie Smith, Diana Rigg, Helen Mirren and Judi Densch have allowed themselves to age, and it’s a beautiful thing to see–whereas American actresses their age now have rigid faces filled with Botox and filler and with all their skin pulled back tightly. It always seemed to me that having a face incapable of movement or expressing emotion would be a negative for an actress, but their insecurities and fears are also predicated on generations of youth worship in Hollywood and sweeping actresses out the door once they’ve hit forty. (In All About Eve the age issue for Margo was turning forty; that same year Sunset Boulevard gave us fifty-year-old has-been Gloria Swanson. The irony that Jessica Lange and That Woman were twenty years older when they played Crawford and Davis in Feud–in which the two fifty-something women miraculously revived their careera–wasn’t lost on this viewer.)
And on that note, I am going to bring this to a close and start getting ready for this morning’s round of pre-surgery appointments. Have a lovely Monday, Constant Reader, and I’ll probably be back this afternoon for some blatant self-promotion.
Friday, but I am not working at home this morning. We have a department meeting, and then I am going to stay at the office until around two this afternoon to get things done. I am taking Monday off because all my pre-surgery appointments are that morning, and I don’t know how long that is going to take. As Monday is a paperwork and not-in-the-clinic day, it’s not a big deal as long as I get all of the work I would ordinarily do on Monday to get the clinic ready for the rest of the week done today. I am going to run a couple of errands on the way home, and then I am in for the rest of the day. I will have to run some errands tomorrow–post office, mostly–but hope to spend most of the weekend inside the apartment. I slept well last night, mainly because I had the “Thursday exhaustion” that hits me every Thursday since I started working this schedule, but that’s okay. I came straight home from work yesterday, and didn’t do much of anything once I was there. Oh, sure, I watched another episode of Moonlighting–and their lesser episodes are still charming–and later Paul and I watched the season finale of The Morning Show, which was a lot of fun. I did watch some Youtube documentaries about the Knights Templar and the Fall of Constantinople in 1204–which I never get tired of learning about, and will turn up in one of my books one day, just you wait and see.
I’m also looking forward to this weekend. I am going to get some books pruned to take to the library sale on Saturday, and I think I am also going to get the car washed. I do kind of want to see the Georgia-Mississippi game, and of course I’ll watch LSU play Florida, but that game worries me a bit; there’s always a let-down after losing to Alabama and having the pipe dreams of the season dashed finally, and LSU has beaten Florida four straight years, which is tied for the longest LSU winning streak in the rivalry. I also just remembered that this is the last season of the SEC as it has been since the initial expansion into two divisions thirty years ago; sure other teams have joined since, but the East-West divisions remained intact all this time. I don’t know how I feel about the expansion into a super-conference and the addition of Texas and Oklahoma, and the rotating schedule seems like a pain in the ass, but we’ll see how it works out. I suspect in about another decade realignment will be revisited and some teams may break off from their super-conferences and form a new smaller more manageable one…who knows?
I also want to read Lou Berney’s Dark Ride this weekend, and maybe start reading my next book, which I think is going to be Zig Zag by J. D. O’Brien, who was on my Humor panel at Bouchercon (that was probably one of the best panels I’ve ever moderated, and I want to read all of their books), because both have to do with stoners–Lou’s main character is a stoner, and J. D.’s book is about a dispensary heist, so they’re both what I call stoner noir–so they kind of go together. I also want to get to the new Angie Kim sooner than later, I am volumes behind on Laurie King’s marvelous Mary Russell series, have two Donna Andrews novels on deck as well, and then I want to really start making progress through the stacks and get things read.
I also need to do some writing this weekend. I’ve been really terrible this week about being organized, so there’s more of that to be done this weekend. I think I’ve started working on what submissions will go where, and I’d love to get a stronger handle on all of that by the end of the weekend. I know I want to get one of my stories submitted out again somewhere, not entirely sure where, but the worst thing they can do is reject it, right? And that just means my story isn’t right for them, that’s all, and that is fine. I need to get more zen about rejection, you know? And I also need to be easier on myself emotionally about the whole writing thing. Sure, it would have been great to get a lot more writing done before my surgery. No, I don’t know what the aftermath and recovery is going to look like–I am finding that out Monday at my pre-surgery meeting–so I won’t know for sure until Monday what I am going to be capable of doing in December. I think I’ll probably be back to work right before Christmas, but I also don’t know what I am going to be able to do once I go back. Will I be able to test people? How mobile will the next cast be? (I think I am going from rigid to flexible after the first three weeks.)
Uncertainty is not the friend of anxiety, but I think I am doing a pretty good job of not letting my anxiety take control of my conscious brain, at any rate. And this morning I’ve managed to unload the dishwasher already and start another load–and when I get home from my partial day at the office I’ll get started on the bed linens. I am running an errand on the way home, and then I intend to spend the afternoon mostly reading the new Lou Berney while doing some light picking up and pruning of the books, and maybe even get some writing done. Stranger things have happened.
And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I’ll check in with you again later with some blatant self-promotion. Tuesday is the official release date for the new Scotty, which is very cool, and then the next week we go into surgery. WHEE.
Queer and Loathing in America 