Summer Breeze

Summers used to be different when I was a kid, or that’s how it seems now when I look back over the decades to those fuzzy and foggy and out of focus memories of my childhood. Of course, my memories are also my impressions, and I am not sure how those were formed. But back when I was a kid, I have this memory of people going away for summer vacations, and sometimes the really lucky ones went away for the entire summer. All that was required for this was a stay-at-home Mom and Dad who had enough money to rent a summer home to send them off to, joining them on his own vacation. Or maybe I am just remembering it from what I read in books during those years, and our own summer excursions to Alabama (I still would be willing to swear my sister and I spent the entire summer down there, even though I know we didn’t). But beach houses and books about teenagers coming of age while spending the summer at a vacation house on an island or near the beach was a popular subject for writers to explore. I can only think of three of them off the top of my head: Summer of ’42, Last Summer, and A Summer Place. I think I read them all over the course of a single summer, and maybe that’s why my brain defaults to thinking that way about summer breaks and vacations.

I don’t remember why I remembered Last Summer recently. It was written by Evan Hunter, and I also read its sequel, Come Winter, and I remembered both books as being rather dark, with a vague memory of their endings. But I wanted to read it again–I also remembered that John-Boy Walton himself, Richard Thomas, played the male lead in the film of Last Summer when he was a young actor, years before being cast on The Waltons. I’d be curious to see the film again, too.

We spent last summer, when I was just sixteen, on an island mistakenly called Greensward, its shores only thinly vegetated with beach grass and plum, its single forest destroyed by fire more than twenty years before. There were perhaps fifty summer homes on the island, most of them gray and clustered safely on the bay side, the remainder strung out along the island’s flanks and on the point jutting insanely into the Atlantic.

It was there the sea was wildest. It was there that we first met Sandy.

She was standing close by the shoreline as David and I came up the beach behind her, spume exploding on her left, pebbles rolling and tossing in a muddy backwash, a tall girl wearing a white bikini, her hair the color of the dunes, a pale gold that fell loose and long about her face. Her head was studiously bent. Hands on hips, lefs wide-spread, she stood tense and silent, studying something in the sand at her feet. It was a very hot day. The sky over the ocean seemed stretched too tight. An invisible sun seared the naked beach, turning everything intensely white, the bursting waves dissolving into foam, the glaring sky, the endless stretch of sand, the girl standing motionless, her pale hair only faintly stirring. We approached on her left, walking between her and the ocean, turning for a look at her face, her small breasts in the scanty bra top, the gentle curve of her hips above the white bikini pants, the long line of her legs.

The thing lying at her feet in the sand was a sea gull.

Last Summer is what would probably be considered y/a fiction today, despite being written by a highly respected author of both crime fiction (as Ed McBain) and literary fiction, as Evan Hunter. It’s also from that strange period of time that followed the end of the second World War, as the American economy boomed and both the working and middle class were better off than they had ever been before. Matt Baume, a delightful queer culture historian (his book about queer representation in film and television, Hi Honey I’m Homo, is currently a Lambda finalist, deservingly), made an excellent point on his video essay on Rebel Without a Cause, which pointed out the rise of teenage consumers–kids with lots of time on their hands due to the shift in the economy because they didn’t have to have jobs like they did before the war (only upper middle class and rich kids didn’t have to before the war) and the rise of home-ownership in addition to educational opportunities and suburban culture. Adults became quite alarmed at what this new breed of teenagers were up to, even more so than the usual tired worrying about the kids that has never gone away. Many of them were disaffected, and what they were allowed to watch and/or read became even more restricted. Many of them discovered the joys of alcohol and marijuana in greater degrees than ever before, which led to even more rebellion and concern. Parents went after comic books and magazines as corrupting influences–rather than recognizing their own failures as parents, which also gave rise to the modern mentality of uncontrollable children who needed to be protected from pernicious influences. There was, for example, a significant difference from “youth” movies like Rebel Without a Cause and Frankie/Annette in Beach Blanket Bingo. Check out his video here!

Last Summer reads very much as being about its time. “Serious” books about teenagers, many with dark themes, were in demand around this time–and they read very differently to modern readers. This book is about three friends spending the summer on an island somewhere off the Eastern seaboard, but few clues are given to its actual location, or the seaside town where the ferry operates from. The two boys, David and Peter (Peter is the first person voice of the story, remembering back to last summer) meet a girl named Sandy at the beach, and the first part of the book, about them nursing the gull back to health and trying to teach it tricks, bonds them more closely together. We don’t get very in depth about either David or Peter, Peter’s voice is calm and nonchalant, which lulls the reader into a sense of complacency. You begin to wonder where it’s going, but the boys are also becoming more and more aware of Sandy–and her body. Their closeness dances very close to crossing lines several times–she takes off her bikini top more than you’d think a teenaged girl in that time period would–but Sandy eventually bores of the gull and grows more and more annoyed by it until she kills it, and once the boys know, they destroy the gull’s body, which is very odd but telling.

And then they meet Rhoda, a shy girl with some issues of her own, and they kind of adopt her into their group the same way they adopted the seagull, and that’s when the creepy tension turns the book from being about bored teens into a horror. What they do to Rhoda is even more horrific now than it was when the book was originally published in the late 1960’s, and that blasé mentality about their assault on Rhoda–in which Sandy participates, making the horror even worse somehow–reveals them to be sociopaths, which makes the rest of the book make so much more sense, and even more chilling than it was originally.

There’s also some casual homophobia in the book–a gay couple on the island are mostly referred to as “the fags”, a horrible reminder of how prevalent that casual use of such slurs were in this country at the time.

I did enjoy the revisit, and it gave me some things to ponder and think about–and it’s still sticks in my head a week or so after finishing, so that’s a testament to Mr. Hunter.

Don’t You Know

Monday morning and it’s back to the office with me. The weekend was a bit of a bust; I did get some things done but zero writing. I missed the deadline for the anthology I was trying to write a story for, but despite a good start yesterday fatigue set in fairly early and I wound up spending most of the day in my chair, Sparky in my lap, while we continued watching Will Trent, which we are both enjoying. Today is also April Fool’s Day (does the apostrophe go before or after the s? I can never remember if it’s fool or fools), which is a kids’ thing, really. I don’t feel exhausted this morning, but I do feel like I could have certainly slept for longer.

This week I have to get back on track after last week was essentially a big loss for me, alas. I did get some things done last week, but it was derailed and then the weekend was also a complete loss. It was incredibly poor timing, of course, but sometimes life does happen–and it’s been happening to me a lot since January 2023 (really, you can even go back as far as the summer of 2022, when I got COVID), which kind of sucks. But that’s what life is, really; one long series of traumas with pleasant interruptions in between until you die. Well, that sure sounded pessimistic, didn’t it? It’s very easy to get caught up in the negative side of life and focus merely on that while not paying attention to the good things that go on in your life, especially when you keep getting derailed. (The anxiety side of my brain is trying really hard to send me into a depressive spiral here, but I am successfully holding it off this morning…so far.)

So, this is going to have to count as my reentry into my life after the festivals since last week was simply a holding pattern; Paul and I even talked about that last night between episodes of the show. Last week was simply a lost week during which I was able to get some things done on and around everything else that was going on. But it’s also a new month today, so I am going to try to get everything together this week and get my life back together. I’ll be going to visit Dad the first week or so of May, which will also be an interruption, but despite the lengthy drive there and back (I’m meeting him in Alabama first for the First Sunday in May, and then we’re driving north) I am kind of looking forward to it. I’ve got lots of books and stories to listen to on Audible (yay!) and of course, I always get inspired whenever I go to Alabama (or through Alabama). I do think I have my writing for the year figured out as well; I am going to finish the current one, finish everything I have unfinished on hand, and then I am going to write an entirely new project; and I know what the next two new ones are going to be. I do want to revise the story I didn’t finish and turn in for the anthology yesterday; it needs a strong rewrite, and I can also throw it into my short story collection, which will also then be finished and ready to go.

Progress, and getting back into a good headspace, is always a plus.

I did read some more of Last Summer yesterday, and that sense of foreboding just continues to grow with every page. I am enjoying the ride, and I know the book ends with tragedy; I do remember how this one and its sequel end, but I am still not entirely sure whether I am remembering the ending of the book from reading it before or from having seen the movie, which I also don’t remember much about, so can’t swear to having seen it. And also now that I am in the second half of the book closing in on the ending, I also see what Hunter had done with the two parts and it’s masterful yet chilling at the same time. It’s definitely a novel for adults, but it has teen protagonists; so is it young adult fiction? I am hoping to get it finished this week so I can move on to the Michael Koryta.

And on that note, I am bringing this to a close. Happy Monday and April Fool’s Day, Constant Reader, and have a lovely day.

Kookie Kookie (Lend Me Your Comb)

Saturday morning, and I slept late. Yesterday was–well, I shouldn’t say wasted, but I spent most of the day dealing with the crisis that arose over the week and was thus unable to work at home, write, clean, or do much of anything. I started the laundry yesterday morning and wasn’t able to get back to it until we got home, and by then it was almost eight, so I was up until eleven finishing the bedding. I also managed to do some picking up around here in the morning before leaving the house, but there’s a lot still to be done. I have to empty the dishwasher and refill it to do another load and empty the sinks. The recycling needs to go out, and I still need to finish unpacking Paul from last weekend, and get that stuff out of the living room so I can get back to work on the floors. I need to write a lot this weekend; I need to edit and revise a short story for a deadline tomorrow. The house is a disaster area and that needs to be rectified today if it kills me (it won’t).

I did have the time to read some more of Evan Hunter’s Last Summer, and I am slowly being sucked into the story, and there’s this dark sense of foreboding which is absolutely marvelous, stylistically. I am looking forward to finishing reading it today between chores and writing and things, and then I am going to read something a little heavier, I think. I really need to get back on the reading horse. I am going to clear out some books for the library sale today too, I think; I am feeling like I want my life to be more uncluttered, and I know I am. never going to read all these books I have on hand. I feel like the disappearance of my anxiety thanks to medications (it’s not completely gone, it will never be completely gone, but it doesn’t control me anymore) has also freed me from the need to be surrounded at home by piles and stacks of books that have overflowed out of the bookcases, which are also stuffed to capacity.

Sparky also wreaked havoc on the kitchen while we were gone yesterday, so I have to kind of put my workspace and the kitchen back together this morning, too. Heavy heaving sigh. I was exhausted when I got home last night, though–to give myself a little credit and not be so hard on myself. I’ve also not eaten a whole lot over the last couple of days, which is not a good thing physically even if it means I dropped a couple of pounds or so. I need to get back to the gym to do my exercises to keep strengthening my arm and shoulder, and gradually return to a normal workout for me. I definitely need to redo my to-do list for the week, and I also need to focus today. It would be ridiculously easy to just blow off the entire day today, but that isn’t in the cards–I can’t start my work week Monday this far behind on everything, as tempting as it is to just sit in my chair with my coffee and Last Summer this morning. For one thing, I slept late so got a late start on the day–and now my sleep schedule has been disrupted by going to bed so late last night and getting up late this morning.

Okay, this mess isn’t going to clean itself up anytime soon, so I am going to make this brief and head into the spice mines. Have a lovely Saturday, Constant Reader, and I will most likely be back later.

Lavender Blue

Friday morning and I’ve taken the day off. Yes, it was going to be a work-at-home Friday, but a personal crisis has interfered with my daily routine and I ended up having to take the day off. (I also had to leave work early yesterday, but I will save the tale of the personal crisis until it has passed, thank you for your understanding during this trying time; which of course leaves me in a quandary about what to write about this morning–so please bear with me.)

I did read some more of Evan Hunter’s Last Summer, and I am not sure what to make of it thus far. I think I read this book when I was a kid, but I’m not remembering it, and it’s similarities to Summer of ’42 (which would now be banned as a grooming novel/movie) may have confused me into thinking I’d read both. I don’t know that I’m enjoying it as much as I am supposed to as the reader; I do like the sparing style Hunter used to write the book, which reminds me of James M. Cain. I’ve also not read any of his Ed McBain novels, but those are considered classics in the subgenre of police procedurals; one of those holes in my education as a crime writer that I always deplore (the list is appallingly long and would contains authors that would both shock and scandalize you). I’ll keep reading the book, but it’s taking me longer than it should because I can only take bits of it to absorb at a time; there’s this marvelous sense of foreboding in the narrative voice that I am loving, and I am also trying to figure out how he manages to do that. (Every novel I read is an education of some sort, whether I’m enjoying or not. I no longer finish books I’m not enjoying–before I would do it as a puzzle for me–how would I write this better? That may seem arrogant, but it’s not. Just because I don’t enjoy a book doesn’t make it a bad book, it’s always a matter of personal taste.)

I also slept late this morning. I was exhausted when I tumbled into bed last night, and Sparky even slept with me in the bed, which he has started doing more often lately. I do like that; there’s something about a purring cat sleeping pressed up against you. I also woke up this morning to some rather lengthy bloody scratches on my hand. I went to bed just before ten thirty last night and woke up at nine, grateful I didn’t miss PT (which ended last Friday) or got a late start to my work-at-home day. I’ve got a very messy apartment to work on, and hopefully the crisis will pass today and things will return to some semblance of normal around here. I also need to get back on my writing horse, answer a shit ton of emails, and pick up the reins of my life again. I was sort of letting things slide this week while I was writing so much and so well, and now those chickens have come home to roost. Laundry to do and put away, dishes to put away, filing to do and floors to clean; it never ends for one Gregalicious. I was also kind of running on a low internal battery charge all week, which meant tiring early and being exhausted by the time I went to bed. (I always realize these things after the fact, but at least no longer berate myself for not being more productive.)

I’m going to sit here and finish this while enjoying my morning coffee. The coffee tastes really good this morning and I am going to need to eat something; I was so caught up yesterday in the crisis that I never did eat anything after breakfast, which isn’t good for me or anyone, really.

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely day, Constant Reader, and I may be back later; one never can be sure about these things.

It’s Just a Matter of Time

Sunday morning and the last day of Saints & Sinners. It’s been a lot of fun, if tiring. I headed down there yesterday afternoon in a Lyft, hung out in our suite for a bit and practiced for my reading–I read my story “The Ditch” from School of Hard Knox, and I think it went very well. It was a terrific reading session; Rob Byrnes, Jean Redmann, Marco Carocari, David Slayton, David Pederson and one other person whose name I can’t recall off the top of my head; my apologies because I really enjoyed what he read.I then went back up to our suite and came back down for the anthology launch with Paul. Those readings were also fantastic–and I am looking forward to reading the book more than I already was. I am also the judge for next year, so I’ll be reading a lot of stories in the fall. That will suffice as my volunteer work for 2024, so don’t bother to ask; the answer will be no.

I started reading an old Evan Hunter novel yesterday, Last Summer. It was a book I’d always wanted to read when I was younger, and I was reminded of it sometime during the pandemic, so I got a copy of it and its sequel, Come Winter, from eBay and so I started reading it at long last yesterday. I’ve never seen the film, either; but I do remember Barbara Hershey and Richard Thomas (aka John-Boy Walton) starred in it. It also put me in mind of another trope from that era of publishing; books with teenagers as protagonists (and/or antagonists) were almost always set during the summer, and so many were set on coastal islands–this one, Summer of ’42, A Summer Place, etc. It of course makes sense; teenagers had a lot of free time to get into shenanigans during the summer, especially when they were on a vacation somewhere. I’ve actually fallen into that trope a couple of times myself–Dark Tide, Lake Thirteen–and numerous other stories I would like to tell at some point. I do like the idea of gradually getting rid of all this paper around here by digitizing or disposing of things that I’ll never get around to writing. I don’t want to start writing fast in a frenzied attempt to write everything I want to before I die–and there’s always new ideas, too. But i know I’d really like to eventually get back to that novel where I based the victim on Ann Coulter…hmmm, maybe that could be the next Scotty. That’s actually a very good idea. Hmmmm.

It’s so nice to be around writers. It really is a balm for my soul. I did write some yesterday morning, but I am not going to even try today. I am very tired–I’ve done a lot of walking this weekend–and of course having to be “on” is tiring. The truth is I am not at 100% yet, much as I want to believe that I am, and there’s nothing wrong with that. One exciting development of the weekend is that I experienced no stress, anxiety or stage fright for my reading yesterday. Not only was I calm and not sweating buckets, I was actually able to relax and enjoy the experience. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before? It was wild. I’ve actually been relaxed the entire weekend; I don’t believe I understood before how much my anxiety impacted me at events like this. Having a calm and quiet head is a lovely thing, and now that the creativity has come back, I might actually start enjoying my life again.

I’ve also been spending a lot of time reminiscing about past S&S weekends, too; remembering how it all started, how much of it was done on a fraying shoestring because there was no money for it, and held in donated spaces at gay bars. It also used to be in May, so the weather was a LOT hotter. Paul and I used to always get the pool suite at the Olivier House for our home base, and people always used to wind up in our room later in the evening to drink and socialize and have a lot of fun. I couldn’t do that now–as it is, i stayed up past my usual bedtime Friday night and paid for it all day yesterday (legs are tired today, too). I also came up with a title for my memoir should I ever try to write one: Unreliable Narrator.

And LSU won the SEC women’s gymnastics championships last night in very dominant style. They weren’t as on as they usually are, and still set an incredibly high score and really have the potential to win the national title this year, too. And the US had a great outcome at the World Figure Skating Championships, winning two golds (men’s and ice dance) and a silver (women’s).

And on that note, I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader, and I’ll most likely see you tomorrow.

Long Live

Good morning, Sunday!

I did the windows yesterday, and it is literally amazing how I can forget between window cleanings what a difference it makes. It had been so long since I’d done it I need to do them again–it’s never easy getting all that caked on dirt and dust and debris off the glass, even when you do it weekly, as I used to do–but it’s a start.

I woke up early and feeling rested yesterday, which was absolutely lovely–and it was an absolutely lovely day in New Orleans, if a bit warm for mid-November. Did I get as much done as I needed and/or wanted to? Of course not. I did some other cleaning and straightening around the Lost Apartment; made some notes on some projects I am working on, and reread “The Snow Globe” to get a better idea of what I am dealing with on the revision, which I am going to get done today before I go to the gym. I’m also making the week’s to-do list, doing some other chores around the house, and feeling a lot better about things. Yes, I am behind on everything, but a little bit of focus and a little bit of desperation never hurt me, or anything I’ve worked on.

Rereading the story was, actually, something i’d been dreading doing; I always hate to reread something I’ve written, as I always tend to be highly critical and negative, and this story was no exception. I do love the story a lot–it was written to be submitted to a war on Christmas anthology and wasn’t accepted (the anthology never happened, either; long ugly story)–but it definitely needs some work. I originally came up with the story for a Halloween anthology, to be completely honest; there was a call for submissions, I think maybe from the Horror Writers’ Association, for stories with a Halloween theme. I distinctly remember reading the call and then an image popped into my head–me standing on the balcony at the Pub, looking down on Bourbon Street and the front doors of Oz, as a man in a devil costume came out; and he was hot as fuck; perfect body, body paint to make his skin red, and a skimpy red bikini, and thought Satan has a great six-pack, which I then made the opening line of the story. I believe at the time the story was called “All Hallow’s Eve” or something along those lines; but the story never made it past the opening paragraph. When the chance to write a story for the Christmas anthology came along, I remembered that opening and I remembered the joke I made on the Facebook post and thread about Christmas horror stories–I wanted to write about a Satanic snow globe–and immediately saw how to turn my unfinished Halloween story into a Christmas horror story called “The Snow Globe” merely by changing a single letter in the opening line: Santa had a great six-pack.

Voila! And the story began to flow. As I said, it was rejected from the anthology I wrote it for–and in the notes I got from the editors, which was lovely (one rarely gets notes on a rejected story) they basically told me I should have made it more than it was–which I had also thought about doing, but was afraid to–and so naturally, with that confirmation that the initial instincts I’d ignored from lack of confidence were, in fact, correct, I went back to the drawing board and revised it. And clearly, it needed one more revision. I have editorial notes on this story already, which I completely agree with, and I don’t know why–other than utter and sheer laziness–that I have not gone ahead and worked on this story to get it finished and out of the way. That is my goal for this morning–get the damne thing finished and be done with it–and then I can move back on to the book that has been stalled for weeks now.

Last night we watched a few more episodes of Mr. Mercedes, which finally introduced the character of Holly Gibney, who quickly became one of my favorite King characters–which was why I was so delighted she showed up in The Outsider–and so far the character is being played as she was written in the book, which is quite lovely. I think the show has padded/built up some things that I don’t remember from the book–but since I don’t remember them from the book, I am not entirely sure there were changes made. I just know I am deeply enjoying the show–it’s really a shame it hasn’t gotten as much success as it should have. (Maybe it did, I don’t know; but I rarely, if ever, heard anything about the show and there are three seasons…so there wasn’t a lot of social media buzz about it.)

The Saints play this afternoon–I think the game starts around three-ish, if I am not mistaken–and then of course there will be a new episode of The Undoing tonight. That should give me more than enough time to get this story finished, some chores done, and a trip to the gym for a workout. This is my fourth week since we rejoined the gym, and I am eminently proud that I have gone three days a week ever since. I can’t get over how much better I feel physically–the stretching really helps, too–and that correlates with how much better I’ve been sleeping. Who knew that exhaustion would help one sleep? (Sarcasm, don’t @ me)

I also read a few more chapters of The Hot Rock yesterday, which I am enjoying. Westlake’s style in this book is very reminiscent of Rob Byrnes’ brilliant caper novels (Straight Lies, Holy Rollers, Strange Bedfellows)–although since Westlake is the influence here, I should probably say I can see his influence on that unappreciated trilogy; it still kind of amazing to me that I’ve not read more Westlake (or Lawrence Block, for that matter), which is something I am going to need to rectify. (I’ve also never read Ed McBain, but I read some of his Evan Hunter novels.)

As I have often said, my education in crime fiction is a little lacking when it comes to the classics; I’ve not read all of Ross MacDonald or Raymond Chandler, for example, and I’ve also never read a Dick Francis novel either, for that matter. I think I’ve read a Nero Wolfe or two, but not many–although I have thought about using the trope of that series for a book of my own–the brilliant investigative mind who never leaves his/her house so needs a legman, from whose point of view the story is told–and there are any number of other classic crime fiction writers I’ve not cracked a spine on. But with new books I want to read being released all the time and being unable to even keep up with the canon of current writers whose work I love–not to mention all the new-to-me writers I keep discovering–there’s just simply no way I can ever read everything I want to read.

I’ve been doing some more research on Chlorine, recently reading Confidential Confidential, about the scandal rag of the 1950’s, and Montgomery Clift Queer Star, an academic treatise of multiple essays about reading Clift performances and films as queer, which was very interesting. Reading these two books also reminded me of something else that was going on in the time period which I wish to cover–red-baiting and the House Un-American Committee hearings; another period of America not living up to her ideals. It’s probably hard to explain to people who didn’t grow up, or were old enough, to remember the existential threat of the Soviet Union that had Americans seeing Communist spies and Communist infiltration everywhere; without an understanding of the highly paranoid state created by politicians and news outlets, neither the Korean nor Vietnam Wars would have most likely happened. That fear of Communism was also used by conservatives to gin up racial hatred as well as systemic discrimination against people of color and queer people–the queers were considered a national security threat because if you were queer and worked for the government in any capacity, you were thus opened up to blackmail by Communist agents. This was an actual thing, and I all too often see that key element left out of writings about the time, both fiction and non-fiction.

It would thus be wrong to leave Red-baiting out of Chlorine, which will mean more research. Heavy heaving sigh.

And on that note, the dryer just clicked off, so I should fold the clothes and get ready to get back to to work on the story. Have a lovely Sunday, Constant Reader.