How Much More

Audiobooks have completely changed the way I handle long trips in the car. I used to always listen to music, but man how that drive would always drag, because I’d just sing along or bop with the beat or play the drums on the steering wheel while always watching the mile markers and counting down the distances to the next city (“okay, an hour to Birmingham and then it’s another hour and a half to Gadsden and then…”) But listening to audiobooks? I was worried that listening might distract me from driving, or that my mind would wander while listening and I would get lost, but it’s really not been a problem at all. Listening to a good book makes the miles and time fly by and next thing I know I’m almost there.

On my recent drive back to New Orleans, I had the great good fortune to listen to Carol Goodman’s The Stranger Behind You, and I must say, Ms. Goodman never disappoints.

I have notice in my professional capacity that when someone makes a point of saying that they’re not lying, that usually means they are.

When the realtor brags that she hasn’t lied about the view, though, I have to admit that her claim is demonstrably true: the view is spectacular. Standing at the elegant bay window it’s as if I am perched on a cliff overlooking the river. There’s nothing between me and the Palisades but water and light. A person who was afraid of heights would be terrified, but heights aren’t what I’m afraid of.

“Can you tell me what ‘state-of-the-art security’ means?”

The realtor takes a nanosecond–an eon in Manhattan real estate time–to recalibrate and then rattles off the specs again: twenty-four-hour doormen, fiber-optic alarm system, security cameras.

“As I mentioned earlier, a high-ranking government official lived here. I can’t tell you who…” Her voice trails off, suggesting she very well could if she chose to. All I’d have to do is raise my eyebrows, smile, lean in a little closer–all the body language that implies it will just be between us girls. I’ve done it a thousand times before with ex-wives and mistresses, corporate CFO’s and underpaid personal assistants. But I don’t. I don’t really care who the very important person was who lived here; I just want to be assured that he–or she–lived here safely and unbothered.

“Can you show me how the cameras work?”

The Stranger Behind You is a post “#metoo” movement book, and in the author’s note in the back, Goodman explained how the book was kind of inspired by the testimony of Christine Blasey Ford during the joke that was the Kavanaugh hearings, and how hearing Dr. Ford describe what happened to her, and how the trauma has haunted her ever since, reconnected her with memories of her own mother, who was sexually assaulted as a teenager and carried that with her the rest of her life, with the PTSD finally taking the form of a horrible anxiety disorder. In the wake of the national conversation about sexual assault and harassment, and the way victims are treated and how rarely they get justice (don’t forget to read and sign my friend Laurie’s change.org petition and read about what happened to her in Dallas in 2018), Goodman sat down to write a book about women’s trauma, and it’s fricking fantastic.

The book focuses on two women on opposite sides of a, for want of a better term, #metoo situation. Joan Lurie, whom we meet first in the above opening, is a young journalist working for Manahatta magazine in the Style section–but she is also working on an expose of a very powerful and influential conservative newspaper publisher, Caspar Osgood, who has a dark and nasty history of sexual harassment going back years. Joan was an intern at Osgood’s paper, and on her first day she spoke to Osgood’s secretary, whom she found sobbing in the bathroom about her ‘affair’ with her boss. The next day both women are fired; and Joan winds up going to Manahatta–whose editor Simon just happens to be an old friend from college of Osgood’s, but things went south for the two since then and they are most definitely not friends. The book opens with Joan looking at an apartment in north Manhattan and wondering about its security–and as the chapter progresses, we discover that Joan recently survived an attempt on her life that happened the night her expose went live…which also happened to be the same night as a Suicide Awareness non-profit’s fundraising gala, hosted by Caspar’s wife Melissa, a charity she became involved with after her son Whit’s suicide attempt three years earlier. The gala is obviously ruined as the news goes live…and then we are into the story.

As I said the other day, I’ve always been interested in the mindset of the women who are tied–whether by marriage or by blood–to men accused of these crimes, like the mom of the Stanford swimmer or Harvey Weinstein’s wife (we know how Bill Cosby’s wife thinks); what do they think, how do they feel, what goes through their heads? Goodman takes an enormous risk by giving us Melissa Osgood as a POV character–how will the readers respond to her? I did feel a great deal of sympathy for her–I always do, regardless, although my primary sympathies are always with the victims–at first, but Goodman does a magnificent job of showing how much easier it is to blame the journalists and the accusers rather than placing the blame where it belongs, and that this way of thinking is also a defensive, self-protective measure; how complicit is she? If everything is a lie and none of it is true, then her husband is innocent and this horrible person has destroyed Melissa’s life, and that’s much easier to deal with than accepting the truth and some of the blame. Melissa’s behavior isn’t great, and she actually becomes obsessed with proving the Joan’s article was a hit piece and all lies, to the point that she actually buys the apartment below Joan’s at the Refuge and begins spying on her.

Joan was also terribly injured when she was attacked the night of her launch party, and while her refusal to report the assault to the police or even seek treatment for an obvious brain injury made me want to throttle her at times, Goodman made it completely understandable. Joan is also not entirely a sympathetic character, either–Goodman makes sure to make both of her women POV characters flawed, imperfect and thoroughly human–and the two women are on a clear collision course.

I’m leaving a lot out here–I strongly believe readers should be able to find the twists and surprises and turns of the story every bit as shocking and marvelous as I did–but there’s yet a third parallel story, connected to the history of the apartment building, that could have just as easily been a stand alone novel of its own.

This book was, as has every Goodman novel I have read, superb. Seriously, y’all need to start reading her if you haven’t already.

Little Red Rooster

Well, the tire cost almost three hundred dollars to replace (I also had them replace the rear window wiper blade, but I don’t think that was terribly expensive)–more, if you count the personal time I had to take in order to get the car taken care of–but as Paul said, “It could have been worse–what if it happened on the causeway, or when you were driving back from Kentucky?” A very good point, further emphasizing the fact that he is, indeed, the smart one in the Lost Apartment. I treated myself to Five Guys once the ordeal was finished and I could drive back across the river and head into the office–it’s been a very hot minute since I last was able to enjoy me some Five Guys–and that made up for the inconvenience and irritation….somewhat.

I do love me some Five Guys. Thank God the only ones in my area are a pain in the butt for me to get to, or I’d have it all the damned time and would weigh a lot more than I do now.

Bruises appeared on my arm yesterday, which makes me tend to think that I really do need to have this injury looked at because I am older and it might be something serious. Do I want to have it looked at? No, I really don’t. I also probably shouldn’t wait until my primary care appointment in January, either. But I am going to wait until this weekend and see how it goes. If it keeps getting better–yesterday it only hurt when I was trying to carry or lift something, or moved it in a particular way–I may just let it go until January. I know, I know, probably not smart and I do have health insurance, but…if it’s just a muscle pull or a strain…and I think what I must have done was turn my arm too far to one side as a result of the tire getting stuck, which strained the muscles and tendons.

And if I end up having to have my arm amputated, that’s all on me.

But I was exhausted yesterday by the time I got off work. And had a minor little drama once I was home, so even then couldn’t rest until about seven-thirty, eight o’clock. Heavy heaving sigh. But I think I slept better last night than I have all week; I may have only woken up once or twice during the night, and I do feel somewhat rested this morning. Just one more day to get through before my work-at-home Friday tomorrow, which will be delightful, I am sure. And there’s no college football this weekend–which seems weird, but it was a rather long season, after all–so I have little to no excuse to not get caught up on things this weekend. The handyman came by yesterday and fixed the garbage disposal (praise be) which I need to clean and deodorize this weekend (I may need to stop and make groceries on my way home tonight). But it’s really no surprise I am tired this week–it’s been quite a week, from the tire to my book release to trying to get my new book finished to everything else I’ve had going on this week, and so I should be exhausted. We did finish the Victoria’s Secret documentary last night, and I have to say, the “#metoo”/Harvey Weinstein/Jeffrey Epstein” reckoning was not only way overdue but it’s quite bizarre to look back at it now and think, how did they get away with this shit for so long?

It wasn’t just women, either. It happened to men, too–I’m thinking of Henry Willson’s casting couch, and how he basically pimped his beautiful male clients out to Hollywood bigwigs, hence the basis for Chlorine–and of course, famously Brendan Fraser, who is having a very lovely career comeback now. But it was mostly the women these awful things happened to, and it’s no surprise that the reckoning took down Victoria’s Secret. The documentary series is interesting–I’d love to know what Epstein had on Les Wexler, because it had to not only be seriously bad but incredibly damaging; which means it could have been underage girls but my money is on underaged boys, frankly.

But as I said I feel rested this morning somewhat, and it will be more of a regular day for me–which hasn’t really happened all week, to be honest; Monday was messed up and so was yesterday; Tuesday was normal but it didn’t feel normal because I had the tire situation hanging over my head as well as the injury to my left arm (which feels fine this morning; there’s some tightness in my forearm when I turn my arm a certain way, and we’ll see how it feels when I try to pick something up and/or carry it with the left arm today). I had kind of wanted to go back to the gym this week or weekend, but if my left arm isn’t functional…I suppose I could go do legs only and stretch some. I don’t know what to do, really.

Heavy heaving sigh.

And on that note I am heading into the spice mines. Have a lovely Thursday (!) and I will check in with you again tomorrow.