AH, the first day of the week that doesn’t have a name–after Lundi Gras, Mardi Gras, and Ash Wednesday, just plain Thursday seems a bit on the dull side. Today is the last day before I return to work; and yes, I am working at home tomorrow, in case you were wondering–but I do have to run by the office at some point to pick up some more of my work at home work. I figure tomorrow morning I’ll get up, bang out my blog entry, and then work until I am caught up before taking this work back into the office and picking up more work. Yesterday was a stunningly beautiful day for running the errands I needed to get done–CVS, mail, making groceries–the high was in the eighties and it was sunny as fuck; the low being only 63. I continue to make my way out from the emotional devastation and move toward an uneasy and unwilling acceptance. The world keeps turning, after all, and much as I would love nothing more than the self-indulgence of wallowing in self-pity, I have things due and things to do and books to write and books to read and errands to run and a life to maintain. I need to get my life together and make plans. I need to get back into shape by taking exercise more regularly and I need to take better care of myself. A lot has happened in the world since everything around me turned upside down; things I ordinarily would have taken some kind of stance on or said something about–like all the nastiness about how Madonna looked at the Grammys, or the Palestine East train disaster, or Marjorie Traitor Green’s call for secession (because it worked out so well for the conservatives the last time they tried to leave the Union). In some ways it was kind of nice to have something that crowded out all the rest of the noise in the world; being caught up in my own stuff enabled me to dismiss Traitor Green’s idiocy as precisely what it was–her pathetic need for attention and validation from people equally stupid as she is and from the media because that’s what she is all about; attention and grifting. While there are criticisms that can be leveled at Madonna, trashing her appearance is reductive and misogynistic. I would have preferred Madonna to age gracefully and not have any work done, personally–what a message of solidarity about the misogyny of agism she could have sent by staying natural–but it’s her body, her face and her decision. She would be criticized for aging naturally (“MADONNA LETS HERSELF GO is what they would report, with lots of bold type and exclamation points) or for gaining weight (remember the breathless reporting about Elizabeth Taylor’s weight?); so why not let her do what she wants to do and what makes her feel good about herself? If you want to be horrified by how she looks, why not use that as a way to extrapolate out into a broader commentary about what our society and culture does to women in the public eye?
But that would require intelligence and work, and why do anything hard when it’s easier to get clicks by being shallow and horrible?
Yay for freedom of the press!
I allowed myself to sleep late again this morning–it’s kind of sad what I consider “sleeping late” these days–but it was another good night’s sleep, which I am grateful for. I did run errands yesterday, which was necessary, and then when I got home I started working on cleaning the apartment: laundry, dishes, etc. After awhile of that, I curled up for a few hours with Tara Laskowski’s marvelous One Night Gone, which I am greatly enjoying, and then I made dinner last night before watching a few more episodes of Class, which we should finish soon–since Outer Banks‘ third season is dropping tonight or tomorrow. Today is the last day of this bereavement leave, which I did need–there was simply no way I could have returned to work on Monday, seriously–and I am not even sure this coming Monday’s return to the office will be okay. But I can’t stay out forever, but I am also forcing myself to use this time to rest and relax. My toe is still throbbing a bit this morning, but I am going to rewrap it in a little while and of course it’s going to be elevated and iced and all that jazz. I do find that I am still short of temper and easily irritated; I seriously snapped at Paul yesterday which was completely unnecessary. I guess I am still dealing with it on some interior levels below the consciousness. It did occur to me yesterday that one thing I should do, or try to, is write a long essay about my mother. Not for publication, of course, or even for posting on here (the further we get away from the funeral, the more uncertain I am growing that I should have even brought it up here at all in the first place). That might help, I think.
And it might get me writing again. I do have that short story I need to be working on (although an alternative story occurred to me last night–one that would need some revisions, but could work; I just need to dig it out and reread it), and I do want go get all this filing done today before working tomorrow at home. I also need to investigate my dryer situation and see if it is, indeed, something I can potentially repair myself–it would be marvelous to not have to buy a new dryer–but that will require me to spend some time on researching it on-line, which I can do as long as I don’t bother getting sidetracked or distracted by some other shining object in the meantime. I think I am going to spend some more time reading my book this morning before moving on to filing and dishes. I also need to trim some books that I can take to the library sale this weekend, and of course, I need to start revising and editing the manuscripts.
Life goes on, the world keeps turning, and tax liabilities continue to accrue, so I am heading into the spice mines. May you have a marvelous Thursday, Constant Reader, and I will check in with you tomorrow.
2 thoughts on “Red Frame/White Light”
Well said, about all of it. Have a great day, and may you be able to ease back into the work amidst the emotional maelstroms.
That’s one of the things that was the best about living back in New Mexico (I prefer being at lower altitudes) but you could hang big floor rugs up to dry on a drying rack, and they’d be completely dry by the next morning!