Three Stars

Here we are on Monday morning and I am awake much earlier than I have been in well over a week; part of the problem of finishing a vacation, alas. I feel a bit sleepy still this morning, which is probably very much a result of the alarm going off this morning and waking me up (along with Sparky’s need to be fed), but that’s okay. I am going back to the office in a little while and I am feeling a bit more trepidation than I usually do on Monday mornings. Yesterday was okay; I got some things done around here and the kitchen doesn’t look like an utter disaster this morning, which is always a nice way to start the week. I have to pick up prescriptions on my way home from work tonight, but other than that can come straight home and collapse into my chair.

But a normal routine again might be nice to slip back into, you know? I am thinking I might take a week off later this summer (around my birthday, most likely) just to have some down time at home when I can relax and work on things around here that inevitably get pushed back from week to week due to lack of time and exhaustion. I know I want to read some more of my book tonight, and of course as always there’s some filing work that needs to be done at some point. I did manage to get two entries managed yesterday about the books I read over the last week, and I have two more (Salvation on Sand Mountain, The Bones of the Story) to get done, and I had started one about Dead Boy Detectives before I left on the trip that I absolutely should get finished at some point. I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the office this week, but I am not terribly worried about it, either. Worrying, as Mom used to say, is just borrowing trouble–which is an interesting quote from someone who suffered from generalized anxiety disorder.

But Mother’s Day without Mom is becoming easier. Last year’s was horribly sad, when the loss was still incredibly fresh. This year wasn’t so bad. (I can’t speak for Dad, though.) Everything becomes easier with the passage of time, which is another one of those incredibly sad realities. This year? I felt sad only a couple of times throughout the day. The Mother’s Day newsletters and sales didn’t feel like a gut punch every time I saw one. I already knew the only way to get past the grief was to let time pass, a lesson I’ve learned far too many times in my life already, but because I’d been through a lot before I knew how this would run its course. It feels a bit cold not to get emotional about it anymore, but the sadness is slowly giving way to fondness, where the memories make me smile rather than make me seize up with grief–which is a dramatic improvement, quite frankly, even if there’s a slight element of guilt involved, too.

Well, I thought this would probably be brief this morning, and I was correct. I’ll probably be back later at some point, Constant Reader, so go ahead and have a great Monday, and I’ll chat at you after spending my day in the spice mines. Bonjour!