And it’s Wednesday, just like that.
Time slips through my hands like mercury these days. It’s already the fifteenth of May, so this month is passing by rapidly and it’ll be June before I know it. Today is also payday, and I have bills to pay this morning before I venture off to errands and the office. I am not quite awake yet this morning; I slept deeply and well, waking maybe once or twice throughout the course of the night, and also didn’t really particularly want to get up this morning. As I lagged in bed longer than I should have this morning, time sped past, which of course has resulted in me needing to get a move on and not take my time this morning before I leave.
I managed to write about fifteen hundred words of a brand spanking new chapter last night; which is progress with which I am mostly pleased–a little disappointed I didn’t finish writing the chapter but pleased that it’s new and the story is starting to move along. This section of the book is the tricky part, the part I always have trouble with; as the backstory begins to be revealed and cross currents and cross-purposes begin to have an effect on the story. So, I have to be careful and focus on plot in this section, and plot is something I’ve never really believed myself to be particularly good with, so yeah, I hate writing the middle. Absolutely hate it, and this is where I always wind up thinking what I’m writing sucks and why did I ever think I could be a writer and so on and so on and so on…
And so goes the downward spiral.
I also feel terribly behind this morning; as though there are things I need to be doing and getting done but somehow am not. Sigh. I suppose what I really need to do is make a list and work my way through it…which is usually the answer; I’ve just been terrible about making lists and reviewing them throughout the week lately–which should tell you how off-kilter I’ve been lately…I live for making lists and checking off things. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, you know? And while I am not quite sure why that is so important to me, it is, and it helps, and it works, and I don’t know why I so consistently abandon things that work for me and help me get things done. It’s a kind of self-sabotage that I don’t quite understand, and probably should spend some time unpacking.
Writing the book I am currently working on–as well as the one I intend to go back and finish once this first draft is done–has opened some doors in my mind; both are attempts to deal with some things from my own life and my own past and make some kind of emotional/mental peace with things, if that makes any sense? Revisiting my past to draw from for the stories in both of these works is kind of a therapy of sorts…or at the worst, self-indulgence of the worst kind.
Yeah, back to the spice mines on that note.